DISTANCE

There’s sometime so consuming and satisfying when you experience some aspect of life on an intimate level. Just the intensity alone truly does affect a person.

And if you have had that kind of moment it is hard to suddenly have it end. It can leave such a hole in life.

I recall a few years ago when I was the care giver for my step father. It was more than about his needs.

We talked all the time and it was more involved than just running errands. And then that day came when had to go into a nursing home.

I knew the day would come and I was grateful for him that it didn’t end up part of his life for very long. He was so miserable there, but couldn’t live on his own and it was the only viable option.

And I can still recall that day when the doctor told me he could never go home. And that suddenly part of my life was over.

It was such a strange feeling that night as my wife and I drove down the freeway on our way to do some shopping. For the first time in years I was without that obligation.

I wouldn’t be returning home to the sight of my answer machine having a message from him. I wouldn’t be getting calls at different times of the day and night over needs.

There was a mixture for me. Blessings on one hand, but sadness too. Yet, in time other duties took that place.

It was another time that the Lord had placed a given cross on my shoulder. But it was never forever.

Yet after it was gone, after it no longer was a demand on my life there was a time of distance. And with all the things it summoned.

Still God does come into those moments. He will grant us grace and mercy in such times if we were truly faithful during the time of calling.

If not, we experience a different type of distance. One that can come with guilt. For wwe can feel the void in the times we should have helped, but didn’t.

It was all part of the process of life we must travel. Sometimes as a blessing others as a lesson.

And if we travel it for the right reasons, there will always be a joy that comes later. For that is the way the Lord touches.

SUNSET

There was a time in the past when I used to love taking pictures. And it seems as if everyone who catches the camera bug does have a certain group of favorites.

Such as flowers and waterfalls, mountains and animals. And naturally also families. But sunsets generally get included too.

I had my chance to take quite a few. I got to do them from the beach and mountains, over deserts and cities.

But the one that I remember most took place when my young son, who was only three at the time, decided to help dad take a picture. I was in the middle of focusing and he just walked up, said, “picture” and pressed the shutter button.

Course he was too young to understand everything about cameras, but he has seen me take pictures so often he knew it was important to me. So he was just naturally acting out what I had been doing.

Course the end result was not a good picture. Without all the right adjustments it was very blurry and hard to see.

Still I did cherish in my part how in his own way he was trying to relate to me. In a way he thought would matter.

I wonder how many times in life such situations come up? We get so caught up in our own passions to see how they affect others.

I plead guilty to that on too many times. But I don’t say I didn’t ever have moments when I appreciate it to.

God does have to work to get my attention on those sunsets I miss at times. The ones where His light was the one I was suppose to notice.

I am grateful that He is patient and even when I do stumble my way through the process, by making some mistake, I do appreciate His forgiveness. It seems to come when I really know how much I have messed up.

But thank goodness sunsets come every day. So the one missed today is not going to affect tomorrow.

I do savor the times when I see them for what is intended. And don’t let my desires get in the way of seeing what is important.

I hope each of us has eyes that able to appreciate what is important by God’s standard and just not our own. For it we do find the beauty intended.

Not letting the sun set on our way of thinking.

SUNRISE

I had this job at one time where I worked the night shift. So that meant I spent a lot of sunrises there.

Had a chance to see the world slowly change from black to the many shades of morning. And some were truly amazing.

What affect my view the most was the kind of night that I had experienced. If I was relaxed and feeling a peace, I noticed more.

If it had been stressful, then I often didn’t give the sunrise the same attention. Didn’t have much to do with how it looked.

And sometimes when new employee would come in that wasn’t used to being up early they often saw the sunrise in a special way. Maybe it had been a long time since they were up to appreciate it.

Course since I did have the chance to see it everyday, it didn’t have the same impact on me as often. Still, once and while it still did affect me very intensely.

Life does always have its forms or splendor. One doesn’t have to be a person of faith to enjoy them.

But what we see will be affected, by what we believe. And if through our eyes we find the Lord’s hands in the majesty then it is source of inspiration.

It is simple reality, but so easy to miss. In our haste and obsession with the clock how many sunrises do we truly miss?

That is a question only an individual can answer. But I do think back to appreciate how in that situation it was one way God used to inspire.

I won’t say I wrote great thoughts because of it, but I did enjoy the way His grace comes in such situations. And how we can reflect on it later for its gifts.

Of sunrises missed we all know and understand. The missed occasion where God speaks through natural means.

Then too we are all of the inclination to see only so much of life in the process. Hopefully it will be a step towards more faith.

Such is the nature of life. To see something powerful in the ordinary, but know is God, will always be the reflection of the soul.

And what a joy when are full of the willingness to see. Some will be more inclined than others. And along the way we still move on the same path.

HEAVEN

Found in a desperate, revealing moment
touched inside when the fleeting paradise
one conjured from leftover magic and myths
turned into a cemetery of lies,
sky in the soul becomes the place one eventually flies
when finally tossing aside a shovel of delusion
used to dig for eternity's fool's gold.

GOOD ENOUGH

I am amazed at times at how some people are so good at using criticism as a form of control. They love to hold back any encouragement to keep one under control.

It is selfishness driven and never based on truth. Just whatever drives that person’s need to erode your self esteem so they can abuse you.

This is so terrible when done by a parent. I think for a parent it is the ultimate form of abuse because is literary rapes a child’s soul.

I don’t believe God in any way as our Heavenly Father condones or respects parents who act in such an abusive manner. Nor do I feel there is any excuse for such behavior.

As a parent myself I know how challenging it can be to love your kids and want the best for them. And how hard it can be when they just always keep making the same mistakes.

But those who justify their verbal hate as good parenting to me are in no way truly being a father or mother by God’s standard. They are not serving His will.

There are so many I have known who fell under this category. They loved the reputation as pillars of their church.

But when you got past the façade of false piety, they were anything, but loving. They were the epitome of hypocrisy and evil.

Sadly so many of these seem to get the most attention in churches. They get the most respect and praise.

Which I think merely shows how out of touch with God’s spirit so many churches really are. And that says a lot I think.

Not necessarily in a good way. How will one stand before the Lord and justify such wounds to their own child?

I can’t answer that. I know I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I don’t go around pretending to be a perfect person either.

All of this never serves the Lord’s purposes in a good way. Except as a lesson of how not to serve Him.

And the blessing truly comes from knowing how despite what some might say or comment, in God’s eyes we are still loved. And that is far more important.

I wish all the hate inspired demon tongues who claim to listen to the Lord would at least at some point appreciate their need to look at their own repentance. It wont happen. but one can certainly keep praying.

ACROSS THE RIVER

There is that barrier we create in our minds. So river of concern that flows from our memories.

And it can seem so impossible to bridge. We just convince ourselves that there is no way to get from where we are to the place we dream.

But then God is such a talented bridge builder. Only He doesn’t ask for our help. Just that when the bridge is there we pass over it.

And He can open our eyes to the images on the other side. Those places we can reach and realize some truth.

However, that won’t keep us from worrying. It won’t keep us from hesitation in moving either.

Instead we will come up with our own set of excuses. Reasons to keep from taking those steps.

And for some this can be crippling. Which will never allow them the joy of finding out the treasures on the other side.

Oh how the mind can think of reasons to not trust the Lord. Now there is a difference between having a dream and a vision.

If we have a desire to do something and our passions pain the image then that is related to our hopes. But if the Lord gives us a clear vision that is different.

For when he shows us the path then it is not by accident. That is the time when faith needs to be the choice.

Still there are many for whom that becomes less than an option. They will never see the lack of faith the same as an excuse.

So it will continue to be the broken record of their behavior. Another occasion to not trust.

What is lost is any opportunity to be in the place God wanted for us. And it won’t happen again.

There will come other chances for the Lord is forgiving, but that bridge won’t come again. It will be the passage never taken.

And to that degree a tragedy. But one where we bear the consequences. Bridges that just collapse from a lack of use.

Which have skeletons that linger in our minds.

PLEASE STOP

Please stop
can't you see
how I'm twisted and torn,
insides turned to indifference's bricks
that once were passion's clay?

Perhaps I shall find
a different hand
having more precious pressures
to shape my hardening soul
into something pliable again.

But then that would mean
my heart should first bleed
into my well of love
drained long ago
by ignoring all the things
I cared about, but fear to risk
in order to claim.

Which demands dredging
the soil of feeling
till I found a spring with moisture to soften
what I myself let become so dry.

Tears alone have never be enough
for making my compassion's adobe
something to shelter other's needs
instead of erecting a morgue.

HUNTED

Ever have that sense of being watched? Having that creepy feeling somebody is observing you and not doing it for decent reasons.

These are unusual feelings. Everyone knows that there are all kinds of reasons one might be watched.

And even if you are not guilty of doing something wrong it still can bother you. We do cherish our freedom.

The hard part is to be sure that these are not the result of simple paranoia. That we are not imagining being watched.

That is all on the human level naturally. Nothing to do with the other eyes that watch. The ones that are not human.

Now if one is a believer in God’s word you can’t ignore the reality that He can see everything. And also that His angels can see us too.

I marvel at the way so many seem to forget this fact. They act as if they can truly justify their behavior.

True is we are all sinners. So that means we do things that are wrong. And it is silly to think any of them is a secret.

Even though the scriptures declare nothing will be secret that isn’t reveal in eternity, we still love to think if we explain it then it is okay. Not hardly the truth.

So they truth prevails. And if we have any sense about us, we know we are being seen. Not that we can suddenly stop sinning.

But there is no reason to pretend either. Just take the time to truly savor grace. Don’t make up excuses, just embrace forgiveness.

I wish more had the willingness to embrace that. But most don’t. There words are so filled with denial.

Or justification. You just know it will always unfold as any reason, but being a sinner. All in an attempt to avoid any guilt.

That doesn’t work with the Lord. But it will at least sound good. Never change our accountability.

Just make is seem alright. And people always love using their lips as a blindfold. Just doesn’t blind the Lord.

Maybe someday we will know the difference.

ADVANTAGES

We live in a world where the one word that never is found in bounty is fairness. No matter where you go or what you do, life is hardly rich in this commodity.

Frustration breeds all kinds of inspiration. You can just only take so much disappointment without wanting some kind of edge.

That is the human side speaking. Just a need to find that one avenue in life where the breaks come your way for a change.

And that will always nagged at most of us to some degree. It is only natural to want some option that changes that reality.

I wish there was a simple solution. I could do a posting all about how you can get rich as a Christian.

It wouldn’t necessarily be true, but would sound good. And if that is what you crave then you can find it lots of places.

I think as a believer the one lesson we all struggle with is contentment. To be able to celebrate and enjoy the gifts the Lord gives us.

And to do it at times when it doesn’t translate into opportunity. Now we do have some input in our choices.

So there are the times when we don’t try and thus miss out on our chances. Those are not something we can blame on the Lord.

Fear will always moderate our behaviors to some degree. But so will doubt. However, when all that is set aside we also don’t end up being our dreams either.

Somewhere in between is the place we all dwell. And that is the area where the advantage comes in truth.

To find the peace of knowing with the Lord’s help that we are in that place of His calling. And that is one where we can find satisfaction.

Does that mean success and fame? It can be for some. But not all or even most. But how often that doesn’t make us happy.

For our dreams will always take us places our hearts can’t travel. And they are really place that are glimpses of eternity to some degree.

Only problem is that we may not be willing to accept that option. Far easy to be upset over who we are than be grateful.

This is the choice the Lord leaves in our hands to make.

DARKNESS

You don’t have to be in the middle of the night to experience. It can happen any time. This is the night of the heart and soul.

Those times when everything looks black and hopeless. And it can all be so hard to accept.

For if we are used to being in the light, it can be very hard to have to grope without being able to see. This happens in the life of faith no matter who we are.

Sometimes we will all end up in valleys. Places were we can’t see its end. So we can’t tell what will come down the road.

The more one is accustom to the intimacy of the Lord’s light the more it can be so hard when it seems to have stopped. You keep praying, but the answers don’t seem to come.

So you sit and wonder what you did wrong. Go over and over all the choices you made and fight the desire to feel sorry for yourself.

I think the important part in these situations is to not give up. And don’t make major decisions to change what you are doing.

It is at time to keep walking. To continue the same path and maintain the same strides. For unless the Lord leads in a different direction it is time to be faithful.

In the silence this can be challenging. You can really feel so neglected. But then it is a time to remember when you were in the light.

To continue walking in that vision and hope while the night seems to consume. Such is the nature of faith.

It might not be all that impressive to some. It might not give you a reason to boast, but in the end it will not be the path that leads in the wrong direction.

For if we still remember the Lord’s wind that one drove us. And still feel it fresh inside then we continue the pace by its refreshing.

And along the way hopefully we are able to do so with a candle burning that is lit by the Lord. One that shines regardless.

It can warm the cold and inspire in the shadows. It can help us to keep moving even when we want to quit.

But only if we continue to watch for it even when our eyes have trouble locating the light. It will be the fire that inspires.

Into all the times we have questions.

NOON

Blistering,
so blinding
in the stark midday textures,
bluntly define
each outline and meaning
with such crisp clarity.

Confidence in the brilliance's reality
is a surrogate god,
unable to be worshipped
when night crowns the mind.

But in the midst of such light's illusions,
the creeping, crooking fingers
from the shadows of doubt,
always rake the mind in twitches of fear's waters,
trying so hard to damn that river
behind a wall of optimism.

Then the rumble from circumstances quakes,
rupturing the barrier,
floods of uncertainty, tainted by panic,
rush over the soul.

It swallows our pedestal of reliance,
until the light warming us and giving such aliveness,
drowns in the swollen swells of dark despair.

GOODNESS

This is a wonderful feeling. That you are somehow decent and kind. And so many really do try and cling to it.

Which is fine if it were really true. However, it isn’t. The reality is that according to the Lord none of us is good.

Not at least by God’s standard of goodness. There in lies the primary problem. We don’t like that option.

It is true that there is a difference between people. The average churchgoer is more apt to be less a criminal perhaps than say a devout felon.

But that still doesn’t constitute good. It doesn’t translate into perfect behavior or even kindness.

Thus even when we want to do right, sin often still prevails. The problem is that as Christians we might be prone to treat it as other than a problem.

I think this stems mainly from an inability to appreciate grace. To have a need to barter with God over our sins.

We sit down and tell God all the good things we did that somehow make up for the sins. But then don’t.

Oh we do so often try to make it sound like we did nothing wrong. How many times I’ve heard that.

Problem is that it isn’t true. And it isn’t necessary either. For God accepts us as we are. That is the nature of grace.

Just doesn’t allow us the freedom to boast. Prevents us from the ability to claim salvation by our works.

Ah that is so annoying. All our efforts to be good are of no avail in heaven. That is the part we often just ignore.

And it is the measure of when we base our salvation on something other than faith. How often that happens.

It is such a subtle aspect too. Often going unnoticed in the dialogue of churches. They talk about faith, but really don’t believe it.

Just a test that is obvious when the nature is revealed. And that happens to often. Those times when we just have to justify our wrongs.

Works for everyone we talk to, but never the Lord.

CORRECT

It is always a joy to feel you were right. That you understood something for its truth and were vindicated at some point.

Now the challenge with the Christian situation is that not everyone accepts what the scriptures say is correct.

So even when what you say is true doesn’t mean that some will accept it. And even if later it turns out that they find out this is correct, they may never admit it.

Such is the nature of human pride. None of us likes to be criticized or find out we were wrong.

But there are times when God will make us see that reality. It will hold up that mirror and force us to take a long hard look.

Just isn’t always a pleasure view. Sometimes it can be down right painful. However, it is necessary at times.

And if we allow ourselves that freedom to accept when we were wrong the rewards always are better than the pain. In the long run.

For the Lord uses such situations to teach and correct, not to punish. To help us grow and not to make us sad.

Embracing this can be such a struggle. It can truly be a stumbling block to growth when we want to do things our way.

Which is often the case with those who aren’t really trusting the Lord. They may have all the religious trappings, just not the truth.

So surrender becomes a real hardship. Being able to offer up one’s will for the Lord’s will is very difficult.

Again the joy that comes in the process is so much of a worthwhile experience. And it can be very freeing.

You suddenly don’t have to be perfect any longer. You can feel relaxed about your flaws and enjoy the sense of forgiveness.

For me that has been such a blessing. I used to fret that somebody I would have to take off my mask.

Then the Lord took it off for me. And what a relief it brought. I was truly blessed with a new sense of freedom.

The mirror didn’t represent a place of sadness any longer.

Mannequin

Painted creation by power's hand,
living on a fragment of hope,
errand boy to my taskmaster's whip,
loyal defender unto gold
spokesperson to inspire obedient.

Just a mannequin to the system,
mind and body dying from the lack of honesty,
inside I hate the survival without love or passion,
rotting in happiness,
core of my pulse stagnant, tear stained and empty.

RIGHT

I’m sitting at my desk on Sunday night. Nothing different for me. Just another weekend at work.

Today as I was going through my usual rituals that I’ve done for years I was trapped in thought about the routine. I can hardly call it thrilling.

And it is always predictable. Still I derive a certain satisfaction over doing it correctly. Taking joy in the effort to do what is proper.

Oh I could take short cuts. I could excuse the lack of faithfulness. Find a way to explain not doing my best, but I would know it.

Which is interesting to me in some ways. I’ve known so many believers who have found a reason to not do what they are called to do.

Doesn’t matter if it is at work or church. They manage to find that process to avoid what the Lord expects.

The problem is faith is more than faith in the Lord and His word. It is the essence in the heart that when the Holy Spirit is present affect all parts of life.

To leave it at the church’s doorstep is to do otherwise. To apply it to the faith, but not to faithfulness in life is to deny its real function.

How can we truly be witnesses for the Lord if we don’t express it fully? Easy question to ask, hard one to answer.

Still we do have to try and find that right path. To embrace the truth and see it clearly. Not steer away from our duties.

How easy it is to talk about this. But with every choice, every option we exercise, we truly find ourselves expressing the truth.

Doesn’t mean some will embrace it. They will find joy in doing it in a way that impresses, but never touches deep inside.

And conviction truly does have its moment of confrontation. One will never walk by faith without finding a few valleys.

Whether we stroll through them in the same vigor as the mountain top will test our real arena of trust.

And nothing we say can deter this reality. Just is a matter of whether we actually find it a good option or not.

That is decided in our hearts.

FAITH

The core of one’s relationship with the Lord. So often spoken about as necessary to the one’s salvation.

And there are whole books devoted to the subject. To the idea of THE Faith as in Christian and individual faith.

So often it is mentioned, so often talked about, but sadly it often never ends up being understood. And some define it in so many different ways.

Yet, they don’t seem to make it simple enough to really affect life. To make it a choice of trust in God.

I don’t think we all have the same levels of abilities in life as a rule. So it only follows that it applies to faith also.

So what happens it become lost in the middle of traditions and rituals. They are the symbols of our inspiration.

And it is really hard to honestly grasp where faith starts and belief ends. On the many differences between the passive nature of thought and what drives you to do more.,

But the good news to me is that regardless of the level of our faith, God’s grace still covers our lives. He knows our weaknesses and loves us anyway.

Some would make it sound like He only cares about those that follow some set of rules they define. How said that is.

Guilt always is used to reinforce this aspect. It doesn’t inspired, but it does make the person so inclined to give up.

How said it is when we are forced to the point of feeling so ashamed and guilty we think God doesn’t love us anymore. What a tragedy that can be.

But that is part of the process of discovery we all go through. To measure what we are willing to truly trust against what we are told.

Tragic is the time when we discover we were lied to. That it was the voice that was wrong who didn’t really speak for God.

And so regrettable is the sadness if a saint faints from the process. To redeem with a chance for renewal is always the blessing desired.

Some will find the path despite such teachings other drift away. But thank goodness God is merciful.
For He often finds us wherever we drift.

CUPS

The vessels where we collect our desires. Not the ones we show others, those pure and white with a nice looked of being so sacred.

I’m talking about the ones we keep in our closet and under our beds. The ones that we don’t show others.

Oh they may look impressive, but they are not the reality of what honestly is held in our heart. And you can be sure that God knows where we keep the real ones.

Now it might make us feel good to show off some ornate chalice we never us as our cup. It might impress.

However if it is borrowed or just a picture of the cup we wish we owned it may pass to tell others about it, but that will not change the one we have to use. That is the truth with which we endure.

Oh perhaps the real cup just is stained. It isn’t particularly attractive. So we might not want to share.

This is part of human nature. Like any part of our lives that defies our efforts to look pious, we find ways to alter the image.

At home we often resort to paper cups. You don’t have to clean them and don’t have to worry about germs from somebody else.

Still there are those special times that you just need that cup. The one that will compliment the dinner.

Is it required, no. Does it affect the taste of the drink? Perhaps, but the made reason is because it has some symbolic quality.

And thus it is with our drives. We don’t do things because it makes sense. We do them more because of the feelings they convey.

With faith it really isn’t much different. Feelings really do play a part and God knows that.

A joyful heart praises. One that will sup on the Lord pours with gratitude regardless of the type of drink served.

And the difference is what we chose to view as cup from God. Do we accept it for the way it is offered or be unhappy if it isn’t the type we wanted.

Sometimes that is a burden to test the heart. To see if we will obey even if it doesn’t seem the ideal at the time.

LITTLE LACES

In all the steps I have taken
my heart still stays in the shadows
to hide the tears
left unspoken
from touches I've never known.

Fame and fortune
are but idols
fleeting, empty,
lacking power to give me fire.

When my life is measured
by its labor,
only the times my fingers
felt another
do I feel fulfilled.

It is a dream more than day,
a yearning in famine
known all my life.

For me I can live in chance's poker parlor
never knowing should tomorrow bring
gold or trash.

Without a passion's little laces
veins pulses is faint and fragile.

POWER

There is nothing that drives some people more than being in charge. It gives such energy to feel in control.

I was at the gym today and was noticing how much emphasis was really placed on the issue of having control.

We love that sense of inner strength. The idea that we are able to have the ability to determine our own fate.

In its extreme view this leads to the obsession of having one’s heaven on earth. To be able to claim some opportunity for a say over the future.

So thus is born the gospel of prosperity. If life denies the chance for the power craved, then why not have the Lord provide it?

It is a wonderful logic. Totally justifies the need for greed. Makes one feel so good about being selfish.

So we can have the joy of justifying the obsession with me first. We can feel so proud to only pursue chances to have wealth and comfort in this life.

Pity this view doesn’t really take into account the biblical record. I mean if one looks at the way some in the scriptures were treated comfort and wealth aren’t there.

These included the disciples. The suffered incredible hardship and persecution in life. One could hardly say they were not beloved of the Lord.

Now true, this served a purpose at the time. And it wasn’t intended as a model of life for all saints.

Still, it was the reality that they did serve the Lord on His terms. Including sacrifice if needed.

Just too bad that part seems to get lost in all the talk about getting rich. We all have the right to be happy.

But is it to be focused in on the need for wealth? Well if you listen to the very popular name it and claim it types the answer is yes.

However, when one is ready to be wealthy by God’s standard then we will see blessings more in serving that in reaping. That is a gold, which never rusts.

How far that is from the prosperity doctrine. Which I imagine will always take precedence in some people’s thoughts.

But it is for us to decide if God is more important than our pocket books.

READY

I really have appreciated how many times that part of faith is when you are not ready or a change. God is so great at picking times I'm not ready for some transition.

Does that mean it always happens that way. No, there are occasions when it is no problem.

However, that is not the occasion is all situations. And you can be sure that no matter how many times it happens, it never prepares me for the next time.

Somewhere in the unexpected there is normally a purpose. It might not be clear at the time.

For that is part of the need for faith. We have to embrace the change first and then we will discover the reason.

But then the process of traveling by trust is never one that comes with a map. It will always have bends in the road.

And sometimes they will sneak up on us in ways that we are just unable to react. We are surprised, which is intentional.

I'm not sure I have been grateful for this experience. But the plain fact is that you never forget it.

So in a way that is part of the impact. To have us learn the lesson in a way that really gets the message across.

What is so sad are the people who try to resist such transistion. That works out so well for them.

If the Lord is seeking to get our attention by some special attention getter you can be sure we are not going to avoid the lesson. But some will still try.

The result is always the same. It ends with something other than a good choice. Just makes things worse.

Far better to embrace the lesson. To let it truly touch and convict. However, if there is a lesson needed it will happen.

Also when we resists it just tends to lead to more than one lesson. Sort of like twice the consequences.

Not quite an uplifting aspect. And you can be sure that never leads to blessings. Unless somewhere along the way we really learn.
The truth may not be fun at times, but it always the truth.

THE GREATEST JOY

The greatest joy for me
unto my sin stained soul,
are the words of the scriptures,
given to the prophet Habakkuk,
" Behold the proud, his soul is not upright in him;
but the just shall live by his faith."

Though I stumble and fail,
even when I am lost in the shadows of self,
there is hope eternal
as long as my eyes
are looking in trust towards Christ.

It is the blessing I hold as shield
when the world crashes around my life,
though vile lips would bring their darts
from the mouth of the devil,
saying I'm nor good enough or purged of wrong
for deserving any chance at salvation,
ever do I hold onto the assurance
that faith alone in Jesus as Lord and Savior
is what counts as righteousness in God's eyes

Oft have I fought the inner voice of doubt,
the cruel mouths of those with no love
who say you must be cleansed of any evil
before Heaven will redeem your spirit.

Walking, bruised and battered
towards the image of Calvary,
grateful by trusting with all my heart
in my Heavenly father's promises
and His boundless grace,
I can stand without fear before His throne,
feeling truly at peace and free.

CHANGING

Oh my can this be a headache. I'm not talking about the usual types of transitions. Or even the volatile ones.

I'm speaking more of the subtle times when we really are facing some change that won't devastate or destroy. It just annoyance.

They are enough of a change to mean a disruption in ways that interfere with our expectations or routine. Which is very aggravating.

And the more one is prone to like to plan and control life the more this becomes the ways the Lord will test us. I hardly jump for joy over it.

But the only way to learn is to face such challenges. So we can learn what truly grows inside.

That isn't always a joy. It isn't always the kind of process we feel inclined to celebrate, but it is part of the walk of faith.

I wish I could say I had a way to avoid it. But that would be silliness. For none of us is perfect.

And thus we all have our strengths and weakness. The trials will make us see both better. Which is part of why they come.

The last few months I have been face with a different kind of test. One where I had to face what I really loved.

And the funny thing was it was a whole different than what I first imagined. Honestly, without the trial I wouldn't have seen the change inside.

Did I enjoy it? No. Was it fun in anyway? No. And did going through it come to a point where I graduated so it was over? No, again.

This is perhaps the hardest part of the process. To find oneself ever face with having to repeat the same process.

For it is necessary to refine. And the same means always is used. It might have a different stress point, but it is still there.

So we go through the vice grips of life. Squeezed and forged according to God's plan. Doesn't mean we enjoy it.

Nor is it wrong to admit that. We must still travel that same road. And hopefully see the landscape along the way.

Enough to praise and not complain.

PILLARS

It is always so comforting when life offers one these kinds of options. The type where you feel secure.

Have faith that somebody or some thing is what they claim. But then sometimes our faith is not well placed.

People can be so disappointing in that regard. I see it all the time. A person who commits to something, but then later gives up.

I'm not sure to speak in terms of things being permanent when they are not is a really a good option. It does impact person's expectations.

For myself, I do so often tend to be consistent. Not necessarily thrilling in my behavior or exciting, but consistent.

The problem with the routine is how it does eat at your resolve. With no encouragement or other forms of inspiration it can be hard to find motivation.

And I have seen so often where the lack of inspiration does cause people to fade. Still they will bounce back in some different way.

Just acting as though the one part they vowed to be doing always, was less than permanent. Which never ends up with a good feeling.

I try to be understanding, yet I do appreciate how this is a habit. An occasion when one simply gets weary.

Which is not a problem. Until we start making excuses for our shortcomings. Which never requires us to face the truth.

This being that we are human and have flaws. In our normal life this has ramifications to our lifestyle.

And that is the part we have trouble embracing. This is really harder with faith. We can make an impassioned vows.

Then later we find out we have second thoughts or reason to change our mind. If we let the guilt bury us then it is a problem.

For it can prevent us from being able to face the Lord. And that is the value of grace. To accept He understands.

When we can stop make excuses and accept that we will make mistakes that is the important part. Just not always easy to acknowledge.

It can be a life long struggle.

OAKS

So stable and dependable. The image of strength. Yet, something that is alive. Not made of stone.

And the other thing we know about oaks is they don't live forever. We don't always enjoy that part.

So we still like the idea of something that will be permanent. Whether we see the person as an oak in our life or some system.

It is the concept of what we will know will be helpful tomorrow. It can give shade or aid in some other way.

Still, life plots along in the pattern shaped before us. Through the means we always prefer to define by our desires.

Now the problem is when we take time to include everything in our idea of oaks, but the Lord. It happens.

And even more so when we think we are trusting Him. How amazing that can be. Yet so true.

Oh one can quote the scriptures. Be so bold as to teach scriptural truths, but still put one's trust in one's own abilities.

It just depends on the nature of what we have to put our faith in. Seeing God as able to handle anything miraculous.

Yet, He is also the Lord of the ordinary. We might be inclined to think it isn't good to bother Him over small things.

Not that we have to lift up a prayer for strength about something such as taking out the trash, still it is just as important to include Him in our daily thoughts. Which is some times very hard to do.

But that is what matters too. For God is sensitive to our every need. Just in terms of what is best for us.

And that is not always according to how we view it. Sometimes we think that something is truly critical that isn't.

Only when we truly are willing to listen in the small ways do we see the Lord as well in the big things. And sometimes that is the hardest part.

But we can learn to move ahead when we want to. Still not always the way we want. This part is where we have to listen more with our hearts than our heads.

MANNA

Mortgaged spirits comb life's chaff for the pearls of poignancy,
living on elixir from ardor's ladle of angst, its taste a flavor so bittersweet,
in robotic daze, they gleam sweat's succor from the furrows of time's fields,
languishing in the precarious earth between bounty and famine
when a divine tickle stirs the heart, revealing the cornucopia of faith's grapes
sprouting along the trail in toil, forced to walk for reaping survival's grains of sufficiency.

Weary eyes bedecked with only practical vision just look to find a day's provision
only viewing the worn path as drudgery's way, leading to recycled seasons of husbandry.

Souls tasting the Lord's wheat, discover fertile soil plowed by sacred plan,
gazing anew in wonder and peace at the miracle growing both within and without,
how each crop was sown as heaven's seed with love and grace,
planted by the finger of God as the manna meant to feed salvation's hunger.

BEGINNINGS

Departure points to maturity and understanding are not related to age. They can come during the most unexpected times.

The problem is that we might not care to accept them. So we take the time to pretend we are too mature to change.

Which is never a good option in terms of listening to the Lord. He will always want to stir up our lives regardless of our ages.

This doesn't mean we will enjoy them. Not that God is going to consider that a good reason to avoid them.

I recall when I was in this one church. The membership was mainly retired. And the time came when change was facing the future of the church.

It was going to mean more commitment and effort. Not all the time, but more than the lay back casual response the people were used to.

This didn't quite result in joy. The people complained and resisted any chance for changed.

Ultimately the Lord sent me elsewhere. And sadly what happen to the church was it never became its destiny.

The few that went there continue to plod away in the comfort. Singing songs, praying and yet without trusting the Lord.

There is a difference of course between obedience and fruit. We are called to trust and do as the Lord requests.

He can get by without our help, but it is still our need to act on His word. To allow Him to work through us.

Without that activity faith doesn't really get energized. And even when we get old and tired, He can give us strength to deal with it.

But we still must be prepared to listen. And that kind of beginning that digs at our complacency really is the hardest kind of challenge.

I can't blame anyone for being tired. And for wanting to rest. The Lord will always reserve the right to test us.

And age is never and excuse except in our minds. Which never works with Him. But we might think it does.

And never understand how it causes our decay spirituality.

TRACES IN THE MIND

Those are the little haunts that come back to bother you like ghosts. Some image or thought that you had before and thought you got rid of that comes back.

Always hate when those take place. They really are so frustrating. It is so much more fun to see life in terms of spiritual maturity.

That being when we stop making the same mistakes. Become more serene and calm over any crisis.

It sounds so wonderful. What a pity it really does seem to work that way. The longer I am along the path of faith the more I appreciate it is not about being perfect.

Spiritual maturity to me is just about being willing to accept your flaws with more understanding. To not get as upset when you fail.

Oh there are the times you do improve. But never perfectly. And that is the part that is hard to accept at times.

So much better it is to come to a point of acceptance. To move ahead in honesty and accept, really accept we are sinners.

I've known so many who thought spiritual maturity meant a sinless life. They have this unrealistic view that they will become able to not sin again.

It isn't even close to the truth and it is like saying I will never make another mistake. Another fantasy.

But then some are so in need of that delusion. They have to have some goal to work towards even if it is a fantasy.

The sad part is how this leads to taking a person away from the Lord. We become so obsessed with being perfect we stop listening to the Lord.

Distance prevails and that leads to more and more gaps in one's ability to truly grow and celebrate grace. That is the key.

For under grace we don't have to be perfect. Just forgiven. And it isn't complicated. God makes sure of that.

But we do manage to complicated it. Like the person I was dealing with one that spoke of babes in Christ.

True was he had never grown in his own understanding. Not truly discovered what faith should have taught with experience.

Pity was he spent so much time preaching at others he had no time to hear the Lord on the subject.

THE LORD'S BOX

In its windows you can see heaven
all the enchanted places
God's hands have made.
What magic it is for the eyes,
taking you on a flight
to every place where dreams come true,
angels are there,
but you have to keep looking
in order to see their wings.

Each peek a new door to wonderful
all those picture dreams,
kept in the Lord's box,
waiting for one to come
and play among it treasures,
putting it down with some of His love and light
glowing inside from a sun of happiness.

GETTING IT

This is a wonderful term. It applies to the idea of self realization. The occasions where something finally makes sense.

It is amazing how often that in the life of faith the Holy Spirit causes this to happen. You go along and see the same thing for the longest time.

Then suddenly a light goes off in the mind and you see something you never noticed before. It can be so overwhelming.

And let me tell you that is such an amazing experience. It can shake a person to the bones.

And the thing is that these moments of epiphany are truly worth the wait. Of course, this can happen in life at times for other reasons.

The difference is in whether it inspires faith. If it in someway helps us see God more clearly and willing to trust Him more.

Which is always a blessing. But then you never know when this will become more than a blessing.

It can be a source of strength for the future. And to me that ends up becoming such iron for the soul.

It can truly empower for the times when the world seems to make no sense. It can bring hope in the darkness.

All is the type of help that always is tied to the Lord. It brings one closer to Him. And that is always wonderful.

This can happen anywhere and normally does. Which is not a bad deal. Some moment, often in quiet you discover a truth.

It flashes through the brain and becomes other than a second. It becomes totally consuming.

When that touches it will be so powerful. I do truly do savor each time this happens and especially with His word.

That is well worth the long periods when it doesn't occur. For they are meant to get our attention.

And that is the part that counts. For it becomes the times, which truly we never forget. Those little divine whispers.

Something to truly cherish always.

RESCUED

It is such a good feeling to know you have escaped some disaster. To have the sense of being safe and delivered.

Then comes the moments of reflection. All the times of examination when one asks the hard questions.

Well at least for some of us it works that way. I have known so many who never seem to have any gift for insight at all.

That is such a tragedy. They keep going through life and repeating the same mistakes. Ever without a clue as to why.

The Holy Spirit is so very good and tapping us on the shoulder and letting us see the truth. Not that we all enjoy that kind of reality.

Seen plenty who didn't. No matter how many ways the Lord gives the message, some never want to try and make it worth hearing.

Pride can really deter that process. If our lips are too busy making excuse we aren't likely to listen.

Doesn't impact the truth or how it affects the future. It just becomes another detour in thinking at times.

I do feel sad when I hear the sagas of sorrow and how the person never learned from the process. God definitely gave them plenty of messages.

But they didn't want to listen. Done that plenty of times myself. Oh yeah that is never a wonderful detour.

So you end up just feeling sorry for yourself. And then you make all kinds of excuses for why it won't happen the next time.

In the process, the whole purpose and intention gets lost. Between all the detours and tales invented, the truth gets lots.

Does this lead to any real sense of being rescued? Normally, no. Instead it just increases the sense of insecurity.

So that takes us away from the point of growth. When again never leads to the kind of change that improves life.

I am grateful that the Lord is merciful to us. He grants us time so as many as will eventually get it.

The problem is reaching that point.

TAILORED

It never ceases to amaze me how often life seems to unfold in ways that reveal God's will. And how often the way it unfolds is not quite the way we expect.

Not that we necessarily get a choice. But there are times when it really does bring us frustration.

Now that comes from being focused on thinking we can plan everything in life. And be in control.

I think there are times when God truly does the opposite of what we want just to keep us from assuming we can do what we want. I do see that as harmful.

It can be humbling. It can make us see things different. And that is a good way of learning.

Might be painful if we always are hung up on being in charge. And I've known so many who really get so stressed out when something unexpected happens.

Would there be a situation where God will honor our plans? Yes. There are plenty of times when He will honor our prayers.

It doesn't even have to be for something spiritual. For He cares about in all areas of our lives.

Course the assumption is that we really will always bring things to Him in prayer. I wish I could say I always do that.

But I know I'm guilty of making plenty of decisions where I didn't. And when they don't work out, I do try and accept the blame.

I heard about a time when a person made several hasty decisions. And just assume God would bless.

Instead, the person ended in having several disasters occur. Then asked for prayer. Which in no place did the individual say it was my fault.

I'm not sure God appreciates when we ask for help, but never seek His wisdom first. Sort of like let me do things my way, but then please fix my mistakes later.

However, at times it does seem to come out that way. I am grateful that the Lord is more forgiving than we are.

And that He does bring grace to our wayward moments. I don't want to try and imagine what things would be like if He didn't.

Just keep being grateful that he spares us at times what we deserve.