NOBODY'S PERFECT

I've heard this from a lot of people, but the one thing they never say is (except for me.) Meaning that even though the acknowledge the idea in principle that nobody is perfect they sure don't love admitting to being wrong.

I've struggled with that myself at times. I think it is very normal to get defensive when we are criticized. Not that making excuses really changes the fact that we made a mistake, but somehow when we can explain our actions with an excuse it just seems to carry less guilt. At least it appears to in so many ways.

Time and time again I find myself having to revisit God's throne of grace. To allow his holy spirit to remind me that at my best I will never please God by my behavior.

But the great news is that I don't have to carry a heavy burden of guilt for that either. That is because of forgiveness. Providing I'm willing to embrace his idea of truth.

The big problem I think is that to truly accept the concept of grace one has to first be willing to admit to having done something wrong. For some people they just can rise above the need to lie to themselves.

So often I've seen the tragic consequences that come when one just keeps avoiding seeing the truth of their own sin. God wants to forgive us. He wants to help us rise above our own weakness in the sense of becoming who we truly are able to become.

But none of that can happen as long as we lie and keep pretending our sin really isn't sin. And if the person is involved in a church that teachers or in any way emphasis some version of perfection this can be extra hard.

You don't have to teach legalism to inspire the illusion of perfection as a doctrine. A church that makes any act or teaching that one follows a condition that will somehow solve all of life's problems is in my opinion practicing a version of perfectionism.

It never succeeds for man is unable of being perfect in this life. That is why God grants us the joy of grace if we accept it.

And no matter how much we think we understand and embrace that concept the world abounds far more with advocates of some form of perfectionism. You can't be around it for long without it affecting your thinking to some degree.

Sadly, for a second there will always be some who succeed in adhering to such teachings. But when they fail, you never hear that part of their testimony, just the other part where they claim perfect their live happens to be.

In the wake of such silliness God remains faithful to the truth. Jesus will always stand at the door to our heart and knock. The problem is being able to hear his knock over the sound of our how boast of perfection.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE

In the swirling shadows of doubt so suffocating in their bleakness
there are dark infusions of muffled screams into our confessional membrane
creating murmurs that creep through each cerebral crevice and cranny
stirring those murky ravines of graying uncertainty
where paradox phantoms are like a shark's fin slicing the water,
only hinting at what is real.

It creates chaos in the supposed bottomless caverns of panic
driving our ravenous and myopic orbs to a frenzy of anxiety
till we cry out for peace from the blackness swallowing our reason
which can finally cool the fret inferno's plumes of vein spiders.

Exhaling, our gasp of reluctant surrender
lets an unseen voice caress the sinews of our subdued understanding.

It is a sound never before heard during the clamor of ignorance
creating vibrations of intuitive sensory tremors
allowing us to see with such intense clarity
what was once so unclear in our personal blindness
shrouding truth's catacomb from our former gaze.

New orbs, more vivid and lucid, are born inside our mind
bringing meaning and thought so indelibly profound
through a vision radiant by its trace etchings upon our mental mural
carved in its effect upon our senses instead of merely seen
being the transitory opulence so bedazzling
when we at last unveil a cavernous treasure thought forbidden
and exchange
an eye for an eye.

LORD KNOWS

This is often the prelude to more than one comment I've heard where the person is saying they don't have the answer to a problem. That God does have the answer even if he has chosen not to tell us.

On the surface it is a statement of faith in some ways. It is about a person essentially acknowledging the Lord as being omniscient.

I think it would be wonderful if in addition to this reality, we also embraced the fact that we can't always know every answer for every subject. Which seems obvious, but it really amazes me the times when some bible teacher will take scripture and translate it according to what he or she thinks is what the Lord knows.

I've heard some of the most absurd teachers from people who had claimed to interpret scripture by what they say the Lord knows. And so many times it creates this venue of illogical thought whereby the end result has no relationship to reality, let alone to God.

The other night I was listening to this one bible teacher on the radio trying to advance his idea that obedience to God translated into a blessing where you kids would be nearly perfect. As a parent and now a grandparent the one thing I've come to appreciate is that kids are not some kind of computer you can program to behave in a given way.

Plus I've known enough good and faithful servants of the Lord whose children were anything, but perfect. So the nagging question for me was how in the world could this so-called bible teacher make such a claim?

Oh he did have scriptures to support is point of view. They were all from the Old Testament and related to the general disobedience of the people of Israel. There was a subtle aspect of truth to his teaching. That was in relationship to the fact that God does desire obedience from us.

And I certainly believe that obedience does a lot more to enhance the faith and intimacy of one's relationship with the Lord that disobedience. Still, I also understand it is not a cure all for everything that is wrong in our lives.

What amazed me I guess is that this bible teacher could feed his flock such a teaching and still have a flock. Are there really that many people out there incapable of thinking or appreciate when something is utterly ludicrous? Apparently so.

Of course it wasn't hard to appreciate this man's point of view. I have heard him before and being a church member and going to church are for him practically synonymous with salvation.

So it ends up coloring all his teaching to the point that he seems to define what is a true Christian as only being somehow sitting in the pews of his church. As for me, well I think the title of this posting truly says it all in terms of salvation, Lord knows. And that is good enough for me.

THE MIGHTY WAND

I imagine most people have had a daydream where we had a magic wand that could solve all our problems. In our fantasies, of course, life can be perfect. Reality never has that potential.

Some have felt that eternity is a place of perfection. I like to believe that myself. One thing that I do wonder about is how it is possible for human beings to be so flawed and sinful in this life and immediately be changed to perfect in heaven?

I don't discount God's power to do the impossible, but despite the appeal of this idea, I often have felt that our transition from flawed to perfect isn't necessarily immediate. The scriptures don't really, in my opinion, specify the process God uses to alter our essence in eternity.

Neither is it totally clear on what part of our being is part of the soul. Although we know it has to include our minds and memories otherwise we couldn't stand before accountable for our lives. Nor would God have a reason to wipe away every tear if we didn't have the ability to remember.

Beyond those aspects we do know we have some presence that is called a body. It doesn't mean we look exactly as we do now, but that we are recognizable.

We do know that when Jesus appeared after the Resurrection he did look similar to the way he looked before his death. But was that his completely glorified eternal form? I'm not sure we can say till we stand before him.

In the meantime, whenever I sit and imagine the joys of actually owning a magic wand my mind eventually drifts to the image of the Lord. That is in the sense of knowing in his sovereignty he provides me what is in my best interest.

That doesn't mean it always appear a blessing at the times when there is heartache. But there are the other times when I'm totally in awe of his mercy and rejoice over those little miracles that touch so incredibly.

Then too, I remember how with my imagination it would definitely not be a good thing if I had a magic wand. Some of the things my thoughts drift too would hardly grace the world in a good way.

So I try to be content within the Lord's touch. Being my best to be grateful for what he sends my way.

And at times to sit and reflect on how much more glorious life will be in his presence. For how could any wand, magic or otherwise, compete with the love and grace the Lord grants us. In heaven it will be even more so and for that there is more real magic than any of the little wishes we could enjoy at the moment. May God's face smile upon us with the quiet knowing of how he will always be more of a blessing to us than anything offered by the hand of man.

TOWERS TO BE

If anyone can look at life long enough and say it in reality is suppose to make sense, I applaud them. Because no matter how long I life the one thing I appreciate is that life has too many variables that make it less than logical.

Some have tried to apply reason to existence in one way or another. And when one believe there is a divine hand working behind the scenes then you are inclined to think sooner or later he will explain it all.

What I do know is the Lord will make clear everything in eternity, but in this life we will always be plagued by questions that will never be answered. Thus, despite our desire, we simply know following the Lord doesn't mean we will understand all there is to know.

That doesn't mean there aren't those who don't try. From my experience, when people do that they often reduce life down to nothing, but black and white. The gray areas end up being ignored, which I think helps to discredit any arguments they make.

None of this keeps me from accepting the reality that there is a God and that salvation only comes from accepting Jesus as one's lord and Savior. For me the fundamental arena where we must reside is one that based on trusting that God really does know what he is doing.

And for reasons we can never fully appreciate in this life, he does leave us to trust without all the light we would want. Some are capable of accepting that reality, some can not.

If one places limitations on their relationship with the lord in terms of what you expect in order to believe it to me speaks to an issue of the heart. One can always fine an excuse for ignoring the Lord if one wants. Which is all part of free will.

Thus the tale of life continues to be written each day. Some will run out of ink before others in terms of their faith or what they are willing to accept as truth.

Others will not let all the enigmas or inequities of life intrude on their spiritual sight. I feel God does know the heart and is able to peer into those deep crevices of our desires.

This doesn't always mean we will be able to change reality. Neither does it mean we can expect life to suddenly change to accommodate our desires.

I find peace in the willingness to not let the shadows of the day blind me to the reality of eternity. I do respect how that won't work for everyone. But I don't let that keep me from embracing it just the same.

May the peace of god guide as only his spirit can inspire. May we find the comfort in knowing of his reality even if life takes too many detours along the way from what we hope and pray will happen.

STEALTH TEMPLES

Marble prayers
floating above
the expanse
of paranoia shelves
erected
while playing
a board game
with idols;
Grunted rituals
eloquently excuse
as promises
for stability
in tightrope curse
that dribbling across the veins
like a scalding soup.
Somewhere
within the cubicles of compulsion
God is born
and worshipped
inside a medicine cabinet.

EYES BEFORE DAWN

In the darkness the pupils are supposed to open widen to allow in more light. It is a natural process that our body does without us having to think about the action.

If we are watching the landscape from just before sunset till it is complete dark, at first the change is so subtle we might not even notice it for a while. Eventually as the light diminishes enough we know things have changed.

But can we bring that extra sensitivity of eyes open far wider at night to a day without it becoming blinding? I'm not an optometrist, but I imagine the answer is probably no.

I sit here on a Saturday, isolated from the world in the little bedroom of my house I use for my writing. It is night outside my window, I have the television playing some movie that I'm barely listening too, let alone watching.

This is my normal routine on Saturday night after a long day at work. As a writer it is my refuge and relaxation. It is also a doorway of spiritual leading at times too.

On more than one occasion I wonder what the point of it all is. Will any good really come from my meanderings in thought strewn together as sentences.

There are other times when I can't help feeling this is in reality a way to avoid the world and the isolation my life has become. There is no place for me to visit or dwell with friends or spend my time in a different more productive method. At least that is what i tell myself at times.

Is this a confession of loneliness? Am I basically wandering for the sake of complaining about my existence?

For me the answer is no. It is merely a reflection of what I am talking about. Dawn is more than the point where the sun rises on the horizon.

It is on a spiritual level when we are guided to some true we haven't seen before. The truth was always there, but we just didn't notice it.

But in the darkness of questioning and the times when we sink into the recesses of our doubts, God's voice can often be heard. It might come as a still small voice or something more dramatic. But it will be heard in a way we can understand.

Taking those revelatory eyes of night into the dawn is not always an easy task. There is something about natural light that lures us away from such insights at times. We are feeling more secure, more confident, more ready to face another challenge.

But the God who was there in our shadows still ministers to us. And to embrace this sight means to not forget or let the dawn prevent us from knowing what comes into our souls in the darkness.

REMEMBERING TOMORROW

This last year I have had to do this on so many occasions. I don't think I've dealt with more liars in my life as I have since having to cope with all the people we deal with in the building of our home. I was beginning to wonder if there was one honest person even left in the world.

And in those darker moments when some given lie would end up have consequences to my own life, I would do my best to set aside my anger and remember tomorrow. Basically for me that is when I would remind myself that the Lord is still the Lord and despite the countless betrayals that were battles to a point of futility, his will would be done.

In this case, I knew it was his will that we possess this land. There were numerous affirmations of this along the way. But none of that kept us from experience a host of people who made greed their priority.

I have to confess there were plenty of times when it did get very depressing. I had to ask myself how come if this is God's will he does stop their jerks from being so sinful and being stumbling blocks to our survival.

It was then, after enough prayer and wondering, I think God gave me some light of understanding. For the Lord has the power to fulfill his will. So making sure we would survive was for him the easy part. However, by letting us face obstacles and nearly lose the home he tested our faith.

At the same time, he also tested the hearts of so many. And I can say I'm grateful that through it all he did make sure we were still provided for. That was a comfort when coping with the injustice of it all and avoiding the temptation to resort to the kind of revenge that was other that lawful or moral.

Admittedly, when following the path of what was legal and appropriate we have appreciate sadly just how inept the system can be. We were witnesses to the ways that the law was not enforced and those who broke it didn't get punished.

This is part of the reality of this life. Too often because of sin and the fact that Satan does work is vile nature to impend and corrupt justice gets lost in the process.

Not for eternity of course. Just for the time on this earth. That is the other part of remembering tomorrow.

It might not always comfort, but I do know God truly does see all. And no sin that is unforgiven because of the blood of the lamb will go unpunished in eternity.

As for me, well I hardly regard myself as perfect or without. I just rejoice though that I would rather trust to God for my provision that try to gain through some evil and greedy act.

JUSTICE ETERNAL

Today was definitely not my most favorite day. It was a day of endless chores and most of it spent doing things that needed to be done for my family. It also meant dealing with people who were other than concerned about doing what they had promised. Satisfied was not a word that applied to the day.

On an emotional level part of me wanted to simply lie down and be run over by a truck. Not exactly an uplifting thought, but there were moments that it truly did cross my mind.

I guess the most abiding thing that rolls through my brain in such situations is the awareness of how all of this is not for personal gain. I did it out of obedience to the faithfulness the lord had charged me in terms of my family.

Like everyone it is easy on a human level to reach a point of doing to ask the obvious, what is in it for me? And even though it is a natural question to ask, what if the real answer is nothing.

The question is can we cope with that reality in our lives? Can we truly be content to have God the only witness to our obedience without fanfare or accolade?

I've known plenty of people who couldn't answer that question with other than no. But the truth is they really don't admit to that motive. Instead they plan for ways to get attention for their actions. Maybe some comment or other method, but you can be sure they will figure a way somehow to make sure everyone they know is aware of just how great a job of faithfulness they have done.

Ironically, in so doing they have proven what is the core of their hearts and it isn't in reality about faithfulness and obedience. Only I doubt they will admit to such, especially to themselves.

Just as their are injustices in this life that go unpunished the reverse is also true. There are rewards that are not receive either.

I'm sure plenty of people will want an answer to the why of inequity. I do believe in the Lord's eternal presence we shall have the answer and it will be both wise and fair.

Until then we must trudge the path unclear. That will never be an easy task and no matter how much faith we have, the echoes of why will always haunt.

No matter how much I know this myself, I still have to battle the times of depression that sweep over my soul from long hours of doing what I know I'm suppose to do without any personal gain. God had never dealt with that valley by suddenly putting me in the limelight.

What he has done is bring some form of comfort and the soothing sense that it will be enough for this season. It might not seem like a good enough answer to a prayer, but it has brought peace on more than one occasion.

THE TIMBERS OF RESONANT PHANTASMS

Strolling the magnificence of timbered virtues
searching for the pure, rapturous succulence of a precious quiet
suddenly I feel an irrevocable stabbing
deep inside and burning to the marrow
by a thorn of numinous elegance and intensity.

From the cerebral chasms of collective ancestral memory
I hear the haunting wails and pain soaked echoes
arising from the Earth's suffering guardian nymphs
crying out with a plaintive and poignant chorus of conscience
about how too many uncaring hands
so often carelessly deflower the fragile blossoms of rustic array
with their obsession for transforming
a living entity of pastoral eloquence
into a cold and lifeless concrete citadel.

It is a gnawing dissonance of the soul
resounding in the midst of birdsong and cricket monologues
shouting by shear presence of every towering and stately wooden finger
pointing solemnly towards that gut wrenching reminder
that there is more to being
than the self-absorbed sound of one's own heartbeat.

A bone-chilling wind arrives to roar through the branches
wrapping itself around my thoughts,
but it can't bring an icy hush
unto nature's disquieting serenade
over man's violation of its innocence.

HERE AND THERE

Seeing the bridges of commonality in things is not always difficult, but at the same time they are easy to miss. Keeping in mind that God is the ultimate link in such situations is even more challenging.

It is so easy in the daily routine where so much uncertainty exists to be able to see how the Lord is really sovereign over life. He is the creator and true owner of everything.

But even if we follow Christ with all our hearts, which I honestly think none of us is able to do as genuinely as we would like, it doesn't mean life will be full of only blessing with some trials. The one challenge is to truly see God in the here and the there.

He is even in the midst of his enemies since the Lord is omnipresent. Which is a fact that is easy to forget at time when dealing with those totally corrupted by evil and devote to some selfish plan.

There are some many times in my own life I know I have fallen victim to trying and base my actions on my own instincts and plans. I have to stop in the middle of such moments and try to ask the basic question, what is God's will in the situation?

Do I always learn the right answer. I wish that was the case. But the truth is I have been totally wrong in way too many cases.

Still, that doesn't mean I give up. For there are so many occasions when I do come to se the path God intended and that is worth the search.

I think the most difficult challenge in when the experience one is going through lasts for a long period of time. It is so easy when it a valley to lose sight of the horizon.

In such cases often God will grant me some insight or image to inspire and remind that regardless of what I see, he will be there at that horizon having already prepared it for me. He is in the valley too, but there are so many incidents where his presence is not as visible as we like because he is allowing us to go through some test.

Upon the day, we search the skies for promises we can embrace with the same fascination as one would a cloud. But just like clouds, the promises are guiding by the wind. In this case it is the holy spirit. And the promises will drift always in the direction that God intends.

Of course, just like the clouds, there are times when what we seen in the promises is different from what somebody else sees. On some occasions I think that is intentional because God message is personal. He doesn't want us to interpret it by somebody else's thinking, but our own.

Hopefully, along the way we find more reason to trust him. To be able to recognize the here and there as his leading would intend.

IN THE WASTELAND BOUNTIFUL

I've been pondering the simple question as to whether being blessed always has to relate to one's pocket book? If you listen to some that is the case. But I don't think God views it that way.

Of course when it comes to blessings I guess the tangible does often get more attention that the intangible. Thus a new house would be something you could show as proof of a blessing whereas something like abundant peace or wisdom would suffer in the process. And we certainly wouldn't feel a blessed if we couldn't boast about it.

In my own life the peaks and valleys of survival have hardly made life have too many constants. On those occasions when our live has taken an upturn financially it has never been the type of blessing that came with any security. By that I mean, we can enjoy the blessing, but have no guarantee on how long it will last.

For example, we now own a home. After spending most of our lives in apartments, we ended up inherited my step-father's house. Later we had it replaced with a new house because it was simply to run down.

But while we are enjoying the change, the reality is that with the heavy debt load from the mortgage we had to take out for the construction and expense, anything could happen down the road to easily take away that blessing. I'm sure there are some with houses that are paid for or who have similar situations in terms of their house.

I only mention it because as with so many aspects of our lives, God grants us a blessing, but never takes us beyond the realm where we must trust to him for our daily bread or provision. For me knowing this is itself a blessing. But I'm not sure my wife would necessarily agree.

And I guess my main point is that I feel any true blessings from the Lord will be like any other aspect to one's live as a follower of Christ. It will bring us closer in our relationship to him rather than lure us away.

I think that is a fair criteria in my view. Because I have seen the times when some so criteria for a blessing is that you experience some personal gain. The only problem is that if the holy spirit isn't tempering the person's spirit in terms of the blessing, pride can result. There is truly no greater tragedy than when person becomes fill with arrogance and thinks they were blessed because they were more worthy than anyone else. Such arrogance never is a good thing in terms of how affects the person's behavior. At least not in my opinion.

Which is part of the reason to me that I see any blessing as one that only blessings by the Lord's will if it somehow inspires one to see him more intimately in the process. Perhaps if we understand it from that perspective we can see how in reality that maybe God uses some blessing just for the purpose. Hopefully we don't end up being so caught up in dwelling on the blessing to miss out on what is the real intended blessing in terms of our relationship with the lord.

THE REWARDS OF SIGHT

There are a great many different types of vision. We do see with our eyes, providing we are not blind. But then there are to me the eyes of the heart and the eyes of the soul.

I regard the eyes of the heart are those which see the difference between right and wrong. It is amazing how many times those pair of eyes get incredible blurry with some people. Looking at a sin and seeing righteousness is what I call have truly blurred vision. Too many people are prone to accept Satan's glasses to help with that type of sight.

As for the eyes of the soul, I think those are the eyes with which we gaze at the eternal. We see the spiritual realm and how it relates to this life. Those are the glasses only God's spirit can provide in terms of true sight. One can find plenty of glasses that will fit from other sources, but they won't give one true vision. Which can be difficult to appreciate if you have never seen with the lord's spectacles.

What are the rewards of sight other than regular vision? With the sight of the heart, it is to me honest. That is in the sense of seeing what it truly wrong and truly right. I believe we do have an internal witness that knows right from wrong. We can lie to ourselves, but inside we know the facts. And suppressed guilt will take its toll in life.

Among other things I think it does decay one's passion for life. It is hard to enjoy what is real when you are dying inside from spending too much time pretending sin isn't really sin. And I've seen the sadness and burning in the regular eyes from that kind of denial inspired blindfold.

As for the rewards of sight involving the soul, I think it always leads one to see God more clearly and a more intimate relationship with the Lord. It is not abusive or self-absorbed. It is to be accepting of his Lordship in obedience. When one's sight is correct, pride simply evaporates from seeing something more important yourself as the meaning of life and being.

Some people achieve finding a form of spiritual contact. That is where you cover the eyes with something that you think is truly spiritual, but you never truly seek the Lord in the process. You are just content to be dazzled by what is seen regardless of how true it really is.

Beyond the orbs of now are the pupils facing heaven. We oft let them dilate for the sake of seeing what we want to see instead of seeing by God's light.

A reward that is based on one's definition instead of genuinely from the Lord's hand will not nourish as effectively as claimed. But it is what some people are content to accept.

Sitting in the shadows of my understanding, I long for the better vision that lets me gaze pass my own world. I am grateful that the Lord in his mercy grants me the type of rewards, which give life instead of death. It warms in a way you can't always boast about, but it does give a smile some will never understand.

TO LIVE AGAIN

Let me dwell
one more precious stanza
of songs
wrote before the worlds were formed
and dance a while
among the trees
flowing with waterfalls of light
where truth
is a maiden
having a voice
which heals
the scars of screams.
Yesterday's storms
have vanished
into a memory
as my heart
strokes
with euphoric anticipation
awaking the vision
to live again.

TIME AWAY

The heart beats its own taps in notes sometimes overlooked. We grow weary and feel empty from the battle where we find no end approaching good or bad.

When the pace becomes too demanding or we simply have grown taxed beyond our capacity to cope, we will find a means of escape. It doesn't translate into always admitting to such release, but it does happen just the same.

I recall reading a book dealing with the nature of the human mind to automate all activities that one could for the sake of saving mental energy. Essentially it mean we go on autopilot was often as possible.

And as the author pointing out when we do this in such situations as driving it increases the chance of making mistakes. Knowing it doesn't keep us from shifting into automatic whenever possible.

This is the nature of thought. A fact of life that is simply part of who we are. but for some sad reason we don't enjoy admitting it in such settings as a house of worship.

Here were are, having probably let our minds wander while driving to church. Then having sat in Sunday School and also drifted off to think about bills or whatever else is pressing on our mind.

Then, having rolled around the mental maze of thinking we enter the morning service. And for some reason think having been so practiced at letting our minds go on vacation that somehow, someway we will sit in the service and pay attention completely and perfectly.

It really is silly when you think about it. And I imagine the Lord does get rather tired of seeing us go through the antics of pretending we are completely focused.

There are moments more memorable than others naturally. There are the times when we truly will have some incident literally burned into our thoughts. But not all the time.

In fact I'm sure if you were to ask many followers they would have a hard time remembering the sermon from the previous week. Providing they were comfortable enough to admit it, which isn't always true.

What is the point of such observation. Mainly to say I think God understands our limitations. He knows the heart and the obstacles the we face in terms of concentration.

For that reason there are times when I prefer not to play such games. I prefer the choice of release of such distractions by letting them finish their stab at my thinking. In the wake there comes the moments far more lucid when I do hear with much more intensity. Those are the times to live for. They are the ones that will revive in our thoughts. Providing we don't make excuses when we truly need time away before we can fly.

THE HIGH GROUND OF SINKING SAND

I recall the old story about the husband and wife going and a trip and they ended up traveling into an unfamiliar area. Eventually the wife asked the husband if he knew where they were.

He finally broke down and admitted they were hopelessly lost. Then as if it somehow improved things he added, "But we are making good time."

I think the basic issue for me in that story is the idea that it is so easy to find oneself taking the "high ground" of sinking sand. By that I mean to end up rationalizing one's behavior or the situation rather than care about the real truth.

This last few weeks have been amazing. We have been wading through the maze of trying to get the right financing for our home.

I've ended up dealing with more than one company and it has amazed me how much misinformation and other side roads I've ended up taking all because people were so caught up in what they thought was the high ground of the situation.

Now for me the high ground came down to simple thing. I needed a loan I could afford. That was my priority. All I wanted was for the loan person to give me the basics. Which is essentially what kind of loan they could make me and when could they make it. Naturally essential to all of this was the need for them to tell me only about a loan that was approved. I didn't need details about loans I couldn't get.

And I felt I had explained that on more than one occasion. But it didn't apparently translate that way in their thinking.

For instead of them only telling me about the actual loan that was approved and ready to give me they ended up vague and sometimes telling me what they hoped would be the case. Eventually, I did finally get to the crossroads of going passed the maybes and the we can do this "if" to the real we can do this. But in the process it sure has been frustrating.

And while I go through the final phases of this process, ever hoping that I don't have to repeat it again, I am reminded of how on a different level that the Lord tries to keep us from spending too much time on such high ground. It is so easy at times, especially on a spiritual level to not be able to see the forest for the trees.

In spiritual terms I think the easiest thing to miss out on is the kernel of truth regarding grace. It is that God accepts us as we are. Which means we don't have to be good or perfect to please him.

But I can't think of the times when somebody has for one reason or another decided that they had to be good in order to be a Christian or saved. So they spend the whole time avoid admitting some sin in order to not worry about the guilt. In other words they have taken the higher ground of sinking sinful sand and have missed out on the fact that our sin is forgiven so we don't need to lie about him. Hopefully, we do sink to far with such delusions.

THE LAYERS OF A DAY

A dawn is born
in plume and flame,
radiant,
charming
whispering dreams
into the dark chasms
where we get drunk
upon fantasy's wine.
But time dresses
the weaves of seconds
with the unexpected
till is adorned
under countless
garments of memories.
Sometimes
one is comforted
by the attire,
others
life being worn
under a pauper's rags.

THE ROAD MOST TRAVELLED

I've heard the comment about the road less traveled. It is a metaphor perhaps for not following the path of conformity or the same that others follow. On the surface it is a wonderful concept, but in reality it is much harder to find or even follow.

That is if you live and have to survive in any normal society. Any society has rules, which are designed to create conformity. Beyond that we have our own needs for things like approval that help to influence our behavior.

Which might be perhaps a reason we at times do envy the person who is independent or a rebel. We all know the consequences well enough to not try the path ourselves at times, be we do know the appeal.

Christianity is in its own way a road less traveled. The only problem is that by the time you stamp social traditions on it and the usual dynamics of politics it often becomes a road most traveled.

I'm not suggesting we have to be rebels. Nor am I suggesting that there is not a merit in being a law-abiding and beneficial member of society.

What I am expressing on is the need to remember the Lord in all things. That above all it is to him we must first and foremost be concern with pleasing.

It sounds good and I know plenty of those who would advocate the same thing for a variety of reasons. But so often they is attached to some values that involve their own priorities more than the Lord.

I think back to the prophets. So many times they were called upon to do things that were totally contrary to the standards of their day.

I'm not saying we have to do the same thing. I'm merely wondering if God does send us down a path less traveled and it is one we know will lead to others not accepting it are we prepared to make the trip?

That is a question I think each person has to answer for him or herself. And sometimes I think it is enough to be faithful at the ordinary when that is the road we must travel.

To often I think it becomes almost a definition of Christian service that translates into being what is called full time Christian service. Which is to be in a role such as a full time pastor.

Yet, if we are believers who serve the Lord in some other capacity it doesn't mean it isn't serving him. For faithfulness isn't just about doing what we want spiritually, it is about being obedient to wherever he places us. Sometimes the road less traveled for a believer is the one we follow that to others is not special. But if the Lord is the one who sees and knows the truth, that should be enough even if our egos say otherwise.

WHAT PRICE BEING?

My wife and I went to lunch today and were in line waiting to place our order when this really old couple came in. They walked right passed the line and practically demanded from the person behind counter that they be waited on. Rude only began to express their behavior.

The girl did wait on them, I think mainly because they were so elderly and disagreeable that she didn't feel inclined to tell them to go back and wait in line like everyone else. My wife was more than a little upset that this couple were not sent to the end of the line. I agreed to a point.

Yet I also observed how this couple looked so totally miserable. I had a sense that being selfish and rude were natural behaviors for them and it was obvious they were anything other than happy,

I could hardly condone their behavior, but neither was I interested in turning the incident into something truly ugly by acting the same way they had. True, they did get what they wanted, yet at the same time I appreciated how given their temperaments, there was absolutely no joy for them in the process.

It is amazing at times how the most selfish and evil people seem to prosper in life. But I also appreciate that whatever illusion of victory they enjoy never lasts. And it never carries over into eternity.

I've known so many people in this life who are like that couple. Often they even go to church and think of themselves as the epitome of love and generosity. It is less that credible delusion, but they manage to foster it anyway.

Which might be of some merit if they actually enjoyed life in anyway. From what I've observed though they never do. Instead the selfishness only leads to more unhappiness since no matter how selfish they are, there are plenty of times when they still don't get what they want out of life. And you can believe those moments truly dominate their conversations.

However, in eternity, when standing before the Lord the truth will prevail. It will not matter how we attempt to color the truth for God's light will shine through our illusions. Then what was really in our hearts will be reveal, good or bad.

I did have to point out to my wife that she could either spend the whole lunch dwelling on such activity or try to find the joy of our time together and not let two sinful people ruin our happiness. I think she took my advice she after that we moved on to other topics.

Meanwhile the couple who were so rude continued their lunch with every word out of their mouths being a complaint. I doubt I could have done anything to of made them anymore unhappier than they had made themselves. Sometimes it seems that with certain people they know the best way to be their own worst enemy.

REFRESHING THE SOIL

Essentially to refreshing the soul is the spirit of God. This would seem basic, but it really isn't. What truly refreshes that ethereal wisp of awareness flowing through our essence? It is the question that often causes confusion from my point of view.

There are many elements that some label as "spiritual." I think the most common reference would be to things that are more serene and touch the calming and loving aspects of our thoughts.

But that kind of refreshing, however beneficial, is not the same as one that comes from being refreshed by the Lord's spirit. For when God is the author the refreshing never happens that one isn't aware of his touch.

The more transitory, feel good, caress that leave us with a more tranquil feeling does have merit. Going to some place such as a forest, mountains or a lake does touch with a certain appreciable energy.

And there are times when such energy truly is worthwhile. Still, it is not the type of refreshing that goes beyond a specific level of experience.

For some, they will never know the difference. They will be content with the feeling for the moment and not seek more.

However, for the follower of Christ, who is truly graced by his spirit, this type of moment only fuels the passion for seeing beyond the transcendental silhouettes to the more profound. It is to see the hand of God molding and quietly shaped all the elements of life. It is to know that there is purpose to some refreshing moments for the soul that has a more significant intention. Most of all it is to honor the Lord with one's thoughts at times we are inhaling some pure sunlight of being.

Keeping the Lord center in the eyesight during such times of gifting truly can enrich th moment. It produces a form of blessing that can't be measured by one's pocket book.

Often it is felt with so much more passion and intensity that the simpler times when one is content to just savor some whiff of peace. And that will bring far more comfort in the times when hell's fingers of hate dig into our circumstances.

We can let God's light outshine such evil and keep in focus what he says is important. That truly does come with greater calm and contentment than merely enjoying fresh air or a rustic setting.

I can only speak for myself in that regard. God has refreshed me in so many special ways in my life. In part because I have had to endure so many times of darkness of having to stand in the shadows of adversity. It is when it is the darkness though, that his spirit often shines the best. Providing we have eyes to see and a heart to receive those gifts that many will never understand.

KILLING THE SHADOWS

I utterly and willingly immerse both mind and soul
with the consuming bath from the rivers of crimson and alabaster lights
which stream through the night's endless highway
while racing passed all darken quagmires in lucre edifices
and other equally entombing forms
holding so many lives prisoner
through their chattel chains and enslaving handcuffs of needs.

Inside, is where all the screaming ghosts hide
who I can sense are calling my name in haunting inner echoes
as their voices serpentine and slither in quivering ripples
of invitation that seek to trap my conscious and senses
as they create their macabre visions of imprisoning death shrouds
to draped my mind as their muffled wails of petitions and pleas
desperately groaned to the elusive Lord of the impossible
that he might somehow send a genie as deliverer.

Allowing the neon flashes along the road to silently swallow my world
I reluctantly become transfixed by its artificial electronic rainbow streaks
trying so hopelessly to allow the fleeting illumination
a chance to be my escape from all the sunlight's shaded ogres of fears
any day's trauma can cover over my waking and desires.

Heading towards a bend in the path I've chosen
my essence burns with the hope that one more turn
will finally bring a sweet and merciful truce
in my duel with sorrow futility spent
killing the shadows.

LIVE AND DON'T LEARN

Making the same mistake more than once maybe frustrating, but I'm not persuaded that the frustration keeps us from repeating certain errors. There are some habits that are good thing, but I'm not convinced that includes making mistakes.

Why don't we do better at not repeating the same mistakes over and over? The answer might not be as easy to face as we would like.

I think the worse thing we can do for ourselves is get trapped in the "never again" mode of thinking. Those are the will power types of conversation that sound wonderful, but often we can apply in our situation.

Perhaps the best lesson we can learn at times is when we really aren't able or willing to learn. I can think of the number of times I've encountered people with the mindset that we can do whatever we want in life if we just want to bad enough. It might be a wonderful truth if choice was the only factor controlling our actions.

It is easy to ride the crest of excuses and find some reason to explain our failures. Or we can indulge in blaming others, which might not be the truth, but it eases any sense of guilt.

For the follower of Christ, his spirit helps to bring us to the truth. One can not approach the light without seeing the stains on our lives. He doesn't promise to always cleanse of every stain in this life, but he will make us look at them.

It isn't for the purpose of condemnation. It is rather to give comfort by forcing us to lean more in his grace and forgiveness than our own desires or lies.

What a joyous hope prevails when we truly embrace the concept of forgiveness and God promises rather that watering it down through our own traditions and values. When we truly live to learn that perfection is not the path God expects from us in this life, we do step a little closer to his presence.

I've been amazed in dealing with this one person how truly sad this person is in having a sense of right or wrong. If this individual makes a mistake it is always somebody else's fault. If this person doesn't keep a promise or do what is expected it is okay.

However this same person is not willing to regard the same action in somebody as anything, but wrong. There is a name for such behavior and having a double standard. It is called being a hypocrite. Jesus called that he leaven of the Pharisees, which meant it was the part of their thinking that was truly corrupting.

Hoping if nothing else we are able to learn the simple lesson of letting God reveal to us the truth in our behavior. It does bring peace if we can rise above the need to lie to ourselves over the reasons for such behavior. And like any lesson, some will learn it, some will not.

THE OTHER DAY

That's my comment for those crossroad moments when life suddenly produces a flashback and you look at the experience by seeing the past in a different reflection. It is an encounter that can touch in some many ways with a retrospect quality, providing one is willing to look back and see it with a new light.

What I find interesting are the people who insist upon coloring the past in some deception. They never want to see any of the flaws as they were. Instead they always use the rationale that if things turned out okay, they things weren't as bad as they seemed.

Parents can at times be the biggest violators of this practice. That is when they look at their adult kids and decide because the child didn't turn out to be a murderer or in prison that they did a good job as a parent. But if you ask the child, they have painful scars from their childhood that never healed and they have managed to cope, but they are hardly feeling that everything worked out okay.

That is where the other day moments can be so important. The person can if they are prone to a pattern of hopeless denial end up never allowing those other day events to truly create the benefit as intended.

I believe that other day experiences are like any other aspect of human experience. God's spirit can use them to help guide us spiritual to a point of understanding. It can enrich our sense of forgiveness and grace and also see another facet of life that we need to deal with differently than just ignoring.

Still, the mind can and does resist the times when this is essential if we just can't accept what is before us as a reflection. I don't see this as a way it impacts us in terms of our salvation, but it can certainly diminish our capacity for the kind of depth or understanding and relationship with the Lord that we should have. We can deprive ourselves of so much in terms of seeing the Lord in an ever growing insight.

Passing beyond the pillars of the known is to travel by faith. It also means from time to time looking back. Not for the sake of punishment, but for the sake of clarity.

But if we hesitate too long then the sands of time can shift and what we see is no longer the truth. Or we may simply never look in the first place or long enough to know what kind of journey we truly took.

I'm grateful for the other day experiences. They can help guide unlike any others. We can rejoice and feel a joy for how the Lord's spirit will bless and touch our lives with a knowledge that our pride might otherwise deny us.

For some that trip will always be one they can celebrate. For others there will only be silence in the heart since they will never be willing to look and see what is there. Sad it is when they don't do this and are robbed of the greater blessing. But at times they will never truly see it as the blessing it is.

UNASHAMED

The air is alive with a pure, refreshing scent of euphoria
as an astral projected conscious swims a turquoise sea of light
in a waking sense of being stripped of all illusions and inhibitions
while feeling that incredible and intoxicating glorious rush of inner peace
to replace the pain scaring stains of life that are now galaxies away.

Beyond the aqua ocean so full of profound illumination
one comes to the gap between the two mountains of jagged singing stones.
They call out to the soul with a melodious chorus of calming discovery
before one reaches the vast plain of soothing emerald sands.

Its grains are the timeless storehouse of cosmic secrets
which radiate into every part of the pilgrim's essence
till the visitor feels an inexorable oneness and harmony
from knowing unity and a sense of balance with all things living.

Above the sky teems with visions of the dance between luminosity and sky
before they fade to unveil the vivid images of other worlds
where previous sojourners have gone to live in perfect bliss.

Passed the plain there lies the jeweled city of golden shimmer
ruled by the ageless and omniscient guardians of the universe.
They wait to welcome each spirit
into their glistening, crystalline citadels of cerebral incandescent
allowing unto each mortal a new beginning in a new reality
forever knowing a fiery passion burning with a consuming joy
clothing the naked being in complete honesty and truth
finally and thankfully free to be
unashamed.

TENDER AND TIMBER

Being vulnerable and being stable are hardly the same thing. I suppose, depending on the situation, they might even be considered opposites. Yet, in some ways that is what the life of a followers is like from my point of view.

But since that isn't necessarily a natural process in human nature I think it is one that is only achieved with the Lord's help. For we do have to be sensitive to many things that the Lord's spirit can open our eyes to see. It is so easy to remained consumed in thought and literally blind to our surroundings. Sometimes it is a defense mechanism too.

With God's help though, he can open our eyes not to everything, for that is not the purpose, but to a given situation where it is important for us to see what might have missed. It is like driving down the street and seeing someone broke down. In a lot of cases you have no urge to stop. Then for some reason in a given situation he feel a special urge to stop and help. When you do you find out the person had been praying for help or something else that lets you know it was God's desire in that situation.

I think that is one of the problems we face in these situations. Sometimes teaching implies that you almost have to be the be all/end all of aid for the whole world. None of us could ever meet every need or solve every problem in the world. But there are specific times when God calls upon our hands to be the help in a given situation. Those are the ones when we become his hands of calling for a specific case.

That is all part of listening on a spiritual level. It is to know and hear when the Lord is calling us to a given need or purpose.

And naturally Satan will always do what he can to try and persuade us we are wrong and to ignore those tugs on our thoughts by the Lord. Depending on the situation and the degree of excuse given or we accept I wonder how many times we have missed out on being obedient for a variety of reasons that were in fact only excuses.

Beyond the issue of being sensitive, stability is and can be a factor. Or perhaps it would be better to define it as being faithful.

It can be so hard to remain faithful week after week when there is no obvious reward. We just plot away without any thanks and no one even noticing. That can cause its own form of weariness.

And at the same time the routine without the occasional pat on the back can be a stumbling block to being sensitive to when God does want us to serve in him some special need. We can find it coming as an excuse that since we never get a break in our misery why do we need to help somebody else's pain?

That is the type of logic Satan will throw into our head. It applies in its own sad way to our sense of fairness. But the problem with fairness is that one has to remember it in terms of eternity and not this life. Which itself can be a form of deafness if we let it. Hopefully along the way we hear with both our ears and heart.

TO LIVE AGAIN

There are times when the routine really does seem to kill the soul. We become so weary of doing the same thing and never having any variety. And sooner or later we feel that tap on the shoulder where our inner voice shouts, "I'm bore to death."

Sometimes people respond to such comments by ignoring them. In their minds fun is almost a sinful behavior. So they repress their need for diversion. If this happens too long and for the unhealthiest of reasons the consequence and truly be tragic in some cases.

That is when we heard about the bizarre tales of some otherwise normal person going off the deep end and doing something totally out of character. If the person is say a pastor or some other person in leadership who is consider a role model, the impact of such behavior can affect so many others.

The big problem to me is how does one appease the inner child's begging for the forbidden in a way that doesn't harm? Or is it even possible?

I agree with those who have taught that God does give us healthy and beneficial means to satisfy our desires. It would hardly be logical of him to give us desires and then not have provided a means for them to be satisfied.

However, that doesn't always mean the healthy and beneficial choices hold the most appeal. If one is toying with some desire and in their minds it represents some kind of sin then if they decide to satisfy the desire they can easily take it to an extreme. The excuse being, among others, that if they are going to sin then you shouldn't worry about any form of restraint.

I don't seek in this posting to camp out as some would on a given form of desire. The principal is the issue, not a given desire.

To that end, I think the first element is being honest. To not allow one self to rely on other's definition of what is sin, but instead base it on what God has said. Tradition often makes us prisoner of the types of prejudice where we think something is a sin because some narrow minded person holding a bible says so, even if they never open the bible to read the contents.

I've seen such situations occur with things as simple as going to the movies or dancing. And there are those for whom they think such activities are sinful regardless of what the Lord says.

More than anything I think it means seeking God in prayer when struggle or feeling confused over a given desire. If we are truly listening and not simply trying to get a justification for our behavior, the Lord will guide us in the path that will give us the help we need. It might not be the answer we expected, but it will be the one that ultimately will benefit instead of hurt.

WALKING THE STALK

I can't remember how many times I've heard that worn out phrase applied to Christianity about how you should "talk the walk and walk the talk." Which is to essentially say one ought not preach a message to others unless you can live it yourself. To do otherwise is to naturally end with a person being accused of being a hypocrite for the practice of saying "do as I say and not as I do." I've never considered that to be a wise philosophy.

The problem I see is that the scriptures about with information about what is pleasing to God and what isn't. Yet it also gives us hope since we can possibly live a sinless life for grace and forgiveness in Christ.

So the question in that regard is it wrong to say what God is against if you can live without sin in your own life? For me that resides in depending on how you communicate the idea. It is one thing to do is by saying it applies to all of us as oppose to saying this is what you are suppose to do.

There is a difference between teaching what God says is sin and conveying in a way that implies you are not yourself a sinner. Plus, the hope of all mankind in that sense is not in our lack of sin, but in our faith. We can never please God by not sinning since we can not reach a point where we are totally sinless.

God doesn't love our sin, but I do think he doesn't want us to be dishonest about our sin either. Pretending our evil deeds are somehow good is hardly a way to gain the Lord's favor.

What is regrettable are those who spend their time stalking sinner to constantly warn them to change. It isn't that changing is bad, but such an approach implies that you are without sin yourself. A fact that will never be true.

Even sadder to me are those who want to save you and have no idea if you are a believer or not when they start beating on you about a presumed lifestyle. They don't care enough or respect others enough to listen before preaching. They are far too busy stalking people they think are in need of repentance to actually care what that person thinks.

It is all part of life as we live it whether a believer or not. It is just a question at times whether we will walk the stalk in terms of caring before we speak or take the approach of preach first and ask questions later.

Somewhere in the midst of it all, God manages to get his message communicated the right way. I am grateful that there are a few who truly listen to his spirit before speaking.

May the blessing of the Lord touch us all in a way that truly graces others. May we see with true eyes and hear with true ears. Then perhaps we will know the touch in our own lives before finding a need to pass it on to others. It is as much a reminder for myself as for others. Hopefully one that I don't forget as my own days reach a point where I encounter a soul who I can share what should be said.

PART TIME BREATH

I have exhaled
each moment of fainting
pretending balloons
are a clown's
tool
for distraction.
Submarine genres
cross the river of tomorrow
following a map
painted in disappearing ink.
Threats
come through shadows
painting on the walls
by a demented magician
who drinks
air
from trashcans
on loan
given by a department store
Santa.

BEHIND THE CROSS

There is part of me that feels we should always as follows of Christ put him in the forefront of life and not ourselves. It is his sacrifice on the Cross that is what really counts and no matter how great we might thing we are, can we honestly feel our calling or service to the Lord could ever rival his own redeeming act?

I do wonder though that despite the fact this is an obvious reality for the believer, there just are those that sadly get caught with their own idea of accomplishment. It all means so little compare to the work of the Lord.

Which is why I think there are times we need to pause and not forget what it really means to be a Christian. It isn't about us, it is about our Lord.

We serve to point the way, but we really can't save anyone. That doesn't mean we aren't to witness, only that it is God who does the saving through the power of his holy spirit.

Behind the Cross is that place of accountability. It is the point of knowing and humility where we know the shadow of the Cross doesn't hide our sins, it is the place where they are covered.

I have known far too many people I'm afraid that seemed to have lost appreciation for this reality. They get so caught up feeling so righteous and celebrating their delusion of goodness that they completely lose any ability to see that only the Lord's righteousness will matter in eternity.

The crossroad between arrogance and humility is full of detours. It is so easy to get side tracked by the self. And Satan will definitely help us along the way.

Above all to me behind the cross is the vigilance of one, not many. There are a host who join us, but it is still about our relationship with the Lord and what is brewing in our heart.

It is regrettable that it is even necessary to spend time reflecting on this aspect of human nature. But we could never be human and not have the weakness of pride occasionally touch our lives.

Beyond the altar of self-realization, pass the confessional of confrontation and mar, stands the Cross. Sometimes the step we take to reach behind the cross are difficult and challenging. We have to learn to shed the weight of seeing ourselves as what is most important and remember our Lord is after all our Lord.

I pray I will always remember that truth myself and not get lost somewhere in the wasteland of self pursuits. It is easy to get lost where we think light is from above and it is merely an illusion. Celebrating being free is to also celebrate we have a Lord. It is not celebrating our strength, but the strength we possess as a result of the Lord's spirit gracing our lives.

REDEMPTION

To be redeemed is to be the concept of having a debt paid. On a spiritual level we all carry the debt of sin and only the blood of Jesus Christ is precious enough to redeem our debt at the throne of God.

But there are many different types of redemption that can occur in life. For there is the in our live also the debt or deficiency created by our flaws. God and only God through the power of his holy spirit is capable of redeeming that debt.

I think the scriptures about with instances of the Lord redeeming a life that seemed worthless and only deserving of being discarded. The simple parable about the one out of ninety-nine lost sheep that is found is a good example of the reality that God does care about the least.

To see others through the Lord's eyes and know that no matter how repugnant a soul might be, God can redeem the person is to see hope instead of hopelessness. I didn't say he redeems everyone. Only that he has the power to do so.

Why does he touch some and not others? That is part of the sovereignty of God that we can't always understand.

But I have seen the times when too many people are judged by appearance alone. This happens way to often even in churches. The odd person, the one who isn't beautiful on the outside just gets rejected.

I think back to when my wife graduated from this college where we both attended. This was an institution that cultivated a special image of catering to the young as would be expected from a place with superficial values.

They had an invitation for graduating seniors to try out to give a speech for three different events, graduation, senior breakfast and the special service on the night before the graduation. My wife tried out for the speaking event and I helped her with the speech.

The only problem was that my wife as by then in her thirties and not the ideal of a young woman still in her twenties. Predictably they selected this one girl who was young, blonde and single to give the graduation speech even though everyone admitter her speech was trite, full of clichés and mainly a lot of fluff. It was needless to say a based solely upon the prejudice of opinion.

Today, my wife holds a very responsible staff position in another college. She his highly respected by her peers for her intelligence and skill. God proved that she was worth redeeming and I'm very proud of her success.

As for that other institution, well they have continued their practice of a lack of sight and redemption. It is sad that it happens, but we do rejoice that God has eyes too many of us will never have.

CITY OF LOST SOULS

Loneliness oozes from every lifeless orb that I see
while wandering aimlessly the fabled fortress of prosperity
existing beneath a perennially dismal, leaden sky.

Traversing the ocean's tide, I was attracted
by tales of a raven blessing travelers with a singing magical key.
However, my footsteps there quickly brought death to my fantasy
leaving me to search in vain
for some faint flicker of passion among all the harden faces.

Now I know that seldom does the essence of this stony megalopolis
share more love than hate with its denizens,
but it sill lures legions of pilgrims with legends of sacred treasures
guarded within its vaults and catacombs.

Despite the heartache, the spell from its lore seduces so many to come
with hordes arriving among the needy, greedy, hurting and sublime
all praying to find a deeper breath of purpose and meaning
to fill the bottomless hole of esteem within their heart.

Unseen are tears stained upon its streets and walls
which have also absorbed every muffled sob
from these lucre zombies who languish in their slow death
pretending they have found Nirvana
by refusing to embrace how its coldness possesses every being.

It leaves the spirit trapped in a maze of comatose emptiness
ever a condemned prisoner trapped inside a pulse mausoleum
who secretly whisper in deepest lament its real name,
City of Lost Souls.