THE COMPENSATION OF SUCCUMBING

When one’s pedestal
falls and crumbles
and life is swallowed
by the numbing reality
of having
no face or essence
discernable
within the lines of time
as read by those
seeing
only spot lights,
payment
for steadfastness
comes
in the succumbing.
Surrendering to a calling
regardless
if any bank or eye
recognizes the tender,
which God has given.

AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS

This is a wonderful sentiment. I’ve said it on occasion myself. However saying it and experience it are never going to be the same thing.

It is a reality of each person’s struggle in life that we can not always have the same feelings about a crisis if it isn’t happening to us. In such situations we might mean well by making the comment “and this too shall pass,” but to be honest I’m not persuaded it honestly makes someone feel better.

For me, uncertainty is the big soul killer. There is nothing more disheartening or agonizing to be in that wasteland of the unknown. It can be even more difficult if one doesn’t have a clear direction from the Lord in terms of his will.

Contrary to what some people might claim, I really think it isn’t unusual to be in a position where we trust in the Lord with any clear path of understanding. And it isn’t hard in such situations to honestly feel a sense of being lost.

Neither is it hard to not wonder why God doesn’t always grant us the light to clarify out confusion. They are all questions that sooner or later will arise in the mind of a believer going through those dark passages of wonder.

Regardless of the experience or the fact that valleys do pass it doesn’t mean we are prepared at the moment of crisis to accept that response. The greater the crisis, the more the heart may faint and reach a level where it is difficult to continuing truly be able to feel the capacity for trusting.

What does knowing this too shall pass truly do in terms of our thinking and faith? It is perhaps a plateau of remembrance where we stroll to try and find a oasis of memory to refresh our parched spirit. Only it may just seem like a distant mirage that we will never reach.

In my life this too shall pass has not always meant that a crisis ended without consequences. It is being aware of this that only heightens the anxiety later if another crisis occurs. So for me that time of experience leaves me less inclined to want to try a placate some other person with the comment “and this too shall pass.”

To me the part that passes in that individual crisis. In the sense that we understand nothing last forever. But trying to be dishonest about one’s feelings is from my view not the solution.

Which is why, I think during those harshest of moments it is a time to truly bear one’s real feelings to the Lord. How often it seems we are told this isn’t a sign of faith. Yet, what is the better way to express faith than to take that burden to the Lord?

Will that guarantee that the crisis and the consequences will disappear? No. Does it assure it will even mean we will be delivered as we feel we deserve or want? No it doesn’t mean that either. It does however become a point of confrontation where we face that mirror of truth and we can chose to do it by looking at what is really there of lying to ourselves. God will know the difference and deep down we will too.

REGRET AND RELIVE

I can’t imagine going through life and always making the perfect choice. To me, regret is that feeling one gets when we made a given choice that carried with it some element of loss, real or imagined. We may even feel that deep in our soul at the time, but it becomes a ghost that haunts our thoughts, sometimes for the rest of our lives.

The game of “what if’ often becomes a form of mental solitaire at some point in life. We can look back and reflect upon some opportunity we didn’t take advantage of in the past and have second thoughts about our choices. Perhaps the biggest regrets brew as a nauseous stew in our soul from the times when feel we passed on a choice out fear.

Such as when might have had a chance to risk say some investment or other aspect of our lives and gave in to the fear. Then we spend the time reflecting and wondering what might have happened it we tried.

As time drifts by, the mind seems to become more and more encumbered by such thoughts. In part because we have at times a world of diminishing options as we get older so it is only natural to have a few regrets when we didn’t make certain choices.

Going through the tedious exercise of self-lament never changes the past. What it can do is deprive of us of the vision to relive a given choice in a different form.

I think back to the story of people of Israel when they were in the desert. They send spies into the promised land to check it out. The spies came back saying it was a great land, but filled with giants. That it was impossible to claim.

Only Joshua and Caleb objected to this view. They insisted God would grant them the victory if they trusted him.

But because they were overruled by the others, they had to wait for forty years till that generation died off before God gave them both a second chance. Talk about a reason to have regret.

For me the simply point is that there are many reasons we don’t always managed to take advantage of a given opportunity. And among those is certainly the Lord’s timing.

The good news is that he can restore or give us reason to relive the experience, but in a positive way. That is providing it is his will and we are willing to accept the means he choose to grant us a chance to relive some part of our lives.

It is a choice we have to make at times and not everyone is willing. Some merely resist and in the process end up losing out on what God would make possible in a different time.

Never allowing the voice of regret to drown out the voice of reason and hope is part of the process of faith each of us has to learn. Hopefully without spending more time complaining than listening.

REALTY

Lips and tongues
are the burden
of “sum.”

Bleeding to the core
while pretending
life isn't a chore,
who could
ever ask for more?

Moronic trepidation
and scalawag prophecies,
tomorrow’s claimed virgin
already gave birth
to yesterday’s martyr.

We all dance
at the ball
played in our head.

Taking the lead
requires a mask
and a lie
while pandering
dream soaring pilots
think
they can fly.

SUBLIME OR DIVINE

One would assume with “spiritual maturity” that you would be talking about someone who actually was able to tell the things of God from the things of man. I wish spiritual maturity meant you were more astute in terms of what God inspired and what he didn’t, but I’m not sure that is always the case.

Which for me brings up the issue of what really is divine or spiritual. A simple definition might be that something that is spiritual is related to anything to do with the spirit. Or anything conversely not related to this world or the flesh.

But spiritual by that definition doesn’t necessarily related to being define. A feeling can seem like it is spiritual because it is peaceful or serene, yet it might not have anything to do with God.

Perhaps to me the major difference has to do with where does that experience point in terms of its source? Doe a given feeling so sublime lead one to more awareness of Jesus as lord and savior or bring attention to oneself?

It is hard, admittedly, to recognize the source when exposed for the first time to some emotionally overwhelming experience of which the soul bears witness. There is just something truly indescribably numbing in a special way when one is touched on the spiritual plain and never been touched there before.

And within any soul the same repository of sensations exists. It just isn’t always the Lord who inspires and touches. The devil can weave a deception too.

Again I think the most critical element is to ask the basic question, does this sublime sensation truly bring me closer to the Lord and his truth? Sometimes people become so enamored with the experience they never even ask that question.

It might be a sensation that is glorious and full of what one thinks is genuine light, but one’s spirit is skewed by the distraction of the moment. Basically one doesn’t see God, he or she sees the sensation as the pivotal instrument of revelation.

God works signs in our lives to point to him. Man conjures signs to point to his ego! We are not and never will be the center of the universe, spiritual or otherwise.

With a true moment of sublime sensation where God is the author is that the self gets blotted out by his divine light. You simply don’t think of yourself in such situations and get totally caught up by an awareness of his reality. That is the truest form of joy because no thoughts of ME will taint the intended revelation.

It is to serve as a catalyst of faith. A pinprick of enlightenment which fuels the passion of trust far more than to simply give us bragging rights at the next fellowship session. Seeing with the real eyes of God’s inspiration grants a vision beyond the consuming horizon of our own self-serving world.

AT PLAY IN THE CLOUDS

As a writer and having a writer’s imagination I doubt the day will ever come when I don’t spend a great deal of time in the realm of fantasy. I suppose I could say it is an excuse, but at the same time for me I view my writing as also a calling. To that degree I feel very comfortable letting my mind drift between this realm and thoughts of eternity. Sometimes they come via a bridge of “light” and I discover something that helps me see what I didn’t know.

To others, I suppose my life would hardly be considered as exciting. I never take vacations and with spiraling gas prices I am learning is slowly evolving around staying home more and more. Outside of work and family demands, my life consists of exercise and writing both as a leisure and act of faith.

Yet despite the simplistic and lack of variation I seldom feel all that bored. I honestly find so much joy in the process of creation that I just don’t feel deprived by the lack of other diversions.

I’m not suggesting that my lifestyle is better than others. Merely attempt to share how even when one’s life is confined in some way, it can with the Lord’s help still have joy.

I would be lying if I said I never longed to travel and explore other parts of the world. I would also love to be in a position as a writer where I could live by what I write. I’m sure most writers have that dream. And like most writers, I am aware that it will probably stay more a dream than a reality.

Still, being aware of this doesn’t curtail my enthusiasm. It doesn’t make me feel cheated because what I write is seen by few rather than many. God’s grace grants me the calm and peace to savor his touch of joy despite the accolades.

So when life seems to ebb away without a point and we feel cheated of our dreams, listen. Grant the Lord the opportunity to open one’s eyes to the clouds where one can fly in the midst of the valley. The journey truly is far more enriched than we can image if we watch for his leading.

Perhaps the silence of our ache of longing, we can discover the beauty within that we may have missed in our haste to find that path others would admire. Some accumulate great riches and never find that path. Other’s never even bother to look.

For the few who do and God graces the moment a smile can shine through the haze of our misunderstanding. We can learn by Paul’s example and discover how in all states to learn contentment. It is not the scenery that can purge our discord. Instead is the blossoms within our heart as they face towards God that gives life and joy where others find only unrest for their passions.

May the Lord touch as only he can with the light that warms in the coldness of our sadness. May peace be the banner we find in the absence of chasing mirages and rainbows.

ALL IN THE ARMS

I was in a church that was a member of a major denomination. Its congregation was predominately conservative and was inclined towards traditional values. This was during the time when the charismatic renewal fad was sweeping through many churches.

This fad seemed to become focused in our church on the issue of raising one’s hands as a form of praise during the worship service. That might seem like a trivial issue, but for those who has sudden become spiritually intoxicate by the ale of “emotionalism” this might have well been an criteria for salvation.

I don’t think it would have been so bad if they had simply been content to participate in the expression for themselves. However, those who were involved seem to make it their duty to help the rest of us “see the light.” Naturally, not everyone saw the need to expression their praise in such a manner. Which resulted in a major form of strive in the church and ultimately the pastor and his more spiritual followers left the church. They claimed they had to find a place where people were more receptive to the leading of God’s spirit.

Eventually they did find another church in which to practice their own version of spirituality. Only it didn’t attract any other followers. In time the pastor left the ministry and the members disbanded to find some other house of worship in which to participate. A few even returned to the original church, but they never actually stay very long.

It is so sad when such differences end up dividing and destroying the harmony of a group of believers. I think in terms of faith, it is important were try to be obedient to how the Lord leads. Everyone is different and none of us is capable of truly understanding the intimacy of another person relationship with the Lord.

But in the process what happens is the precarious balance between understanding how God guides us verses how it is meant as a test of our obedience. To follow the Lord as he leads is the call upon each believer’s life. To translate that into some tradition that applies to all followers is to take it to a level that isn’t always God’s will.

Ultimately, it is all in the arms. The Lord’s arms where he comforts us and guides us according to our will.

May it become a song within our hearts. A melody of praise where we lift up our souls as a willing instrument to be used for the Lord’s glory.

And perhaps along the way enjoy the simple silence of letting God’s spirit speak through our lives instead of just our lips. Then our arms can work the purposes of his desire rather than the will of our own mind.

I pray we find the happy medium between listening and obedience without too many pit stops at the oasis of self. May it guide and inspire as only his spirit can bring light.

THE SECRETS OF DIDYMUS

“Does he know?”
I’ve asked myself a hundred times
if my Master can truly see passed my lying eyes
of muttered laments and stabbing stress.

I know the answer far too well
from all his piercing and revealing words
spoken while we have traveled along the dirt roads
between his sermons and miracles.

Can I hide that painful rendezvous in stolen seconds
when I snuck off earlier to meet my family
and we exchanged the bittersweet comments
questioning my sanity over following the son of a carpenter?

In this room's stale air
where the blend of sweat and roasted lamb
suffocates my nostrils
it is this tension that I feel ache my soul.

Next to me, Matthew exchanges grim glances
with Simon the Zealot again.
The former tax collector and the fanatic
using their eyes to vent words better not said.

And then there is Peter
who tries to rule, but retreats on so many occasions
as a tempest rock of uncertainty.

To the Master’s right is John
who clings to him for attention and love,
but we've all seen him
during less spiritual moments
when his darker, thunderous side is exposed
and like his brother his temper explodes.

The surrealism of this Passover lies in my gut like a stone
as I recall how our Master washed our feet,
but it couldn’t cleanse our moods.

Now he says one of us will play traitor
causing my spirit to sag with guilt,
while I hide my panic and wonder,
“Does he know?”

THE GAZING MASK

Visionary eyes always look beyond the horizon at images and times yet to be. But so often the person who is doing the seeing isn’t necessarily a volunteer in the process. With the Lord’s anointing it is a calling. The person will have the sight without it being because it was a reward or deserved.

For those not so inclined they will occasionally rely upon the overdramatic approach to convey this sight. It is contrived with the focus being on the person rather than the vision.

It isn’t my desire to question the integrity of someone’s claim to have visions. Any more than their claiming to have any spiritual experience.

I’m simply making an observation in terms of how easy it is to “act” the part of some vision without it being real. A person can learn to say the right things or do the rights or even act in a way that makes you believe God spoke to them in some intimate and special way.

I’ve never personally be fond of saying something like “the Lord told me.” Not because I discount the fact that God can speak to anyone, I just feel it is not as common an experience as some might like to claim.

I have had several experiences in my spiritual life that I felt God’s spirit was inspiring me in some special way. This included the occasional moment that I put in the category of a vision. However, I can honestly say that the Lord has never spoken to me in an audible way. If he did, I sure didn’t recognize it.

I think the one thing we can appreciate is that the Lord’s involvement with each follower is intended to be intimate and personal. But it also involves faith and to that end there are times he will let us wander to some degree in the shadows of uncertainty for the sake of testing our faith.

Still, when he does touch our live in a special way, it is in keeping with his will and his word. For me that means there are definitely circumstances when he would have a reason to reveal himself in a far more intimate way than with others. I’m thinking of such as with the apostle and the prophets.

Given the nature of their calling and the significance it play in the stream of history we can certainly understand why some would have those types of encounters. Someone such as Moses would have had the rare experience of seeing the Lord in a special way.

But does God do that for everyone. Not from what I have noticed. Only it just doesn’t keep some from the need to don that “gazing” mask. They can’t avoid the need to put themselves in the center of the spiritual world.

For me the guideline I observe is whether the message given or the means used truly points towards Christ or towards the person. In that question, if asked for the sake of understanding, I feel God will reveal the truth.

BY THE VERSE REFLECTIONS

A man’s gift maketh room for him, and
bringeth him before great men.
Proverbs 18:16

THE MANTLE

Born of the soul and indelibly etched upon the heart,
are stirred the sleeping skills lying within
by a predestined call of anointing
only God’s spirit can impart.

He stretches forth our wings of faith
causing us to fly with a vision sired face
passed every thread of doubt’s mental lace.

Inflaming our confidence to see so clear
as his loving touch empowers us
to rise above our inner talents simpler tier
till we shine and are seen with greater cheer
than comes from any friend or other peer.

THE PRAYER

Oh lord grant me eyes to see
and a heart to truly be
adorned to faithful use the gifts
you have placed in me.

TOMORROW ' S GRACES

The bank was closed,
a parchment of reality
declared to
to my mind.
I still visited
and knocked on the door,
hoping it was a mistake.
But a decrepit guard
only laughed
at my despair.
By morning,
midnight came
for my delusion.
A dove’s birdsong
from nowhere special
breathed perfume
of compassion
into the statue
that I created
from my essence.

A WELL OF WELLS

The fount of knowing has many different springs. Some refresh more than others. There are those with pure refreshment that can truly cleanse the mind with insight. And then there are others where they seem to purge us with wisdom, but it truly doesn’t bring any “hydration” to our thoughts or soul.

Jesus once had a conversation with a woman at a well that revolved around his teaching her about refreshment that was more than just for the body. And that is truly a well far more different and special that any usual types of wells.

It is hard to always appreciate how they are different though. Some times people look upon the Christian message and even Jesus and don’t see how they are different from religions. Efforts upon the part of believers to explain the difference never inspire some individuals to taste the flow from the well. They just think it is “another” religion and Jesus as a good and wise teacher.

Along the way the reality is people will always have a spiritual thirst. That doesn’t mean they will appreciate it. For the body doesn’t scream for something to drink. It is more of a “felt” response or inner surge of need.

So instinctively people will search for the well to drink into their souls. They might not be willing to concede how that is the essence of their quest, but they will search any way.

Such a quest often ends with leading in a lot of directions where the refreshment is satisfying to some degree, but it never quenches the soul’s thirst. And since we are all different, there are some who will never make the connection between that inner restlessness and the emptiness of vain pursuit as they soul dying of thirst.

Thus is life pursued. Some finding the way to the well of wells and tasty of the Holy Spirit’s life giving water with joy and awareness of it being different than any other you can taste.

Others will pass by and never give it a thought. They are too busy looking for some revelatory “bottled” water than comes in an appealing package. Even though it may never taste quiet as satisfying they think it is just as good.

Then there are those who come to other wells. Those belonging to teachers of a different form of spirituality. It fits their palette and so they feel satisfied.

It is hard to say though at times, which is more unfortunate. Those trying to live on the bottle water of self-reliance or the flow for wells other than the well of wells offered by the Lord.

For myself, I’m happy just taking a drink provided by the Lord. I didn’t create it, but when I drink, I’m always satisfied.

GLORY TO THE LORD

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine the other day and we both agreed that a really big flag with regards to people’s real “spiritual” motives is who gets the glory for their works. To me, when it comes to serving the Lord, it is His spirit that works through us. We are His obedient vessel and it is our hands doing the work, it is HIS energy or inspiration.

As I writer I do write using my own words, but do I draw only from my own inspiration or imagination? Oh perhaps in terms of some tale I’m writing, but when it comes to the gift of any revelation that is only God’s doing in my opinion. I just enjoy celebrating the shear fact that despite my sin and failures, he still in his mercy finds some use for my soul and essence.

So any good that comes from what I do, I see as God’s glory not mind. I’m content with just to celebrate partaking in the process.

In the pomp and circumstance of “look at me” spiritual circuses where one dons his or her best mask for self-righteous piety, it is easy to allow the limelight to shine only on one’s face. Being mortal and flawed we have plenty of reason to crave some attention.

However, in reflection, what I have oft times observed is how the most genuine of spirits and souls seemed to be the quiets ones in terms of boasting. They in muted display of words went about with a calming smile rejoicing in whatever they did that could in some way bring glory to the Lord.

Ironically, it seemed to me that those who were totally consumed with trying to gleam glory for themselves ended up the unhappiest in the process. Each act of “look at me” only fueled an obsession for more attention rather than any satisfaction. There just was never the point obtained where one found a peace of fulfillment.

Thus is the peril of the soul. To walk in God’s light and not forget that it is his light guiding the way and not our light. When we think our brilliances casts a perfect illumination it only blinds us to the pride that seduces.

Being blinded by that light long enough clouds one’s vision of heaven. We can easily slip into the stupidity of thought that somehow we can be clothed in the radiance of our own greatness. Those fateful words “Well done” that the Lord will say in heaven will be commended to the good and faithful servant. The good part is in reality, given Jesus said none are good, can only be HIS goodness that comes from his spirit. The other element is of course faith.

And it is to me the absence of obsession with thinking ourselves the center of the known world or in any way the perfect expression of a servant. One step after another, we walk by faith and not by sight. Hopefully we do so without stubbing our toe the impediments of pride that often cause us to stumble.

NEVER ON SUNDAY

My wife and I were coming home from lunch on Easter Sunday and she made this passing comment about they “twice a year” crowd. Those were the people who flock to church twice a year as if God truly is impressed with that type of faith.

Not that I’m wishing to criticize a person for following what is important to their thinking. But rather to simply reflect on the sadness of how often it seems that we easily slip into the idea of what we think is holy has the same priority in God’s eyes.

It doesn’t seem to matter what God’s word says or how Jesus once condemned such attitude when it came to keeping rituals out of habit instead of obedience and faith. Which regrettably is one addiction that too often occurs in human nature.

There was a time in this country, for example when certain type so business or establishments didn’t stay open on Sunday. I’m sure there are places even today where that practice still takes place.

However, in many ways, time and changes in attitude have prevailed and what was thought as “spiritual” once no longer is given the same consideration or relevance. Of course in terms of tradition the foundation of the way one observes a religious day comes from the Old Testament admonitions regarding keeping the Sabbath.

Part of keeping it “holy” or set aside from the rest of the week was to not do any labor. On a practical level it was to be sure people took one day out of seven to truly rest. And on a spiritual level it was to take that time when the body rested to allow the soul to reflect upon our Lord. At least that was the intention.

The debate over Sabbath keeping often intrudes upon Christian circles. What is often strange is how people want to treat Sunday as the Sabbath, when it was and always will be on Saturday. When they try to make Sunday a Sabbath they are in reality merely showing their ignorance of what is the real Sabbath.

As Christians, Jesus is the Lord of the Sabbath. To keep the Sabbath is to in essence put one’s faith in him. It isn’t tide to a given day, it is tied to a given SAVIOR!

That will never be enough for those who want to tie their salvation to works. So for them going to church or avoiding some activity in relationship to a given day will always in their eyes be a spiritual activity approved by God. He does know our hearts and He can pierce through all the pretense and our facades of religiosity to what truly resides within.

For me, I celebrate with joy the precious gift of salvation and never link it to a given day. I am content to see Jesus as Lord over all my days and don’t think my sitting in a pew on a Sunday as anything that makes me closer to him that when I’m elsewhere. Perhaps the elements of the Spirit’s touch can caress our sense of truth enough that we don’t have to spend as much time saying “never on Sunday” and instead say always to the Savior every day of the week.

WHO IS

Who is
the artist born
that shines
a creative light,
which is never
greeted
by any scorn?
We are pillars
disguised
as breath.
The fabric of the soul
transcending
all the legacy
of hate
from the day
so rich in the mar
produced
by thoughts about
lust to treat as god
one’s quest for gold.

ENVIOUS WOUNDS

One wouldn’t think that there could be any real joy in comparing scars. I was in a church once where that was the reality. Basically, people took pride in what they regarded as suffering.

The thing is when it came to suffering their idea of suffering was a lot different than mine. For one thing I found it rather difficult to view someone as suffering to any great degree who considered such things as having to paint their house as traumatic or an ordeal. That might seem a bit of an exaggeration, but from the mindset of these folks this type of event was a crisis.

And so here was this small band of middle class individuals who all had homes, reliable sources of income. Plus all the usual trappings of affluence that honestly viewed themselves as poor suffering saints of God.

It was true with regards to age issues since they were faced with a great many understandable health problems. But for the most part they were divorced the realities of having to cope financially with being a working person in this day and age. Or any of the other demands that people without financial security often faced.

I wouldn’t want to deny anyone the blessings or prosperity they had earned, but I did still find it sad that a person would try to put worrying about the repair to a house in the same category as someone with serious problems. It was a matter of perspective I suppose. I just wonder at times if they honestly had the capacity to understand that it hardly took the same level of trust in God as it would in other situations. Fretting over some remodeling chore just didn’t seem to me to be the same as say being homeless and worrying about your next meal.

Still in this situation the people often loved to demonstrate how much they were obviously being faithful because of all this alleged suffering that took place. The only thing they didn’t do was say a whole lot about their praising of God for his mercy and giving them strength to survive some crisis. It was more as if the focus was proofing who had the biggest scars and thus was the most suffering of all the saint in that climate.

In the spiritual tapestry of life where we weave the seconds with a needle of thought and actions, it is hard at times to see it as God sees it. Everyone has peril in their life to some degree. But I don’t think the point of it is in order so we can turn our suffering into being a bigger cross to bear than anyone else.

Redemption is a more than a process of saving the soul. It will touch other aspects of life. Including our ability to see how suffering in a much different light than we first imagined.

It is never intended to be some badge of honor worn like a medal. We aren’t supposed to gather together and decide, which of us has the most tribulation trophies.

May the light of God’s purposes shine intently into our eyes. And help us to always see his will in the midst of our tears. It might not give us a reason to boast, but it will always give a reason to pray and praise.

THIS DAY

It is so easy at times to get caught up in the process of plans and thinking of the future and dreams while letting the clock tick away. To sit back with one’s head in a fog of thought and miss out on what a day truly has to offer.

Each day seems to have its own rhythm and quality. That hardly means everyday is a blessing either. Not in terms of making us feel totally happy to be alive.

We are told that following the Lord means also going through valleys and admittedly some days represent valleys in themselves. Reaching sundown can be such a wonderful time of reflection and relief or just another yawn from it being routine.

Sometimes though in the process of haste during our momentary haste it is easy to forget the precious gift of each heartbeat. Not a whole day’s worth, but each and every single one as being a sign of god’s grace.

The last few weeks have been one’s of great stress for me and my family. We are in the middle of a very demanding situation that involves the construction of a house. When we started it seemed like it would work out okay. But now, months later the luster of dreams and the joy of anticipation have eroded. We are in the desert of disillusionment where there lurks a growing doubt that the project will be finished while we still have the means to afford it. That prospect burdens upon our soul like a shadowy millstone that weighs us down to the point where it is hard to rise above the moments of deep depression.

In the midst of this looming uncertainty there are the precious times during a given day when God seems to have mercy upon our suffering and anxiety. It never purges our life of all the residue of sadness, just gives us a small sense of joy that perhaps tomorrow will bring other than more heartache.

But just as we each see life and a day differently, so our experiences vary. And for some the sunshine brings happiness, for others grief. Being strong enough to see only what God wants to touch us with in our vision is one gift not all possess.

So when a given day’s fruit seems to sour and we feel depleted of our hope, stopping to ponder the day is always a blessed oasis. To see it in perspective that it might be our last heartbeat can help to make it more a time to embrace rather than hate.

Will this make the demons flee? Will it somehow touch us with pure euphoria till we can celebrate alone without feeling a need for tears? Probably not, but it can help us remind ourselves how now day is a promise of more than time. And even in the moments when that doesn’t seem enough we can ask ourselves to step out by faith and trust God to grant us the sight to see it with his spirit’s guiding.

That doesn’t have to be an exercise of worship. It can be a source of leaning and faith that turns a day into a blessing in some special way that we never imagined even in the midst of a storm.

THE END OF ILLUSIONS

My soul willingly sails its mental skies
with passion’s torch flaming my inner web of sighs
which are consumed by a fiery inebriation of dream wine
while I feel that inexorable touch
from a creative sprite of zephyr rush.

Riding a wishful threaded cerebral carpet,
I soar across the enchanted, burnished fantasia glades
thriving with a bounty of luxuriant, visionary plumes.

Stunned with a gaze in an euphoric, vein numbing ecstasy
over the spectacle of fancy’s fragrant fertile foliage
causes my mind’s eye to burn from its luminous scenery
adorned by a bounty of glorious and vivid image blooms.

Until my bliss addicted essence
is summoned to the precipice
between figment’s fragile fleeting forms
and the timeless depths
from veracity’s simple sea of physical norms.

On my inner sage’s guiding palm
protruding from a cliff of reality’s interlude
there appears the revealing orb of eternal erudition
rendering me reborn
of being and sight.

A celestial chorus resonates
inside my nomadic spirit,
uttering and provoking
through a gut wrenching chant
so incredibly intense and clear,
“Awake! Awake!
Live anew
beyond the shadows, myths and fear!”

HARMONY

This is a wonderful sentiment. Always has the glorious feeling of permanence to it. But since little in life ever stays the same the word just doesn’t find a lot of substance in our experience.

So how come we get hung up on talking as if always is a reality? Because it sounds so darn good!

Which is the part of life that “always” gives me a reason to smile I guess. After all what fun is life if we can’t cling to a few fairy tales?

I see it all the time. People talk about wanting the truth, but boy do we love any lies that give us a chance to ignore it.

Which is probably why I cling to this little marvelous word as much as possible. Life is a lot of things, but it just seems most of the time that just doesn’t translate into experience.

In the meantime we can celebrate all those hard working and creative souls who invent the truth so we don’t have to. They love to paint with that lovely shade of fabrication white wash that looks so great in covering up the truth. I’m proud of the great job they do!

Why think about it. If it wasn’t for the cinematic gurus and those sitcom wizards where would we be? Always would be some mirage we could never believe in. It wouldn’t even be worth thinking about.

Instead we can pollute out systems with heart clogging crap, let are arteries harden, put of reality as long as possible and kick back to veg out while watching some movie. Oh yeah, you can talk all you want about the American way, but I’m sure you will never hear about it mentioned as being involved in devoting so much effort “always” finding new ways to avoid life.

And think about how this makes us true leaders in the world. They hate us or so they claim for the way we abuse the environment and the rest of humanity. But let’s be realistic, deep down what gripes them the most is we are just better at manipulating the facts to keep our always nice and safe in some glass container where nobody can touch it.

So be proud folks. You have every reason to be. We are in the history books of greatness when it comes to knowing how to be the kind of dreamers others have a reason to envy.

If by chance some day (hopefully not in my life time) that somebody succeeds in utterly destroying our fabric of lies and we have the whole thing crash around us, we can still smile. For we have enough practice at lying about always nobody will even notice at our end.

THIS SACRAMENT

What is sacred most in your heart? That is the sacrament, which truly God sees regardless of what we love to put on display at church on Sundays.

It doesn’t mean that we will always confess our most precious elements even to ourselves. The real eyes of our soul, which to me extend through our arms instead of our lips, become the reflection of that inner most sacrament.

Within the realms of spirituality where one travels as a Christian God knows what sacraments that we will truly become consumed to desire if he ignites the right torch. We can evolve with the help of the Holy Spirit into new forms of sacrament. They can sometimes confuse if it is an unfamiliar domain of thought in one’s live.

On the surface life may appear to remain the same. We are still creatures of flesh. That means we have to eat, work and basically do all the other chores of the body. It is from this mix of need and worldly desires that are born and coveted the sacraments we invent as our passions.

But as followers of Christ we will often have God ingrain us with His sacraments. They may not be the same for each person and because they are spiritually related it doesn’t mean they will necessarily make sense on a practical level.

Unto that process we can unknowingly be servants of his spiritual wind. Our lives can transcend the simply common madness and replace with a deeper more intense affection. One that will consume and guide us as serves God’s purpose. Providing we don’t resist what initially will be at times confusing to our brains.

By this means some have drifted apart from what is consider normal and appropriate. They have surrender to this new sacrament without being to explain it or its allure. It simply is what one knows you have to do.

In a world where the flesh is the sacrament of appraisal and mammon the trophy of desire, something that only has the substance of the wind may elude practical logic. But what some don’t appreciate is how the wind is the bridge of essence, which truly links to eternity. It will have substance long after the things of this world we think are important have ceased to exist.

To the carnal mind, none of that will be understood. Life for them is an investment. Until one’s dying breath consumption and accumulation are the addictions of the heart and its greatest sacraments.

The gap between light and shadows, between the eternal and the now will always be lacking in adequate definition for the ears of those who can’t hear heaven’s song. They will think in their excess they are the true victors of life. However it is only when they come to eternity’s junction will they ever truly fathom how what was consumed by this worlds’ wind was only a exhale of dying sacrament and not the gold of Heaven.

APART

Distance from our hopes and dreams isn't always initially a joy. Like so many aspects of life though there are often purposes and lessons that one can learn from the process. It doesn't mean we are willing to look for them, but it does me they are there.

In the practical issues of life the meaning of absence can upon occasion have relevance in the spiritual arena. Sometimes I think we look for a more lofty importance in such situations. However the truth is that God knows we are mortal and sometimes the best way to get our attention is to take away our toys. Maybe not permanently, but long enough for us to see what is in our own heart.

That doesn't mean we are willing to see what shines into the darkness. We can close our eyes in order to avoid the truth. When we do, God can always create another avenue of being apart to challenge our thinking.

Just like with any testing, if we resist long enough things may develop the illusion of getting better. We might even interpret it as a blessing as a form of rationalization for our disobedience and refusal to respond as the Lord would have desired.

Thus a sense of being apart may at that point end up lingering longer than might seem necessary. We pray and feel that God isn't listening when it reality it is us that didn't do the listening because we didn't see in the distance what was really being said.

Some people look to translate all such moments of gaps in the heavenly light we see as curable with some formula. If I just do this then everything will be okay.

So they mentally scribble some directions for themselves down on a map of their own purposes. And they may ever follow the map while telling everyone else how well they solved their problem of this kind of distance.

Should you experience a similar event they will naturally offer up their own map as the cure for your distance. If in your case following map only gets you lost, they will never accept that their map might be wrong.

As with any path of faith, we can't always travel in the light. The valleys and shadows will be there. And that also means the times when we can truly feel the same sense of closeness to the Lord as we want.

But it is far better to embrace the understanding that in such moments of feeling apart, God is really there. That he truly does have a reason for our enduring that episode of confusion.

If we continuing trusting and following the path we were originally given, we are more likely to come to the oasis of spiritual belonging. It will bring us better satisfaction than if we get bored with the feeling of being all alone and give up. However. each soul must make such choice on their own path. Some will never see in the mood of apartness what was intended, others will. May we look for God's light wherever it shines.

THIS ALTAR

This altar
has no light
for the world
to recognize
its sacrifices.
Yet
is speaks
with a heavenly joy
over the footsteps
that uncontrollably march
towards its destiny.
How rich and sacred
are the lives
who find peace
and delight
where others
only see
shadows,
suffering
or shame.

TOGETHER

Is the cause of thought truly served by the chaos of prejudice? Essentially, we know there are so many layers that reside behind smiles and eyes. This is basic to human nature no matter how we choose to speak of equality and fairness.

What is truly gained by making this truth out to be some kind of illusion that we foster though vain words and pretense is hard to understand at times. We strive to ignore the fateful union in this life between heart and sin. It is the bond of reality, the mar of our legacy that we love to avoid accepting.

Insert a mix of religiosity and what swells in the thinking is this presumption that spirituality and faith are somehow inoculations against the infections of sin. When this game is played to seriously, only fabrication can ever alter the reality of how dysfunctional such a view is for our essence.

I believe God’s repository in out life was that undercoat of sub-conscious and spiritual essence. We might on a conscious level ignore or lie about our behavior, but I don’t think it in any way keeps us from deep down knowing the truth.

Sadly we prefer the lofty fairy tale of our own goodness. We want to believe we are other than someone possessed of a dark side. That we can arrive to a point of life where sin no longer affect us.

One can always tell when such thinking prevails in some people’s lives. They will make sure you are aware of every so-called good deed they think they have performed. If pressed by an accusation over some error or sin in their lives, such people almost always divert attention away from their shortcomings by pointing out all the good they claim the do. Thus the dialogue is, “I’m not a bad person, even if I did do this one thing wrong because look at all the good I do.”

A deeper seed of image residing in that delusion is the one that someone regards deeds as a barter for sin. That one can in any way earn a single shred of forgiveness by one’s works. The only work that earns any forgiveness is the one perform by our lord and savior on the cross.

Faith, putting one’s trust in Jesus’ work at Calvary, is what brings the grace of God’s gift of salvation to our souls. Our works, which should be the expression of God’s spirit in our lives, are therefore not a source of boasting or pride. They are in reality what we should do out of obedience when his spirit leads. The joy ought to be ours for rejoice that we responded in obedience when so called.

To place one’s joy in the deed itself is such a temptation to let that deed somehow validate our self-worth, which thus makes it a selfish, self-serving act. Knowing the difference that it is faith and salvation go together instead of good deeds and salvation is a truth and wisdom whereby some enter the abode of God and are told “Well done good and faithful servant” or to be told, “depart from me for I never knew you.”

THE ENDLESS HORIZON

I remember once when I was in high school I was walking home after football practice. The time change had taken place and it was already dust. As I strolled down the side of the road I looked ahead and this particular road stretched so far that I couldn’t see the end. I knew in reality it did end, but gazing at this two lane asphalt stripped line on both side by trees, it just created for me the illusion of being endless. And with the faint aura of the ebbing sundown highlighting the distance, it gave the image for me the impression of leading to some mystical and enchanted place. I only wish it really did.

There was a movie I saw as a kid that was years earlier about how this old man managed to trap death in this tree he could control so he was able to keep from dying. Death, being far more clever than the man imagined, seduced the old man’s grandson into the street where he was hit by a car. He gave the man the choice of letting him out of the tree to save the boys life, which also meant he would die or he could let the boy die and stay alive himself. Well, this movie was made at a time when grandparents were models of love so obviously the old man was willing to die himself in order to save his grandson.

How this relates to this subject is that at the end of the movie the old man does die, but you see him, able to walk again in the afterlife and strolling down a long endless road. It was an image of eternity that has always stuck with me just like that moment when I gazed down the road to what looked like eternity.

I have found the spiritual message in the midst of such endless horizons. They convey the reality that our own horizon of life is itself also endless. It passage from this world to the next.

At times though we do get far more engrossed in reaching some closer horizon. A goal or desire that consumes our thoughts and makes us forget the more important destination that is our future. It is so easy to get distracted.

We can easily become like that old man who tries to cling to life and make it the most important aspect of being. It is as if the endless horizon will somehow stay in the distance and never be reached if we just don’t look at it.

Yet, just as with the old man, how often it is that we can find what we fear or try to avoid thinking about it eternity will be so totally far more blessed and satisfying if we open our eyes and accept its reality.

Perhaps we can gaze a little more with clarity if we keep that divine map of promise as our source of inspiration and road map. It can be a joy when we are able to follow the directions that we know will lead us where is our intended destination.

May we always find the Lord’s light to shine upon our journey and let it guide us as only his spirit can lead. Then we shall know the endless horizon as a joy instead of a burden or place we grow weary of reaching.

COLLECTIONS

Little vases
march out of the closets
that exists
between light
and bright.
they are silent,
But rip at the heart
like demons
until we fill them
with the water
of our lives.
It is the very sweat of intentions,
dripping,
nearly bleeding
from our
mental chalkboards of sins.
In the sanctuary
where we sup
upon a diet of assumptions
breath becomes perfect and exhausted.

TURNING POINTS

The scriptures paint the life of faith is one travel by a narrow path instead of a broad one. However that doesn’t mean it isn’t without curves or detours. It only means that the borders of your behavior are more confined, but this is by choice.

Mainly on the broad path you one is free to do whatever since sin isn’t an issue. It is a path that is basically easy to follow with less sense of restriction.

This makes it more appealing perhaps, which is part of the reason it is the one most often followed. However, with the Lord easier doesn’t always mean more blessed despite the way people in this life might view it.

Along the narrow path of trust there are those times when you do reach a curve or some crossroads. It may even seem like a change that is unappealing, dangerous or harmful in some way. Having to walk the path of faith doesn’t mean we can always see the distance clearly. There are times when it is foggy and we have no idea what lies around the bend.

What makes things even more difficult is when you stumble and fall and those who are also walking the same path decide to criticize instead of encourage. That is truly sad. There is nothing more heartbreaking than having some other Christian mock or add to your burden than stopping to help you back to your feet.

Others will simply be in such a hurry to race passed you they may not even notice that you fell. Or perhaps they will turn, wave and say “The Lord bless you,’ then hurry off without worrying if you can survive. They may been later go to church boast how loving they are and “prayed” for you.

Those are also turning points in life. I know I’ve experienced them way too often with some people. A turning point on the journey of faith can thus be a revelation as well as a point of change in direction.

That doesn’t mean we always enjoy them. We may even be left confused and frustrated in the process.

God’s promise is not to take away those moments of stumbling or keep us from the turning points. It is instead of at part of the journey where he will grant us the strength and endurance to keep walking.

Beyond the footsteps and difficult path, beyond the questions and lack of map at times or wandering in darkness, our destination is ultimately what counts the most. Some get too caught up in the landscape of this life with all its mammon flowers. They get intoxicated by the fragrances of pleasure and forget that it is fleeting.

The winds of life drift over every path, narrow or broad. What is our choice is how we choose to deal with each difference and whether then up a lure that sends us off away from our journey of trust instead of walking ahead.

SPOKEN

I struggle so often in that wilderness of uncertainty. It is the place where the shadows of doubt darken life and hope.

Being able to trust in the Lord based solely upon a promise of his word is not as confusing in some ways as when you are trusting on some other criteria. You may feel God wants you to do something and even have an affirmation, but in the vagueness it becomes so easy for Satan to ring in one’s thoughts with doubts.

How often when a situation turns to a crisis does it become a time when those recrimination seeds are most prone to take root and blossom. And I have learned the number of times that I thought something was God’s will and it turned out not to be the case that I know I have no perfect ears or mind to never be wrong.

I find it difficult to not let the doubts conquer my faith in such situations. And I really don’t doubt God’s ability to do anything, but I do appreciate he doesn’t always act according to my desires.

For some faith is claiming and trusting God that what you believe will happen. They never make allowance for being human and making mistakes. Those are also sometimes known in scriptures as valleys.

I recall years ago when this one pastor I knew got on the prosperity bandwagon. He began teaching how basically you could name and claim your heart’s desire in this life.

I remember him telling me once how he knew there were valleys in life, but he was convinced it was possible to “control” them. I have no idea if he feels that way now, but I do know that slowly his ministry drifted away from teaching salvation by faith and to a strictly abundant life doctrine.

Not too surprising to me he eventually resigned from the ministry. The last I heard he was a very unhappy and bitter person. I can’t imagine he is thrilled with the abundant life at this point, but one would have to ask him to be sure.

There is a difference between optimism and denial. I’ve known too many people who used confidence as a form of denial. They never paid attention to the facts, they just kept their heads in the clouds and wanted to believe things were going to get better no matter how miserable or terrible they turned out.

Real faith keeps trusting, but is never without honesty or truth. It is to lean upon the Lord even when stumbling occurs. It isn’t to give up on the Lord when the valleys come we don’t deserve. It is to keep walking regardless.

Somewhere there is a song we shall sing. It is a most blessed hymn that comes over our soul and will be a chorus of joy in eternity. Then when the notes minister, silence will replace the sobs of misunderstanding.

SPILLS AND CHILLS

We can’t always preserve that reservoir of thought and emotions from spilling over during moments when storms eat our serenity. Nor is it realistic to feel impervious to the touch of what ices over our sense of control. Some force or experience that reaches into the very core of our being and chills us to the bone with a terrible awakening over our fragile side.

How often we try so hard to preserve some illusion of reliance. As if God isn’t capable of rendering us handicapped to life if it is the only way we can learn the truth about ourselves.

Where do we wander when the light of day shines to bright so what we see repulse us? The landscape may remind us of how we are citizens in a realm where perfection doesn’t exist. That is a painful gaze if we have managed to erect some castle of lies in which to dwell.

But no matter how much we succeed in that game, we never win in the war of deception forever. Sooner or later it will became our master and we will end up spending our time trying to clean up the spills of veracity that leak from life’s well. It shakes us to the core when we have no choice, but to take off that mask and see what is really in the mirror.

The dynamics of conclusion, which is the door that we pass in our labyrinth of thought is a process that differs from soul to soul. And it is so easy to get lost in the process when we don’t have any balance in our approach from the use of the right kind of compass.

From generation to generation we have had the precious give of his compass in the form of his revealed word. The most blessed revelation being how we are all loved as we are.

That is a truth we don’t all embrace to the degree that truly should spill over onto our lives. God knows what chills our soul in terms of weaknesses. But he cares about us anyway. So why do we prevent that glorious reality from washing over us and spill some true joy into our lives? I do wonder at times.

Instead of such reality warming us and guiding us to a pivotal point of inner guiding, we hide in our rituals and religiosity. We hold up the spiritually putrid essence of our own righteousness and think that any works we do that we define as good will in anyway erase the reality of our sin.

Forgiveness is never a promise or redemption based on our works other than the act of faith where we put our trust in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. But the game continues and lives far too chilled from the spill of their sins over their conscious sit in the pews feasting upon a contrived snack of justification by works bartering. They forget that God has his own idea of good deeds. And we can never achieve any works that will in way compete with his perfect means of working his will no matter how much we think our hands our clean.

SPENT AND SERVED

I am
a contusion of tales
the quintessence of blend
from those moments when
life both arises
or might descend
and my treasures
become something
only my soul
can spend.
It is the jewel flashes
when time’s gems
are cut
by a divine plan
that form
my memory’s necklace
worn
whether it shines
or shimmers
through the labors of my hand.

I WONDER

Is it wrong to have doubts and questions as a Christian with regards to eternity and the Lord? There are some for whom the answer would be yes. They are uncomfortable seeing anything spiritual that isn’t concrete and black and white.

But the honest answer I feel it that there will always elements to life that we can’t know for certainty. Even if God was to send and angel to teach us I don’t imagine we would ever have every answer we seek in this life time.

Neither do I regard this to be an unfair or unrealistic aspect to life. How can we truly fathom all that life is and all that eternity will be from our limited sense of vision? It isn’t realistic.

That doesn’t mean I enjoy struggling with trying to accept what I can’t or are unable to know. There are plenty of times in my life when some catastrophe has occurred that I have admittedly wondered about God’s presence in my life. This is made even more challenging by the times when I never learn the reason why some crisis occurred.

With understanding there can at least come some piece. But when about when there is no way you can make sense out of the suffering?

This is not to suggest that God doesn’t know the reason. Just that he doesn’t always chose to reveal it to us. And like too many situations the answer will be one we won’t know too clearly until we stand before him.

To that end I pose the question also, when we stand before the Lord will we suddenly be given perfect sight and understanding? I think that is the common perception of heaven. Personally I am not sure if it is an instantaneously process.

After all when we have all eternity to learn and understand is it critical that we must know everything immediately. Perhaps in our view, but I don’t think that necessarily is the Lord’s priority.

It is sort of like asking the question of what Heaven is like? We are given glimpses, but not the kind of details that make it totally comprehendible in this life. That is not surprising given the reality that we are talking about a realm where this is no time.

The quest to light the flame of faith in one’s life is different for each person. What makes sense to one person doesn’t always apply to somebody else. God is a personal god and knows our individual needs. Which to me includes granting the simple honest to accept that being human means we have the right to be imperfect and have doubts.

Sad it the person who refuses out of pride or vanity to accept that the life have faith has detours and times when we stumble. Peace never comes through such self-deceptions. But then honestly is often sacrificed when one refused to see as only God’s spirit can grant vision.

TWINKLE

When was the last time you had a twinkle in your eye? And what was the cause? I think it is a term for some moment or experience that gives incredible or exquisite joy to one’s life. Such as when a dream comes true.

Perhaps part of the cause for the twinkle is because dreams don’t come true that often. So when they do we truly have a reason to radiate with pure euphoria from our gazing orbs.

It doesn’t appear to me that there are more instances of twinkle for a person’s life than there are tears. I’ve never personally known anyone regardless of the mental outlook that had a life, which was one constant source of twinkle.

Maybe it is because of this reality that we see heaven at times as a place of permanent and eternal twinkle. This is might be, but I can’t say for sure.

Heaven as I appreciate it is the place where Jesus reigns on his throne and it when God the Father also is on his throne. Beyond that we I think know it is the ultimate place where God’s will is expressed. There is always speculation about how we as souls will reside in God’s eternal dwelling place, but again that is just speculation. Personally I think the priority will be surrendering and service to one’s Lord. But since the Lord is so loving and caring he will also bless us in that eternal climate that will provide a twinkle that will never end.

It is so easy in this life to be consumed with thought of heaven if one’s existence is too marred. At the same time if we were to know nothing, but blessing then it would in one way blind us by this world’s twinkle to thinking about eternity.

So we life the in between. Consumed with the urgency of now, eyes twinkling as circumstances inspires and perhaps at times being governed by a more lucid form of logic that tries to think in terms of eternity.

What I wonder about at times is do we try to make the twinkle we crave in this life a substitute for heaven? We look for experiences that grant us some sense of emotional high. That seems to be a common approach even in some churches.

To that end then maybe what we crave for a twinkle is different than the Lord has in mind. We look for the emotional high that is like a fire, which dies. God wants us to know the twinkle that comes from within as a result of a sense of fulfillment.

The first is just a breath for the soul. It never helps us endure during the storms. The latter is more like a warmth that keeps generating for us a twinkle when the shadows come from trials we can’t control. Only along the way we have to be willing to see as only God can grant us vision. May he grant us a more perfect sight and one that will t touch deep into the mind’s eye where we see what we feel is truth regardless of what our regular vision sees.