MANIA

Reams of gutter tales
replete with nostril scarring scents of stench and sweat
were the horrific collage of my diary, diet and day.

My insides had turned into a slimy muck of organ decay
feeling like the feast for a nest of acid skinned vipers
as I rotted in apathy from dawn to dawn
using a filthy curb as a cell for my concrete prison.

Then I met what I embraced as a pontificating, caring angel
we made love in our souls till I was addicted
eagerly sacrificing my will at her golden altar
lustfully savoring her spellbound womb of debasing
till my reason gave way to insane, blind obedience.

Daily come the sermonized flagellations my esteem
generously inflicted by her sadistic "nurturing" minions,
cloaking my mind in the garb of a spiritual automaton
ritually praising them and begging for more,
praying it will appease their vicious version of love
and grant me one more merciless beating
given with the seductive strokes from her twisted halo.

I never look in the mirror any more
my eyes were gouged out by denial
leaving me a drone of breath,
in a hell without fire
languishing in the brutal legacy
of my masochistic chains.

BREATH

Inhaling is more than just taking in air. On a spiritual level it is to me inhaling the profound and insightful.

Some people seem content to hold their breath in that regard. They just want you to pass them an oxygen mask of their rituals and breath deep.

It doesn't matter if the air is stale and full of spiritual toxins. As long as they don't have to breath by their own effort that is what counts.

The only problem is that such oxygen's masks sometimes are faulty. By that I mean they just don't work permanently.

I have a friend who has struggled trying to find a house of worship that didn't use oxygen masks, other than the one that comes from the lord. He sit and listens to the sermon and sooner or later they person wants him to wear their mask that they have recycled on constant occasions.

Their attitude is that it worked for everyone else, so it should be okay for him too. Only in his case since I do feel he is truly born again and therefore under the influence of the Holy Spirit, he doesn't find those masks tolerable anymore than I do.

How can we truly inhale God's truth if we are too busy breath the toxic wastes of false doctrines? It just doesn't work in reality.

But so many find it the option they prefer. Simple because they see everyone else using them so it must be the truth.

It is a pity that so many prefer what is harmful to their souls to the truth. And if you were to ask they would surely insist that isn't the case.

Yet, it still happens all the time. People are just so comfortable allowing the traditions of man to fill their soul's lungs with practices that have some scent of religiosity they think is perfume.

I'm not suggesting all traditions are bad. I'm merely suggesting that God's way are often different from what we decide it truth.

But to inhale freely means you might just have to go somewhere that isn't tainted or polluted by false teaching. The majority are not always right just because they have so many numbers. It is not proof of God's blessing.

I hope and pray to be always willing to breath as the hand of God would lead. That does't always mean I can do it in a closet where countless others think the darkness is cool and refreshing. Sometimes they get so use to the stench of deception they never even notice it is polluted.

DOLLAR MASKS

I guess I'm in one of my more reflective moods. And it seems to center around greenbacks as of late.

Sometimes I do wonder how much more tranquil life might be if one didn't need an income in order to survive. However, I'm hardly ready to become a monk in order to find out.

Still, there is to me a certain regrettable sameness to a life where so much time is spent involved with money. One is either having to slave away to earn it, or spending it for the sake of buying something to fulfill a need or want.

There are occasions when that just all gets boring. But I haven't worked out a way to avoid that part of life.

That doesn't mean I necessarily savor that being such a relevant part of life. It is just a passageway of chore on the journey to hopefully something more blessed.

Last night my wife and I went to a special craft show. My wife has always loved collecting crafts. Not so much because of their monetary value, but because she loves the expressions of creativity.

I enjoy strolling down the aisle and seeing the different artists and musicians. It appeal to my creative side when I wasn't retreated to some bench to rest so the occasional cramp in my leg would stop.

The thing is I guess, for me, I didn't need any mementos from the experience to enjoy it. But that doesn't mean I think my wife wasn't entitled to her joy of collecting.

However, I suppose for me it as a matter of what was really tangible. I can't help finding the Lord in such moments. I see creativity as his inspiration. In its foundation he is the author, but we choose whether or not to give him honor in the process.

Price tags for creativity are part of life. And like most things in life little in such arena comes free.

It is just a question I guess whether we truly are able to see the theme and message below the mask with a price tag. It revives and stirs if we understand correctly.

Some will find that well in their souls, others will not. Some will sing in their essence from seeing God's touch in the midst of such events. Others will merely see the price tag, debate if the energy is worth the cost.

This is part of the path the soul takes in flight between horizons. It is always one more enriching when it comes with wings of faith instead of the gold of possession being what makes one fly.

DOLLAR MASKS

I guess I'm in one of my more reflective moods. And it seems to center around greenbacks as of late.

Sometimes I do wonder how much more tranquil life might be if one didn't need an income in order to survive. However, I'm hardly ready to become a monk in order to find out.

Still, there is to me a certain regrettable sameness to a life where so much time is spent involved with money. One is either having to slave away to earn it, or spending it for the sake of buying something to fulfill a need or want.

There are occasions when that just all gets boring. But I haven't worked out a way to avoid that part of life.

That doesn't mean I necessarily savor that being such a relevant part of life. It is just a passageway of chore on the journey to hopefully something more blessed.

Last night my wife and I went to a special craft show. My wife has always loved collecting crafts. Not so much because of their monetary value, but because she loves the expressions of creativity.

I enjoy strolling down the aisle and seeing the different artists and musicians. It appeal to my creative side when I wasn't retreated to some bench to rest so the occasional cramp in my leg would stop.

The thing is I guess, for me, I didn't need any mementos from the experience to enjoy it. But that doesn't mean I think my wife wasn't entitled to her joy of collecting.

However, I suppose for me it as a matter of what was really tangible. I can't help finding the Lord in such moments. I see creativity as his inspiration. In its foundation he is the author, but we choose whether or not to give him honor in the process.

Price tags for creativity are part of life. And like most things in life little in such arena comes free.

It is just a question I guess whether we truly are able to see the theme and message below the mask with a price tag. It revives and stirs if we understand correctly.

Some will find that well in their souls, others will not. Some will sing in their essence from seeing God's touch in the midst of such events. Others will merely see the price tag, debate if the energy is worth the cost.

This is part of the path the soul takes in flight between horizons. It is always one more enriching when it comes with wings of faith instead of the gold of possession being what makes one fly.

FEATHERS AND HEADSTONES

I stood upon an ageless, arid plain
when ancient Aristotelian echoes blew a gust
across my face.

They rose into the air
becoming golden feathers, so incandescent and lustrous,
shining in the light from a dawn's hint of sagacious hues.

Then I grasp in desperation at the air driven plume
hoping it would lift me above my destitution.
But when at last I did possessed them
the weight of their gold sunk me deeper into the sand.

Stubbornly, I clung to my prize
ever discovering they were more a millstone
than idealism's lofty chance to finally soar.

Suddenly, a voice with an ominous, ecumenical tone
boomed from a nearby cemetery's cross-shaped headstone.
It suggested in a pontification of pure surety
that the weight of the headstone if made by its design
was less than any feather.

But, alas whatever flight it offered
could only bring wings of breath
when you no longer had lungs.

Dropping the feather and ignoring the headstone's invitation
I content myself to walk upon the hard soil that pulsated
dreaming of finding some boundless and luminous horizon
which didn't end in a gray, foggy precipice.

PRETENSE AND PROFIT

It never ceases to amaze me how often when you strip away the lies and deception money really does end up being the all-consuming desire for some lives. But of deeper significance is the fact that when one says, money, it goes way beyond dollars and sense.

It is the essence of whatever brings a profit of some kind into a life. There are some who view themselves as not being greedy. They are rich and therefore don't consider themselves in any way to be lovers of money.

But the truth is they do still love money to the point of making it a god in some ways in their lives. That can be a reflection by how they deal with such things as needs. By that I mean, do they merely take all the time and never give back at all?

There are those who are completely destitute in life. They truly have such a great need. However, even in that condition there can be a difference between the attitude that is truly grateful for any help and the one that looks at what is given and then only thinks in terms of asking for more.

I think there are times when that core of desire ends up coloring a person's actions. And that is even truer in spiritual realms.

You can have people who give an outwards appearance of being generous and caring. However, if you listen to them boast about their good deeds you soon appreciate it is sadly just a pretense. A mask worn to cover up the reality what they are doing is for the approval of men.

It is so much easier to think only in terms of just dollars and sense rather than the gold that controls one's heart. That makes it a form of wealth related to a profit that doesn't necessarily get associated with selfishness or greed. However, it really is part of the same cocoon of insecurity that too many of us wrap ourselves in.

That is why too me there are times when as a test of our obedience I think God will have us serve him without reward. If we truly love the Lord then whether we profit in this life from our faithfulness shouldn't be the priority.

Still, the truth often shines through our masks. Regardless of our words and other efforts to clothe what is on the inside, it really doesn't work.

For the Lord sees in those dark shadows and knows our motivations. Call it a prejudice on my part, but I sometimes wonder if I see someone who is affluent and has their needs met, plus there wants who speaks of how great the Lord is would do the same if they were suffering.

Long is the journey without any fanfare. It doesn't mean God isn't there. It merely means we are part of a great company who toil by faith and trust to the Lord for his mercy in terms of our provision. Pity it isn't a journey as many truly make as they claim.

LEGENDS

I think it would be wonderful if legends that we enjoy were always real. But so often it seems that they are more myths. We color what is perhaps drab and less than perfect with this image of it being flawless and almost divine.

Why? Well I imagine it does make something like the idea of a hero more believable when the person is larger than life. As long as we don't end up seeing them without their mask, which can often happen.

There are places in our world where we do need our heroes. It always helps to be able to have those occasions when we have faith that right will prevail against wrong.

It might not happen as often as we like, but it doesn't keep us from hoping. And as a writer I have done my share of inventing heroes and legends myself.

Only I guess I can't keep reality completely out of my fiction since my legends are generally a little on the dark side or have some tragic twist. That's just my slant I suppose.

Because we do so often have those elements of fantasy in our culture it does, I think, guard some against believing anything we see as supernatural from being other than fake. There are those who on the other hand search twice as hard for the essence of legends and lore since life is often so devoid of magic.

Which I think is in part why some have a tendency to place the spiritual realm in the category of legends. I can't blame them for that inclination given how most believe systems do espouse tenets that aren't always easy to see as reality instead of fiction.

As a Christian I naturally have struggled with trying to make Christianity not end up being treated as merely legend. Like many of the faith it is for me reality and truth.

But getting someone who want to lump it into the realm of fantasy and legend along with every other spiritual teaching just never seems comfortable listening to any opinions that might alter that view. Oh there are plenty who do definitely try to dissuade others that Jesus is in fact the divine son of God and worthy of being our lord and Savior. But you just don't get everyone to embrace it as other than legend.

For myself, well, I'll still keep accept that as reality and the scriptures as true. I will do my best to appreciate how even in Christianity there are those that have added some legends to the truth. Our faith is not exempt from certain myths.

I won't waste time elaborating on that part. Other than to say, I believe God's spirit can guide us to the truth and what is legend verse what is fact. I prefer to accept that reality to the one whereby I just accept all legends, no matter how bizarre that are mentioned about Jesus as true. We are called to share the truth and that means being willing to know legends thrive even in the midst of truth.

CROSSROADS

I am the spirit incarnate
who sleeps under an umbrella
painted with stars.
A jewel drained of liberty's christening
incased in an incurable
setting
sold at auction
by a demented coin wizard.
Appalling
is the laughter
heard in the sleeves
of my induced
incantations
where tomorrow
becomes a promise
spoken by a forked tongue
cadaver
seen after dark
serving pop and gargoyles
at a convenience store.

BY SIGHT ALONE

Unless one is impaired by some handicap most of us are blessed with five sense. But I think at times sight is the one we depend upon the most. And it is a pity that our eyes often seem to only probe into the obvious.

I recently had to participate in this monthly ordeal of attending this meeting. I've always found it fascinating how at this meeting saving face seems to be the priority. Naturally, it makes everyone feel good to have them hear nothing, but uplifting comments. However, what doesn't happen is that problems, real problems never get solved.

Why would any organization engage in such a futile ritual? Easy. Deception is cheaper than change. What better way to avoid having to bear the cost of improvement and I mean real improvement if you manage to massage the status quo with a coat of whitewashed rationalism.

Beneath the surface of this facade lies the subtle reality of a system that is hopelessly flawed because it in no way compels those maintaining the system to be as watchful or careful with its mechanisms. As a result a certain tolerance for indifference is in engrained in the system.

Naturally, the indifference stems in part by the fact that those who participate in the system are only there because of a lack of options and not a sense of calling. Thus they have more of a slave mentality than a leader's mentality. So they perform at marginal levels and the system stumbles along with the minions of power greasing the hiccups in its function with a lot of positivism that doesn't actually change the reality.

All of this is my way I suppose of venting or lamenting over such a circus. And it is sad how it is a mirror in part of too many aspects of life.

What is even sadder is when the same system is applied to spiritual realms. In essence what we say in the process is that God is as human and capable of deception as we are.

I don't think God appreciates that kind of press. And I don't think it truly does anything to further the cause of Christ.

But I doubt it will change anytime soon. For as long as the human heart is clothed in the need to lie so garbage smells like roses, then we can be sure we will always see by sight alone and not with our heart or mind.

Not that God suffers from that problem. And Heaven will not function under such a system.

I only wonder at times if we can truly adjust to a realm where the truth really is the truth and we are forced to see ourselves as we really are. Perhaps that is why some think instant perfection touches the soul the moment we stand in God's presence. Whether it does, we know it sounds a lot better than having to possible face our real flaws. I just pray that God in his mercy will grant us sight with the strength to see clearly.

TESTS UPON THE HEART

Who we really are is not something of purely image. It isn't the matter of our words or the pretense we succeed in wearing as a mask.

It is what lies within. And that is something God is much better at seeing than the rest of us.

I think the greatest test of what we cherish and value lies in the choices we make that are done in secret. If we truly think nobody will see us, the actions we take reflect what is really important to us.

Anyone can cultivate a loving and caring persona when seen by a crowd. But it is a lot harder to inspire when you know that no one will be there to shout your accolades for goodness.

For some reason there are way too many people who claim to believe in God, but never let the fact that they believe in him prevent them from committing crimes or immoral acts when they think there are no witnesses. It is tantamount to somebody who goes to church on Sunday and acts all pious in front of witnesses, but then steals, lies and does other sinful acts on Monday when they are back at their office.

God sees both settings. But there are so many times it boggles my mind how I've known so many who felt quite comfortable excusing their sin as somehow being okay. And that seems especially true when you are speaking of something involving money.

I think God will often lead people to places in the dark to tests out hearts. I don't think he does it because he enjoys seeing us sin or expects us to be perfect and sinless.

But it is how we cope with that sin, which he really is testing. For even though sin is sin there are the times when we sin in ways that are impulse and others that are premeditated.

To devote oneself to intentionally lying and stealing from others is to be without any real conscience. Those under the influence of the Holy Spirit will at least feel the pangs of guilt from when we do something wrong.

It doesn't mean we won't sin, just that we will see it for the sin that it is and take it to the Lord in full knowledge of our need for forgiveness. However, for those who are totally surrendered over to such sins and are not trusting in Jesus as Lord and Savior by faith, they will have no trouble rationalizing such behavior.

What a pity they have no idea that they have in fact failed God's test. They will no doubt go on to live lives that on the surface may even earn them reputations as "good Christians." Sadly, in the Lord's presence all the games of deception played will not impress him. We will be naked of our excuses and end in either clothed because of our faith in his forgiving robe of righteousness or told to depart as workers of inequity that he never knew. I would rather be tested of the heart in the closet and know God is there than to play a game that only leads to a finish line of eternal judgment.

ISLANDS IN THE STREAM

It seems at times as if life is a steady flow of monotony. This remain the same with nothing happening to give a smile or tear.

I do prefer the monotony at times to any pain. Sadness is not my favorite choices of emotions.

Still, if life gets too boring and predictable that too can make it feel weary and exhausting with the nagging question digging at one's soul, "does any of this that I do really matter?" Then it isn't very far from that plateau of thought to the one of questioning one's value. Which to me only leads to that painful valley called depression.

What I'm grateful for at times is when some island of emotional refuge rises in the flood of dullness. It can be any from a kind word to some other small sliver of grace that gives one shelter from the stream of angst.

For myself, I see those as gifts of God. That is because they come by a means other than through my actions. It is as if the Lord hears the sorrow of my broken essence and mercifully grants me a temporary place of calm.

To me the thing I try to remember is that these are islands and not dwelling places. They are never intended as permanent residences.

Some try to make them as such. And in the process, they find excuse to stop swimming in the flow that comes so naturally.

If they refuse to long and eventually do end up in the flow they can drown in the moment from forgetting how to swim. Or they simply become so atrophied in their endurance for the challenges yet to face they can't move ahead.

I don't believe that the Lord ever desires for us to stop learning and growing in life. Some never accept life beyond whatever comfort zone they prefer to call home.

They grow stagnant in their passions, dead in so many ways except for the beating of the heart. It is a numb existence that never brings much sunshine.

So once we reach a given island. Rejoice! Just don't wait around forever hoping to avoid the next wave or tide.

One never knows when the next island will be even more memorable than the present one. And anticipation will always be a flame that warms far more than refusing to ride the tide.

It doesn't mean we want to leave that island that has soothed us. It merely means we accept by faith that God has no short supply of such islands. He might not always provide a map, but he never leaves us without a life preserver.

SHHH!!

Swirls, swirls,
consuming vortexes of vexation
compose the haunting emptiness of my world.
All around the sucking mood plasma stings
from the taste fermented by the blood of toxic dreams.

Tear soaked acid kills the lucid quest for cerebral spatial eloquence
raging like a fire by the nightmare of tawdry metaphysical opiates.
I am a philosophical wanderer without a guidepost
feeling only the searing peril from elation's drought
burning in my chest.

Above my flaccid mental reclamation hovers Nirvana's illusive portal
where my tongs of will are never able to reach,
but being the abode only ascendable by a sage's keys
lost somewhere deep beneath my wallowing upon thought tide seas.

Till a desperate mirrored confessional reprieve
dawns as a brisk inner rush from epiphany's weave
when I no longer play the chase of mirage revelations
and embrace the soft, resonate "shhhh" inside
finding at last the muteness from callow impetuousness
inhaling the light craved without vision
to see how silence and the breath of tranquility
truly starts and also ends
within a self induced sublime crypt
of chaos veiling.

SAVING FOR A RAINY DAY

I was thinking the other day back to years ago and about this one person I knew. This person had a life long struggle with the problem of being overweight. Having that problem for many years myself I was able to appreciate the difficulty this individual had with trying to lose weight and keep it off.

I'm sure that is a story plenty of people know personally and how often those without a weight problem are less than compassionate with the problem. And what it has to do with the idea of saving for a rainy day is something I'll attempt to explain.

In this situation, the person told me one holiday that it was now the individual's goal to lose a pound a week. That is certainly not a fast weight loss, which is recommended, but in this case it wasn't realistic either. A fact that became evident by the reality that the person never did really lose any weight. Oh, I'm sure the person meant to, but for that individual it just never worked out to be more than another excuse to put off confronting the problem with a realistic resolve.

How does this apply to the concept of saving for a rainy day? I'm going to take this in the slant of thinking in terms of being prepared. The point being that with such things as saving money for a rainy day and even doing things to preserve one's health, they all speak of a certain legitimate wisdom. But now matter how wise and true the wisdom is that doesn't mean we actually do embrace it as our lifestyle choice.

On a scriptural level there are many admonitions in the bible with regards to ways we ought to live. Some apply to the idea of what is a sin, but the plain fact is that they all in one way or another represent wisdom if we followed it would at least suggest our live would be more prosperous on some level.

The only problem is we don't manage to accomplish it. Just like saving a rainy day might be a prudent choice, for a lot of us saving is just not the priority is should be. Of course the result is when face with an emergency we regret not making that choice, but once we survive the crisis do we really change, probably not.

Okay, so the question to me is how come if this is human nature, why does so much preaching focus on beating a person to death with do's and dont's? I always felt that we do a good enough job on own our feeling guilty without help.

And even though such sermon beatings seldom seem to improve human behavior, I think we can find a lot more such sermons than those, which inspire. A friend of mine and I discuss this fact and both felt the core of the issue lies in the simple fact too many people fail to understand the message of grace.

God know when we try and when we don't. He can see our heart and tell when we just have some anvil of habit lying on our soul from which he chooses to not deliver us.

But that doesn't mean we are still vulnerable to the accusers who point the finger and imply you could change if you want to. That is often such a cruel comment heartlessly uttered by those with so little love for people who aren't perfect. I rejoice that God is fair more merciful in our failings than those that should be, but aren't.

PRIDE AND BEAUTY

William Shakespeare is credited with having once said, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." He is credited with having said a great many things, some more profound than others I suppose.

In this case, I think it conveys the idea of how the essence of something isn't dependent upon a title to be its true self. Thus, no matter how name you thought of when thinking about a Rose it wouldn't affect what it is really like.

I see pride as being related to that in some ways as well as beauty. Not that both items are necessarily connected, except in this case they are too many in terms of this posting.

Essentially to me what we take pride in on so many different levels isn't because of what the think is called as much as what it is about that item that we truly feel proud about. Beauty too is a tangible to some degree whereby we gauge its beauty regardless of its name.

I suppose in many ways a lot of things fall under that category in one way or another. But I guess the reason these two items appeal to me is because I think that often our reaction and dealing with them are more related to elements in our nature that are tied to emotions rather than intellect.

Pride is a type of emotion t me. It is something that can make us feel happy if we do feel we have a reason to celebrate some good achievement. But our scale of value is related from my view to simple issues. To the essence of more things like the results of effort by our own determination.

Beauty is easier to understand. It starts with what we see. There is an inner beauty, which may be far more tangible and meaningful, but it is what we see that stirs us in terms of reaction. Thus as with so many things our minds and emotions can get blurred by things that aren't necessarily always logical.

Sadly, both beauty and pride can have dark sides. They can appeal to some basic need, but in a corruptive way.

Some attempt on a spiritual level to sequester such potential in their thoughts. I'm sorry but the person who thinks you can look at a beautiful member of the opposite sex and simply have righteous thoughts is only kidding themselves. God knows better and so do we if we are honest.

In any event, God does understand these elements in our nature. There is nothing wrong with having confidence in one's abilities or accomplishments. If it leads you to think you are a god, then it is corruptive.

Likewise, there is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy the presence of beauty in life. But if it becomes and obsession or leads to lust it will taint our vision and senses. I rejoice that God in his grace helps us if we are honest to see how we don't have to lie about our desires, but do need him to deal with them in a positive way.

LIVING THE GOOD LIFE

I look so glorious in my brand new suit
bought on sale for ten per cent off
maxing out my 27% APR credit card.

It will truly impress my bosses
with my desire for success
at the job where I have slaved for years
receiving low wages in return for the long hours
pretending the promises of promotions
they never kept
will somehow magically come true.

But it's okay for I can always look forward
to retirement someday
because I plan on paying back
the money borrowed against my 401k.

Till then I'll stay healthy
shopping at the health food store
while worrying if they will possibly smell
the burger and fries which I just had
so dripping with grease galore.

Ah, living the good life
is one full of comfort and free of strive
being a tribute to conformity's sanity
as long as you never look underneath
my gossamer garment
of denial's perfect weave.

TIRED AND INSPIRED

For me there is the type of tired that comes from the daily grind where you just are left feeling exhausted. It isn't necessarily a good feeling, but it is one that definitely sags the soul with fatigue.

Then there are the times when we expend every ounce of our energy for a dream. Something stirs deep within, the passion juices start flowing and we feel utterly alive with enthusiasm.

During those moments we also end up tired, but somehow it just doesn't bother us as much. For there is a warm inside that compensates for all the draining of energy. It is a good feeling. One we can cherish and remember.

But again I think that comes from some sense of having desire and passion energized whatever we are doing. Then we feel the purpose and need of an activity that goes beyond the drudgery of doing it just to do it.

I think from my point of view the spiritual realm is one this applies to more than any other. For those that never experience that type of connection they probably will never understand how incredible such moments truly can touch the soul.

However, if you are among those so blessed, you wouldn't never exchange that sense of doing something that you know counts in eternity. When the Holy Spirit caresses with that kind of thought it just blurs everything else.

Passion flows like a river to the point you feel almost breathless with the shear force of joy that explodes. And it quakes you down to the very marrow of your life. Because somewhere in the process you see God. You know he is presence and watching.

We who believe are aware of that fact anyway. It is just that when you have that sense from some activity it becomes so much more intense in life in many ways.

It is the inspiration that gives one that special motivation to do things that to others might seem strange or unusual when it is related to the spiritual realm. People who do not have the Holy Spirit in their lives will never understand why people can be driven to such extremes in a good way for the Lord.

They will tolerate hardship and struggle without complaint at times and not give up even when others might. All because of that flame of heaven that burns deep within that can't be quenched by life or sin.

It is the jewel of eternal shining that glows beyond the simple quantities of values some cherish. To know it and sense it is something that nothing else will ever satisfy with the same measure of touch.

I pray that as many as can call upon the Lord will know this joy in their own lives. It is enough at times though one has to experience it to truly understand.

THE SIGHT OF SHADOWS

The other day I had an eye appointment and as part of it they dilated my eyes. Being a diabetic they are more careful to look for any affects it has on one's vision. Having them dilate my eyes is a common practice so I'm prepared for the experience.

The major problem with it is afterwards when you try to go out into the sunlight. The light can be so incredibly blinding and even with sunglasses it might be hard to see very clearly.

Normally the dilation lasts a couple hours so it is just an inconvenience one tolerates. However, in this case they used an extra strong type apparently because my eyes stay dilated for nearly four hours. Being outside in that condition was not all that pleasant an experience.

Of course, normally, I just sneak inside somewhere and sit down in a dimly light environment. Being near-sighted I'm still generally able to see well enough to read. So I often use the time to work on my poetry.

In this situation though, even in the dim light it hurt to not wear my sunglasses. So after managing to get through one poem, I had to quit writing.

The thing is, in this condition, my eyes ended up observing small things that I otherwise might not have noticed. We're not talking about major revelations or anything, but small things that were there all along, which finally got my attention.

In a different way perhaps, I think there are times when the eyes of our soul have vision problems. Something happens, such as a crisis and we find ourselves in the shadows.

Being in darkness from a calamity or trial isn't unusual. To allow that situation to grant us the chance to see something, particularly about God is the blessing if we let it be.

To me there is no greater tragedy than to go through some challenge to one's faith and never see the Lord more clearly in the process. The vision of faith is one that should help guide us during such shadows.

But if one lets the darkness consume and blind, then the real sadness is the lost of insight. It is the vision that gives us real appreciation for the boundaries of life and eternity.

I have seen those who went to church for years and when the storm comes all they do is cry woe is me. They never stop to look for the Lord in the process or appreciate how he keeps his word.

Thus when the light comes again, they have not seen anything new. They gain nothing in the process beyond the relief of joy when the struggle ends.

For those who do let the Lord bless them with such sight, tomorrow's changes are seen more clearly because one learns in the process. Which is a vision that blesses in a way that not everyone will always be able to see.

TENDER LEAPS

There are times when one is in a valley and an event literally leaps on beyond that misery. It is the Lord's doing so often and there is nothing wrong with appreciating how his hand of mercy can take us from some dire extreme to a point of blessing.

What I rejoice about is being able to look back and see how God was in reality guiding us in a certain direction to serve his purpose, but we had no idea at the time. And it is a marvelous testimony to how God truly is all knowing and sees the end from the beginning.

I think back to over five years ago when I was lying in a hospital and nearly died from pneumonia. When I came out of the hospital my life was never the same. Somehow being that close to death has always left me affected in so many ways.

At the time my wife and I were faced with this huge hospital bill and just resigned ourselves to the fact that we would never have a chance to own a home. It was depressing to say the least, but we accepted this valley as one we had to traverse.

How could we know that a few short years later, my step father would unexpectedly pass away and we would end up inheriting his home. It needed major changes to fit our needs, but we were completely stunned by the change of events.

Then last year our son surprised us with the news that he was going to be a father. And now my son and his family live with us as he makes the transition in careers.

God, of course, knew all of this long ago. We didn't have a clue, but now we see the incredible way he shaped events not just for our sake, but also that of son and his family.

Most of all, I know in my heart that none of this happen because it was a reward. It was simply his grace and love along with the fact that at this point in our lives there were reasons beyond our own lives that it need to occur.

So we have gratefully taking this tender leap, still feeling awkward over how the chain of events transpired that granted us this miracle. It isn't a source of boasting, but of praise.

I don't share this to say, "hey, look what God is doing." I merely share it in hopes it might inspired in a small way someone who is struggling and wondering if the valley will ever end.

I can't guarantee you that it will end the way you want or with a tender leap that has a similar event. All I can say is that I have truly learned to accept that God is the Lord of the unexpected. That he can and will change things in his wisdom.

Perhaps in the darkness of a valley of uncertainty we can lift up the willingness to keep trusting. To allow ourselves to keep seeing his light when we are surrounded by nothing, but shadows till the dawn comes we least expect.

HAUNTINGLY DRESSED FOR SUCCESS

Future's fated phantoms,
death masks yet to be
standing and waiting like sheep
upon a journey to never,
thoughts like vapors
from visits to wonderlands imagined
that they'll never actually see.

Hearts numbed and lethargic
by the sagging branches of impotent being
barely blossoming,
waiting in solemn hollowness
for the destined requiem of an epitaph
already written in the cold headstones
created during midnight's quill of tales.

Pulse's flowers wilted
life ebbing in the chilling reminders
of asphalt pedestals
damp from silently shed tears
holding a ticket to disillusionment
hauntingly dressed for success.

OVER THE RAINBOW

I'm sure the most popular place this phrase is known is from the movie "The Wizard of Oz." Somewhere over the rainbow can represent a lot of things, but for me I think it in part is a symbol for whatever is our idea of paradise.

Of course that is our customized version of Heaven and however we think it ought to exist. It might be nice if reality worked that way and when you died you went over the rainbow to the place of your choosing.

However, I don't think the Lord would take any suggestions from us on what over the rainbow ought to be like. Plus it would obviously get rather confusing and complicated if everyone, regardless of why kind of life they lived had a chance to spend eternity by their preference.

I remember being in this Sunday School class once when the conversation turned to the question of whether or not there was a chance to play sports in Heaven. I personally didn't even see it as an issue myself. The discussion, did in my mind, relegate heaven into being again, whatever I wanted it to be, rather than the presence of the Lord God Almighty.

Which to me only illustrates that if those who follow Christ have such notions about eternity despite reading the scriptures, then why would somebody totally unfamiliar with the Bible be expected to think in other terms? So the fairy tales have spread and since Heaven remain to me a real place, but one in this life that is subject to speculation it will always be that over the rainbow according to a given person's view.

I think the only thing can honestly know about over the rainbow is that it is forever. Heaven is described as being a city 1500 hundred miles hide, wide and thick. There are glimpses given by the Apostle John in the book of Revelations, but opinions vary on whether John is talking literally or symbolically in what he says.

Beyond that though, I think for the followers of Christ we know that Heaven is where God is on his throne and whatever we do will be by his grace and love. To me, I'm more than content to accept that he will in his wisdom provide for us in a way that serves his purposes, but also leaves us filling fulfilled.

Beyond that I do marvel at times by the revelations some psychics clam they have about eternity. Some of them have been interesting to say the least.

But for me, they are not the truth. Such people are entitled to their opinions. However, what I do know is that the real truth will be known when one is in God's presence.

That is when over the rainbow will not be just part of a song, but eternity. I would rather trust to God's version than anyone else. Even if that includes accepting that his will may not conform to my opinions. Somehow I think God's version of heaven will be far better than mine would be anyway.

CROSS OPERAS

I suppose there is a place for spiritual melodrama. The logic is apparently if it somehow merits attention by enough people then on with the show.

The only thing that bothers me about when Christianity gets reduced down to some kind of cross opera is that it loses some of the truth. When people who claim to believe in God act like something to be despised then God ends up being regarded as less than the Lord. My opinion I must confess.

I don't know, but I just find it said when people elevate their identity with the faith just before they do something utterly immoral or illegal. Is there a logic to this that I have missed.

And what is truly sad is how often such people honestly don't see how this kind of behavior doesn't result in a good witness. So it is hard admittedly to savor such sagging pillars of unrighteousness as truly doing much for the faith. Oh, I didn't say they didn't see themselves as perfect, because so often they do. I just said I didn't personally feel they did much to further the Christian cause.

I guess what I'm mainly rambling about is the silliness that one tries to make others see as truth. We wouldn't regard a soap opera as true. So why would inventing miracles and righteousness that aren't genuine be all that different.

But it happens all the time. There is just too many performers waiting for their chance to sing! It doesn't matter if they make you yawn for they are doing the Lord's work no matter how stupid they make God look.

Does the Lord truly call people to such bizarre behaviors? Well we do know that at times the prophets were required to serve him in some pretty strange ways.

However, they didn't represent everyone the Lord called. It was always done for a specific purpose and to a specific people.

Still there are those today who have decide that doing the same thing whether God said to is a good idea. I'm not sure it results in a lot of good fruit for the kingdom, but it does apparently satisfy some.

As for me, well I do admit I've had my share of moments when I got caught up doing what later I appreciated was silly or dumb. And looking back now I'm grateful that God didn't just whack me up the side of the head in the process.

At least with time one can hopefully gain some vision into this type of behavior and celebrate how God is full of grace to grant us mercy in our misplaced zeal. Some will never achieve that appreciation, but oh how precious is the gift of humility that truly brings a maturity helping us see the Lord so much better. Sometimes blessing are something that to others seem like curses.

FRIENDSHIP

Friendship is so often like water
for we can never have enough of either
and they both refresh some deep thirst.

For the loyalty of a true friend
flows deeply and caringly till it warms the soul
which is what we pray comrades will bring into our lives
that is as endearing to our essence
as an animal's unconditional love.

A pet can speak so loudly by their innocent, trusting eyes
or calm our pain while stroking their furry coat
oft surrendering one's every thought and mood
to the subtle and irresistible charms of creation's small wonders
who at times bring some cute and clever trouble,
yet able to disarm our streaks of anger
by a purr or whine for mercy.

Even though these adorable and precious gifts of God
are never perfect or adorned in pure hues of blameless white
they do hold a special spell we seek to find in any friend
being capable of reaching each soft place in our heart.

Though we may wish
to never see another messy picture
from a pet's antics they do for attention
it still is a cherish prayer
of how from humans we could come to know
one might savor the same sense of acceptance
we feel from those with paws or claws.

FACES AND LIGHT

Wouldn't it be wonderful if God would somehow make one of his anointed have a special form of illumination so you knew for sure he was blessing their calling? I suppose it might be just as easy if he sent thunderbolts down from heaven to zap all those who are false teachers, but so far he hasn't chose to exercise that option.

So we are left to listen and watch and hopefully sort out through the huge labyrinth of voices and faces to find the ones that truly shine with his light of truth. I wish that was an easy process, but even with reading the scriptures we call all be lured by a tangential voice that has the gift of saying what we want to hear.

At a bible study the other night the issue of this one particular Christian personality came up. For those of us at the study, it was fairly obvious that this individual was not a true minister of the gospel. Mainly because so much of what the person did in no way was scriptural. Basically, we had listen to the individual's teaching and didn't find any truth.

What was amazing was how none of us considered ourselves more gifted or smarter than anyone else. We were not special in our ability to see lies as lies.

Still, despite that reality, we all found it incredible how this person was so successful and rich by preaching their spiritual glitz and glamour. It was full of deceit and dazzle with all its phony miracles, but throngs came to participate anyway.

Thus it affirmed how easy it is for some people to seduce them by appealing to their eyes rather than their ears. They just by what they see without ever testing the spirit. And spiritual blindness, regardless of how well intentioned is never a blessing.

To truly see God's light one must see it with the eyes of the soul. Truth shall shine forth instead of just illumination. It is radiance unadorned of the need to trick or deceive. Instead, it is a light that touches our hearts and we know intuitively is the foundation of what is from the Lord, not just want is intended to appeal to our senses.

I find it interesting that one of the most compelling ways that the Antichrist will succeed in controlling people will be by the assistance of a false prophet who will perform signs and wonders. Today, we see how easy people are swayed by such seduction even with such a host of biblical teaching available.

I don't think that is very surprising in some ways. I just think it is a sad comment about human nature. To be in the midst of what is popular doesn't mean it always has God's approval.

Some times it is difficult to obey God's true light when what is shining so brilliantly comes from another source. And there are also times when God simply chose to share his light from the shadows where we fear to tread. The Lord is not going to be as concerned about revealing himself in a way that appeals to our opinions and prejudices. He is sovereign and some times I think it is good when we don't forget that we must come to his throne sooner or later and not expect him to bow to our desires.

THE SLOW SCALE OF EQUAL

Justice is a wonderful concept. I don't regard it as a form of revenge. I see it more as the balancing of social scales. By that I mean it is effort of the system to insure we abide by the laws. Without justice or at least the illusion of justice we would be less prone to obey the laws. My opinion perhaps.

What I have seen and not alone in doing so is how often injustice seems to dominate more than justice. We do live in a sinful world and there are just too many people that don't worry about getting caught. That seems extra relevant if they feel they can make a big profit by bending the law.

What amazes me is when those who claim to follow the Lord feel that breaking the law is acceptable. There is the comment in the scriptures by the Apostle Peter with regards to obeying God instead of man, but that had to do with his preaching the gospel and not stealing.

God of course know the heart. He isn't fooled by our religious mask or false piety that is a form of window dressing some think grants them approval in heaven.

The conscience is in part I think a way God uses to remind us when we are out of step with his word or desires. That doesn't keep us from doing wrong, just reminds us that what we have done is a sin.

Some ignore those stabs of guilt by lying with regarding their actions. Others try to pretend their sin isn't sin. In the end though, it think the soul knows the truth and often we can deny it with our lips, but inside our body will suffer the consequences in one way or another.

All of that is academic in terms of appreciation how life is so often such a pretense. What appears to be just and blessed is just sin masquerading as righteousness and doing a really pathetic job in the process.

The problem is that we still think that wrong should be punished and right rewarded. This translates to some degree into the concept of how we crave a sense of balance in terms of equality. Only it never seems to work that way.

Sadly we all know and have seen those who sin and prosper. Maybe not forever, but long enough for us to be more than a little upset over the injustice.

We could spend hours debating this injustice. Or we could let it be a motivation to be different. The excuse that "everybody does it" will hardly be a good enough excuse for our behavior when standing before the Lord.

For those who understand grace, we don't need that kind of circus. We sin and we aren't proud of that fact. But we rejoice over knowing that God's justice is eternal and true equality will only come in his presence in terms of our lives being given the blessing or curses deserved in this life.

FAR AND BEYOND

Distance is the chord of pulse beating in the mind. It is not the measure of the eyes, nor theory, but what resides in the voice we listen to without our ears.

Somewhere passed the silhouettes of sparkling forged by our lusts there dwells a truth from, which we hide. It is the light cast by our internal witness that is guiding by out lord, if we truly accept that guiding.

To grasp the touch of far and beyond is to remember and celebrate that illusion is not fact. That any haunting etches of approval dug into our mind that we envy are not truth necessarily.

In this life, we are the product of relationships. So often there is an element to our nature that either allows us to play the game of nods and supplication or be banished to some outer circle of bland and brutal.

But none of that is the creature of God's invention. It is the hodgepodge tones and visions we invent by a case of convenience instead of fact.

To dwell too much in the circle of presumed is to give oneself over to the enslavement of opinion rather than substances. Lateral comparisons do produce their own masks of meaning.

Some we wear with more ease than other. Then there are the outer skirmish zones where life can turn harsh and brutal at times.

But in that far and beyond we too can find peace at times. For there is nothing truly more encompassing and enduring than the hand of our Lord.

Remembering it when we are standing outside the pane of social glass can be difficult. We all crave the dare to be. The opportunity to clothe ourselves in the fantasy rather than realty.

Far and beyond? God is there. Heaven is there. And someday we shall join him in due season.

Whether we do so as a citizen and condemned in part is a product of what did we really trust to in this life. Was it the baubles we adore or the mementoes we labored to gleam.

Harsh it can be to find them all counterfeit reality. However, our eyes may have trouble adjusting by our own strength.

And if it is God's eyes with, which we chose to see, the vision can be even more difficult. Yet when it comes, it grants us the pure joy of seeing so much farther than we could ever imagine with our eyes focused on what we want and think is some little bit of heaven instead of just a tinsel of pride.

WHY EAGLES CRY

The tears have stopped
which flooded my tenuous pedestal of esteem
gushing like a relentless, bone chilling rainfall
across the burgeoning face of my every wish sired mirage.

Mid the tortuous tornadoes of thunderous threatening words
painfully shredding my delicate layers of desires
did I feel exposed to porcupine quills of night's haunting questions
till I became a puppet and zombie feeling hollow of passion,
a social pauper and emotional vagabond
utterly anorexic in my spirit from the famine of love.

Then, while languishing so far beneath hope's sky,
trapped in the vacuous muck of despair's suffocating goo
an unexpected merciful touch of compassion
stopped the tremors of melancholy
by a hand able to revive through a caress of sigh's healing,
reaching into my deepest torment with an unconditional stroke of care.

Then I rise renewed and soar above my destitute wasteland
breathing in the freshness of newborn wings and uplifting winds
carrying me to my dreams once more
having agonized from the wounds of elation's bleeding plumes
while remembering what is beyond the moments that are so darkening,
inhaling again the wondrous and merciful seconds sublime
felt more intensely by those who have fallen from the clouds
and know within each throbbing ache of their being
why eagles cry.

COMBING THE LIGHT

Quiet lingers in my life for the moment. It is a certain blessed amplitude when I can sit back and reflect on my current situation and how it is so different than the past.

This afternoon, the fall weather has turned the sky clouding and cool. But it is a holiday and as result I am hope instead of working. Later a few friends will be stopping by to share in the day and see how our home has improved since we finished things like the landscaping.

In the living room, my wife is babysitting our two month-old grandson while his parents are working. He has turned out to be true blessed despite the usual demands all infants have on one's time.

What is amazing is only a few short months ago, we were living in an apartment and had no idea when our ordeal of trying to get a home built would be over. Our grandson wasn't even yet born and life was so burden by so many demands.

Now, being on the other side of this valley, I can rejoice and look back to see how the light of God's promise help see us through this change. It is the one purest joy that for any person of faith redeems when tears flow to often.

And I like to hope that during these moments of quiet I will not forget or forsake my Lord and Savior. For it becomes so easy when life reaches a time of less tension to stop remember how the Lord does control and grace us in so many ways.

It might be difficult when tragedy strikes to appreciate that process for a variety of reasons, but I think the heart when troubled in any soul that is a follower of Christ will naturally lift up a prayer for deliverance. How much more is the challenge to maintain that same sense of urgency and desire for the Lord when things are calm.

Yet, it is in both situations, I think we see how what we value truly dominates our lives. We can either turn to the Lord when we have a crisis and then drift away later or try to cling no matter what.

I don't know about others, but I often feel used and uncared about when somebody treats me as a source to lean on in an emergency and then never calls me or asks about me when things are okay at that end. I just can't help, but feel God is grieved when we do the same to him.

He listens to our prayers and loves us unconditionally. But how often do we only pray when we have a need. Or go to church or seek to serve him when it has some purpose that is for our own benefit.

Sadly, there are those who use church as a platform to get attention rather that to praise the Lord. I doubt he feels anymore impressed with that kind of shallow behavior than he does when we only seek him when we have a need. I pray we listen to his spirit in the quiet times as well as seek him in the dark times.

BEYOND THE GRASP

A friend of mine and I were discussing the problem of insecurity the other night. We were approaching it from the standpoint of how insecurity often is at the root of when people do things for selfish reasons. They get blinded by some need and it prevents them from in any way appreciating the harm their activity is creating for others.

My friend is a wonderful man who admittedly is not on the road to greed. He's just not about getting rich or hurting others to line his own pocket with gold.

Admittedly, he has done well for himself, but he never flaunts his success at others. He's just content to enjoy.

What bother him was not being to appreciate why some people seem to get so obsessed with getting ahead and doing so at the expense of others. They live to make money and never even let the law stand in their way.

Now, personally, I do appreciate how there is nothing wrong with a person being a success, but to be honest I also understand that there is a big difference between doing your best and being downright greedy. I do wonder at times if this is something all who claim to follow Christ really grasp.

This week I heard about this senior pastor of a very big church who was forced to resign his ministry after he admitted to some major scandal of which he was guilty. Apparently it was a problem he had that went back for years and he simply had finally gotten caught.

Knowing he had this problem, he could have quit his church years ago and avoided the risk of such exposure, but he didn't. And now he has been force to leave and behind him are the followers who no doubt and confused and wounded by his failings

But how often do we out of pride or simple selfishness avoid listening to our heart or the Lord's wisdom? It just becomes so easy to rationalize our sins, especially where money is involved.

And when we ignore the possible consequences we are almost always face with the eventual calamity when the law of probabilities goes against us. Then comes the disaster we thought would never happen.

Grasping is a part of life. We have to work and function on so many levels as part of life. Does that mean we are always to take it beyond the need for grasp?

I think we all know the answer, we just don't care for the one that is from the Lord that doesn't placate our own sense of need. Then it comes to a point of acceptance of the issue of enough.

That is one issue that too many will always put in a category of more rather than enough. It is human nature, but not necessarily God's will. Whether we go beyond the grasp in terms of embracing the truth can be the hardest lesson of all to learn.

CELLOPHANE LIVES IN THE GRAVEYARD OF SMILES

Tossed by hate under the bed of approval's mattress
like so many other ill-fitting fragments of being meant to be forgotten
the eyes of these discarded souls
pierce the shadowy recluse to sense in its darken refuse
truths that were also abandoned from view by prejudice
as if they were old worn out shoes nobody cares to accept or use.

In piety's vain circus of artificial light
how often the glitz and shimmer of sanctimonious eye candy
sweetened by the putrid confection of conformity
blinds the mind with tradition's warm-fuzzy dazzle
while the vendors of the malevolent and ever lurking "they"
spend their time pontificating social prescriptions
from the little black books of judgmentalism
flagellating each other with their sacred cow myth icons
they claim produces a rapturous joy of restraining affliction.

Meanwhile, those rejected
find a path of inner release from their cells of discrimination
using a mourner's lace to decorate and bind their wounds
with the subdued flowers of tears blossoming in the mind's garden
blessed though regarded by some as being of no value.

Still seeing more deeply and intently veracity's purest gold
through the spiritual inhibiting transparencies
of stereotyped wrappings others intend to imprison,
ever learning to live by a greater light's joy
cellophane lives in the graveyard of smiles.

ALONE

There is a difference to me between being by yourself and feeling alone. One is a choice. It is a matter of privacy and pursuing a need for silence and solitude.

Which is to me something we all need from time to time. There are just ties when life gets too chaotic and we need a sanctuary of serenity to calm our spirit.

On a spiritual level sometimes that is necessary and beneficial for the sake of being able to hear the Lord. We simply get too distracted by all the chaos of life and forget we are more than just flesh and blood.

The normal place one often expects to achieve such closeness with the Lord in the fellowship and worship setting of a church. That can apply, providing you can truly accomplish this frame of mind without any intrusions for the embellishments of religiosity that always seem to bring their own form of clamor.

But since God is not confined to a house of worship, nor times of worship we don't have to just depend upon those times to listen to his voice. Providing we are truly seeking to let him touch us when it his will an not just when we think it should take place.

As for a state of being alone. And I'm speaking of the type of sensation of feeling utterly abandoned and lonely. That can occur anywhere if you have a lack of sense of worth or being. It doesn't matter the location, alone is in reality a view from within.

What the two things have in common is that during the time of being alone, God can often touch us the most. It is when we are in a valley of shadows in our sense of worth. A period, no matter how brief, when we travel the soul searching path to look deeply into our own pool of essence.

And if we are perspective enough and allow our senses to look more than just into our own lives, God can truly speak to us the loudest. Which can be such a blessing in times when we need the most.

How often though it is easy to get lost and consumed by the darkness during the moments of shadows. For if all we hear in that time of silence is the preoccupation of our moans of self-pity, we may miss out on the whispers from the Lord's spirit.

Above all, in the state of alone having God grace us in a special way can truly be the greatest of blessings. For when we are strip of our mask of pretense and truly naked in our vulnerability of thought we can at times have God reveal to us truths we might otherwise never discover.

That can take us from a journey of pity to one of light. To help us rise above the moment and see our part in eternity. It breathes into our lives a new sense of being. A new day of discovery where we walk a new path that can help us to see how life is more than heaviness of feeling utterly alone. And oh what a joy it can be.

LIFE ANEW

The basic premise with this is that you have life to start with. What constitutes life is a matter of opinion and theory I suppose, but I've always felt it is more than breath and pulse.

I think it is that state of existence where you have passion and a sense of your consciousness truly being awake and functioning. Those can be rare moments in the daily routine of life.

Despite the illusions painted in movies, I'm not sure life was ever intended to be one long party. We certainly can appreciate the moments it is exhilarating from those that aren't because they make them more special. Which probably helps us to appreciate why they could never be ever second of a life.

But regardless of the fact that many people have lives with way too many moments that are admittedly absent of excitement, I think it is the means we use to find some flame of joy that truly matter. And naturally Satan is more that ready to tap us on the shoulder with a few suggestions.

Like so many parts of life, I feel God can touch this part of life. He might not take us to some place where life becomes our image of happiness, but if we are obedient to his leading there is so often we do find out how is choice was the best.

Sometimes because we are so capable of making wrong choices, God will take time to let us stumble and error that we might learn. Then once we've gotten passed the need for always doing things the hard way, he can gently and lovingly guide us to some point of discovery and life that is completely different from our past.

How sad it is for those who resist some change God desires for their lives. They may even live in comfort and have all the outward evidences to suggest they are successful.

But the truth is, deep down, they are dying. Their essence is out of balance because they are only acting out what they think they want out of life. They follow a path of their own choice, stubbornly resisting the tug of God's spirit to lead in a different direction.

Eventually, of course, the sadness consumes. General comments are replaced by the steady dialogue of criticism and bitterness. Breath continues, but passion has long since fled.

I am reminded of the time the Lord brought Abraham to the land he was later given as a promise. In some ways that particular land wasn't as appealing or fertile perhaps as some others in the area. But I think the miracle and importance is not the location, but that by faith in God, he can alter or change anywhere into a garden.

And hopefully we can remember that if the place we are brought in our lives doesn't at first glance look all that blessed and bountiful. Life anew truly begins when it rises by the wings of the Lord's spirit to see beyond our own thinking.