STANDING ALONE

We can not live our lives as a rule without allowing others into our privacy. How much and when it up to us.

Yet we also know that God has times when we must stand alone. Our live must pause the race and charade and be undressed before our maker.

We can seek all the help we want, but we must still live our lives. That includes choices and a host of other situations where the only hand we are expected to depend upon is the Lord's.

Some people take this to extremes. They want to shelter themselves behind stony faces, building walls to keep our any danger. In the process they end up living in a prison where light seldom touches. It is cold, dark and love never touches.

That is the downside of responding to a need. It never heals, never brings joy. Just ends up inflaming the ache inside.

But in those more precious moments of understanding. We come to grasp the significance of quiet times.

Providing you are listening to see when God is using the time for his purposes. Before we start feeling sorry for ourselves and wallowing in a pit of self-pity it is time to truly seek the Lord.

Are we in that position by choice or circumstance? Do we have choices in if that is a condition where we must stay?

However, it is hard to always be able to sort out the truth in such situations. That is not always as easy as we would wish.

And it gets complicated when are trapped with certain prejudices in our choices. That can make it very hard to see clearly.

Somewhere in all the moments, somewhere beyond the questions there are answers we can only find with God's help. And often they reside within.

Maybe we will listen if found in this quiet long enough. Others the challenge is to find out if we can truly discover the strength to stand.

It is amazing how we often cling to the idea that we can only stand if... Basically, that our strength is tied to some artificial element.

There are moments when that applies. And if we stand alone at the right time, we will with God's help learn the truth. Hopefully, we will do so in a climate where there are blessings and not pain.

CURRENTLY

Today's agenda if for today. We are to probe the future with a certain appreciation for how it is not guaranteed. We can make plans, but should never view tomorrow as the perfect time to fix problems we didn't deal with today by choice.

There has to be a balance in our thinking. We have to be wise enough to prepare for things like emergencies and such, but also not make or insecurities force us to miss out on the things we should be doing today.

Using faith in ourselves to control our choices is not a good way to look at life. I have seen so many who do that.

They never seem to obtain what they want by fretting over priorities that are mainly the result of their insecurities and not necessarily based on real issues. But that is what people do of course.

Not everyone, but some. People who truly may go to church and even think they have faith, but really don't.

It is manifest in them thinking only of their own needs. Of just focusing on the gifts and blessings God gives them as being for their use. I've even seen parents who denied their own children much needed aid, not because they couldn't help, but because they didn't want to take the money away from some investment so they could get even richer than they are.

There is nothing wrong with making money, but there are specific times when the lord has put us in the position of being the person he wants to deal with a given situation. He gives us his blessings that we might bless others in those situations.

That isn't true in all cases, just certain ones. But if we aren't sensitive to those occasions it can come back to haunt us.

If God does want us to do something special with our funds and we resist in order to save them for specific selfish means, he can easily take away the blessing. I've seen him do this at times.

How said it is when we cling to something we think will benefit us in the long run and never understand God can make sure if we don't listen to him, we lose the thing we feel we will be saving.

I always comes down to the simple issue of faith. We can talk about it, but there are times we have opportunities to actually act upon our convictions and not just talk.

Those are when we are truly tested for our nature. When we either grow or wither. The difference is up to us.

And God will never guide us to a point we can say, we had no chance to obey him.

MEMORIES

Vines of screams silenced, still strangle,
from the wounds that bleed within so long ago,
scars of abuse cleverly hidden by lies,
"daddy don't," echoes it haunting memory tones.

Wrapped in a mental cocoon of age's draping,
child's eyes of terror ever faced in the mirror,
suppressed rage boiling over the lips
till one repeats the pain
to other's innocent, trusting eyes.

Passing the baton of hate's brand marks,
generation to generation,
unable to dry or heal the sobbing stains of violation,
tormenting in vision swirls of sadistic specters, felt in streaming,
ghost tears.

PRETENSE OF PRAYER

Why pray if you really don't expect God to answer or listen? People might say, "I never do that?" And maybe there are those who truly never offer up a prayer without being totally earnest.

I wish I could say that. But I can't. I will admit there have been way too many occasion when I have hurried through some prayer and not given it my full attentions.

Deep down I keep telling myself, I'll make up for it tomorrow. Or the ever popular, the Lord understands.

It is true that he understands. But it doesn't mean he will answer a prayer that in reality isn't even a prayer. More like some speech that we say and somehow hope it will be okay.

I think there are times when it is a good thing God doesn't answer our prayers. I mean if we pray for something that is nebulous or vague such a world peace, would we honestly be prepared if God did answer that prayer?

I recall the place in scripture where the disciples were gathered and prayer for Peter who had been put in prison. God answer the prayer and Peter came to the door where they were inside. The scene portrayed is so typical of human nature. Everyone had prayed for him, but nobody was prepared when it actually was answered.

To me, honesty in prayer is essential and so is showing the Lord the respect he deserves. It means to me treating him like a person. How many of us want to listen to somebody that rambles on and on and never in any way looks us in the eyes.

It is like we could not even be there and the person would have the conversation just the same. Really doesn't impress does it.

Do we think God would be impressed either? I think we know the answer to that one. And so does the lord.

So does that mean there is never a time for ritualistic prayer? Such as say when one repeats the Lord's prayer?

That to me is a different issue. It is done as a form of worship more than a prayer and has meaning in itself on that level.

I don't the lord expects to only pray when we are feeling well or never tired either. Just that it should be with all our heart.

We know when that is the case and when it isn't. It is more a case of when we are prepare to accept such situations for being earnest verses being a pretense of prayer. That the heart will know best of all.

VOIDS

I can't believe at times the incredible gulf sadness and emptiness that consumes most of my life. I reflect upon my journey and see how much I have lacked in terms of passion, love and all the other elements that we call truly feeling alive.

To be in that void is not always with a means of escape. Sometimes it is a place of testing. One where we later ascend to light and understanding.

For is there truly a point where some light can shine into the darkness if we allow God's spirit to put a candle in the midst of our struggle. Some will be able to know this as a joy, others never will.

In the last few weeks, years of sadness have given way to unexpected joy. The lord has shown me how he is about to take the deep void in my life and fill it so beautifully.

Yet it will not come without a few tears. And the awareness that there is a price to be paid in the heart before joy can truly be complete.

The prospect of pain does not give me a cause to smile. Yet, it is clinging to the vision of what lies beyond that point that gives me the strength to face the time between when the void is filled and the present.

I am touched to be given help from a very caring source in the process. I consider this to be a special blessing from the Lord.

Meanwhile, I am also grieved. For in this process I have seen how someone who has been in void is not reaching the end. Sadly, this person could have found and shared in the same blessings, but preferred to stay in the darkness.

That sadness me, for God's spirit has truly helped me to see that our heart plays such a big part in where our path eventually leads. And at times it means accepting how our souls cannot find peace when we cling to shadows of our own creation.

God would desire that when he gives us the light, we let him purge our lives of those self forged moments of deepest darkness. But we have to allow the match to be struck. We have to be willing to rise above it all to a point of sight that can see the horizon more than the moment.

To give, to receive, the process is a union that requires a true flow from the soul. Sometimes we deprive ourselves of the pure blessing of receiving because we never learn how to honestly give as is the Lord's desire.

The two do work together only sometimes we have to open our heart and reach out before we find the void in our live that he will truly fill. Some never understand this relationship. They never move beyond being consumed by self absorption. That is one void that never truly gets filled.

LINES

Life has those hidden lines drawn by circumstance and other forces that often write our lives with moments we can't control. Sometimes God can provide an eraser to help correct mistakes, but there are other times when it can't be changed.

This is naturally, my observation. A sense that not all in life is written in stone, but there are times when it is.

Does this matter? It can in terms of discovering and appreciating why some events unfold in life.

That can give light in the shadows. It can warm when there is darkness and add smiles when you feel like frowns.

Plus those lines can also point to those who create them. Give understanding where there is none.

What is drawn across the heart in vivid moments is the quintessence of messages intended to teach and guide. A special place of union that rise the mind from this reality to another.

If this passage of spiritual scribbling inspires then we have a chance to learn in the process to be more joyous about what we know. If it doesn't touch in the right form, we lose the precious commodity of inner healing it can inspire.

But when we don't resist the touch that writes itself across our being and soul, feeling it from the Lord's spirit, then we go beyond the point of seeing life through just our own eyes. We see an horizon of ethereal whispers.

A place of light and love where we find more of the joy of life we miss out on through our own efforts. And that is the precious light that can shine through any darkness, letting us know what we otherwise would never understand.

God's pen will always leave its mark where it will last forever. Sometimes we forget this reality, others we embrace it.

The Lord understands our inability at times to listen. He knows when we feel more intently that others.

And when that heavenly scrawl will truly touch to the core. If we celebrate this gift and not resist it the joy it brings can last a lifetime

Messages from the moment, touching beyond words, life anew in memory and breath. They are the lines we drawn that will be something that can truly have ink that never dries. And that is the most special touch one can have.
Providing we don't avoid letting God do the writing instead of ourselves.

DEPARTED

Mind orbs slice through the descending thoughts,
was it really a tattoo trace of taboo desire
seducing all those silhouetted stark wish stars of searing,
where the heart was eagerly trapped within a labyrinth
creeping with vines of secrets?

Body quivers violently at the possibilities
evaporating like mirages
when lust fired feet approach,
bones shivering from the lingering revere ecstasy
left soaked upon the bed sheets.

Seeing one's shell of alter ego
pausing upon the staircases of seconds
traveled in stumbling, succumbing steps,
reliving the strident strides of strenuous figment adventure
leading to a dead man's detours into fleeting elysian cemeteries.

Quietly, lifting up the past so fated and forged.
where endless is the flashbacks riveting,
slowly recreating the walls of one's breathing penthouse,
grateful to stand above the myriad mystery of mishaps
toned in haunting echoes, ears will never forget.

LIMITS

I can't imagine many of us getting through life without facing boundaries. We have to put up with laws, regulations, licenses and a host of other issues that strain the soul.

And no matter how much we cope, the blood still percolates at times from the occasions when we nearly suffocate from all the restrictions. We might be forced to accept them, but it doesn't mean we smile about it.

Sometimes they just boil over in our senses and we get very prone to see life as other than a blessing. And if it happens to be a form of limitation that causes us grief, it definitely does not inspire happiness.

Can we live a life free of any rules or spiritual bondage? Is it possible to truly thrive in a climate that leaves one feeling like prisoner? Those are questions, we can't always answer easily.

I've just recently gone through this ordeal where someone dealt with me in a very deceitful manner. Lies, built upon lies, all intended to serve a purpose that was other than noble or honorable.

Another person, very important to me was also affect by this intrigue. Once we discovered the truth, we have the predictable reaction to having one's trust violated. Anger, the need for revenge and most of all, figuring out how to deal with the issue of making sure the person doesn't have a chance to do the same wrong again.

In the process, paranoia often issues, which inspires rash and impulsive behavior. There are times when it is necessary to confront such issues face to face and force a resolution. There are other times when it is a wiser choice to not to battle.

You can't say every situation is the same, but sensing when there are limits on the power and abilities of a protagonist. It depends on the spiritual nature of the battle and test at times.

If what is being dealt with is something involves God's purposes, there are occasions when he is the one we must trust for a solution. He does set limits on what happens, especially in terms of those enemies interfering with his purposes.

That can be difficult to always accept letting God be the Lord over such situations. Seeing it in our hearts is difficult to be sure.

Only it does involve faith and sometimes more than we think we can handle. That is when we have to cling to his promises.

And the real joy comes from knowing that God also knows the limits of one's enemies. He can touch those fears and pains in a way that makes misery far more terrible than any thing we could do.

STORAGE

In the soul there is a warehouse where we stored so many different things. Thoughts, desires, secrets, hopes, dreams and so much more.

The storage chest is like a depository. We have the capacity to put so much into the chest, but God owns the key.

If we fail to truly understand this reality we often think what we have collected during the moments of our lives do stay there till eternity. Oh we may think we have cleaned house, but who we are never in any way becomes some pure, unblemished essence in this life.

Many think so. They believe somehow that they can use a broom of their own creation and suddenly all they are gets cleaned and all the dirt is wiped away. What is left behind is this spotless and perfect chest that we can show off to the world.

But it never works that way. And God never wants us to see the world in such a light of deception.

What he wants us to see is the clutter. To discover just how much trash is collected with the good.

Not because he wants to embarrass us, but because he desires us to truly embrace salvation for its true level of forgiveness. Which can be very difficult to do with some people who think they can simply use their own soap of self-righteousness to somehow remove all the stains from a life time.

And when it doesn't really work, the simply turn out the lights and say, see no problem here, I'm fine. Which they never really are.

But then you know it never changes with some people. In fact even though that storage closet is transparent and they can see inside they just decide to never try to look.

Oh, they do see it in their minds. Each time they actually make some deposit of moments the have to look.

However, it is so easy to just try and decide, hey, it's not really that bad. I can clean it up later.

Only later never really comes. So we run off to try and clean up some other place an hope that will keep our minds off our own mess.

In the light of God's truth that is always silliness. It never touches or makes the mind truly forget the trash. Just use more air freshener of excuse to try and in some way pretend the rotting garbage of one's sins don't really stick.

Holding one's nose never works permanently. But it doesn't keep some people from trying.

SHIFTING GEARS

Dawn poking through the eyes
rear view mirror of memories
clutching at my throat.

Tears like rain
still fall upon my thoughts
though I look desperately
towards a new horizon.

Still the landscape
passed of mar and mire,
bleeds into my fears
with the thorns
of pits
in which I fell.

Buying a new transmission of hope
from the mechanic of inspiration,
believing it will lead me
to a new destination
while
depositing the past
into a receptacle of forgiveness,
moving ahead,
shifting gears.

IN THE CLOSET

The mind is alluded to as a closet when speaking of prayer. That you should pray in secret by going into a closet. Which can have different meanings to different people.

I think in part it means that you should pray with your mind truly focuses on thinking only about the Lord. That is hard to do at times with all the distractions.

So it is something where one needs to be sensitive to the fact that you can give God the respect he is worthy by having your mind elsewhere. And doing it in secret is so essential to be sure, one's prayer is meant to express faith and not impress others.

This doesn't mean prayer is not valuable in a communal situation. It just means that there are other times, when a special intimacy is needed. The type that only comes from spending time alone where the Lord is the only one that hears.

When that closet is in the mind, you set aside the other issues. You end up allowing the world fall away for a while and only see the Lord.

Then the closet is no longer a closet, but a haven. A place of spiritual refuge and that can heal and also guide.

It can also be a mirror. That is point of reflection where one sees with eyes provided by the Holy Spirit.

That will bring a special light to the closet. One that help us see where we didn't before. Sometimes that will grace with truths that we didn't understand or needed to see in a special way.

It can truly add a new breath to one's life. A chance to see any horizon differently. And the closet where one resides, becomes a transporter to so much more.

In the moment of yielding, when the words come slowly from within, there is the comfort that comes from knowing. We taste the brief kiss of the eternal. And life begets its own special song.

But within that chamber there is joy, sometimes for the first time. It can heal, it can touch in a way that is so special and unique.

There are so many avenues that will take the mind. The closet is not a place so enclosed, it is a gift of freedom.

We can rise above the emptiness. We can hear what we never know could be heard. And that is the joy beyond words that will grant us more happiness than any other path.

May the light come. May your heart be rich from the moment that you enter the closet an embrace eternity.

HUGS

Ah the joy of affection. It is a wonderful sensation being touch in a loving way. But if it is phony in any way, it can really be annoying.

I'm sorry, but I'm not a big fan of when somebody I don't know things hugging is a good idea. I just think it should be because you genuinely care about the person. At least I feel it ought to be genuine.

Call it a silly obsession, but I hate I love you's and I care about you that are hollow and meaningless. A fake form of affection to me is no better than none at all.

In this age of plastic emotions and cardboard personalities it seems so often we end up finding ourselves in a position of going through the motions. We know we are suppose to care. To love with genuine feelings.

But what if we don't have such feelings? What if we can't bring ourselves to rise about that lukewarm deadness that often settles in the soul?

Does God expect us to act like we care when we don't? Or should we keep beating on ourselves till we do?

And if we can't beat hard enough, can we let a bible sage whack us with all the Bible admonitions to make us do so? If so, does it really work or do we fake it?

I'm sure the real answer isn't one that we care to admit. That there are too many times we simply don't care.

Nobody is likely to confess that truth and they aren't certainly going to be inclined to want to admit it either. That is a fact of life.

God, however, still knows the truth whether we admit it or not. What is amazing is how he uses us despite such realities.

Sometimes we actually end up serving his purpose and touching even when we don't think it something that counts. That is the most important thing.

It might not seem like a big deal to give a person a cup of water. Such a small form of help, but I think it is a symbol of how we never know when that truly will give life to someone else.

So in the midst of the many times we get lost in the mayhem of sensory dullness, we can try to listen. Not allow ourselves to say, "Ah, it doesn't matter. It is just a small thing."

The difference is whether we do as we are lead. Some of us will listen, some of us will not. That is what makes us so essential in his will. It isn't when the times of drama show through, it is the times of quiet when our heartbeat is tested the most in terms of caring.

REASSURANCE

Who is life doesn't need this? The problem is finding it. It might be easy to find if reassurance was as plentiful as criticism, but it isn't.

But despite that problem, we do face the fact that with God, he can touch us at times with a hug when we are in a quandary over some path we think we are suppose to follow. That kind of assurance comes from different sources and in different forms.

The problem can be in listening. That requires being able to hear with the soul and not just the ears.

How does one listen with the soul? It is often when we have that inner sense from some source that is gives us that feeling a given moment is from the Lord.

God's spirit doesn't have to work very hard to do this with people who are in touch with his presence. Sadly a lot are not who think they are.

Going to a house of worship doesn't guarantee you'll hear the sounds of spiritual laughter. It would be wonderful if it did. But sometimes the clanging voice of self consumed minds gets in the way.

The love to bang their symbols and shake their tambourines of "look at how righteous I am" so they can impress you. Which is hardly all that helpful when you are filled with too much chaos and questions that so desperately are needed to be answered.

Such spiritual buffoon antics is not helpful. Might impress some, but it doesn't heal or answer what is burning in the heart.

Still, like clinging to an addictive habit, we seem to need to go back to familiar places at times to seek if the results would be different. That might happen if God is truly involved. But too often I don't think it is.

Instead, we find the routine remains constant. We gravitate to the familiar because it is safe.

Why we think the outcome will change is hard to say. However, that is so often the reality.

The only thing that truly makes a difference is when we stop thinking on a natural level to a spiritual need. It means feeling the wind from the Holy Spirit touching us and guiding us to where God wants us to go.

He leads us where his voice will truly be heard. We just have to be prepared to look in places that are his choice.

And God has such a wonderful way of surprising us for the sake of enlightenment in that regard. It is just a question of whether we will see it when the time comes.

PASSAGES

Sojourn's vista stains with spiritual lightning
over the sparks of heart wrenched sights unveiled,
snaking and slithering a daze of rustic beauty
through each pore and cell
till sensations become soar in naked feathered flights.

Winding river refreshes in flooding tones
stroking crevices where our heaven dwells
as eyes climb rocky slopes
towards a plateau
of numinous shudders in quickening.

Picturesque prayers profound the presence
weaving a blanket serene and tranquil,
reviving muscles strained by the strenuous, spellbound odyssey
inwardly singing hymns of scenic invocation
resonating with an euphoric sensuality.

The crisp wind caresses with flashes of pristine images
pastoral cherub's frosting our mind's mural of array
becoming lost in the opiate of natural innocent
quietly embracing the mystery painted by,
passages.

MUTED ENVY

It is funny how at times we think if we don't admit to certain feelings nobody will notice. As if our actions and attitude won't say the truth.

One of the real spiritual kills to me in any place of worship is the peril of subdue envy. That is when we are jealous of some other's calling and do little things to interfere. It is petty, it is less than noble, but it happens way too often.

The problem I think is God doesn't call people according to our opinion. He often seems to pick the most unlikely people to serve his purposes. And at times it is easy to feel a bit disappointed if you are a faithful servant at your service to see someone suddenly come out of nowhere to step into the limelight.

So, sadly, the reaction of people is similar to the older brother in the parable about the prodigal son. The older brother's attitude was definitely filled with resentment. He had been faithful, he hadn't run off and squander his inheritance.

Naturally, he didn't appreciate his wayward sibling coming home and being welcomed by their father with a new outfit and big celebration. His reasons were understandable on a human level. After all he had been faithful and always been obedient. So he resented his brother getting what seemed like a reward for his unfaithfulness.

Within the parable, which has been interpreted so many ways, I feel that the attitude of the older brother is an image of what often happens to those who are faithful, but don't end up getting the type of recognition they feel they deserve. It is that unspoken muted envy that ends up keeping the person from embracing God's will in a positive and loving way. Hate brews in the coffers of esteem. It corrupts the senses and in the end nothing is gain that benefits soul or fellowship.

True fellowship and obedience will always put God center of the purpose. We might not be able to feel totally happy when someone stands in the main stage of God's will that doesn't seem to deserve it, but there are blessings to abiding, none for rebellion.

Those willing to embrace the wisdom of God's rule, will always have a desire to see his will served above all us. To want to have the kingdom of God advanced over ego, attention or anything other things we place as priority.

Sometimes the greatest challenge is to truly mute the envy in a way that only God's love shines through. That takes a lot of willingness at times to be prepared to rise above the me syndrome and see what is really important.

God does at times sort through our desires through such times. And when we are faithful there are occasions later that he will grant us some other blessing.

But we miss out on them completely if we fail to obey him in the first place. That is when we have a bigger problem and it is with our heart.

SIGNIFICANT

Priority vary from mind to mind. And from moment by moment. But some people are so inclined to only regard themselves are the center of the universe. For them the only things that are significant in life reside within their lives.

When we prioritize life so it rises and sets only on our own little slice of the world, we so limit where our life can go. We want it to conform to our desires. Never asking the greater questions that really are important.

It can be really a challenge too if we end up doing that in the realm of what is important to the Lord. That is when we reach beyond our needs and touch only God's realm.

Instead of asking the important questions about what is important to him, we translate it according to our own values. And then when one tries to give it some spiritual slant it really gets absurd.

God understands we are creatures of flaws and habits. We get selfish and concerned about our own priorities.

Which is why he tries to grant us provision for what is important. That way, when we trust to him for our needs, we should be freer to ask the important questions in terms of his needs.

That is how things ought to work. Only in a lot of situations it never ends up reality. Instead, house of worship become political arenas where everything, but the will of god gets deal with.

Sometimes we actually manage to look passed our own needs. Others we do not. Fortunately, God isn't limited to us in terms of accomplishing his will.

But the simple reality we must deal with at times I think is asking the tough question, when we serve God do we truly seek his will first? Or do we take the usual approach to filter what is right and true with significance given towards our own concerns.

Somewhere in all the insanity of gratifying our own desires, God still works his will. There are occasions when he must ignore those who claim to be his servants though.

They are too busy arguing over which one gets the best seat in the kingdom of heaven. Then naturally, with all that arguing going on, nothing gets accomplished that is suppose to be accomplished.

We call it meetings at times. Those can be wonderful places of dialogue or disasters. Hopefully in the middle of all of it, we listen too.

Then we can at least celebrate when God graces what is truly significant and not just what we care about.

IMPOSSIBLE

Perhaps a day or heartbeat is not truly
like the cringing bongs
from a grim reaper's time clock,
ticking, oh so ticking in one's thoughts,
till it turns to jelly
the spine's marrow of security and fire,
slowly carving away with a steak knife of anxiety
inch, by fragile inch
at all the gossamer entrees
of one's fleeting banquet in immortality myths.

But what mirror can ever truly cleanse
and hope to shine to a burnished revealing glow
every conjured ornament of hope
hung so desperately upon fantasia's floating tree.

Our eyes are fixed longingly
towards a gaze at the suns of our own creation,
some giving life to some seeing horizons unexplored,
while others only practice writing epitaphs.

Reality, becomes a tale of excuses
created by our senses,
yet it is what see as true
in the heart of our devotions,
which can imagine in silhouetted possibilities,
either nothing at all
or everything.

BEFORE THE YAWN

Ever have one of those events you had to attend and you knew before you went to it, the event was going to be boring. Actually, I imagine there are all kinds of things we do out or responsibility that can end up being considered boring at times.

And I suppose if we are honest about, there are probably way too many moments in life that hardly fall under the category of giving us smiles. But unless we are somehow free from all the normal challenges of life, we will have to face such reality.

I know some people who act like you should get excited about everything you do. As if you are somehow a bad person is you don't end up smiling and dancing constantly.

Personally, I would be worried about a person that smiled no matter the situation. There are times when it is truly normal to feel down.

There is a difference in my view between being negative and being sad. The first is an attitude. It is a lack of expectancy and an inability to see possibilities.

The latter is an emotion. If we never felt sad, never had sense of remorse how could we truly care about the pain others suffer? How could we be refrained from hurting others unless knowing how being hurt makes us so sad. It is merely a frame of reference that is necessary in life if you are going to do more than be dead in your heart.

I don't God expects us to always be happy. There are times when it is okay to feel said to be bored in terms of facing the truth or one's feelings.

It is, if understood, the point of view that sees and wants to see the real beauty of life among the emptiness and ugliness. That accepts and embraces the moments of yawns for the fact of how they let us appreciate the times of soaring.

Some seem to think you can truly enjoy one without the other. Having and artificially induced smile it only kidding oneself.

Should there be joy in being a follower of the Lord? Yes, very much so. But there is also times that it is okay to feel sadness too.

Just accepting that is better than the dishonesty of thinking Christians should never be sad or unhappy in any way. I've seen those that bubbled over in all ways. Thought that somehow you just weren't truly spiritual if you didn't look constantly at peace.

But in reality, too often that just ends up a facade. A mask of pretense we wear to appear as the image we think we need to convey.

God knows the truth. He gives us a heart to feel and to also express those feelings as they really touch us. Some learn that lesson. Others do not. We just have to be willing above all to face the truth no matter what expression it leaves on the face.

GATHERED

Circles of hearts do always touch with love. They can have a whole lot of reasons for uniting that doesn't lend itself to joy. Still, we gather at times out of habit.

Our hearts may not be in the process as intended. We might say all the right words and all, but it is just vanity if our heart isn't in it.

Where do we really gather? The reality is where our heart truly wants to be. And God knows it.

Which is why when we gather for any reason than true love and desire we only kid ourselves that it makes any real difference. And the many excuses we manage to contrive to gloss over the truth get real pathetic at times.

How often I've struggled with such challenges in my own life. To truly face what I try to pretend isn't how I really feel.

But then God's spirit gathers in my heart and all the images I deny come to life. I can't escape their reality.

What I see is what truly resides within. It doesn't mean it is always joyful to see. It doesn't mean I relish the experience either.

However, in the gaze reveal there is one word that rings so loudly. God's love as the grace we need and should embrace understand fills my thoughts.

The faces of one's dark hobgoblins are not ones that we need to lie about or fear. They are the elements of our essence that will never be flushed away by morality's bathtub or any efforts on our part.

God doesn't want us to act like we are angels when he has real angels for that purpose. We are sinners and we need forgiveness.

The struggle inside is one to embrace not ignore. It will never go away, but we can truly see God's wisdom if we pretend our jungle of thoughts is nothing, but flowers.

There are flowers naturally, but to pretend the weeds are roses doesn't help. And lying and saying some miracle is going to make them disappear doesn't work either.

And in the light of God's grace, they are seen as weeds. He doesn't remove them completely, for how would we truly appreciate the roses without them.

Instead he grants us promise of eventually being in his eternal garden where the only thing that flowers is the beauty of his love for us. That is a scent that lingers forever for those filled with his spirit.

Pity some will never be there for that gathering.

POINTS OF PIERCING

What draws the heart into an ache more intense that any other pain? We like to think our armor is invincible in terms of our self-control. That nothing can penetrate it regardless of the weapon used.

Temptation proves otherwise. We all have those pressure points when they are pressed hard enough will make our armor fall off.

Most of us are strong enough if faced with a direct threat we will resist. Those are obvious challenges.

However, the devil knows this and if we have deep seated desires we have suppressed he doesn't have to confront us with a direct challenge to our will. Instead, we can more often be corrupted in subtle and slow ways.

It is like a clump of snow melting on a tree branch. The melting that takes place starts from the inside. Outside will look the same for the longest time.

Until the inside is completely eroded away, then the clump will collapse. Spiritual decay works in a similar fashion. It happens to slowly and our thinking and feelings change so subtly we never appreciate till it is too late that such a change has occurred.

Then what makes sense to us as the layers of restraint have been peeled away will appear so acceptable. We will end up willing do what in another season seemed impossible.

The worse danger in such situations is if one has forged their resolve in the sands of right and wrong. Drawing a line of boundaries and saying I'll never cross over that line.

It sounds wonderful, but the more we set ourselves up with such walls, the more they are prone to crumbled in due season. And when they do, we feel the weight of our choice in a heaviness of guilt, often leading to real disasters in terms of consequences.

That is the type of danger that really pierces. Because is strikes are esteem and sense of control.

Sometimes when a person does violate that sense of self control it ends up creating an avalanche in our passions and we totally surrender to the moment. Then in some cases, we continue to decline, never thinking anything is different.

What is most important is remembering we are all human. When we stumble, we need to seek God's help to be lifted up again.

Sometimes in our shame, we prefer to hide from the Lord. That never improves the situation.

But in the heat of desire, we often only hear what satisfies the moment. That can be so deafening to our sounds of joy.

WHEREVER YOU GO

Her widow's tears
streaming so steadily down upon her swollen cheeks,
fall in agonized drops upon the fresh grave of her son.
Mourner's searing pain of trembling tremors weaken knees
because his grave is next to the mound
where she buried only other child.

Old woman's weeping can find no words
to paint a peace to quiet the wailing sounds,
life crushed by a cruelty unexplained,
haunted by anxiety's images of dying a death all alone.

Till her one daughter-in-law,
softly takes her hand. "Wherever you go," she vows,
in such a heart drenched, devotional love,
gazing with eyes of sincere assurance, "I will go to."

Two lives hence, no suffering could ever separate,
as the younger faithfully refuses to abandon
a mother-in-law that, despite her husband's death,
couldn't stop her from embracing with such deep adoration.

Together their spirits personified, hearts precious and pure,
till time brought a new vine to the family tree,
and the daughter married once more,
still keeping her mother-in-law close by her side,
with mercy and the divine finally blessing their sweet devotion
through a child born to the daughter,
who became the grandfather of kings.

HOLLOW

Holes possess the places our smiles often hide. We sink into them and are afraid to ask for help escaping.

Somehow we think the hole will go away if we pretend it doesn't exist. Of course ignoring the hole is about as effective as not treating a serious illness. It never works.

That doesn't keep people from trying any method except the right one to deal with the hole. Which is probably the most predictable aspect of human nature.

I wish it wasn't true. But when we end up in some tail spin, so often we can really have a hard time admitting we aren't flying any longer.

We just keep telling ourselves, everything is fine, this is just a temporary condition. Meanwhile, the ground of circumstance races towards us and that big black hole of regret and depression waits to swallow us.

Do we stop in the midst of flapping our broken wings to accept the reality? Sometimes. Others no.

What we normally don't do is think to ask the Lord's help. Oh it might cross our minds, but then we tell ourselves, why should God here this prayer when we didn't seek him constantly?

So we keep flapping our wings, tell splat. We don't have anyway to flap them again, but we still don't want to accept we are in a hole.

Somewhere in the shadowed insanity a voice of reason calls to us. And it has the name of the lord.

Silently, we might finally listen. We might accept that there is no ladder of deliverance coming by a mythical cavalry.

There is only the grace of God. That wondrous gift we seldom open because of all the clamor of religiosity.

But for those who at last truly listen, there is hope between the echoes of a feigned desires. That resides in the only place where one can know what our soul has always sense.

With God there is no time, nor lack of forgiveness. Just a flow of love to light where we are and the joy of rising beyond any hole.

Wings shall sing in the embraced offering from above. It is the moment most precious in a time when we often fail to grasp what is really important. When we see the Lord, we truly discover fact from fiction.

A CHANGE INTO

We traverse the miles of minutes call existence, wondering what it is all about. Finding a moment where we pause and realize something has totally changed in our lives.

Only we aren't able to reflect good enough to quite grasp all the steps we took to cause the change. For a moment the confusion dominates. We get totally distracted and frustrated by the process.

Something mercifully interrupts our thinking and before we know it we have forgotten the question. Until later when the darkness of night rises like a vampire from a coffin and we return to that place of questions.

In the natural, we are only comforted in this mystery by whatever wind of reflection resides within. It might or might not help to refresh and touch with some compass of light to guide our way.

On the other hand, when one is graced by God's spirit, he can help us see the bridges we cross to get to the new essence we've become. More importantly he helps us see the reasons.

That brings the type of understanding that can build faith. It can help us erect a tower inside that faces heaven.

We are redeemed in deeper tones of meaning. God's reality swells within and we move closer by small amounts to where we are supposed to be.

It isn't easy to always express this experience to others. If they haven't been so touched it can be even more difficult. Sometimes they will listen out of politeness, but not really belief you explanations.

Still, it doesn't change what the Lord can do to bless us in the process. We can either grow with the change and see it for what it is worth or keep ourselves distant from the truth.

There are times when the sound of one's inner laughter truly can help to heal. And if we remember it comes from the Lord, it can truly warm

Beyond the skies of our invention, where the place our stones never reach life has its own special pulse. There is nothing more joyous and fulfilling when we find that smile that God created.

Too many never do. They wander listless pretending to be happy, hurting or dying on the inside. Till they sleep with envy as their companion, growing so cold in the process.

Till we either succumb to the peril of indifference or truly learn to fly. The hand that brings us where we need to be always belongs to the lord.

WHY THIS WASTE

Memorable words I suppose. Remember because they were spoken by Judas to Jesus when a woman was anointing his feet lovingly with an expensive ointment.

We are told that Judas ask about why this waste under the excuse the ointment should have been sold to help the poor. But we are told in reality, Judas' motive was to have been given the money because he was in charge of the disciple's funds and had been stealing from it.

There was a bigger issue in this story that the suppose waste of funds. Is charity really the same thing when giving to a church as helping the poor? It depends on whom you ask.

Some see it as all the same. Mostly people who as a rule don't regard spirituality with any serious thought.

But God doesn't regard the two as the same. We are creatures of free will. So it puts upon the heart and conscious of man to face our charge in terms of the welfare of all creatures.

We aren't very good at that part. History doesn't exactly record our labor of love being the shining evidence of how we have responded to the needs of our fellow souls. Sin in its many forms cast its spell over our desires.

The lord doesn't always interfere in the ways of man. However, in the midst of all our pursuits of happiness, he does touch us with the urge to lift up our eyes and forge those altars of faith in our souls.

To a world that only translates life by need, when one's places more value on the soul than food, you are not view with respect. But there are times it is far more important for the sake of what matters in our relationship with God.

That is why on the surface where God is speaking to us for the sake of intimacy the language may seem strange or questionable to those who don't understand such things. Thus for example, such things as having this ornate temple built in a country mainly occupied by farmers would seem ridiculous. Yet, God still had Solomon build it. And it truly was far more ornate than people living off their crops needed. However, it didn't matter. It served a greater purpose that not everyone could appreciate.

Life truly belongs to the Lord. We can either accept it or ignore it. However, for those that do accept it, there will be times that the haunting words of why this waste will not shout as loud as the Lord's voice.

In the sky, we shall know the essence we embrace. It will fly regardless of the times we hear too many critics raising their voices to cast doubts upon our senses. Sometimes we have to hear with our souls instead of our ears.

COME TO ME

Oh the pain I endured from those three little words
I thought were as sweet as honey in my mouth
the moment you first whispered them so softly,
while wearing your bewitching veil of vulnerable innocence.

How could I ever suspect or fear
that beneath such an angel's mask and charm
there lived something incredibly hideous, brutal and utterly evil,
beyond any terror that I could ever imagine?

By the time I realized the brutal horror of your inner reality
your vile spell made what you said turn into an acid,
burning my insides with rage from your wicked ways
as you continued to seduce me with them over and over
making me a helpless slave to your ever desire.

Mercilessly, you continued tugging upon the wires
you have attached to my heart,
ripping at my spirit like there were barbed
forcing me dance like a puppet at your every whim
feeling totally humiliated,
uncontrollably trapped in your abusive web of deceit.

Alas,
do I wallow in your enslaving cocoon of black magic addiction
ever regretting the first time I heard
those other five words from you,
"May I take your order?"

CROSSROADS

Paths connection us to unexpected horizons, dreams suddenly becoming far to real, destinations reached at the worst possible time, it all bespeaks of change never anticipated nor planned. Of place we reach in our experiences that our hearts have yet to visit.

Burden upon the senses, stored in our vault of presumptions, we carve the world according to our desires, seeing it as our mind creates, inventing reality to agree with our perceptions. Such is the dynamic of human nature that dogs our existence.

And to ignore that nature is almost as bad as giving in to it completely. We just never seem to be able to focus and recall the balance needed between where we want to go and where we have to go.

Complicating it is the fact that our emotions so often manage to cloud our vision. We can't want something so much, even if it isn't the best thing for us that we race off in some direction when reaching a crossroads. If we feel it is right, even if part of us has a sense it isn't right, we go for it.

And we might even stop long enough to utter some quick prayer for God's guiding. Of course so often the truth is that in our hearts, resides in our own passions. So we might say the prayer to be "noble," but deep down we keep thinking, "oh god, please let me go down this road that I want."

Naturally, we never hope God here's that part. We just hope if we pray sincerely enough and say the right things that our Lord will not pay attention to us drooling in hopes we get our way.

What is amazing is that no matter how long we have been trusting the Lord, no matter how much we read the bible, it doesn't keep us from occasionally being selfish. The problem is if we insist upon going down a certain even when God says no.

That is when things can get really difficult. Because God will let us go down that path. And if we lie to ourselves long enough we will even stop feeling those tugs from the Holy Spirit telling us we are making a mistake.

But the thing is when we fall into that mud pit we thought was a swimming pool, God will be there. He might not pick us up immediately, but he won't let us die there either.

However, he won't let us survive without being the kind of loving father that wants the best for us. So at times that means we have to learn the hard way.

It will also mean we might end up with mud clinging to our bodies for a while. And if we let god wash us off with the power of the holy spirit it truly cleanses inside and out. That is a crossroads that one can never feel anything, but joy over in due season if we see it clearly.

VENTURES TO A DREAM

Would that more dreams we love would become reality. It does make one wonder why it can't be that way. I struggle at times when why our minds can see such fantastic things and we have no power to make them reality.

True, fantasy is the realm where physical laws don't apply. I understand this. It just doesn't make wish our dreams could come true more often.

I have wondered at times what the point is of imagining such joys if we are never going to know them in reality. It does seem to sad, almost cruel to be filled with images that make us so happy, but will never be realized.

How many of us have pondered futility the issue of why we need to be tormented with feelings that will never become more than a lingering sensation. It does seem so sad at times.

Yet, would we enjoy live better without dreams? Would only facing sadness and never the slightest relish of hope improving our situations?

Dreams do have such a variety of meanings and purposes. Some people have devoted their careers to trying to understand them.

And with my writer's brain my dreams often get very strange. Some I know are visions, some just plain silly though.

So for me, I have more than my share of dreams about desires that just never happen. Why is the question I have asked on so many occasions.

For me I have found in part that sometimes dreams truly awaken some aspect to our feelings and desire we might have tried to deny. So in the awakening we are given a chance to learn something about ourselves.

That is providing we are willing to look at a given dream for learning purposes. Some will some will not.

I feel God will help us in that regard if we seek him in prayer. And even if the dream was dark in nature he can help shine light into the darkness.

Sometimes finding out we do have a dark side is the really hard part. Some people really can't accept that part of reality.

But I also know how God wants to help us see where we fail to look. All that we can truly embrace our real natures and in the process learn to accept his forgiveness all the more.

There are often challenges of the mind that tax the heart. You just never will pass the test if you fail to take the exam.

A BETTER PLACE

Anxiously strutting around the day's merry maze
while pasting plastic happy face stickers upon the forehead
and calling it the fruit of contentment's smile
that is a contrived and smothering mask
to hide the withered veins of light barely pulsing the heart.

Tender tails thus teach through their reviving dreams,
spoken in stanzas rich with faith and wish,
which guide towards some pit stop of greater promise,
we pray shall mint a perfect tomorrow.

Still, the mind's eye see by drought and desert
each step does constantly proceed,
leaving secrets in their passing prints,
along with a trail of memories
swallowed by the drifting dunes of time.

At the crossroads of character
one path of choice points towards the catacombs of regret,
the other, less traveled, follows the stones to expectancy's grocery store.

Feeding the soul truly begins with the bread of resilient hope
when it fuels the the heart with inspiration's nutrients,
nourishing it to never stop reaching and believing
till tomorrow becomes a river of our existence
traveled by a sailboat vision
always carrying a compass
searching for,
a better place.

ESCALATING

It would be great if life went in the direction we always desired. But no matter how we view it, when God is leading us, the path never is one that we can necessarily control.

There are many occasions when that isn't always a bad thing. Lately in my life some of the areas that were once a concern have faded. The changes happened so subtle and natural that I didn't go into shock even though ultimately it was a major escalation of our lifestyle from the past.

At the same time there have been transitions in other parts of our life that were never expected or even desired. This to was an escalation on a personal level that in part left me excited, but also a tad confused.

I have tried my best to see the Lord's hand through it all. Sometimes that is easier than others. It is always such a temptation to look at some change and ask, is this a blessing or a punishment.

The mind simply can't help pondering so we can apply logic to what isn't necessarily logical. Which is the biggest problem. What happens is not always something that will make sense in terms of this life.

God, who sees all and knows all looks at us with his eternal eyes and touches in ways that reach more than the now. It has effects related to eternity. Sometimes we do have trouble appreciating that fact.

And no matter what we try to grasp in terms of interpretation from a given event it is hard at times to always appreciate the wisdom of some situation. Plus the reality is that we can't always expect to fully understand such escalations.

I think the plain fact is that God at times simply leaves it unknown so we have a reason to trust him more. For it is when we don't see clearly that we must rely upon sight from our souls.

That might seem like a fair answer, but it is the one that at times we have to accept. I don't think that is God being cruel either.

Some might not be able to accept such a choice. Which is still part of the battle of deciding whether or not we can trust God.

I do feel there are times when God does give us insight. That he does so to help us during the times when the darkness comes still trust him.

They are those installments of trust that should be our spiritual foundation for times when we feel a distance and so incapable of grasping life. It is just hard to always remember that. And when life escalates doubly so. Still we do what we can to keep marching. Sometimes the steps are all that keep us going.

TOGETHER

I was tinkering in thoughts the other day about the mystery of relationships. Not any specific kinds, but more in general.

I think in my life it would be safe to say I have seen more failed relationship with others than successes. Providing you define success as a relationship that genuine gives care and love as well as support. That is opposed to when the only thing that happens in a relationship is that you end up hating seeing the person because all the do is make you feel sad or hurt your feelings.

Some people have this weird notion from my view that family means those you are related to only by blood. I can't think of anything more special and blessed than to feel love from your natural family.

But the problem is that on so many occasion love is not what we experience. Which I see as a part of so many things in life that don't work as God intended. In an imperfect world, however, far too much of what we encounter just seems broke and there are no spare parts to fix the problem.

What I sense and feel at times is that when life is out of balance and we are deprived of the together we so need in our lives, it leaves this incredible hole in our hearts and souls. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to fill up that hole. Perhaps by seeking other relationships or in some different way.

But can it really fill the void of a natural missing relationship? I think the answer is only if we recognize the hole is there and look to God as the means to fill it.

For he desires that we be complete. And in his wisdom he will guide us to the place that can truly fill in a way that is beautiful and special.

Providing we can rise above the limitations of our own minds. To be able to embrace the light that God shines no matter where it leads.

Simple fact is that if we have a life that is bruised and traditional means never touch us why would we expect a traditional solution to our needs? It is like going to the pharmacy for a prescription for a medication to treat one type of illness when we are suffering from one completely different. Yet we still think it will get results.

In the house of worship where the doctors of the soul practice their treatments, can they truly embrace our sickness if they don't care enough to really know what is our ailment? We wouldn't accept that kind of behavior from our regular doctor.

I think such spiritual malpractice naturally is part of the reason that God too often has to go outside the usual means to heal. And some times it means he has to point us in a given direction before that can happen. Time moves us slowly, but with the Lord is always without getting lost.

THE VAST SMALLNESS

Why is it when that sometimes the most annoying simple things can manage to interfere with your plans so often? Like when you have a flat tire. It isn't the end of the world, but seems to always happen when you are the most pressed for time.

I wish when the stress pounds in my throat that my response was one of being totally calm and mature. It isn't. I fret, I complain and that is hardly a source of pride.

It is too bad there is no existing balance to live whereby the good times were as equally good as the bad ones cause unhappiness. I suppose there are some that could claim that, but it hasn't been my experience.

Which is why in part I think we are so prone to craving distraction. How many times can you go to work and tend to all the chores of life and find someway of seeing it as exciting? I mean without the help from some artificial means?

Spirituality is hardly to me the absence of monotony. Some might claim that it is related to being happy all the time.

But I haven't noticed that being the reality. I have been with some who I considered to truly be spiritual, yet have noticed they get bored like the rest of the planet.

The thing I do understand is that the Lord isn't insensitive to this reality. I doubt he expects us to act totally excited when we are feeling so sullen and moody.

What we can't do is try and make dull shine. Forcing a luster on what has only a tarnished tint will never help us make gold from what is less.

Some will try of course. And in the process sometimes we risk missing the intended message and meaning God might help us to see in the ordinary and trite.

I'm not speaking of trying to hear the voice of god in a drinking fountain or any other such silliness. I'm talking about being receptive to letting God show us how and why the routine serves a purpose we might have overlooked.

It is amazing how easy it is to miss details when we take so much for granted in life. There are so many stories where we can miss something essential and meaningful to us just because we are busy and distracted.

So I think at times, God taps us on the shoulder and reminds us that beauty and truth are far more presence that we accept at times.

When we hear, it doesn't mean what is boring suddenly has new life. But it does mean we might see some sparkle we missed before.

That is what to helps forge a smile in the darkness and lift our day beyond a yawn.