CHOICE, CALLING AND TELLING

Sometimes in spiritual arenas it is hard to always appreciate the difference between each of these. We make Christianity a choice by our accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior, but in reality God called us first. Only from our frame of reference we don’t always remember it that way.

And part of the problem is that there are those who in their minds make Christianity a choice. What is a problem is that they make it a choice on their terms only and never by faith or any touch by the Holy Spirit. Which is why just going to church or becoming a church member doesn’t mean one is truly a Christian.

That only happens when one that is called by God. Even though it isn’t God’s desire than anyone not be saved, the problem is that you can’t turn to the Lord by your own standards and expect him to embrace that reaction. He knows our hearts and knows the difference between a sincere response of faith and one made out of pressure or some other motive.

In the end it is the fruit of the Holy Spirit and the bounty of faith that blossoms among the redeem. It is a journey of discovery and maturing that never ends while there is breath in our lives.

To sit in the pews Sunday after Sunday and make some mental check on a “heavenly brownie point” list while checking the watch and waiting for it to be over doesn’t impress the Lord. Yet how often do those who enter the doorways of a house of worship prefer the shackles of tradition to the wings of real trust in Jesus as Lord and Savior?

The answer, the one that counts in eternity can only be answer inside. No one can decide what is in the heart of anyone, except for the Lord.

I do know though that we are supposed to have a relationship with Jesus. And that depends on us being willing to listen to HIM. He may speak to us in a lot of place other than church.

Will we be prepared to hear his voice over the sounds of conformity and tradition that shout so loudly in some house of worship? Is our heart and soul ready to listen for his spiritual wind as it calls us to his purposes?

Again only each believer can answer that question for himself or herself. But avoiding the question will not change the answer.

I think when one is truly called and accept that choice; there is a telling in our spirit. It is a repository of light and desire that through the darkness and questions keeps us trusting. And the challenge is being willingly to embrace that true light no matter how many you meet who are carried lights of their own strength and self-righteousness. For them, without the presence of the Holy Spirit they can never be expected to understand what it is like when a spiritual flame truly burns in the soul.

HEAVEN'S SONG

Heaven’s song
never sounds
in resilient, thunderous or showy declarations.
It never shrieks or bellows
with piercing or dazzling gyrations,
nor is it sung as a quaking, melodious harmony
that pounds the nerves
until the mind becomes some catatonic honey.
Heaven’s song
is the tear stained face of destitution
pleading for help
and the muffled groans from a grieving heart
desperately seeking restitution.
Heaven’s song
rings in the ears
listening to the spirit’s tears,
to give God’s love
unto a needy, unworthy aching and sinful soul,
that one helps in the name of Jesus
to slowly heal and finally be made whole.

THE CAUSEWAY OF SURRENDER

Have you ever allowed the real easement to your sense of self-control become one that passed through your conscious and heart? By that I mean being willing to surrender in faith to the Lord’s strength and will even in a situation you had the power to control?

It is easy when we are in trouble to seek the Lord for help. But what about the times when everything seems to be going okay? Those too are opportunities for trusting God, just ones that we are more prone to not gives as much thought too.

One can of course carry the concept of trust God to an abusive extreme if it is handled in the wrong way. I am speaking of the times when we use trust as an excuse to not do what we should do, but don’t want to.

I recall an incident when this one pastor was talking once about attending this meeting of this women’s group as a guest speaker. He was a great inspirational speaker and in very much demand.

On this occasion the group he was speaking to happen to be composed of a group of very affluent women. Ones who certainly could afford the best out of life and dressed and lived in accordance with that prosperity.

He mentioned how on this occasion one of the women got up and suggested they give special prayer that God would help the victims of this natural catastrophe mentioned in the news. Well to the pastor it seemed like given his audience that it was more prudent if they really wanted to help that they should simply get out their checkbooks. To him this was one situation where they had the means to help, but frankly preferred prayer to any actual personal involvement.

The thing is when the Pastor had his chance to speak he did emphasis how if you have the means to solve a problem that is obvious then God would expect you to have the wisdom to use that means. When he got done to his surprise and joy the ladies actually took up and offering for the needs of the people and arranged to send the funds to the appropriate relief fund.

Surrender can be a challenge and even more so if we are creatures of pride. But listening to God means listening even during the times when our heart would prefer to shout “let me do it my way.”

Being willing to accept that causeway of surrender in one’s life can be difficult if we have a compelling need for control. God can teach us to trust him in the process, but sometimes it is a lesson that we have trouble learning.

Perhaps we can stop in the process of our questions and look for those special paths that inspire and challenge with a need for surrender. God won’t force us to accept them, but he does often make them visible. Hopefully our eyes will be willing to see with our heart’s vision other than blurry by our own desires.

INNERMOST EXTERIORS

As a rule I feel that we are all houses with many chambers and many secrets. And depending on our mood or desires we will open a window and allow someone a glimpse into a given chamber or room we feel incline to share.

But there are and always will be those rooms we never want anyone to see. Especially the closets where we keep our most precious valuables, the secrets we can’t afford to let anyone see for fear of embarrassment it will ruin the image we work so hard to create.

With God he has a master key to all the rooms of our lives. This isn’t really a profound revelation, but at times I do wonder why with some people they seem to think they can lied to keep a given dark closet from being seen. Oh on a human level playing the deception game is probably not too surprising. And even in a house of worship where it shouldn’t be necessary there are always those who can’t avoid the need to only let part of their mental residence be visible.

What is interesting to me is when people approach you with a false sense of humility. They are more than happy to allow you to gaze deeply into what they act like is the innermost chambers of their lives. And in so doing they make it seem like they are so down to earth and honest about who they are that they treat such chambers as something that is more like an exterior and easy to see.

In spiritual circles it is sad how easy it is to learn how to say the right thing and act in the way, which gives the impression you are born again. Without being able to see into those innermost chambers that aren’t shown as exteriors we may not always know initially when someone is simply acting out their image and not having it come from the heart.

God knows the difference naturally. To bad too many people seem to presume the locks they keep on certain rooms apply to the lord.

We all will have some exterior to put on display. And trying to hide the clutter of sin and evil desires like they are play toys we don’t want somebody to see will not be the same as allowing the Lord to remove them or help us to truly appreciate the depth of our forgiveness.

The big question, if we are truly willing to ask it is what is the innermost exterior we try to put on display? Is it a room we decorate on Sunday for the benefit of those we see in church, but then the rest of the week either keep the curtains drawn or fill the room with the collections of our own selfish desires?

I can’t answer that question for anyone else. I know I’ve been guilty at times of allowing myself to get trapped into putting some innermost exterior on display because I thought it would impress. Along the way God’s spirit flipped a light switch and made me look into the exteriors as they really were. It was difficult to look at times, but I have to admit letting him redecorate was so much satisfying than trying to hide my toys I didn’t want to confess I owned.

RESOUNDING HEART ELOQUENCE

Is there any sound more beautiful that the dulcet tone of pure, sincerity as it flows from a heart with a melody of honesty? There is just something so soothing to one’s sense of insecurity to deal with someone who looks you in the eye and speaks in a way that you can sense deep down in your spirit is genuine.

Unfortunately some people are masters at false sincerity. They learned at some point the right words to say in order to make it sound like they are caring and loving and genuinely interested in you as a person.

Of course sooner or later they will remove their mask. And when they do it can truly devastate one’s ability to trust. Not that the person will care for they will be off to find another victim.

For those of us who have been victims of this kind of evil behavior the scars often run very deep. It can make you leery of trusting anyone or wanting to be involved with any organization or group that is like the one, which cause the wound.

When this happens on a spiritual level the consequence can sometimes be even worse. One assumes that when dealing with people who have spiritual values and believe in God that there behavior would be more prone to be ethical and they can be trusted to do what they say.

I only wish that this were the reality in all situations when it comes to houses of worship. But that isn’t the case. And I am aware of all the biblical rhetoric that is offered up about how we as Christians should strive to be good witnesses for our Lord.

But what in reality did Jesus mean when he said we who followed him would be his witnesses? Given how we are so imperfect even when the Holy Spirit is working in our lives I do question if he expected us to be witnesses in terms of righteousness.

What I embrace starts with what I’ve been taught about the very real meaning of that word. It really communicated the concept of witness in terms of being a martyr. Essentially whereby it is the essence of our lives and not our words that is our real witness.

That becomes something where people see the change in our lives and you don’t have to constantly shove it in their face with a lot of speeches. Which must also be support by the willingness to be honest. Not to don the make up of self-righteousness to pretend it is our live that is important, but to openly share that Jesus is the one who is perfect. And it is our imperfection that we admit to, which speaks so eloquently about why we feel we ourselves need salvation.

For some though this path of spiritual articulation is unappealing because it doesn’t give you a chance to impress. It doesn’t grant one the chance to share the limelight with our lord. Spoken from the heart the truth about who we are will always be more eloquent than any of our presumed deeds of flawed moral behavior.

A SINGLE FLAIR

A single flair
of a kaleidoscope in exploding mirages
arises like a Phoenix
from the emotional ash heap
filled with the resilient and fiery fangs
so piercing of my veil of thoughts and lucidity.
Between the marauding demons
and corruptive winds of dark anger,
one soothing voice of light will sing,
bringing a pure, throbbing moment of revival
to the poignant chaos and storms.
It rains faith’s drops
upon my wakefulness
soaking that devouring shadowy domain
until some seed of hope sprouts
jubilant with promise,
touching my weary and sullen orbs
with a new intense vision
for gazing at the unanswerable
tombs of doubt.

ABSORBING THRUSTS OF FLICKERING FANCY

What silvery caricature of life resides in your conscience? I‘m speaking in perhaps a tad verbose manner of one’s self image. Which in relationship to the title is the mechanics of thought we use to mold the view we sculpt of ourselves.

And as a veteran artist of years of sculpting a negative self image I appreciate how we all never see ourselves as others see us. Sometimes our view is distorted for the better, others for the worse. But what is amazing to me is even when we have shaped ourselves a negative view of our lives, we still set boundaries on that image.

By that I mean, we might look in the mirror and see someone who is ugly, unappealing or any number of other negative elements, but it doesn’t mean we enjoy or want others to criticize us. There are limits on the negativity we want to accept. Thus one can have bad self-image in terms of some part of life, but feel pride in a different portion. It is all part of the complex umbrella of thoughts and desire we use to shelter us from the storms of life.

With Christianity, God desires us to see ourselves as we are in the mirror. The real person, not the one we squint to pretend is there.

And if we are listening to the Holy Spirit, God will open our eyes to the reality with all its beauty and ugliness. Only the Lord does it for our own good. He wants us to see what he sees. In order that we will truly understand our need for forgiveness and why we should trust to him for our needs and what is in our best interests.

God’s mirror is made from grace and love. It is not one made to humiliate us or deceive us in anyway. However that doesn’t mean what he wants us to see will always be a pleasant image.

That is until we see it covered in the blood of our Lord and Savior and then we can know how it will look in eternity, full of light and praise. Which is the promise eternal that should allow us to see what Satan would help veil our eyes with lies so we don’t have to look upon the real nakedness of our soul and heart.

Sadly too often in houses of worship they only contribute to the process of avoiding seeing what God would want us to see in his mirror. They want to offer up their own mirror, which will distort our image to look like their view of being a Christian. It doesn’t matter what mirror they are offering up, legalism, living by their terms, whatever the mirror unless it has God’s reflective coating of grace and forgiveness the image we will see will never be the one God wants us to see, which is the sinful person we are in need of forgiveness.

Our mind can easily thrust the fancy of denial into our mirror so what our eyes choose to see is whatever reflection fits out inner needs. And if we find a ministry that will allow us to make the reflection sound like it is perfect then it only allows us to maintain that same view regardless of what is true. Satan will of course encourage us to keep savoring that “approved” reflection of conformity.

Hopefully, we can manage to not absorb those deceptions as truth and to instead let God open our eyes to what he sees. It might be painful at first, but in the end, any ugliness we fear to see will be washed beautiful by the blood of Jesus Christ. I pray we have eyes to see the mirror as only God’s light can shine upon it.

A ROWBOAT TO HEAVEN

If one could work his or her way to heaven I’m sure there would be plenty of people lined up in the waiting aisle for the chance to take their turn. I think that if you could convince people this was possible the appeal would be great even if the suggestion does sound a bit unrealistic.

I only mention it to point out the basic element of barrier at times for us in our capacity to truly trust God. That is the need for control. So for some, they want a “rowboat” instead. Which translates simply into some means we can use our own strength that will allow us to reach heaven by our own effort.

The scriptures to me are clear that the “just shall live by faith.” Yet there sure are plenty of people out there teaching that the truth is if you use their version of rowboat you’ll get to heaven. They’ll even provide the oars of conformity and a map of rules to guarantee that you will get to heaven.

Now the big problem with their rowboats is that the person handing them out is still on earth. It isn’t like they have been to heaven and just dropped by for coffee to share their experience and help somebody else get to that destination.

So how come when they aren’t any closer to heaven than anyone else we take their word for how their rowboat version will guarantee we reach heaven? That’s a question each person would have to answer for himself.

Perhaps the problem is that the rowboat they offer just looks impressive. Maybe it has the wood of self-righteousness that has been whitewashed with their claims of living a “godly” life. Of course the one thing you can’t do is look underneath that coat of paint to find out about the stains of sin underneath. Otherwise you might get depressed and doubt how well the rowboat is really going to work.

As we search for insight and hopefully seek God’s truth through his word and trust in the Lord Jesus for our salvation above all it is important to see heaven as a destination that we will only reach in eternity. Some try to find it now by turning this life into heaven.

I don’t think that ever works. But I doubt they will be honest when it doesn’t. For if they did you wouldn’t support what they say.

This too is a form of spiritual rowboat. And when it comes to Christianity and problem almost any religion the number of boat builders out there is so plentiful.

However God would prefer that instead of trying to use a rowboat we instead allow his holy spirit to give us wings. The kinds of wings that allow us to soar while others are so busy rowing and trying to impress others with their labors. Their sweating garments my prove their enthusiasm, but it is never a substitute for having your garments washed by the blood of the lamb. I pray we learn to fly with God’s spirit far better than spending all our time with rowboats that are going nowhere.

WE ARE

We are
the mood
unblemished.
The conscience
unspoken
and lost in a wind
having no origin
or destination.
Claiming rights
can kill another’s passion
when they are motivated by greed,
never giving,
ever taking
away the charm
worn
as promises
when tomorrow
is a gift
expected
instead of an act of mercy.

AMPLE

God is a specialist in what is ample and will supply a given need. I think the biblical record demonstrates this reality. But I think it also shows how many times man didn’t always look at things from the standpoint of it being ample.

In reality being human we all I think love to define things by whatever prevailing logic fits our frame of reference. And speaking for myself I can identify with the apostles for example when Jesus fed the five thousand using only two loaves and five fish. I think if I had been there and was passing out the broken portions I would have been wondering how long before my pouch was empty too.

If there is one thing I do appreciate it is that God, being God, isn’t bound by our limitations. He can make anything “ample” if it is his will.

In most situations I think he does work those miracles of provision in which he adds to our resources to meet our needs. Not to be too ludicrous here, but let’s face it if God was to miraculous add money to our bank account we probably would end up having some very big explaining to do to the bank as well as the IRS!

So there is wisdom is most situations for God to do things naturally and miraculous if the situation demands. But there are also those times when I think as in the biblical record he works his will in a way to help remind us that with him all things are possible. And thus we should just look to miracles for solutions.

Ample can be whatever we have with the Lord. This can be such an important lesson if we have trouble seeing God doing something through us because we don’t feel able.

The only tragedy in such situations is when we don’t grant the Lord the sovereignty of be able to work his will because we just can envision it as possible in our situation. That is I think part of the message with the parable of the servants and the talents. It wasn’t the lack of success for the one talent servant that matter it was his unwillingness to even try.

Which is the question each of us has to ask from time to time. Perhaps God is tugging at our elbow to serve him in some way. But we know ourselves and say, “I don’t have the ability to do that.” Deep down of course sometimes we might be thinking, “Hey if I try this I’m going to blow it and I can’t handle that kind of embarrassment.”

With the Lord faith is the key to his doorway. We are to trust him when his spirit nudges us in some direction. But the end results are in the Lord’s hands.

He never guarantees us that being obedient would mean success. Nor does he guarantee us that the little we have, which he wants us to use in a given situation will be added to just because we want the less than ample ability or resource as an excuse for not trying.

Hopefully we can obey the Lord and trust him to do the work as he desires. And if in our hearts he tells us what we have to be used in a given way will be ample, then we have to use it regardless of how much our mind says it isn’t enough. It is to have the peace of heart to know we were obedient regardless of the results.

ON COMMON THOUGHT

Is it wonderful when people agree? Well it is a great feeling to have someone else tell you that what you believe is correct.

Conversely it can really stir the flames of ire when somebody claims you are wrong. And when it comes to the subject of religion, wars have been started over such disagreements.

I believe the quest for spiritual truth is the journey desired by any one who embraces the idea that there is more to life than just the now. The only problem is that while we might all start at that same junction of desire it doesn’t mean we end up following the same path.

However despite the fact that some spiritual paths totally contradict others I have yet to meet anyone that has confessed what they believed was not the truth. At least while they were following that path. If later something makes them change their minds, then some, but not all individuals don’t mind admitting to making a mistake.

Still even if we take a wrong turn and have to start over normally it doesn’t seem we learn from the experience enough to keep from repeating the same practice the next time. With some people they are constantly declaring “this is the place” no matter if they have to do it everyday.

What is a reality is that no matter how anyone tries, no matter how universal they think there message might be, it can’t appeal to everyone. And that applies in this life to Christianity as much as any other belief system.

I see nothing in the scriptures that remotely suggest God expected otherwise from humanity. But some have tried to “spruce” up the faith to make it more popular by changing its meaning to make it less offensive.

Personally, however well intentioned that person’s desire might be, I’m not persuaded it really helps. After all in Heaven, God’s truth, unadorned by such lies or distortion will be reality. Just painting over the veracity with a hue of appeal to lure some into the faith hardly to me truly benefits anyone.

The one thing that is an abiding problem I see in that regard is when a person starts out by viewing truth through his or her own spectacles of prejudice. Then you end up with some distorted message that they feel they are being faithful to in order to please god. Thus is the doctrine of legalism and a whole lot of other “isms” so guarded and defended by individuals who have merely taken the truth of salvation by faith n Jesus as Lord and Savior along an altered path.

They become truly like the old story about the ship’s captain whose compass was broke. But tried to have a positive outlook about his situation. His comment was “we’re lost, but we sure are making good time.” With God, being lost is far more important that how fast you can race!

THIS DAY

It always amazes me how so often a day starts out with certain expectations and ends up being totally different by the afternoon. Basically I’m a really sucker for signs of promise that it is going to be a great day. Oh it never is anything specific, just a feeling more than anything, but in the end reality may or may not conform to my expectations.

The above paragraph is the confessions of a dreamer. I like to imagine and mold the day according to my desires. But that doesn’t mean it has any real bearing upon what happens.

And while I might sit and feel it is unfair that life doesn’t cooperate in that regard, I do understand how the Lord is still in charge. I still enjoy planning naturally. I love to have that illusion of being in control and feeling organized.

If only life would actually turn out that way more often. However the Lord certainly doesn’t concern himself with my personal choice in that regard.

In reality God grants us life by each day instead of a whole lifetime of minutes. One of the promises of the Old Testament was “as thy day, so shall thy strength be.” Likewise we see another facet of that same “daily” focus upon portion with the manna he gave the people of Israel while in the wilderness.

It came each day, with the exception of the day before the Sabbath when one was required to collect enough for two days. And even though human nature would be to want to collect more than one’s day supply every day, God warned them to not do so because the surplus would spoil.

The idea of course was to convey how the Lord could provide their needs, but he had no intentions to do so in a way that would keep them from having a reason to trust him. Thus everything was focused on a daily portion and left tomorrow in the realm of the unknown.

For us planner types that kind of daily portion can be aggravating. It becomes so easy to think in terms of visions and the future and in the process forget the importance of now, which is really all we have.

There are times of course when God does nudge me with reminders of how I should concentrate on today’s struggles and not worry about tomorrow. That to me is the most important issue. It isn’t that planning is bad. It is allowing oneself to get totally consumed with worry and fear over what hasn’t happen yet that we are to try and avoid.

We are commanded to not worry. Which is so much easier to talk about than actually do. But along the way hopefully there are the little victories where we manage to keep our focus the way God intends. And praise him that he is a lot more longsuffering and patient in terms of knowing how it can in some cases take a lifetime for us to truly embrace each day as he would desire us to do.

A MOMENT'S FLARE

Morning
summoned a smile
as a dream
became
one grateful textured entity.
I was consumed
having my heart
glow
in the aftermath.
These are the rarest
of memory’s diamonds
and I wish
they could be
turned
into a necklace.
Perhaps
instead
at Heaven’s gate
it will become
a crown, which fits.

THE PANGS AND PEARLS OF OUTREACH

I heard about this church once that taught you weren’t suppose to tell anyone you were a Christian. There logic was, according to the source I heard it from, translated into the concept that telling people you were a Christian made it a form of working for one’s salvation.

It did make me wonder how in the world they ever managed to get anyone to come to their church if they never told anyone? But since I have no way to contact this church I don’t imagine I’ll ever find out.

The concept of outreach certainly has an important role in the Christianity. Jesus did command those who followed him to go out and make disciples. But the one thing that never seems to get balanced with that is that Christ is the Lord of the Harvest. And that it is the Holy Spirit who truly affects change in people’s lives. We can be the catalyst or tool used of God to influence or inspire someone, but it is still God’s spirit that must be present for the person to truly accept Jesus as Lord and Savior.

For we understand that to be a Christian means we are chosen by God. And even though we may not fully understand the ways of the Lord, the fact remains he doesn’t call everyone.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have a responsibility to share the gospel, but it does mean that the Lord is the one who ultimately touches the life and should be given the credit. I don’t know that such a view always is emphasized by those who focus on outreach to the degree that it truly applies to the issue of evangelism.

The amazing thing is the way this subject like so many in Christian produces such incredible extremes. For some they make it sound as if you risk your own salvation if you don’t beat down the doors of everyone you know and force them to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior.

In other cases I’ve experienced the situation where the attitude was more, “I got my ticket for heaven and that is all that counts.” Outreach in such situations always seems to either be non-existent or half hearted at best. Yet what dumbfounds me is to be in such climate and be told what a loving and caring church these same people felt they are as a congregation.

I think to me the most important aspect of being a Christian and follower of our Lord is that we embrace how we truly have a personal relationship with Jesus. And that means accepting that it is his right to deal with each of us as persons and not treat us all exactly the same.

Thus it shouldn’t in my view translate into any of us thinking that outreach should equate into each of us being expect to share our faith in the same exact way. Some are called as evangelist. And even those who aren’t have different personalities that impact how we relate to others.

To that end, I don’t think what counts are how many souls we wish to claim we brought to Christ. For in reality isn’t it truly God who does the saving? What is important is even if we are shy or quiet and reserve that we don’t fail to be obedient and share our faith when God opens the right door. That becomes a willingness of the heart to hear when his spirit is telling us is a given situation that he wants to use us as a vessel to bring his truth to someone. Hopefully we can remember what God cares about and respond as he desires when the occasion comes.

UNTO THE JOURNEY

Unto the journey are the words that at times echo my mind. They are the reminders of how the life of faith isn’t always adorned with the fruit of our expectations.

Lately I’ve been laboring for a variety of reasons with sharing my words in an environment and community where other toilers of thought spend a far amount of time. And the one thing I have quickly discovered is that like all communities it is one overburden by a social and political cycle of preference. Essentially there are those who are the “favorites” and those who are not.

As usual, I’m not one of the favorites. I suppose I should be used to this by now, but something inside of me keeps telling me that somewhere I’ll find a place where I am other than an outsider.

In this case the thing that dogs me is the frustration of seeing how one person’s idea of great writing totally eludes me. I have looked at some of the offerings and frankly had to ask myself how anyone could rave about such simplistic and trite dribble. Yet in this climate it is consider pure gold. You’ll excuse me if I yawn a bit.

For me when my ego takes the kind of beating I’ve experienced in this arena in terms of my writing, I can’t help being vulnerable to that voice of accusation and doubt that often comes following a disappointment. It is then though that God’s spirit reminds me that the call of God is not dependent upon the approval of men.

That doesn’t keep us from being human or seeking some approval from others in terms of wanting that social hug telling us we are doing something right and are good at it. Yet with faith is involved that doesn’t necessarily apply. We may have to trust the Lord all our lives and not know what it is like to stand in the limelight.

I think it is only natural to want someone to see what you do as a calling as special. However that doesn’t mean it will happen. And I do remind myself of this as I try to be faithful at what God told me to do even if others don’t necessarily embrace it.

It is the part of the journey that often gets overlooked to a point when we trust to God. Those are the arid points of steps where we are truly alone. They are the times when we are intended to be clinging to our lord and let that relationship make a blur of this life. However it becomes so easy to simply treat it as a desert totally devoid of blessing.

A lot of it has to do with one’s vision. The eyes of pride often are near sighted. We can only see the immediate and if something has a benefit for the moment.

But our orbs of faith can see much farther if our vision isn’t blurred by distraction. Often they can see all the way to heaven. And with that sight we can see how what is glorified in Heaven and what is important is not the same as the laurels of boasting we clutch for in this life.

And until God grants us perfect sight in his presence then the more we see with the right pair of eyes the more we will see what is truly important. I pray that the Lord will grant each of us the vision needed to walk by faith.

THRESHOLDS

Doorways
whisper
like a plotting assassin
during the excursions
in the labyrinths of midnight’s landscape.
One accidentally encounters them
while following a map
to some other intended destination.
It is so easy to overlook
where our minds
should truly roam
or a finish line
for a race
we didn’t know
that we were competing in.
Keys and doorknobs
are kept in the heart’s
safe
and God
is the locksmith.

FLICKERING LESSONS

There are times when God’s light seems to flicker rather than shine. We see into the usual darkness and shadows using the flashlight of faith and trying to follow its beam through the myriad of misleading steps that are followed by most of the world.

And along the way, we groan on occasions because the rays of trust seem to become far to faint in terms of their divine source. We can even get lost and then stand in the quiet and bleak blackness and ask, “is there really a God?”

Well perhaps for the person of faith it is spiritually “correct” to confess that kind of doubt. As if not admitting it will somehow make it any less true when we think it.

At the current time my wife and I are going through a terrible time of being anxious over what we feel was the will of God in a given situation. However the problem is that presently that path is covered in nothing, but shadows.

So I must remember the light as I first saw it. That shimmering touch and vision, which never changed, but now in my mind when seeing it against the graying reality it is more of a flicker than shiny expression.

Yet it is truly during the times when the light seems to flicker that we will discover some really important lessons. One I think God intends to help understand ourselves and our relationship with him.

First I think it teaches us about God’s grace. That is providing we can bring to him the truth of our feelings and doubts. For it is only when we lay that confession on his altar of love that we find any real freedom from the fear that such honesty will cause God to turn his back on us. Instead we find, if we truly remove the veil of our preconceive attitudes that God is still there and will strife with us during our pain and low points rather than desert us.

Secondly I think these moments help to teach us about how much we still need to mature in our faith and relationship with the Lord. It is hard on one’s ego at times to be experienced in terms of years in our Christian life and find we aren’t as truly mature as we presumed. That again can be a truly blessed opportunity if we grant ourselves the freedom in Christ to embrace what we see in the soul’s mirror as what God sees.

And so, take heart, rejoice and most of all, good or bad, allow our hearts to tarry and toil with our limitations. The real tragedy is when we simple give up and quit trusting completely.

We can also take comfort in knowing how a given valley does have a season. Whether we come out of it with fruit or weeds will be dependent on if we let God’s spirit water the seeds of our heart.

May the Lord grant us all the sight to see what he wants us to see in the times when the light does flicker. And the strength to keep looking till it shines bright once more.

NO WAY HOME

I remember once when I was about ten years old my family went to this new amusement park located at the beach. It was one of those special times filled with the usual childhood anticipations of one entire day, which would be consumed with nothing, but having fun.

The moment was marred for me at one point when I ended up getting separated from my family. That incredible sense of being stranded and overwhelmed with a feeling of panic turned the amusement park from a paradise into place of trauma.

I experienced what felt like an eternity between the time I was separated from my family and when they finally found me. And the entire time the uncertainty burned in my chest with a unreasonable fear that I would be lost forever. Not being able to remember where our car was parked only fueled my anxiety.

Despite the fact that the moment was only temporary for me the rest of the day was tainted by that memory. I did my best to try and find the magic in the park after that event, but it just was never the same.

In life there are times when we are forced to leave some place that we think of in one way or another as home. Sometimes this is by choice, others the result of some crisis.

And there are times when God allows these kinds of crisis because he knows that place of emotional residence that we use as a comfort zone is really keeping us from some change that would be in our best interest. I can speak for others, but I know that in my life I have always had a tendency to be a “squatter” when I came to some landscape of existence that I thought was comfortable and good enough.

When I did, I often would ignore the little hints from God that it was time for a change. So since I didn’t respond willingly or the way he knew was best for me he would send some crisis into my life that would make sure I couldn’t find a way back to that “emotional” home. It took awhile in some cases before the light of his purpose would finally shine, but eventually I would discover how not being able to find my way back to that home was really for the best.

Perhaps as a reader you are in such a transition yourself. Satan will naturally try to convince you that you are being punished, which is why the change is taking place. And if that change involves something like a loss of a job, it would be hard to see how being unemployed is a good thing. My wife and I felt that way several years ago when she was laid off at a job she had held for nearly eight years.

However the Lord has a far better one in mind and now we can look back with appreciation of the way our life is so much better with her at her current position. It just didn’t admittedly seem like it at the moment.

So dear reader, take heart and listen. Perhaps in that moment, which seems so full of despair and you are wondering if you’ll ever find your way home, you to will discover that God is using the moment to bring you instead to some place better.

LABOR, PAY AND PRAY

Ever know anyone that complained about being paid too much? He or she might complain about the taxes, but I doubt they would be upset about a wage that was very generous for the labor required.

In terms of this life of course, most people have enough trouble just making a living, let alone making a great income. And there is nothing to suggest that this inequity in terms of compensation will ever change. Our Lord hardly indicated it either when he made the comment about how the poor you would have with you always.

Still that doesn’t keep our mind and hearts from wanting more. That is only natural to me. But does that mean if we are unhappy with our lot in life we can expect God to suddenly work a miracle like allowing us to win the lottery.

I have known a few, not many, but a few people who were very caring and generous with their resources. Logically to me if anyone would truly deserve such blessings it would be someone who would care enough to use the majority to help his or her fellow human being.

However I haven’t noticed that being the way God has worked. He might love the hilarious giver, but his love doesn’t always translate into making such people rich in this life.

I think at times our “practical” side in terms of reciprocity impacts our view of our spiritual life. We become seduced into viewing eternity and salvation as some form of reward instead of a gift.

I know the people I’ve talked to that regard Heaven as a place where all one’s dreams come true. It is a sadly a view driven by self-absorbed motives. And I wish at times that was the truth. I wouldn’t mind looking forward to being with my lord and savior in a place where I spent eternity doing nothing, but whatever I wanted.

But the spirit of God restrains me with a different view. In Heaven it is the place where we shall be with the Lord’s and belong to him totally and completely. It will be his pleasure and will that we shall follow and not that of our heart.

I see our Lord as very loving and caring in that regard. I don’t consider such surrender will at all be boring or dull.

In this life however, until that moment of union comes, we must labor and learn to deal with whatever pay is our portion. Pray? Absolutely. For the wisdom and strength to remain faithful in whatever state we are in and to listen if God wants to lead us in a different direction.

And to always keep the fire of faith burning in the joyous anticipation of when the flesh will not be so dominant a tyrant over our desires. I pray we all find the sight to see clearly when the bills and needs leave us wondering if there is more to life than survival.

THE BOTTOM OF LIGHT

From pain to passion
we slowly and gradually flow
below,
below,
below
and into the pit of our minds
where darkness
can thrive and constantly grow.
Love is a ladder
that can rescue
depending
on who is holding it.
When it is held
by heavenly hands
it allows us
to ascend to where
real light begins
as we come to peek at
the point,
which darkness truly ends.

A DAY WITHOUT

The last week has been one of very dramatic emotional valleys for my family. We have several projects going that have the potential of bringing about major changes for the better to our lives. But as with most of our experiences it is a yo-yo effect. One moment we think we can see the conclusion lying just around some reachable corner, the next it lingers out of reach.

And like a lot of people who try to walk by faith we get into the mood of wishing something, just anything would end up being easy. That is being human, but for the most part it just isn’t he way life as a believer transpires. Some might preach that faith, real unbending trust without any doubt brings such experience, but so far I haven’t found it to be true in the lives of the people I have known who have trust God.

In part the question does come to mind how come it never can be easy. Why can’t there be at least one day without that burden of anxiety and heaviness having to be worn like some millstone that is glued to the body?

What is a reality though no matter how unappealing is that trusting God truly happens during trials and not blessings. That may not be a popular answer, but it is a reality that we have to understand in terms of how the Lord in his loving wisdom is allowing us to grow in our faith by the means that works best. Along the way there are moments of respite, but he would not be helping us to increase our faith if it made the journey too easy.

I have tried to keep this in mind on many occasions during my labors with my pen. I do view that portion of my life as being his calling upon my being. And while I often find the avenues of thought incredibly varied, the plain reality is that in terms of success, I could hardly claim this path has lead to some sort of fame.

Which naturally can be very discouraging at times. Such as when I pour all my energy and faith into a story and end up not being able to do anything with it. Or to offer it up in some arena where I hope it will be granted a chance to shine and the door closes. Those are the moments of heart ach that are definitely hard to accept.

But what comforts me and gives me strength is allowing God’s spirit to remind me that obedience it the purpose of my labors. Not whether I personally gain fame or accolade for their efforts. That is the path of the ego. It is the carnal side of our life that demands and measures what has worth by whether it gives us something to boast.

And the one thing I do rejoice about is when I fall into some shadowy pit of self-pity, God’s spirit ministers to my pain. He doesn’t send a rainfall of blessing, but he does give me strength to keep going.

Thus while the world and those who value only hear and now think in terms of crowns in this life, our eyes of faith need to cling to the power of the Holy Spirit to grant us visions of the crowns of eternity that are promised to the redeemed. As for me, well it might not be the perfect answer to all of life’s problems, but hopefully it is one that can grant us some peace in the midst of the times when life has more tears than smiles.

THIS IS THE PLACE

When studying the bible there are many noticeable contrasts between the Old Testament and the New Testament. Some Christians obviously prefer the New Testament because they feel it is more applicable to the Christian life. Of course what isn’t mention at times is that there are portions, such as the ones chronicling genealogies or giving a litany of laws we aren’t expected to keep that do seem hard to relate to in our own walk of faith.

However the Old Testament for me has a special value in ways that I personally find inspiring. With the New Testament the focus point is Christ and the essential of spirituality in our relationship with him and eternity. The present life is mainly relevant in terms more of preparation for eternity rather than something that should be our consuming priority. I’m not sure all the prosperity advocates would accept that comment, but for me I think our eyes were intended to be more focused on Heaven than this life as part of our walk of faith.

And for me it is the element of historical reflection that aids me in my walk of faith when reading the Old Testament. With the New Testament the heroes of faith are only shown in part. We don’t get to see the fullness of their lives. We do get the benefit of being able to see a great deal of the live of the Apostle Paul in the book of Acts, but as for the rest it is mainly a glimpse.

With the Old Testament we are often given a chance to see enough of a certain person’s life to see their strengths and weakness. To be able to see how their life of faith wasn’t perfect and gleam some inspiration from how God in his loving grace continued to strive with some even when they failed him as we do.

For me that gives comfort and hope. Not that I dare to suggest that I in anyway feel worthy of putting myself in the same category with such heroes of faith, merely that their example gives me joy to know how much God loves us and is willing to let us follow him even if we can’t do it as perfectly as our heart might desire.

Now with that as the backdrop, it is the concept of “this is the place” that came to mind. I’m speaking mainly in terms of the idea of God’s calling upon our lives. The “place” was more clearly evident in the case of some Old Testament saints such as Abraham where it applied to a given location where God set aside for him.

On the spiritual side, the actual location wasn’t as important as its purpose as a place to test and refine one’s trust in the Lord. Thus it is never a place necessarily of rest and one free from challenges.

The people of Israel found this out with the “promised land.” They discovered that it was going to take a lot of faith and effort to possess what God had promised them. And thus contrary to what some think, the promised land really wasn’t a symbol for heaven if one understands its real purpose.

And so it is in our lives also. There is that “place” where God will send us either in terms of a calling or other aspect of our experience. While we might want to revel in it being nothing, but a blessing, we can’t lose sight that it is in reality a locale of trust. Keeping that in proper perspective often is the difference between possessing the land in faith and simply squatting there tell some circumstance forces us to move on. I pray we will always know the difference.

TRUTH

Truth
is a hurricane,
powerful
and devastating
to one’s senses
of reality.
In the flowerbeds of dreams
we sow
the lies of our
delusions.
So quickly
they sprout
into weeds
one thinks are roses.
Even the loss of emotional blood
becomes a thistle
excused
as a thing of beauty
with a perfect,
alluring fragrance.

WINDOWS TO THE SOUL

My wife and I just came from an outing to a local street market fair. Everyone once and a while we love to stroll passed the booths and look for bargains and interesting items they have for sale. Sometimes they have more interesting offerings than usual. Tonight it is close to the end of the summer season for this event so there were less booths and items than say in July.

The one thing they never have a shortage of, however, is booths peddling whatever view of Christianity happens to decide this is a form of evangelism. Personally I am not against using different means to share the gospel, I just get totally bored with those that are far more interested in preaching at you than caring about you as a person. As if God really approves of that approach.

To me the real window to soul will never be open unless you take the time to listen to what a person really believes. That means treating them as a person and caring enough to show respect to their actually having a brain. How can you honestly expect them to listen or care about what you think if you treat them like an idiot.

And unfortunately tonight what I encountered were the “in your face, self righteous, I know the truth and if you don’t agree with me you’re going to hell” types. Not once did they ever bother to ask me a single question about what I believed or anything else about me as a person.

Oh they sure were anxious to brow beat me with their spiritual prejudice, but whether I needed to hear it didn’t matter. This is to me a form of spiritual fascism. The kind hides in the shadow of the cross so you won’t be able to see the hate the truly drives them. They excuse their insulting nature, self righteous attitude and general animus towards any one who might question their motives as suffering for Jesus.

Oh I agree they are suffering. But it is from being spiritually blind. They have no true key to open the windows of another person’s soul because they have never let the Holy Spirit open the window to their own soul.

But as long as hate and love are twins in the minds of those who only want to use their bibles to give you a headache instead of heal or save, this type of behavior will continue to mar the body of Christ and our image. It will continue to serve everything, but God’s purposes and will only truly end with the person deceived into thinking they have truly furthered the cause of Christ.

As for me, well I do always try to start by asking to what the person wants to say. I can’t say I always succeed, but I try. Along the way, once and a while I do see a window to someone’s soul actually open.

It is amazing the number of times doing this allows light to enter that the person would otherwise never see. Mercifully God’s light of truth is not extinguished by the shadows on our hearts.

HALOES AND HAPPY

Have you ever meant anyone that gave off the aura of appearing to truly be a decent person and was genuinely happy about it? I know I’ve meant a few that catered that image, but generally I found that they often had a dark side, which they would sooner or later reveal, often without even realizing it.

Of course I must confess to being rather prejudicial on this point. The scriptures tell me that there is none that are good except for God. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t some who aren’t more decent, just that lurking somewhere underneath that calm and supposed caring façade is a dark side.

I don’t mean for this to turn negative. And Lord knows it would be truly great if it were otherwise, but it isn’t. None of that keeps some houses of worship from making a spiritual game of out being a saint.

You are supposed to sit in the pews, look happy and enjoy avoiding sin. Never mind that your mind is thinking lustful thoughts about the member of the opposite sex who is sitting nearby or you are simmering with envy over some other person present who has something you don’t. Just look happy darn it and no matter how pissed off and miserable you are deep down, regardless of the what dark and evil thoughts really are brewing, polish up that denial halo and feel saintly.

Now tell me that doesn’t happen in some churches? It might not occur in all houses of worship the same way, but as long as there are those who see denial and keeping the law as the path to heaven this type of reality will exist.

Perhaps the one problem is with the word saint. We often think of it as meaning some kind of perfect person who is inherently good. That might in one form or another be our interpretation, but it isn’t the Lord. A saint is simply one who is has been set aside or called to the Lord’s purpose. There is nothing in that, which implies we are perfect or even good.

The really source of joy for a believer should be in Christ and the awareness of our salvation and especially our forgiveness. That type of happiness is genuine and enduring. The type that is force from thinking you are pleasing God by pretending to give up a sinful life while clinging to it deep down will never yield the fruit of the spirit.

I have sadly seen people who spent their entire lives living by that standard. And often they are so filled with bitterness and unhappiness. I can just sense the sexual frustrating, as well as from other suppressed lusts, oozing from their eyes.

Only I appreciate they will never come to any point of honesty on this reality. I’ve witness too many of them that died stubbornly refusing to face the truth. And even though it is for the Lord to judge I also understand how for this person they expect that they will be entitled to some reward for all that denial of their lusts in this life. Alas to wish something sinful in your heart even if you don’t act on it is to be guilty of sin according to our lord.

As for myself, I want to embrace my lord and thank him for my salvation and forgiveness. I want to be free in the Lord, which means not kidding myself about my sin. Hopefully there will be more who feel the same in this life than those who think their halos of denial is a ticket to heaven.

FESTERING FROWNS

Sadness is a mantle that often drapes over the soul and shadows any light from penetrating one’s reason. That is part of the human condition. It is very natural to me that a person would have moments of sorrow and grief. There is nothing in scripture to me that suggests God plans on sheltering any of us from these experiences.

The only thing we can not know is the type of sorrow that will befall us. The scriptures promise that the Lord will not burden us with more temptation than we can bear, but I know in my own life the emotional pain of some experiences has hardly been that bearable in my opinion.

With joyous occasions I don’t think the response we have is that hard to understand. Happiness and blessings are generally something that easily lend themselves to praising and thanksgiving. We feel great and don’t have any problem sharing our joy with others or the Lord.

Giving thanks for the tough times is a lot harder. And I don’t think that God doesn’t understand our reaction.

Unfortunately there are those who confuse murmuring with sadness. We know the consequences that befell the people of Israel when the murmured. But the only thing is that they were complaining about the Lord. They were questioning his ability to keep his promises. Basically their mindset was the opposite of faith. It was “woe is me and it’s all your fault God because you are going to help me keep from being in danger.” I’m paraphrasing to a degree. But I think the reality is there that on a spiritual level they allow their unhappiness to be directed towards a lack of willingness to trust God. And this happened after he had already proven to them on several occasions that should have given them a solid foundation for trusting him.

For me there is a big difference between faith and thinking positive. I admit that I am prone in many ways to think the worst when a crisis happens. Mainly because in my life I’ve had too many occasions when the worst did take place.

Yet the fact that I’m writing these postings is for me evidence that my experiences have not kept me from knowing God does keep his promises and being willing to believe he did. Do I understand why I haven’t experience that fulfillment in so many situations? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

But I have tried to learn from them and keep marching despite those crushing moments. And that for me includes being sad when I am truly sad.

Which is the key ingredient to coping in these situations. Honestly about one’s real feelings is so essential. God would prefer a prayer of pain that was honest to a praise that was not. And regrettably there are too those who for the sake of image will hide their frowns and pretend to smile. Their lips speak of faith, but their hearts are full of suppressed anger and resentment. Left to fester without bringing it to the Lord can at times give Satan a fissure in one’s spiritual armor to help lure one away from the Lord. It may take a long time, but left without being faced the frown will fester and eventually manifest itself in some expression that has as rebellion its motive.

I pray we will all yield to our deepest inner feelings when seeking the Lord. A true part of giving is giving fully of oneself, which is sometimes the one thing we try to keep from offering.

THE RESIDUE OF MAGIC

The quiet kills
with emptiness
and a furnace of longing.
Despair
infects my veins
as I am consumed
by a vacancy
in mind spells.
Where is the magic wand
that once stirred
my sandman’s mural
so rich in the cream
of ecstasy’s fiery touch?
Have they gone forever
or just another
tears worth?
Answers
come as breaths of surrender
when I inhale
God’s incense of grace.

REPLACEMENTS

There are times when life slips into one of those valleys where all you do is groan “not again” that I am reminded about the story of Job. I have never experienced the trials he was subject to, but I have known what it is to suffer loses of many types and many forms.

In Job’s story, God did after he trial replace what he has lost. The inevitable “happy ending” whether it was fact or simply a literary insert does give one hope that once our misery in a valley ends we too can expect God to replace and restore what we lose.

The only problem is that in some situations what is lost isn’t replaced. And I think ones expectation of having a replacement is balanced in part by what is lost. For example the loss of a child can hardly ever find some replacement for the exact offspring. I’m sure the reader can think of plenty of situations where a replacement will not likely occur. In such episodes like the loss of a child, we cling in faith to the joy of knowing in heaven we will be reunited.

Yet for those things where replacement is possible I think it is only natural if it doesn’t happen to want to know why? Does it suggest that God cares more about Job than he does us? Is his blessing on Job just a convenient tale lacking any reality?

Personally I feel Job was a real person and his story is included for a variety of reason, but the events were one that actually took place. And I believe that despite the times in my own life God has elected not to replace something I have lost.

For me what is my compass of inspiration and hope resides in one of several elements. In the first place I understand that at the time Job lived, man’s view of his relationship with God was primarily focused on this life. It had not yet spiritually matured to think in eternal terms. So blessings and curses had an immediate consequence affecting daily life.

But that was only intended as an object lesson. The ultimate focus of God’s will was and always will be eternity. Which is where our eyes should remained focused when trusting in the Lord.

Does that mean we have no right to expect God to replace what we lose in this life? No it doesn’t mean that either. But I do believe again that with eternity as our destiny and the Lord knowing our heart he in his loving wisdom knows when a replacement will be a real blessing and when it will simply bring back into our lives something that for us is a type of idol.

That may not be of much comfort if one has suffered a loss and struggle to accept it. However, hopefully we can in time once the tears subside allow God’s spirit to minister to our grief. And in his mercy he will grant us the wisdom to understand what at the tiem remains a haze of confusion.

I also hope that we have the strength to be encouraged to accept such loses are necessarily the consequence of sin. They can be, but if we seek the Lord his spirit will help us know the truth and grant us the awareness when those who try to make us feel guilty are merely serving Satan’s purposes as accusers rather than God’s.

IN GIFTED STANCE

There are all kinds of ways to be gifted. Some are naturally, others come with experience or by the call of the Lord.

The big problem is being called or gifted in some situation carries with it certain responsibilities. As a follower of Christ it means above else being obedient. It doesn’t mean necessarily that you will necessarily get the same kinds of rewards as one would for being gifted in something the world values.

This doesn’t keep people from translating being gifted by God has having the same consequences as the daily chores of one’s hands. I wish that were the reality, but often it isn’t.

In God’s realm to stand in obedience and faith within the landscape of testing and ply one’s gifts that are given from him is a land where the flowers that grow may at times only be seen in Heaven. We might understand that with our souls, but our hearts and minds can still be slaves to our egos.

I think a good test for our attitude is to simply ask in true honesty why do we stand and serve? Is it because we are doing what he wants with the gifts he has given us or is it to try and draw attention to ourselves? The answer can be harder to admit to than we will necessarily always accept.

This is of course an old theme and one that isn’t all that hard to understand, but it doesn’t mean we necessarily accept it according to God’s will. It is up to each of us in our hearts to face this reality.

I was reading a comment by this one person the other day that was talking about the problems of dealing with “unfruitful” people and soil. Essentially the focus of this person’s view was that all soil was in fact fertile and no soil was truly hard as much as the hardness is in our hearts.

There is some merit to this fact and yet we do know just as the world a universe has a variety of landscapes, so the soil of soul and life is varied. The issue really isn’t about the quality of the soil. It is more about our willingness to work whatever soil God grants us to experience.

The soil of course on a spiritual level can be appreciated as being the hearts of others as well as the fruit of our own ministries. God doesn’t necessarily make sure that all the soil is exactly the same. This is about equality, it is about being will with whatever is our spiritual gift to use it according to his purpose.

That might mean serving in some desert where the labor is very demanding and the fruit very sparse. Or it can translate into being in the mountains where we feel very close to God and the landscape is so overpowering and breathtaking. We simply are called to be faithful to the land where we were called. And if that soil is in fact difficult and hard, then we face that reality with a grateful heart that God thought us capable enough to even till the soil. I didn’t say we would necessarily feel grateful, but I can’t help feel that is how taking a gifted “stance” was intended for those serving with obedience as the purpose instead of attention.

RELAPSE

I fell
into a rut again.
One more
visit
in the land of slumbering
and sluggish lust mirages
where I normally
frequent in secrecy.
But my languishing
is never
forever.
Because I cling to the illusion
about
a magical staircase
that leads to heaven.
However
claming to find it
can be
the biggest lie
we tell ourselves.

IN THE WAKE

Our hearts can be measured at times not so much by our initial actions, but by how we deal with the consequences. We see victory and prosperity as the anchors of faith. Those that are rewards in our thinking and blessings for a pure ability to trust.

And yet it is when we fall into that crevice of despair and things don’t go our way that our faith either truly shines or dims completely. That is the bearing of being, the essence of our deepest feelings and a real yardstick of what we truly believe.

However it isn’t as glamorous of a spiritual image to regard the person in the shadows as one with as it is the one who stands in the limelight of success. We would rather emulate the victory than the darkness in our actions if possible. At least in terms of what we espouse are our desires.

Still since one can’t walk strictly by sight and in the light constantly, to abide with trust during the times when one is in the wake of heartache can be the time of true soul searching. It is the pedestal of reflection where we may finally cast off the vestments of excuses and let ourselves be truly honest about our feelings. In that moment of nakedness we can face the real dawn of truth about who we really are. And in the process ask the real burning question of whether the path we are following we are doing with complete and full desire or if we are simply doing it out of habit or out of fear of what somebody else might thing if we didn’t act in the same manner.

Sometimes we can live in this type of denial and forced conformity absent the need to face the real truth for a very long time. And if we happen to not be placed in a point of crisis where we must come to the wake of an episode we might be quite comfortable in our delusions. I’ve known some who plotted along for decades and found a way to resist any crossroads of reflection where God might finally use it as a tool that lead to some revelation that inspire a life change that brought a form of spiritual maturity.

This is not about salvation. It is about finding the real path where God wants to lead us. To be able to cast off the errors in our convictions and start over along a path that is more blessed and rewarding can be fearful. It is hard to admit we were wrong and sinned. That despite our prayers, biblical knowledge and desires we are still human and capable of making mistakes.

And in that vortex of doubts and questioning God can minister to us in a healing way. He can surround us with the light of his grace and understanding. We can come to a peace of knowing it was intended as a learning experience. That is because it is better to have learned from being in the wake of an experience than to simply return to the old path. The only tragedy is when we never profit in insight from our failings.

Grace is the link and bond that God bestows upon us as part of that journey. It is the glue of faith that can keep us from totaling falling apart when having to finally be honest about our true feelings. Some don’t depend upon this glue and would rather use some band-aid of excuse that appeals to our pride. In the journey of faith, a pit stop in the wake can be a blessing if we let God teach us. Only it means embracing being more dependent upon Jesus as Lord and Savior than our own strength. Some never learn that lesson others do. Hopefully we find the path intended and don’t use it as a detour into some cavern of greater denial.