CASES

The wonderful file of life's memories. Each a case of seconds experienced, some with a good ending, some without.

Each preserved with a fuzzy collection of scribble explanations. Not done in a way to actually translate into anything clear, but containing memories.

Some of the cases are more vivid than others. The ones with traumas seem to truly be so alive and stick in our thoughts.

Still we move ahead and try to find the joy hopefully instead of the heart ache. Though some are harder to close than others.

Reliving the past can be beneficial. If it helps us to look at the future better then it is a good thing.

But if it becomes a eulogy for the future, if we give up and never write another file, then it is other than helpful. And we only suffer from that process.

Unfortunately that doesn't keep us from trying to rewrite the cases when we can. Does that really work? No.

But it might make us feel good. And that is the part we will probably always be a major difficulty.

How I wish there were ways of rewriting the facts. I would love to take one of my cases involving a missing joy in my life and redo it.

All those segments of what it used like liquid paper may make the day seem more pleasant in the mind, but it doesn't change what bleeds through the whitewashed effort. Just makes it still obvious to the mind.

In any event I am aware that no matter how hard we try to massage the facts or change them, in God's file cabinet the truth remains. We can change those no matter what.

And the joy is to have the times when we know He feeds them into forgiveness's shredder. Then the never are able to be seen again.

Providing we don't mess with adding too many of excuse's staples the always make the file hard to eliminate. Not for the Lord, but in our minds.

Through it all we survive and keep going. Cases keeps piling up. They never decline. And that will always be the fact we can't ignore.

Unless we decide to do like some and let ourselves take the time to stuff them in denial's closet. Though the door lock is broken and we can never stop seeing the files.

VENDING MACHINES

Propaganda packaged sugary utopian snacks
dispensed in vending dream coffins as bargains for one's esteem slugs.
Soul's coins sacrificed for promise of paradises with ecstasy cream filled fix,
each devoured illusionary treat never brings contentment's nutrition.

Wrappers of consumed seduction as empty as one's heart,
every looking for new opportunities to munch immediate gratification
presuming stale flavor of artificial ambrosia device's fault
instead of being measure for void inside.

Finally left in diabetic resignation that quest of flawless reverie feasts insatiable,
through bounty of blunders finding the one that was beyond lesson learned..

RETURNING HOME

Going to one's beginnings can be such a mixed blessing. It really does depend on whether home was a place of love or hate.

But there are of course different kinds of homes. Some that come along during one's spiritual infancy.

It might be a church or place of one's spiritual parent, but it will carry with it different forms of memories. Those will depend on our lives and experiences.

What is hard is if the place of spiritual birth changes. And that does happen in so many cases.

For the womb of my faith is a hundred year old church steeped in denominational roots. It once thrived many years ago as light house for the Lord.

As a youth I found its two story structure to be so fascinating and diverse. It was full of marvel and magic.

But later it evolved. Like so many places it changed leaders and views of what it meant to be a Christian. And slowly lost its identity with its denominational heritage.

None of that had much to do with the issue of the truth. Oh the crowds that once and occupied the church did come back.

But the message being given was no longer rooted in the same truth. It was lost to the need for dazzle.

People more concerned with being entertained than truly celebrating the meaning of faith. A very sad reflection on how things fall apart at times.

So for me this meant going home was no longer in the same place. God hadn't moved, but where he once was found for me is no longer there.

I can honestly say my life has changed so much over the years. Where I dwell now is not the same as where I resided in my spirit.

And to be honest the places I have been lead at times are full of so many thorns and stickers that cause their share of pain. I had assumed that you know the day would come when I would mature in terms of what affected me, but it didn't mature the way I expected.


But God reminds me of his grace, his forgiveness when we truly face the reality of our sins. That is the place we have to always traverse with truth. For otherwise we never leave the swamp of lies.

DEALT

Ah the joy of what life brings. To be saddled at birth by some impossible circumstance.
And you can improve it.

Not always a joy you understand. Just a choice in life. Which doesn't always bring smiles to be sure.

Which is never going to improve things. I really don't feel this is a god approach in so many ways.

For we have the choice to embrace life or reject it. But we can't always change every aspect.

Perhaps the hardest part is facing the challenge of accepting what we must endure and then also changing what can be changed. That doesn't always happen either.

How many times we end up in the process of looking at the mazes that come our way and say I will avoid this one. Which we never do.

And that is the part, which is so hard to accept. For some things can be change if we try. Others can not.

Still we must battle to find the things we can change. And that is the part we have to consider.

For how many times do we avoid the obvious? How often do we take time to truly assess what is our options?

In the arena of faith this is even more difficult. For God often will tax that aspect of our view of life.

And that can truly strain our view and thinking. It can be so difficult to remain objective and that is not a good thing.

It is the part that remains essential to the soul. The place we must go even if in a desert. Which we find ourselves at times.

But to me that is the part that is most challenging. And for that I do struggle in my own faith.

I am grateful when God is merciful on that part. For He truly does help us move beyond our need

And for that I am grateful when he gives us eyes to see. Even if that is not what we think it will be.
I do savor the grace helps us move on.

PARSOLS

Shaded desires
sheltered from truth's sun.
Dressed in passions lingerie
outside ambition's abode.

Seeking prosperity's paramour
heart's parasol hiding secrets.

LEARNED

What a wonderful word this is. To be able to say you actually gained from some lesson in life.

However, this is not how it happens so often. We often find ourselves in positions other than to respond with the right reaction to a lesson.

Hence we resist when we should say thank you. And we don't accept the meaning of the lesson in the first place.

I spend a lot of time at this one writer's site. It is a wonderful place for anyone who loves to write.

Is it perfect? No. Because nothing made by the hand of man will ever be perfect or even close.

It will always be flawed and that means other than ideal. Now you would think that someone along the way somebody would understand that.

And at least that is part of the problem I have observed. Somewhere the need of the soul gets forgotten.

The tragedy is that you know how often they truth gets missed in the process. That is the real problem.

We each travel the path set before us with predictable detours. Those are not the way that is one we can always control.

We often never learned from the times when run into a dead end. Because we end up doing it again.

That is why at this site I try to focus on encouraging. To not make me the reason for being there.

However, the problem is that is one lesson to many never learn. They will always think only in terms of themselves.

And I think that is what God wants to inspire us about also. To try and see if we can in any way see beyond ourselves.

I wish I could say that happens. But it is one lesson that often doesn't get learned. We simply don't have the ability to always get it.

And God will of course keep giving us homework. Even though we often still don't bother to prepare.
That is what makes the value of grace so important.

TOUGH ENOUGH

There at times when the world surely seems to unbearable. Our problems to overwhelming and burdensome.

But then it doesn't have to the way we view it. There are moments when we just have find a way to listen to the Lord in our struggle.

God never promises we will have no problems. He never says life will be easy or without struggles.

And it is so unfortunate when this becomes crippling instead of being helpful. That is in our view of things.

Not matter how one cares to view it, the reality is muscle need exercise to improve. Without it they will atrophy.

And faith is sometimes treated like a muscle. One that needs to be stretched in order to get stronger.

You can achieve that sitting down in some place of rest. It requires more than that and sometimes it can be painful.

Not that are always will to admit it. How much more appealing is the life when we can relax.

But God knows this, which is why He won't let those He cares about go without some point where they must trust him.

And the down side is that the next trial will often be more challenging. Because the muscle has gotten stronger.

Thus it the saga of faith we have as legacy. It doesn't mean we enjoy the struggle. Nor does it mean we will find happiness with it.

Just that we will need to move ahead in our trust and sometimes that is difficult to do. Which is why God will strengthen as needed.

It might seem like it isn't enough, but it always is. And if we don't give up and keep trying we will find the truth.

Which is the same journey that so many others have gone before. For which we can truly be happy when we learn the lesson.

Hopefully even when the tears come and even more so in the night when we feel alone. Left to heard the Lord's voice and pray for his guidance when we feel so hopelessly crushed.

BUT

A wonderful word for so many purposed. It is always that exception you forget about and think is not a problem.

The ones that ends up making some plan or event totally fail. And you feel so frustrated in the process.

I think at times the buts are there as a means of teaching us a lesson. To remind us we are flawed and not God.

To that end it is a good thing. For if we learn in the process, if we come to a point of trusting the Lord more then it is a blessing.

The other kind of but that is not a lesson is the one where a person is voice a subtle protest to some effort of faith. All the buts voice to say, it can't be done.

There are so many one can find if you want. It isn't hard at all. There is little effort needed to find reasons to fail.

It isn't going to make things better. Just make it part of the many ways we find to not truly belief in God's promises.

The thing is that doubts don't necessarily kill faith. But neither do they strengthen it. Instead they interfere.

But one can not totally eliminate them either. The challenge is to find a way to not ignore them, but be sure you don't let them control things either.

It is a difficult problem at times. Too little but and you are in fantasy land. Too many and you are in a desert.

How does one maintain the proper balance? I don't think there is a perfect answer. I do believe experience is a plus.

Providing it doesn't become a form of but in itself. Then it could be a problem. For it just becomes another reason to quit.

Which is the one thing that never benefits. I have known so many that thought they were pillars of faith, but every word out of their mouth was a but.

Oh they never viewed it that way, but it is how it came out. Which is why so often they never truly were used of God in any noticeable way.

Not to say they never served His purpose, just that it often seem less than what might have been if faith was truly involved. Another tale sadly from memory that didn't have a blessed ending.

PUZZLES

Irony's slashes
from fortune's switchblade
sculpts its enigmatic artistry.

Time spent studying
jigsaw caricatures
strewn in incoherent collages.

Mind gropes
to interpret
missing pieces
so chaos image
will make sense.

HEALTHY

I think the older we get the more health does factor into our thoughts. We get pains in places we never hurt before.

And we get tired more often or feel we have less energy. But inside where our dreams live, we still feel twenty one.

I am accustom to going to a gym regularly, but being in my fifties it isn't quite like I can go in and compete with the young kids. Nor would I even try.

But that doesn't mean inside I still don't feel young. Body hardly feels it though. And that never leaves my thoughts.

Aging seldom leads to improved health. It often burdens with extra problems. And they become unwanted companions at times.

But they will not go away. For they will be what truly is reality and that means more attention to things that help preserve the quality of life.

It all sounds reasonable. However, it isn't how we live. And that is the part that often is sad.

People spend fortunes trying to combat ills of the flesh. It doesn't matter the addiction we prefer to belief we can control it. Even if we never do.

And so often with some health choices that means we do help to shorten our lives in the process. However that doesn't keep us from our addictions.

I have often felt it was sad that we don't have the choice to find a way to truly break free from such anchors on our soul. Nor is it likely that will happen for most people.

In terms of health I think the main thing is can we find spiritual health? Can we truly find the kind of healing that comes from faith and not medicine.

We all know the body will pass away. And it will not be our home in eternity without changes.

Still in this life so often the body is often worshipped. It doesn't help though in terms of eternity or what limitations one has from birth.

But we can face the day knowing God loves us as we are. Which includes the body. Though we might have others who don't treats us fair.

To God it won't matter. We will always fall short in our flesh. In many ways lacking the gift of perfect health.

But heaven is a clinic where healing is forever and its promise truly can give hope.

HEALTHY

I think the older we get the more health does factor into our thoughts. We get pains in places we never hurt before.

And we get tired more often or feel we have less energy. But inside where our dreams live, we still feel twenty one.

I am accustom to going to a gym regularly, but being in my fifties it isn't quite like I can go in and compete with the young kids. Nor would I even try.

But that doesn't mean inside I still don't feel young. Body hardly feels it though. And that never leaves my thoughts.

Aging seldom leads to improved health. It often burdens with extra problems. And they become unwanted companions at times.

But they will not go away. For they will be what truly is reality and that means more attention to things that help preserve the quality of life.

It all sounds reasonable. However, it isn't how we live. And that is the part that often is sad.

People spend fortunes trying to combat ills of the flesh. It doesn't matter the addiction we prefer to belief we can control it. Even if we never do.

And so often with some health choices that means we do help to shorten our lives in the process. However that doesn't keep us from our addictions.

I have often felt it was sad that we don't have the choice to find a way to truly break free from such anchors on our soul. Nor is it likely that will happen for most people.

In terms of health I think the main thing is can we find spiritual health? Can we truly find the kind of healing that comes from faith and not medicine.

We all know the body will pass away. And it will not be our home in eternity without changes.

Still in this life so often the body is often worshipped. It doesn't help though in terms of eternity or what limitations one has from birth.

But we can face the day knowing God loves us as we are. Which includes the body. Though we might have others who don't treats us fair.

To God it won't matter. We will always fall short in our flesh. In many ways lacking the gift of perfect health.

But heaven is a clinic where healing is forever and its promise truly can give hope.

HOLES

Life has too many of these. Places where we fall from time to time and don't seem to be able to escape.

Which never is a pleasant experience even though we keep hoping it will be otherwise. Only knowing we have fallen into a hole never stops the risk of falling into another one.

No matter how much we like to see ourselves in control there will be more holes in life. There is no book to read that warns out to avoid them.

However, the thing is not how many times we stumble, but what do we to in order to get back up. Which is easy to not to.

And if we do manage that then we have succeed in he first step towards understanding. How easy that is to not take place.

God does understand that aspect in our nature. How we need that aspect of life where we can learn.

Mistakes will leave their mark on us. It will hopefully be a lesson. For some it isn't so. They will be more consumed in making excuses.

That never keeps us from falling again. And so the issue really is how much we are willing to listen.

Sure isn't as easy as it sounds. So often that is far less than appealing. Admitting weaknesses never quite makes it.

So we move along that path, hopefully hearing God's voice at times. Which is not to scold our shortcomings, but help us learn.

Course that is never enough for some. Just having God's grace to touch our wounds doesn't inspire.

It doesn't sound as impressive as we not failing. But it will not work that way, and thinking it will never improves life.

In the end naturally faith plays a part. For holes are also part of the devils tricks and plans. He loves to make us stumble.

If he can wound to the point we give up then he wins. That often works so well with those who don't accept being sinners.

Too many of those in the world. And you can expect they won't change. Which is the tragedy of not facing the truth.

Which is the first part of seeing holes.

HALF PAST

Shopping in desire's mall
for grandfather clock
of ambition's timepiece
bedecked
with premeditation's hands.

Reliance's warranty
expired,
forced to accept
stress's stop watch
always stuck
on half past hopes.

ONE FOOT OR THE OTHER

Deciding which path one is to follow is not always easy. I wish there was a formula that made such a formula you can follow.

But life doesn't work that way. And even people who think they are follow God can make mistakes.

It doesn't mean we enjoy when life is not something we get to control. That can be very frustrating.

However, regardless of the fact that it bothers us, we still must contend with the reality. Which is one that brings about chance into our lives.

I personally find it amazing at times how easy it is to be confused over the times we can't quite focus on when things are consequence and when they are fate. We really can struggle with such issues.

What makes it hard is that variable of the things that happen even when we are good. Or good in our view.

Something in our thinking presumes that life troubles ought to be related to our behavior. As if we can expect only blessings if we act a certain way.

Wonderful concept, but not very realistic. Wish it was, but it isn't. Instead what often happen is we grope for answers. Like asking what did I do wrong.

In terms of decisions naturally this results in times when we relate given consequence with a given choice and that impacts our thinking. It might not make it all okay, but we see it that way.

Somewhere in it all faith plays a part. We will have to try and focus on remembering that God doesn't follow our rules. Nor will He.

I was in the middle of this feeling of lament over this one aspect of my life. And feeling a little down that I felt denied certain blessings.

That is when God's spirit reminded me of how those, such the apostles, had it so much worse. They never even got the blessings I had in some ways.

I have to admit that is important at times. And after I thought about it I did appreciate the reality of how sometimes it is easy to forget the greater picture in life.

I am grateful that the Lord did help me to appreciate that aspect. I didn't change my reality, but did make me understand it better.

Hopefully, enough to be thankful for what I did have.

SCARECROWS

For me these are the phantom, self appointed spiritual types. They love to convince you they are able to chase away any evil crows, but never do.

Warriors for the Lord who were never called. Oh they have lots of zeal and lots of ability to quote scripture, but no true anointing.

And you can be sure they will never be willing to admit it. Nope that is not there point of view.

Instead they are focused on salvation by appearance. My view you understand. And my opinion.

But it sure seems to be the focus. As long as you don't get caught you are find. And if you look like a spiritual scarecrow that is enough.

It might be all a con. A joke in everyone else's eyes, but not to them. They are so totally persuaded that how you look saves they wouldn't listen anyway.

Part of the sad delusion of the life by self righteous choice. Oh it looks good. Down right impressive at times.

However, it does not take the place of faith. No matter how pure it seems, regardless of how much it feels so good, it isn't faith.

Some times this can be so appealing. It does impress others. As long as they don't look underneath the mask.

Then it can truly look ugly. A terrible hideous face of sin. One that never gets looked at in the mirror.

But then I am happy that I did learn that part. It does make life easier to cope with when I see the pointlessness of such pursuits.

However, it doesn't change tomorrow or God. It will not heal or help to save. Just make spiritual corpses.

Perhaps the Lord will be merciful to those that make themselves his angels on earth even if they are not. Who pretend to speak for God when not so called.

I only know the path of faith is the only one that saves. And that has to be about faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior.

Another option will not save. Nor will it any way impress God. But it can feel good just the same to some.

Which is the truly sad part.

FEAST OF SIGHS

Ah the times when life gets a tad sappy. We come to a point when the day lends itself to things that are rather mushy.

For some of us this is not necessarily a good thing. Some of us are prone to be less than inclined to such emotional feasts.

I have to admit that while I feel emotions at times very intensely, I don't always have the ability to express those feelings. I just can show them adequately.

It doesn't mean I don't care though. It doesn't mean that I don't want such things as happiness or joy.

I just have to be able to filter it through my own sense of thought. It has to be natural for me or it won't work.

I just can't say how that will work for others. Some truly do have the ability to show their feelings so easy.

At least in a way that looks believable. I'm not sure that means it is always sincere. Some are good actors.

Still what is really important is how we need to be sure that in the process of grasping for our level of happy, we are honest too. And that is the part that really counts.

Not sure we often try to accept this fact. Well for those of us who are prone to be more stoic it is a challenge.

Time does move on though. And that is the important part. So today's definition of joy may not apply to tomorrow.

For that we do have to balance our lives. To be able to try and ask the honest questions. Like what is happiness to us.

That is not the easiest question to answer. Some never seem to be able to express it adequately in their lives.

Which is the joy that comes from following the Lord. He guides us according to His purposes.

And he knows what truly does bring us the right kind of joy for our situation. Some of them will not always make sense at the time.

Others will if we let God show us their meaning. But that takes faith and that is not always something people are willing to do.

I am happy when he leads me to the joy that truly fits my own needs.

Vertebrate

Soul's spine bends to will,
fear's arthritis infects marrow.

Tongue wears lie's brace
to explain deformity
when guilt is chiropractor.

LEAVING

The places of departure where we come to in our thoughts. A crossroads of change that takes us away from the familiar.

This is not always bad. But it can be painful. And that is part of the process of life that we don't enjoy if it leads to somewhere we prefer to not travel.

So instead we may stall from taking the journey. Make all kinds of excuses to keep from coping with the eventuality.

And that never improves things. Sometimes the future is planned and we are hard pressed to accept it.

But if we can turn our lived towards God's light then there is hope. We can face the future and though it isn't always what we want.

So instead we have to plod along and do our best to honestly listen when the Lord speaks. That can be difficult at times.

But the heart will know the truth if we stop thinking only of our own view of what is right. Instead we can embrace the way God leads.

And it means at times putting the past into a jar and placing it on a shelf. Which may be very difficult to leave there.

Because our mind loves to visit the past. And even if the journey is not all that appealing, we do it anyway.

It is so hard to let go of the tears and sadness. To walk out of the shadows to the place where we feel refreshed.

Only problem is those jars can have magnets. They keep luring us back to open them again.

God will give us the strength to move ahead. Maybe not the ability to always forget. That is not always possible.

Still even though the past might call, we still do need to move towards the destination God expects. And when we walk as He wills, we might not always understand the journey, but we will feel the blessings.

There is more joy in the obedience of walking than sitting back and not simply wishing. Such is the joy of life.

Hopefully, we can feel that way about it. Which is not quite the way we wish things would be, but sometimes it is part of the steps we must take.

DOOMSDAY

There is the doomsday one can feel looming in the Book of Revelations. One that I have no desire to experience that event.

Outside of that event, however, there are the usual tribulations of life that have their one form of doomsday. And there is no escape from them.

Not sure even if we wanted to that would happen. Because it is part of the learning experience for life.

What comes is the process of challenge, the cause of so many choices we make that often intrude upon life in so many ways. None of us gets excited about those options.

Still the issue is not to avoid them, but cope with them. To face the challenges with faith and trust to God for deliverance.

I don't think any of us enjoys such situations. They do bear down upon the soul with so many forms of stress.

And that never makes for a good day. But again this is the challenge of life that we all must face.

I sit at times when the little doomsdays come and wonder, what happened? You know I didn't do anything particular to deserve this anxiety. Still, it came just the same.

And normally nothing ever happens to give me an explanation for why this time or day brought me such grief. I just relax when it is over.

There are many reasons though. Some easier to understand than others. Just normally doesn't come at the time.

The Lord will give us clarity in due season even if to just make us aware life is never a free ride. That isn't quite the lesson we crave though.

Still, one does need to move ahead. And even if it is to a place where we find out that we can expect this kind of challenge on other occasions.

Some times that brings joy, others sadness, but it always will leave us with wondering. Which is part of life.

With faith there is no crossroads reached where heaven replaces the present. Where we find ourselves free of trial and test.

A nice dream that never touches reality. And how many chase that dream. So much fun they have when they discover it vanishes at the next challenge of a doomsday unexpected, but there just the same.

BRITTLE

Spine shuddered
from thunderbolt declarations
body convulse as will fractures,
screaming at chains
forged by divine metal,
nothing harsher to rebellious heart
than experiencing wing messenger's
expressions of righteousness theor

CELEBRATION

Is there anyone who doesn't love a party? A chance to have some fun and look forward to all the good food and company?

I had this discussion once with this fellow believer who was of the view that if you could scream and yell and otherwise carry on at things like sports events then you should do the same in church. He was of the charismatic persuasion and decided that you couldn't be a Christian unless it involved all kinds of shouting and yelling.

I didn't agree with him. And most of the people I knew in that church didn't either. Not that being happy and feeling filled with joy was wrong.

It is just his way of making that an issue was to make it sound like you couldn't go to heaven unless you acted that way. Which is hardly biblical.

But he didn't see it that way and eventually the church did suffer from a great deal of friction over the whole issue. Nobody was having a good time.

Which was rather sad and ironic. All the effort to make Sundays fun feel apart from trying to force them into being fun.

I'm not sure that using the bible to beat on people quite cuts it in terms of making them happy. Sure didn't work in that situation.

Later of course I moved on from that church. And to one where some of the same people happen to be members that had been at the other church.

They had all left because of the attempt to make practice the same form of happiness. So they were not in the mind to smile just because somebody told them they had too.

Sadly they were not quite happy in their lack of having to be that way. Most of their time was other than about being happy.

It was more about spending most of the time complaining about what happen at the first church. This did not in any way make anyone happy.

So the party was more like a wake and all those in attendance more ready for a dirge than a song. But they said they were happy.

Just was a little hard to tell from their frowns. And it hardly impressed visitors either. Such was the reason in part why the church never grew.

However, I did find that a lesson. Mainly that God wants us to have joy, but with honesty.

Anything fakes just doesn't count.

WHY NOT?

Ah, the joy of impulse. To do something because it feels good. And it doesn't take much persuasion when it feels good.

But logic seldom enters into such things. We become captured by the moment and are inspired to do whatever sounds reasonable.

I don't think this is something the Lord necessarily disapproves of us doing. It is good when we can give into our heart. Providing it is something that brings a healthy reaction.

Which is not the first question we ask in such situations. Normally it gets shoved into a corner and forgotten.

And when our impulses leave us some kind of consequence then we become experts in hindsight. Naturally we love to share what we learn with others.

Who normally aren't interested because they are preoccupied doing the same thing. And that ends with the same results.

Not good ones though. Just ones that we accept for how stupid we feel afterwards. I wish I could say that our experience or faith improves this problem, but it never does.

We just end up with less than joy in the long run. And a few monologues over the idea that we didn't bother to think more before we made our choices.

Just part of the nature of the mind. To react without the reason gear operating. Such is a sad comment about being human.

Now every time this happen we will end up repeating the same process again. Because we still spend more time making up excuses than admitting our guilt.

Guilt is a bad work to most of us. Hard to accept that word since it implies doing wrong, which we did.

Still the mind doesn't quite warm up to that option. We prefer to look upon it as an accident. Some fluke that won't happen again. Even if it does.

Perhaps at some point we will find a way to accept the truth and move on. You know just accept God's grace and move ahead.

Forgiveness comes when we truly see our lives as sinners. And then we know the joy of accepting we don't need to make excuses.

It is all part of the process we have to embrace. And for some it is part of faith that is so hard to accept.

Being forgiven and accepting it are not quite the same thing.

WORKING FOR A LIVING

A friend of mine and I were discussing the issue of full time Christian service. Basically the type of calling where you serve god in some capacity that doesn't require you to have a job in the usual places.

In any case, the issue we were discussing had to do with number of people we both knew that seem to feel that you couldn't be happy as a believer unless you did nothing, but live in a church. We didn't feel that way.

And as I sit at my regular job and spend my spare time writing for the Lord I appreciate how I have no profit or reward in this life from my serving him in this fashion. I get my daily bread, but no glory or attention.

Still I don't feel deprived. I don't feel God hates me. I just respect that I am doing what he wants me to do and that I am being provided for in the process.

And that is enough to be honest. Why would I need more in this life? Some seem to think otherwise.

Which is to put oneself into a position where you just feel you have to escape the usual world. True it sucks at times, but it doesn't mean we are going to get relief by hiding in church all day.

Most will not admit that is their motive and I can appreciate how appealing it would be. Yet, can one be faithful and feel fulfilled in one's faith while being another face in the work place?

I think the answer relates to being willing to embrace yourself as you really are. Not be stuck in the frame of thought that makes it necessary to be someone we can never become.

And along the way we can truly savor what God grants us as blessing. To walk tall and happy He loves us as we are.

Perhaps we will find peace at sunset when we are still warmed by thoughts of the sun. Maybe we can cherish what is rather than what is not

But in either case to move ahead is to be willing to see the truth. And that remains in the arena of faith. For in it we will see grace in our steps, no matter where we walk.

If that brings joy then we are truly blessed. If it doesn't, then we must be prepared to embrace the reality as it really is.

And not feel a beggar in the church because our robe is soiled from work while another has one that is whitewashed. It isn't seen that way by the Lord and that is really want counts the most.

HIS SLEEPING VALOR

He slew a legion
by vengeance's rage
sleeping inside
his gentle farmer's soul.

Until enemy
invading his village
and stole his daughter.

Then a father's love
awakened his valor,
hearts reunited
in celebration embrace
under tree
where mother
was buried.

COLLSIONS

Writing this particular posting comes with a tad of irony I suppose. We had a minor collision at home the other day.

One family car was accidentally backed into another one. Not exactly the way I wanted to celebrate the weekend.

It wasn't on purpose naturally. Those types of things never are. But they do happen just the same.

Now what really bother me in part was that I wasn't even near the cars. I was in no way involved.

However I was going to end up paying the cost. And that is the aspect that seem the most unfair.

I can understand that accidents happen, but why does it have to end up being at my expense. I wish there was an easy answer to that one.

Unfortunately there never is. Life just keeps plotting along and the reality is what happens to us even when it is from some other source is not always a case of punishment and reward.

Life carries for those who follow the Lord certain responsibilities. And that doesn't always translate into joy.

It can even be painful at times. But never as painful as when we don't obey. For in our moments when we trust and do as we are lead we give witness to what is in our hearts.

That is never a matter of being an opinion. It isn't just a case of good and no harm. That can be hard to embrace at times.

But not facing it can be worse that if we do. So in the middle of my frustration I got to come to work and find out the day would be filled with even more headaches.

Was I happy after enduring all of that? No. But that is also part of faith. To peer into the darkness and understand you can't always find the answers.

Most of all being willing to keep trusting. For that is what truly makes the difference in our thinking.

And that will be part of what helps us to either move ahead in the midst of the valleys or fall behind. Staying the same is never really an option.

I do my best to remember that when the day gets too long and has too many questions I do care to ask.

CUTS AND BRUISES

One can not get through life without a few time so falling down. And that can not be avoided.

It just happens to everyone. And no matter who we are this will be a risk with life. But knowing that doesn't mean we have to stop walking.

And it the process we do have to move along to the point of knowing there is no juncture we can reach where this stop happens. It is a reality that we bear as part of being.

Some would prefer to avoid this process. I can't blame them for that. And there are some mistakes that can be avoided.

Just not all of them. Which is not the problem. The real challenge is to be able to look for the right kind of first aid.

Oh you can find all kinds of options. Some will never accept this means seeking the Lord's bandages.

See the problem is that with the Lord He will heal and will help one to see where we made a mistake. But He also deals with truth.

Which means be able to accept the error of our choice. And if it was from a sin, then to know that was the problem.

You will always find so many who have too much pride to admit to this problem. They will ask for the first aid, but never embrace the reason for the cut.

It is sad and unfortunate when this happens. So that is like you getting cut with a knife and blaming the knife for the cut.

And I've seen so many that have done that. Not quite a good thing. And it never ends with you healing.

Instead the person just either gives up using knives or decides to take some other radical option. Which never works either.

What doesn't happen is self discovery. Any actual chance that one learns what is needed to help in the future.

Some go through all life in such a way. But have to always live with a fear of knives or whatever else is a concern in their lives.

One bleeds so much and never really heals. In the end they just keep moving the same way with their bruises.

But that is where one either turns to God or not.

FINGER CHARMS

Caress's spell silently spoken in thoughtful instinctive gestures,
as unconditional hugs fan the flush of pulse until it spreads compassion's bouquet,
respect's fragrance scents the air with harmony's sweet magic.

Enchantment decays amid inhaling the dust of discontent,
when misunderstandings make eyes and ears tense with doubt's senses.

Wedding of unity and tolerance leads to honeymoon of questions,
burning fires of friction darken the vision.
Garden of hopes, where love's seeds were planted
wither in the heat of resentment and drought in encouragement's water,
what fingers charmed once in care, become talons leaving scars.

TONIGHT

Ever have one of those days when you vow to yourself that tonight you will change the world. You have an exceptionally bad day and want to make it all better tonight.

The energy swells inside and you make this a life or death issue. Something that you decide you will change no matter what else happens.

Since most of our problems are generally not the type that happen over night you seldom can change them that quickly. Oh it would be nice if you could, but generally can't.

Now naturally this takes more sense and patience than emotion. But that never works that way.

The emotions possess the mind and we are full of resolve. Right up to the point of having dinner.

Then having a full stomach is a big drain on the energy. And you feel less motivated to take the time to worry about change.

Having a nap sounds more appealing and that really never improves much. But you don't have quite the resolve to change the word in one evening.

Still the thought does linger in the mind. And you have the time to probe more deeply into the truth about why you didn't actually react to this problem earlier in life.

Which does not quite help the situation. For it leads to guilt and that never results in anything, but a need to find a way to avoid it.

Now with faith the test is never measure in one night of victory. Some may feel that is a plus, but it isnt.

And that is where life takes a journey with God's help. It is not the flash of big words that matters.

It is the daily steps of trust without fanfare, steadfastly made towards the sun of truth with eyes focused on the Lord. All of which is a travel that never stops.

And even when we stumble we can't reach a place of perfection. We can't change the fact we went in the wrong direction.

We can by embracing His grace learn to keep moving, but without need to feel this is something we can change a will. And without a need to decide we have to say a lot of prayers to make it all better.

Which also is a reality that doesn't work. Just a detour we have to avoid when we can. Hopefully all the time.

COLLSIONS

Writing this particular posting comes with a tad of irony I suppose. We had a minor collision at home the other day.

One family car was accidentally backed into another one. Not exactly the way I wanted to celebrate the weekend.

It wasn't on purpose naturally. Those types of things never are. But they do happen just the same.

Now what really bother me in part was that I wasn't even near the cars. I was in no way involved.

However I was going to end up paying the cost. And that is the aspect that seem the most unfair.

I can understand that accidents happen, but why does it have to end up being at my expense. I wish there was an easy answer to that one.

Unfortunately there never is. Life just keeps plotting along and the reality is what happens to us even when it is from some other source is not always a case of punishment and reward.

Life carries for those who follow the Lord certain responsibilities. And that doesn't always translate into joy.

It can even be painful at times. But never as painful as when we don't obey. For in our moments when we trust and do as we are lead we give witness to what is in our hearts.

That is never a matter of being an opinion. It isn't just a case of good and no harm. That can be hard to embrace at times.

But not facing it can be worse that if we do. So in the middle of my frustration I got to come to work and find out the day would be filled with even more headaches.

Was I happy after enduring all of that? No. But that is also part of faith. To peer into the darkness and understand you can't always find the answers.

Most of all being willing to keep trusting. For that is what truly makes the difference in our thinking.

And that will be part of what helps us to either move ahead in the midst of the valleys or fall behind. Staying the same is never really an option.

I do my best to remember that when the day gets too long and has too many questions I do care to ask.

Dawn

The place we come and can not dream. A road that ends where one thought there was miles to go.

Then comes the morn to our thoughts. When the path follow shines with a new light. One that helps us see more clearly.

But this never a juncture reach by plan. It would be wonderful if it was. However it never is.

Because the light is one that shine from experience. A point of learning that we have to reach and feel ready to learn.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about God's will in one's life. And how there are times that obedience dictates choice.

This isn't always a popular choice. For mortal eyes gage by different sight than spiritual ones.

Regrettably this will not be something we can always gauge as we want. Because the Lord knows our needs better than we do.

He made have us stay in a situation that seems painful or a hardship, but if we do this as he directs then the end result is a blessing. At the very least it will be insight.

For some happiness or the illusion of happiness is what counts. It is what drives many. However, that is not the focus with the Lord.

He does care about us and love us, but faith is the criteria for obedience not whether we sit an treat our needs as most important. Many lives following His path have suffered when doing could have been important.

But that is the nature of faith when one is listening to God. And it is the part some will never understand.

Because for some only joy counts in a fleeting nature. But it is not the true nature of life. It is not the way things will work with eternity.

Sometimes that is hard to embrace. Especially with those who treat escape as the only option.

They will never do other than spend their time celebrating. And will find that option of sacrifice unacceptable.

Perhaps we can travel beyond that aspect. If we listen to the Lord more than we listen to our hearts.

JUSTIFIED

JUSTIFIED

The joy that comes from a fable told by the tongue. A nice tale said that will make what is wrong make sense.

But it never has the ring of truth. It just works so well to sound sincere even if what we are saying is not reality.

However, it does happen to make us so happy when we make it sound as if what we did wasn't really wrong. Or at didn't mean we actually sinned.

That is a hard word to admit to. We really aren't comfortable saying it in many cases. So we would rather view it as something we can explain.

God doesn't quite grant us that kind of option if we let his spirit truly show us the facts. And that will include us being imperfect.

One would think that being forgiven would be enough for most people. But it isn't. Nope we have to as some say, "walk the walk and talk the talk."

It is a nice sentiment. Would even be greater if we did have the ability to always do the right thing.

But the Lord knows the times that is not true. And if we could, but truly embrace faith more than trying to keep rules then perhaps it wouldn't be as complicated.

You really don't hear the word that much in churches. Oh you hear the word love a lot even if it isn't practiced.

And at the core I think is the problem that there is so much difficulty with see faith as it was intended. Oh we understand how that works in the basic sense of trust.

But it does get vague when we fall short on really trusting and get filled with doubts. Then we fall back to the comfort of works.

As if that will make up for our doubts. It makes it sound easier in some ways, it just isn't the truth.

What burdens upon us is the hope and need to know that God does see us as we really are. He doesn't expect us to actually pretend about our sins.

Nor think we can somehow offset them with good deeds. That is the barter system. A way of legalism.

And that never ends up bringing us to light where we can see what God wants us to understand. Which is the fact that we don't need to be perfect to be saved and even when we stumble he is still there.

MANNEQUIN HEARTS

Bullets burrow in flesh,
bodies fall into mass grave,
cold eyes hold guns,
minds deaf to screams.

Swastika on sleeves
evil's narcotic for mannequin hearts.