CLOUDS AND HANGERS

In my little slice of the world there is a former military base that has been closed for several years. It was a victim of cutbacks that are not usual with government budgets. But even though it now merely a deserted property, the concrete shells of its glory remain. Among those are included a couple of incredibly huge hangers. Even from a distance that appear so massive.

I have had reason to drive by that location on numerous occasions and often been inspired by the sadness of seeing such a sight that once had life and purpose now sit void of either. How often it seems in life that there are too many reminders the labors of many that no longer have value. It is subtle message of the fleeting worth of what ours produce. No matter how great or small the person, in time we all pass into the dust of history and maybe if we are lucky we leave behind a trace someone will remember.

Clouds often fascinate me. They can be so creative in form, even resembling something familiar. They can bring a storm or simply adorn the sky with their majesty. We seldom can remember them though once they are gone. But in realty does the absence present a worse fate that some abandoned concrete edifice waiting for demolition?

I guess my point to all of this is that in so many ways, whether we are talking about hangers or clouds, permanence is not the option. Eventually they will all be consumed, just as all things in life.

Yet do we always remember this? Do we relish in that, which has any eternal worth more than those things of substance in this life? It is easy to take the spiritual path in terms of response, but I can’t help wondering if in our hearts it is truly what we believe.

I’m not trying to pass judgment on others. Merely passing on a reflection about the aspect of life that is so easy to forget.

I enjoy being able to savor the visual edifications, both of nature and of man that often linger in our world. But they are not god. They may give some joy, but they can’t save.

Yet I do appreciate how often those things are most often inclined to dominate our thoughts that eternity. It may be a familiar message, but it doesn’t hurt to stop and remind ourselves that this isn’t reality that last forever. Whether made by wind or sweat, it is, but a heartbeat’s view.

Tomorrow will be a sunset for the heart in due season. But till then, today remains a horizon with two paths. One certain, one unsure. We choose, which we will follow. I pray our steps come with the wisdom to see more than what our eyes behold along the way.

And along the way perhaps be able to enjoy all the clouds and hangers we see. Without needing to see them as life itself.

WORSHIP VERSES WORTHSHIP

The spiritual “glitz” of see what I can do is such an intoxicating illusion for many. To go and been seen and wear the mask of “I have perfect” faith is an act that often gets a attention because it appeals to the eyes and not the heart.

God knows when all that display isn’t more than a sparkle and cry for attention. He doesn’t need that kind of witness from the souls of men. In heaven are angels who give him praise constantly that is done out or a pure desire to convey “worthship.” That for me is to express what the Lord truly means to you for no other reason than legitimate praise and thanksgiving.

It is so easy to confuse the two. Even more so if we predicate our decision merely on what impresses us. But with the Lord he promised that where two or three are gathered in his name he will be there also. That doesn’t have anything to do with a particular building or our ornate the edifice. The Lord will be there because of the heart and when it is properly focused on wanting nothing more than to honor his worth as our Lord.

However all of that gets lost so many times by so much else that are the trappings of religiosity and tradition that make us feel. There are too many places in the scriptures where God expresses his dislike for such spiritual vanity. It doesn’t keep us from pursuing it and thinking when it makes us feel good that it was some kind of affirmation that the Lord loved it too.

How do we separate ourselves in body and spirit from what our mind craves for ego sake? It starts with the willingness to set aside the goals of our desires and craving for attention to ask, what is really the Lord’s desire?

In his house we are a community of followers who gather to worship. Some will truly come to express “worthship” others will not. We can’t know what burns so vivid and true in another’s heart. So we can only focus on the flame in our own souls and pray God’s spirit will see that it is faithful in its genuineness to what lifts him up for the right reasons.

This might seem like a trite and obvious thing to say. But so many times I felt the questions arise during some worship service when it seemed like what was being done was more to cater to the flesh and pride than to the Lord. There were such things as those who sat back and reveled in putting on display all the things they had done for the Lord. You never heard a single word mentioned that gave glory to God in any way. It was all about “I did this.” Was that really expressing “worthship?” I honestly can’t answer that for anyone else.

I do know that somewhere in the middle of all the ritual and activity, the heart must drift from being the center of attention and allow oneself to slowly be lost in the reality of God’s presence. It is hard to always reach that point of appreciation when so many things distract. But with prayer and faith it does come in intervals. Which though it isn’t perfection, it is enough when God is truly the one who is granted “worthship.”

NOTES UPON THE SAY

They come
into the tenuous and fibrous weave of longing
of our affliction
making it a song,
which lasts
from dusk’s spiritual coma
to another waking.
For it is during
the hours
when light sleeps
that our mind
weaves the tapestry
in the nocturnal bed
giving us
a new set of hope’s
wings
worn upon the heart
carrying
one passed
another eve of soul numbing conclusions.

LET THERE BE...

If I say that or you say that it will not likely result in something be created out of nothing. That is a quality only that happens with the Lord makes such a comment. And I can say from what I have experienced that it is a good thing only God can create life or anything related to it in the physical realm.

I’m not sure I would want to have that ability even if I could given my writer’s somewhat bent form of imagination. So I am grateful to the Lord that he did have the prudence and wisdom to not allow us that kind of ability.

I was reflecting on the Lord’s wisdom the other day in other ways too. For example my mind gravitates to the sense of justice where when something wrong happens to a person he or she deserves some kind of compassion or healing. Only to me admittedly for such things as a being wounded socially it would be fair from my view if the person received recognition in replace of being left to feel they were an outcast.

Now that might be wonderful in a movie. And it even works in real life upon occasion. I saw a movie the other day that was based upon a true story about an underachiever who went on and did what everyone told him he couldn’t do. It was a marvelously inspiring story. Yet I also know of the number of times when there are plenty of people who try and never succeed despite having given the effort their total passion and labor.

This brought me to ponder why doesn’t the Lord do that kind of thing more often with Let there be? It sure isn’t because he lacks the ability to take downtrodden and raise them up in some dramatic way. Still to often it doesn’t happen. In that there is left for the person whose dreams never come true the haunting sense of inequity.

Why doesn’t the Lord grant us more opportunities to see our dreams come true, especially the healthy ones that would inspire? No, I’m not going to pretend to know the mind of God in that regard. I am going to share at least one thought that I feel he gave me on the subject.

Essentially I think God will not do anything in that regard, which would in fact corrupt us or work against our on good. In some situations thus if he were to offset some terrible injustice by placing the person in the limelight it would in fact affect them in a negative way. It would lead to arrogance and they too might give in to the desire to abuse others. That would hardly be profitable would it?

Unto each person who has been broken by life and never felt the warmth of approval or the limelight I encourage to keep continuing to trust in the Lord. We might not receive the fruit of our labors we deserve in this life, but we can cling to the knowledge that in his presence where it can’t be corrupted we shall be comforted.

That may not pay the bills or earn a person the rewards to offset the tears in this life. But it to me is that little hug from invisible hands belonging to a divine heart that truly knows my every breath and the pain I have endured. I rejoice over the day that will come and trust him that in his presence that kind of story will never be forgotten.

PRAY WITH ALL YOUR...

I can remember back when I was in High School I had this one coach who always talking about giving one hundred and ten per cent. I have since come to understand what he meant, but at the time the meaning eluded me. From my point of a view a hundred per cent of anything represented all that was possible. So if it was all that was possible how could you have more than one hundred per cent?

I never did get my coach to explain what he meant either. He was by nature a firm believer in leadership by screaming and insulting. This was coupled with a complete devotion towards favoritism, which worked great for those he liked. For the rest of us it was just a means he used to expend his prejudice and call it inspiration. I always had trouble quite fathoming how degrading and mistreating players other than his chosen elite actually led to any form of desire to excel. It sure wasn’t evident by the results, which might have even been okay if the players he “liked” actually did excel through his style of leadership. But I have to be honest I didn’t notice any of them actually doing much excelling either. Of course that might have been in part from them being hung over on game days from having partying too much the night before. This tidbit obviously wasn’t shared with the student body naturally. It might have risked tainting the image of the coach’s favorites! No, I’m not simple venting either because I didn’t get invited to the parties.

It isn’t my desire here to necessarily wander to far away from the basic reason for this posting. Merely to share out at times those who use this form of though are fallible and don’t always end up conveying it in a way that truly gets the desired results.

During my own experiences with church life and sermons I have heard plenty of the “rah, rah” let’s win or die trying kinds of messages. They never seemed to actually be that successful from my point of view. And in the end it always appeared people did what they could to try and explain why they were a little less than devoted to doing something will all their ability, which as I’ve come to understand is the real essence of such a concept.

In my own life God has slowly guided me down a path that I could understand was one where I could pray with all my being as well as trust him with all my heart. But before I make it sound like I am boasting, what I am speaking about is being able to yield at a given moment to the best I am able. There is an important difference.

For I think we do possess an internal witness that is etched with a self-image of what we perceive to be our real potential. This image is flawed often because we are flowed. So we might have this fantasy view of ourselves as a person who is a pillar of faith, when in fact one is a pedestal of doubt clay. God knows the truth even if we refuse to accept it.

What happens though in time of communion and trust is we gain a certain need to create the pristine illusion of what will be our expected response. When reality doesn’t match that fantasy sometimes we are plagued by guilt. Others we give up because we feel it won’t impress the Lord enough.

To me, I’ve done what I could to not allow such thoughts intrude upon my fellowship with the Lord. I pray and reflect in these postings as I am able. Sometimes it is more imperfect than others. But it is with all the heart I can muster at the time. I rejoice over the grace of God that covers all of us with a blanket of forgiveness even during the times when all our heart is only a faint pulse.

DAZE

This is a word that has more personal application in my life the older I get. While I understand the reality that aging does impact all facets of one’s life I also know that it alone doesn’t mean account for those times when things simply overwhelm.

Part of it is the maturing process from my point of view. It is feeling more intensely and being more alive with a better and growing perspective of life. To be able to cherish what was once something I took for granted. And that includes finding what is precious in what I used to ignore or saw as average.

This is all part of the changing process of both faith and life if we allow God’s spirit to keep ministering and bringing life into our souls. I can even imagine going through life totally numb to truths that are learned in the bitter fields of both weeds and flowers. Those occasions when the scent of what is before us rises as a numbing perfume that changes how we think or view life. It is the joy of a daze that lets us thank god for what we might have otherwise discarded in haste.

All of which can be a simple praise or prayer at times. That is to find joy where some see only sorrow or a reason to complain. It isn’t always a pleasant trip or easy to follow, but it is one that god will work in our life when we willingly accept his leading in that regard.

For the slaves of control who live in opposition to real faith such a daze is to be resisted. If they can dictate when and how it happens, then it is of no value. They end up cheating themselves of the pure joy of when the daze affects the vision and grants a small glimpse into the eternal realm.

Alas the obvious isn’t always the prudent path to follow. Seeing doesn’t always take place with the eyes. Sometimes it must come with the heart. But on occasion we try to prevent letting God put glasses on our blurred heart.

Unto each morning we can salvage the passage to this communion of the soul with sight. But we also have to embrace the times we stumble and fail. That too is part of the journey. And a truly blessed one if it leads to the kind of daze that swells in the veins from joy once we have been touched in some inexplicable way from truly looking where some fear to see.

Celebrating life when one is trusting to Jesus as Lord and Savior is a different kind of sight to begin with. And for some the sight does grow too dim when we get distracted by the landscape of this world.

Every once and a while it pays to lift up one’s eyes and stare sternly and diligent towards eternity. In such a trance of spiritual fellowship we may find ourselves appearing to be dazed in a negative way in some people’s eyes that have never seen with their spiritual eyes. For such it only pays to smile and remember that not everyone who needs the Lord’s glasses will wear them.

FINDING THE WAY

There is no road map
to follow
that will guide one
towards the ideal throbbing
in life’s pulse.
We are
after all,
but visitors into the scenes
played by time
between the curtains
of dawns.
Some
think the are the stars,
which will always
be in the limelight.
However
sooner or later
one must exit that stage
from playing their part
on a stage between tombstones.

A TEAR TOO MANY

I believe we all have our breaking point. That crossroads in stress that simply can crush us if we have one more burden added to our lives.

In the scriptures we are told that God will not give us a burden greater than we can handle. And yet we are also told that, “blessed men go through valleys of weeping.” So I think this means that while God will grant us the strength to deal with the problems of life he doesn’t guarantee to shelter us from reality. I’ll be honest and admit there are plenty of times I would be happy to not endure any stress.

And I will also admit that on more than one occasion a given emergency or valley didn’t’ seem like they type of situation I in any way was going to handle. In my own life that has included such things as nearly dying in the hospital, unemployment and a wide variety of the usual types of crisis that are common to many.

Some people try to apply logic so such situations. However commendable that labor can any of us truly explain so many things that apparently happen to people without there being an obvious cause? There are too many examples of that in life and it isn’t reserved just for those who follow a given belief system.

Bad things happen to lots of people and the opposite occurs at times with bad people, they end up being blessed. Is it possible to honestly make sense of such things. Some of tried, but I can’t say that the ones I’ve heard have necessary made me feel any peace of the times when I felt I was suffering. Personally I am definitely not encouraged when somebody who isn’t suffering tries to diminish my crisis. It might seem trivial to them, but when they are faced with a loss or consequences I think it is the epitome of cruelty to act with such a lack of compassion.

In reality life has too many puzzles where some piece is missing. We can look, we can ask and even pray, but the solution won’t always be easy to find.

With or without the answers we see, for the follower of Christ our journey will always be one of faith. In our hearts if we know a valley wasn’t a judgment the challenge is to keep trusting. That at times means not letting those who have had an easier road to follow discourage by implying that if we were more faithful we could avoid such experiences. This too is a lot of things, but loving and inspiring it isn’t.

Above all, seek Jesus in all things. Take to him the hurt and confusion. Lay it by prayer at his altar of mercy. It is the only path for a follower of Christ that will somehow bring any comfort in the midst of everything else. And it is okay too to have the times when the emotions get out of control and we feel other than spiritual or grateful for our lot in life.

Sadly there are voices in the world of Christianity who lay an unnecessary burden upon believers by suggesting that if one maintains some perfect, utterly devoted life to our Lord then the result will be nothing, but blessing. I don’t think scripture supports that fantasy. When your suffering, I only pray that the moment will come when Jesus is the one sought to minister to the pain and not the advice of those who would make one doubt he or she is truly loved by God.

STRUGGLES WITH SMILES

No I’m not suggesting that it isn’t normal or necessarily healthy to have some terrible crisis and one’s response is to smile or even act happy. But I am suggesting that in such times the person of faith will eventually seek the Lord’s wisdom in terms of understanding. And with such understanding comes peace as well as the simple calm of an expression of knowing.

We enter the highway of circumstance and come to so many tollbooths that tax our energies, mood and thoughts. And at times we truly don’t have the ability to have the “exact” change in terms of what is the perfect reaction. Still we can’t escape those booths no matter how hard we try.

Some people labor their whole lives to try and pretend such fares don’t bother them. They confuse maturity with being mentally or emotionally numb. If you can’t truly frown then how can you truly smile? One must honestly walk the valley in order to truly stroll the mountaintop with full appreciation.

With God we are always naked to the core with what really flows from our heart and essence. That is part of the reason I think that Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden. Because it is in part a symbol of the prefect relationship with God. One where we don’t even pretend to have secrets he doesn’t know.

I had a vision of sorts the other night. It was of the Lord. I saw a river of pure golden light. It was constantly, powerful and utterly mesmerizing to my senses. What amazed me was that despite the reality where I knew this incredibly powerful river was one I could never come close to being equal to, I had no fear of approaching it or the need to feel its equal. In that glimpse of thought there came the awareness of with God how he really isn’t looking for us in a relationship to dress it with some kind of presumptive need. The Lord is constant. He has always been and always will be. And part of true worship is the capacity to simply enjoy his glory without feeling a need in anyway to be worthy of someone changing before one can enjoy that glory.

I think in part that is what drives us at times to dress up our emotions when coming to the Lord in times of tears. And without allowing the tears to genuinely flow we simply dam up the capacity to let the smiles come later.

Can we savor the moment with the lace of memories that in faith let’s us remember that God cares enough to bring light to our shadows of misery. Only like that river, it is constantly flowing even when we are standing still. So at times it means the understanding is caught in the current and won’t reach us by our timing.

When that happens, it is the faith that is able to sit and wait upon that merciful touch to arrive that can give us strength in the midst of the sadness. Hopefully we can continue to simply bathe ourselves in the peace of enjoying the vision of the Lord’s presence without it having to take place only with the understanding takes place. We too can become a river. One less glorious, but a flow of essence fed by God’s river if we allow him the precious occasion of thought to do so.

IF ALL

If all
one’s days
were
sips of light
and summer’s
flood of inhaling flare
teased and tickle
by perpetual degree
as a ceaseless season of style,
then would a dawn
always bring
glorious gifts
of perpetual delusions of divinity?
Or would
a residue of spiritual moods,
still remain undressed
in need of bandages and balm
along with the ointment of a smile
to mirror Eden’s doorway
without the eye?

LOFTY

There are different meanings for this word, but in this posting I’m going to concentrate on the idea of something exalted or refined. With the spiritual realm it just seems like a very natural association. After all we think of heaven as place “up there.” And even one of the ways God is referred to is as the “Most High.” So why shouldn’t it be easy to think in terms of lofty when thinking of anything spiritual.

However does lofty mean untouchable or unapproachable? Should it suggest that there is an immense gulf between ourselves and God to the point that we can only have a very distant relationship?

I believe that it is part of faith to truly see God as a person. And to feel Jesus is really is our Lord and Savior in the most intimate terms. I didn’t say everyone will share the same appreciation or treat that relationship in the same way, but merely that to genuinely have a faith in Christ means having a personal relationship. It means to see Jesus as a person who we can talk to and that honestly cares about our problems.

Yet that doesn’t mean he isn’t also our lord. That carries with it a certain need on our part to surrender our will to his sovereignty. Which means at times being in submission to his greater purpose than simply chasing our own desires.

The funny thing is that I’m not actually saying anything new. Yet it is also amazing how despite this being common knowledge there is still such a diversity in thinking on how people deal with the subject.

For some, lofty means distant. They put such limitations on their relationship with God and Jesus as Lord and Savior that being a Christian takes on incredible burdens in terms of how you behave. Thus they become the epitome of hypocrisy. When in church they act all holy and loving and then outside the doors they are mean, evil and selfish or worse. For them, they never graduate from the delusion of thinking God is only interested in our lives while we are in his house. The truth is God does see every moment and including the ones we would rather not talk about.

Then there are those of the opposite extreme. For them Jesus is like a buddy. In fact they are on such perfect terms that he personally talks to them. There is a difference between recognizing and appreciation how the Lord can speak to us through the power of his Holy Spirit and thinking he actually speaks audibly to someone.

Again in many ways both of these responses represent the extreme in thinking in my opinion. Which to me is also a reminder of how easy it is to let our own prejudices in terms of how we view God intrude upon our idea of a relationship.

I am grateful for the grace of God, which surpasses the limitations in our thinking. He loves us and knows our heart as well as the times when we totally miss the reality of a given truth. In the end the fact remains the same. Regardless of how right or wrong we were in terms of our idea of lofty, we will all be judge by whether we did embrace Jesus as Lord and Savior. Hopefully we never forgot that reality.

THE GENTLE MAR

Being imperfect is a fact of life. But it doesn’t mean we accept it or enjoy when somebody else points out some flaw in our lives. I think the most natural reaction when criticized is for us to get defensive and instead of accept the comment find a fault to criticize in someone else.

The same behavior seems to apply to praise also. If we say something kind to another person they normally and I say normally will respond by doing the same to us.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I enjoy being praise more than being criticized. And I have a feeling I’m not alone. I do wonder perhaps if that is part of the reason that the Apostle Paul mentioned in scripture about how we shouldn’t say anything to each other that wasn’t edifying. My paraphrased version of course.

The big question to me is how come when we all seem to feel that way we end up encountering more criticism than uplifting in life. And especially in church where we really probably need it even more because of the spiritual connection?

I suppose you could give any number of reasons for why this doesn’t happen. In part it reflects what I feel is the degree of unhappiness that people have as well as their own inability to truly forgive themselves for some mistake. So it ends with them relieving the stress and anger by venting it with unkind comments.

Can any church truly stop this cycle and become a real lighthouse of inspiration that only lifts up the saints? That might be the ideal, but it probably isn’t realistic.

What is realistic is to focus on doing what we can to change the cycle. To be kind and loving whenever possible. That can be a very difficult challenge when no matter how hard you try there are some people who will only give you grief for love.

Perhaps we can expect everyone to see their own flaws as god sees them or embrace the real inner healing that the Holy Spirit can work in one’s life. Maybe we can only in faith reach out with all our heart and soul and do what we can to let the Lord touch our lives.

Gentle is really the way we have to see the mar in our own lives if we are to taste of the greater warmth of knowing how it is covered by the blood of the lamb. It can be a lifelong process. I know I’ve only begun that journey myself. Oh I’ve been traveling it for years. But at a snail’s pace. Which is okay in some ways, because I have kept walking between the stumbling.

I’m sad for those who have never even started the journey. For no matter how they have wounded me I know that the hate they put on their own selves is much harsher than anything I could do to them. God of course awaits for us to wake up and see the greater truth. Some people just never open their eyes. I pray that we all will whenever possible. And rejoice that a mar can be a gentle touch instead of a hammer.

DISCOVERED

Isn’t it so amazing how many times one can go somewhere or read something again and discover a new fact you missed the last time? It is just part of life that we are so inundated with data and sensory information in a day that it is easy to miss something. And no matter how observant we think we are, we can all overlook a given detail.

Like a lot of people I always marveled and envied the powers of observation of somehow like Sherlock Homes. I would sit there and watch those movies and be totally entranced by how incredible he could be at noticing things other never observed.

Of course that was a movie. In reality I don’t personally know anyone that is so observant. I know plenty of people like myself that totally miss details from time to time, but someone so focused they see every possible detail, well I haven’t met him or her.

On a spiritual level I know it is God’s grace that is he longsuffering with us in terms of the times we are blinded to some discovery he wants us to know. And there are times when we miss the message as intended so he has to use different and more dramatic means to get our attention. Depending on the message and its importance will depend on the means he uses to help us discover what we missed the first time.

There are times though when a discovery has the simple intention of enlightening. It provides some insight that will strengthen and encourage. Such should increase our ability to trust him, but sometimes we don’t always appreciate that purpose.

Despite what some people might think, our live of faith is never so mature and so spiritual that we stop having the need to learn more. In fact there are some lessons we never understand without a few miles of trust in our lives.

We can rejoice when the light comes to keep us in the hearth of abiding to some degree. For it is in part an affirmation that God is still contending with our soul.

Yet at times the process of discovery brings light into some the crevices in our lives where we love to hide our little sins and weaknesses. It can be painful and sometimes very difficult to be willing to look into those crevices.

That is why at times you find people who become “pew” sitters. They go to church regularly and even attend bible studies. However somewhere along the way they simply stop looking and discovering. Some crossroads of revealing was reached and maybe they excused their lack of willing to see for some reason, but they choose to not keep moving ahead.

So they sat down in the rest stop of complacency and decide to take a picnic. Only it got so easy to rest they decide to not continue on the journey. Some people spend the rest of the lives in such a rest stop. After a while they don’t even feel bad about it. When the light fades the soul’s eyes grow dim in terms of being able to discover what truths and insights would bless them. It is a tragedy to wither and be so close to spiritual death and never know the difference. I pray we all remain with eyes wide open and willing to see whatever God wants to show us.

HOW LITTLE

How little
it takes
to kill
the magic
of anticipation.
One hasty word,
one thoughtless moment of deed
drives spikes of discouragement
into the soul.
But in the aching,
slow death
where indifference
is a wine
drunk
until its inebriation of passiveness
swallows
our fire,
leaving no genies
left
for our secret mind games.

EACH MOMENT

Do you like to plan things? I’m speaking in general. But I think it is a fair question. For myself the answer is yes. In my case though it isn’t so much an “anal” response to my circumstances as a desire to keep my life simple.

By that I mean if I can arrange given activities in my life so they are predictable then I don’t have to think about them. That leave me more time for the creative venues of life that as a write have more appeal to me and fit in with what I see as God’s calling on my life.

While I hardly view myself as an apostle I am reminded of the incident in the book of Acts where the disciples were having problems with spending all their time doing servant types of chores. It wasn’t that the felt above having to do the ordinary things, but they realized in their given calling, they could hardly give it the attention it deserved when they had to spend time doing routine chores. So they picked out a number of individuals to handle those issues and that allowed them time to get back to the more spiritual elements, which were critical to their role in the early church.

I only mention it because in that situation it was very important they have the freedom to plan those spiritual activities for the basic welfare of the church. And the moment of occasion in that case granted them the need to set a foundation and pace for the future of the church. So it served the Lord’s purposes.

Thus it is in some situations. A given moment can be used of the Lord to serve a greater purpose. It can heal, teach or any other number of aspects that are essential to our lives.

That is providing we are paying attention and listening when such a situation takes place. I know there are times in my life when I have to pause in given situation. At that moment I’m often more annoyed by the disruption in my plans rather than always trying to see that it might be God putting the brakes on my plans for a specific reason.

To look at each moment and find the light from the Lord that guides us in his direction can take practice. It is easy to miss. But it also well worth the effort when we do.

At the moment my wife and I are involved in a project that has had all kinds of delays for a variety of reasons. We don’t always great those moments with smiles. However there are times when later we will discover the delay served some higher purpose that just to raise our blood pressure.

So when a moment seems more like an inconvenient detour from our expectations hopefully we can pause and take a deep breath, then exhale the aggravation. Afterwards, we can thus inhale the Holy Spirit’s air of understanding. With it perhaps a joy of appreciating how god moves in all things a lot more than we sometimes appreciate. May the light of knowing be one that warms during the moments of darkness so full of too many questions and not enough answers.

SNACKS AND STACKS

Even though being a diabetic precludes me from indulging in many different types of the usual snacks, I do at times enjoy a little variety in my diet. It is limited, but just having a change is enough at times.

Another element of life I enjoy seeing a change in at times is the area of chores. When the get too stacked up and are hopelessly monotonous then just having that burden can be very stressful. Just getting away from the routine truly helps at times. If for no other reason than not having to think about the problem.

To me both of this subjects have a similar connection. They involve the issue of fatigue. I’m speaking of the kind that we may even ignore or not even appreciate when our mind goes on autopilot.

However it still can creep into our lives so easily. We end up continuing to do all the same things such as work, but in our heart we are weary. There is just a lack of joy in the doing. That emotional fatigue just lays on our chest and we keep plotting away with weary eyes and tired hearts.

This can happen with the spiritual side of life just as much as with any others. Week after week we can serve and pray and turn to the Lord, but the flame of joy grows faint. Inside though we just can’t stop or shake the sense of feeling that somehow God will be upset with us if we pause to take a breath or reflect.

Passion is the fuel that gives real light to the soul. When our fire is burning the brightest we see the best.

I am reminded of the warning in the Book of Revelations by out Lord to the Ephesus church of how they had left their first love. That first love being Christ. It was simply that the real passion of their spiritual life had gone under the weight of too much routine without remembering the reason for the doing.

That has a simple application in terms of keeping Christ center in one’s life despite the distractions. But I feel it has a much broader implication. It is a basic truth that life without that passion, without that pure flame of desire burning bright simply isn’t real life.

Some call it doing your best. To enter into each task, each chore or duty and to do so with all of one’s heart. I see a lot of the opposite type so behavior each day. It is said because you do see the absence of any joy in the process.

Ultimately I think it is a matter of asking in each part of life did we do our best. Were we faithful with our hearts and soul to doing what would be God’s will for that situation in terms of faithfulness.

That can be hard to remember with some activities. They can seem so mundane and routine that it just doesn’t seem important if they get done. However I have come to appreciate that when we loose the passion in general it often becomes like a cancer that infects all the aspects of our life. Only the Lord can truly heal with the power of his holy spirit that type of slow death by icy indifference.

ONE MORE SCROLL

One more scroll
born
during a stroll
where life
is a conclusion
with a happy face
having the charm
of an undertaker.
But venture anyway,
this footpath of fancy,
the archway of plans
until
we find
rescue
that lasts
till the alarm screams
when heaven
becomes
a playground
without toys.

WAVERING

Tip toeing through the aisles of need and want, it is so easy to trip and fall. One steps along, lively at time, thinking the pace is perfect. But where does it lead? To heaven or somewhere else?

There are so many times when possessions and time are consumed by things having no spiritual merit. It isn’t always a negative aspect. For we are both mortal and soul.

However it is difficult to find harmony. To render under God what is God’s and under the monarchs of mammon their due. Somewhere in between we reach for whatever is ours to claim.

In the process it seems at times that so much of the biblical teaching I hear is about cleaving more to the Savior. It is wise form of advice. Yet is the Lord without knowledge of our complete needs.

It also occurred to me that so often the teaching I have heard is from individuals who aren’t exactly monks. And that makes me wonder if they actually listen to their own advice.

Where is this posting headed? Perhaps it is as wavering as the title. But the essence I suppose is a reflection on how we truly do need to do as Paul said and work out our salvation with fear and trembling. It means never reaching a point where we have arrived.

Mature saints in the faith can backslide. There is the ever present temptation to slowly lose one’s grasp on remembering one’s need Jesus to be the center of life.

On the other hand, distance and getting consumed by each day’s demands can totally blot out any vision of heaven or the Lord. So that avenue of experience can be equally spiritually anorexic to the welfare or one’s soul.

For me this is a simple offering of my essence that the confession of my own wavering might perhaps encourage another who has also stumbled or wavered. It is to say simple, “don’t give up just because one is human.”

I think in some ways extremism is the response to the fantasy of thinking one can truly obtain complete surrender in this life. That if we give the Lord all that we are it will allow us to cast off every liability of the flesh on a permanent basis.

However, I’ve come to accept that the path, which really brings any form of survival is one that embraces we aren’t possessors of wings or halos in this life. We are simply after all human. And with each step, we remind ourselves of the side roads that lie ahead. The journey of faith thus is one of discovery and joy when we keep learning. Including realizing that no matter how much we know there is still more to learn. Some accept this, some lie about it. In the end, the Lord waits for those who keep trusting.

THE HEART GLOWS FROM...

The eyes may be the windows to the soul, but sometimes I think the face is the fount of the heart. I’m not speaking in terms of smiles and frowns. I’m speaking in terms of that sense of what is in the heart, which is visible by how one’s face radiates with either hate or love.

That is my impression at least. For I’ve sent the times when somebody smiled, but it truly seemed more a like a mask that genuinely from happiness. Oh they did their best to say all the right words, but those tense lines in the muscles of their face suggested joy wasn’t truly etched from what was in the heart.

Unlike God we can’t see everyone’s heart as in their true desires. But we can sense what is visible and if it is true compassion and care or just going through the motions. It is to be visible in so many ways we think we are clever enough to keep hidden.

True spirituality to me is not the absence of negative feelings. I wish that was the hope of this life. I think it is more reflections of the simple honesty to let what glows on our faces truly represent what is inside. False happiness and forced claims of joy will never gleam the continuity in one’s actions. Basically if we pretend, we will always pretend and never be genuine to our real heart.

It is sad when some people particularly in a church setting confuse a lack of ability to trust god with a need to avoid any degree of being negative. Being uplifting is a good thing, but if it isn’t the reality of what glows inside then it is nothing more than an act. And sooner or later the play will come to an end.

I celebrate the natural essence of being that the Holy Spirit is able to make glow on anyone’s face. To rejoice that in our weaknesses we can still trust the Lord can be such a natural reaction. To go through the motions of putting on the “victory” face while bleeding on the inside is hardly a good testimony.

Freedom in Christ includes the joy of truly being faithful in all our real nature. It isn’t forced or the result of spiritual blackmail or religious intimidation. Such is the game some prefer to play as if God is impressed with that kind of silliness.

However the game will always be played in some places. And there are those who will never be free to stop keeping score in a way that they end up with bragging rights.

To rejoice is to truly glow, but for the fire to truly keep burning requires more than doing what we need to do in some setting that we hope will earn us approval. Outside the boundaries of our prejudices God awaits for us to glow by his standards. It is a healing that only comes when we surrender to his version of truth and stop hiding behind false expressions.

May the Lord always grant those who embrace the truth by his means the peace to keep following it regardless of those who seek to take away one’s joy. It is a prayer hopefully each of us can utter from time to time.

BELONGING'S SONG

Having a feeling of acceptance can be a truly wonderful sensation. And I think that God provided certain places where that naturally was intended to happen. Unfortunately Satan is aware of this fact so he does his best to corrupt those places.

I’m speaking of relationships. Those are the ones between families, friends, communities and nations. Jesus once spoke of the second greatest commandment after loving the Lord God with all your heart was to love your neighbor as yourself. I think we would all have to admit that hasn’t exactly been the history of humanity. It is a tragedy that falls on many levels.

Of course I am not saying new with this observation. You can find all kinds of voices to point out such a reality.

And too often it seems that because it is the nature of life I think we frequently use it as an excuse to not try. That becomes so easy to just drift into the crevice of indifference and say, “I’ll change when somebody else does.”

Complicating the process I think is the fact that in some cases if you do actually try to love you neighbor as yourself it goes without the other person reciprocating. Not that doing it should have as an ulterior motive to get, but merely stating that helping others doesn’t always translate into a reward.

Yet should that keep us from trying? I am remind I guess more than anything that regardless of what others do, God holds me accountable for my actions. I can think begin to think of the number of times when he has led me to do something that had no personal benefit. But I did it sometimes knowing this up front. Why? Simply because he asked me to.

The funny thing is that often I found myself coming to some point of calm or peace in the process instead of any feeling of being used or abused. Oh true I am human and get my feelings hurt when a kindness is greeted with indifference or a lack of gratitude, but inside God’s spirit still in time grants me peace.

It is so easy to define loving thy neighbor as thyself as the other person’s problem. And in a world gone so mad with selfish and greed there are plenty of people who will always treat any kindness towards them as license to demand more.

But it is so amazing how God has his own way of balancing the scale in ways we can’t imagine. Providing we act from a genuine heart without conditions or expectations. That includes avoiding the need to brag or impress.

I myself rejoice at the knowledge of how in heaven this won’t even be an issue. It is light in more ways that one. Including the rays of pure love that will baptize all the redeemed in a way that we will truly know how to love thy neighbor as ourselves. And to rejoice that we shall also know and end to tears and the genuine beginning to a sense of belonging that will be forever.

NOSE BLEEDS

The one thing that I have observed about nosebleeds is that for some of us nothing obvious happens for them to occur. I mean if you accidentally slam your nose into a wall and it bleeds that would make sense. But if your nose just starts bleeding for no apparent reason it can be really frustrating. Plus there always is that annoyance of wondering how long it will take before it stops.

I remember being on this plane once and another passenger developed a nosebleed. I’m not sure if the pressurized air contributed to his problem, but I do know that he never did manage to get his nose to stop bleeding while we were in flight. When we landed as I recall they had to take him to the hospital.

I can still recall that look in his eyes as he sat there holding that cloth against his nose. His eyes reflected a combination of aggravation along with a controlled sense of anxiety that it wouldn’t stop bleeding.

What has any of this to do with faith? Well perhaps in a way there are times when on a spiritual level we have to endure a different kind of nosebleed. With a real nosebleed we know it isn’t very likely, but one could in theory bleed to death from such a problem. It just doesn’t seem very possible. Yet I have had a nosebleed and had that thought cross my brain.

And like with a nosebleed there are those moments that in one way seem trivial to our spiritual welfare, but do definitely give us cause for concern. Things like when we stumble and fall in terms of sin. No, I am not suggesting having a nose bleed is a sin!

What I am speaking about is the issue of finding the right kind of “aid” for the right kind of problem. As a rule I doubt we would worry too much about consulting anyone when our nose was bleeding. But if we did I’m sure it would be a doctor or paramedic. That would make sense.

Yet do we apply that same logic to all areas of our life? I think the honest answer for some of us is no.

For example do we actually look for help or seek the guidance of someone when we stumble and fall on a spiritual level? I can’t imagine too many people honestly working that hard to seek out someone from their church just to admit there is some terrible sin in one’s life we can’t control. I doubt that is the type of think we would want to share in a time of fellowship.

So what do we do when such problems arise in our souls? I’m sure in a lot of cases we take it to the Lord, which might not always be the case, but prayer can be such a great altar of embracing the truth within.

Is that the answer I am suggesting for all kind of spiritual nosebleeds? No. I am suggesting that any problem ignored can get worse. Better it is to let God guide us to the right help than to cling to a pride that says we never need help with some problems.

MY HIGHER BASEMENT

Can anyone truly go through life without occasionally feeling low? I did say one had to life in an emotional basement, just that we all find ourselves in such a position from time to time.

I’ve known people who love to be positive. And I’m not against that form of thinking. I just feel it ought to be realistic. If you try to claim and believe you will never stumble and fall you take the issue of thinking positive to a level of from my view being just an exercise of control.

Being positive in a balanced way is to embrace the fundamental of what makes faith truly a foundation in life. It isn’t our control or strength that always determines our fate. We do make choices, but at the same time God is truly lord over life.

What makes the emotional basement such an important part of the life of faith is because when we are down it is the time when we can truly embrace the issue of turning to the Lord for trust. That is if we chose to find the higher point and purpose of the basement instead of simply sitting there and feeling sorry for ourselves.

I myself am far too prone to find a basement of feelings even when things are going well. I attribute this in part to my poetic soul. It craves those dark crevices to vent the verses of pain as an emotion. That isn’t always a good habit, but I find the longer I live the more I am prone to also pause in the midst of this reflection to allow the Lord to remind me to always take time in the basement to look out the window. Essentially to look up and see the Lord’s hand above all working his will over every situation.

Why is it we sometimes set for ourselves a presumption that God’s involvement always means things will work to our favor. So when we are in the basement of tears of sadness we somehow expect it means we feel when God answers our prayers things will get perfect.

But what if God is using the basement to teach us something we need to know? Ah, that might be possible. It just doesn’t always translate into the type of lesson that is as appealing to us as the kind where we get rescued from the basement by a ladder that lifts us to some blessed staircase that we decides equals the greatest form of joy.

What if God wants us to sit in that basement for the purpose of understanding something about ourselves. He has his mirror there so we can take time to see what he sees so deeply in our soul. Only we’re too busy griping and whining about the basement to take time to see what he wants us to see.

And the worse thing from our point of view is that God can make sure we don’t leave that basement till we understand it by his standard or desire. That doesn’t mean we will always jump and down with happiness over that process, but it does mean we fill not rise from such a place till we finally open our soul’s eyes as God’s desire. Look for the true blessing when one falls into a basement. Sometimes the gold we fill our heart with is far richer than the type that we use to line our pockets.

DID GOD BESTOW

Did God bestow
the perfect night
amid the dazzle and myths
of some cold wintry sight?
Was he
preparing us to spend
our lives and fortunes
on what some false religion’s lies
did actually begin?
Yet
with merriment and blindness
we surrender
just the same
into celebrating some
pagan holiday’s
traditions
so corrupting of truth
when we
stupidly insist it as Jesus’ birth
thus being our false and ignorant claim.

A DIALOGUE OF HOURS

For me
each day
has its own compensating pulse.
Sometimes it races
others it seems
each throb lasts forever.
And even though
this is an illusion,
I wear the charm
just the same
ever rejoicing
when a given beat
is calm and full of light
rather than
what kills
my thoughts
as well as my soul
with intrusions
that drain my energy
instead of feeding it.

DUST IN THE ATTIC

The attic is the one place I think in a house that is often neglected. That is providing you even live somewhere that has an attic.

Spiritually, to me the attic of the soul is that place where we store our hopes and dreams. It is like a place where one puts away the holiday decorations till next year. Only with our hopes and dreams we do have a tendency to separate out the ones that are possible from the ones that are pure fantasy. I doubt I need to define the difference.

The ones that are pure fantasy are better kept stored in the attic that put on display since we may or may not want to display them for others. But it doesn’t keep us from having them.

What often helps is to be able to embrace the desires that fuel such dreams and hopes. For the “paper” we wrap them in comes often from our heart. And we don’t always enjoy facing the fact that there is hate or corruption so close to the essence of our being.

Yet God knows. And until we know we often never comes as close to appreciating the need his grace or forgiveness.

When that paper gets used too much and we do it with such a second natured behavior we can often totally blur what is real in our heart from what is fantasy. Slowly and irrevocably we can easily slip into turning some area of our life into a microcosm of our attic. It can be all wrapped up in the colorful paper of our illusions and never force us to see what is underneath. Basically it becomes a lie. One that we never have to face as reality.

In a house of worship thus we can cling to some dream of being a very righteous person. But since we are sinners, we wrap that dream in the paper of lies. Oh we never say they are lies, we just learn by acting a certain way NOT to have to admit that it is after all just an act. And when our play acting achieves it success, well we become what we think is our dream fulfilled and never worry about facing the fact of it all being based on some fantasy.

This is a game I’ve played myself. And the sad thing is when people honestly think it works. What is more scary is when they think God doesn’t know the difference.

Dust of stagnation and a lack of spiritual growth occurs as long as we continue to play that role and act out the dream as if it were real. Such dust will eventually blind us completely to the truth about lives. Then slowly, ever so slowly we lose our grasp upon being able to truly hear God tapping us on the shoulder by the power of his holy spirit and trying to get our attention. We are just having such a good time pretending that our little spiritual fantasies are somehow the same as truth. For some it works that way for years. Which is a true tragedy because as long as we let the dust collect, we shall never see what is really there.

BY THIS...

A promise is a promise is a promise. The words of advice are more solidified with a promise of God than with any of those made by the lips of man. And sometimes God grants us the assurance of some sign to know he will keep a promise specific to our lives. Such an example on a more dramatic level is in the scriptures where he grant Noah the sign of the rainbow as a promise he wouldn’t again destroy mankind with a flood.

It isn’t always easy in our personal lives to recognize a really sign of personal assurance from the Lord verses one that is our imagination. Time is a factor. Sometimes experience itself is the only method of affirmation of what we felt or sense at an earlier date.

Doest that mean we are out of touch spiritually in discerning God’s will for our lives? Not necessarily. The Lord does intend to have a relationship with us. And that will respect our ability to understand his word and the events he works in our lives.

However there are times when we are totally sure of a give sign, but circumstances seem to contradict what we believe. Accepting we are mistaken is just as important as accepting when we are right.

Trying to play the prophet might be good for one’s ego, but hopefully humility can prevail. It is really okay to understand a sign, yet be confused on its intended fulfillment.

Reflection is the dialogue of such situations. Did we truly learn from the event whether it was good or bad or did we simply excuse out of pride the fact we made a mistake? On such a precipice of vanity more than one saint has fallen.

The real joy comes from the sweet melody of the song of life. It might have the occasional note that ends up being hit off key, but it is the whole melody that counts. To only intend upon rejoicing over the proper notes and try to pretend the sour ones didn’t exist is to fail to embrace the whole song.

Step along the journey with joy. Even when we stumble. Know that ultimately God is as much a part of the road in his omnipresence as he is anywhere else.

Remembering that can be challenging at times when we crave continuing in our travels by faith. Celebrating his grace that keeps its vigil despite our shortcomings or misdirection is a sign of by this that we can also rejoice about.

But then it is within our heart we must at least settle the struggle of our will and the Lord’s will. Leaving behind footprints of obedience will be a trail that leads to eternity. And it won’t even matter whether our stride was long or short in terms of perfection of our efforts. Just whether we kept walking. For some that will be enough to keep trusting in between the signs. For others it will never grant them the peace that eludes because the heart craves its own lordship over the highway of choice.

WITH MY EYES

I was doing research once for this novel I was writing that was a spiritual fantasy. I was including in it for comparison purposes some of the beliefs of other religions than Christianity. So that meant wading through numerous teachings that I didn’t personally believe so I might find some foundation of what was the basics of their teaching.

With one particular belief system among its supposed gems was a reflection about the things that corrupt our senses and keep us from always seeing the truth. I will admit that there was a core of veracity in that observation. We are human and are senses are hardly always perfect. However I do also realize how often we are more prone to trust to our experiences than any facts that might contradict such experiences.

Which is why I think the hardest part about any discussion with somebody on the subject or religion is because of the issue of experience. What we perceive will always take precedence over what we are told his true.

The question is can our soul’s eyes of witness ever be wrong? The honest answer might be yes, but I doubt you will ever get someone to admit it.

What seems more real is that in order for our soul’s eyes to have a vision change means we have to have a different experience. For since we are so dependent upon experience for our “spectacles” of thought, then we some experience occurs in our lives that changes our vision it is more apt to be permanent. Perhaps that is part of the reason the Lord grants us the challenge at times of such experiences that might in some ways at the time make us question their benefit.

I think it is fair to ask ourselves then if experience is so critical do we honestly pray for God to grant such experience to those who are unsaved? Or are we more inclined to try and “help” the situation by trying to “preach” new eyes into a non-believer?

I’m not suggesting that evangelism is a bad thing? I am suggesting that perhaps being human there are times when we should trust to God’s wisdom in terms of touching the life of someone not yet saved.

Like too many situations, we are each different. And the paths of light that guide to salvation are many and varied along the highway of Christianity. Hopefully along the way we become a signposts that truly serves the Lord in pointing a person in the right direction rather than a detour or road block that somehow inhibits another’s journey.

With my eyes I pray I shall see what the Lord seeks them to witness through his vision of truth. And to be willing to accept when my vision gets blurred by the weakness within.

Hopefully it will be a gaze that inspires and encourages. But sometimes we all understand that to really appreciate beauty one has to also be able to see what is ugly. And to do so without letting it keep us from seeing what God wants us to see.

THE CARGO OF LIFTING

How heavy
are the feathers
grown by dreams
that can fly
beyond
where our eyes
fed only
upon a diet
of uninspired routine.
From the shipment
in fancy’s warehouse
comes the lamps
radiant
with lucid winds
to carry us
above
the burdens of cares
and taste of that translucent fount
normally only drunk
by angels.