MANIA

Reams of gutter tales
replete with nostril scarring scents of stench and sweat
were the horrific collage of my diary, diet and day.

My insides had turned into a slimy muck of organ decay
feeling like the feast for a nest of acid skinned vipers
as I rotted in apathy from dawn to dawn
using a filthy curb as a cell for my concrete prison.

Then I met what I embraced as a pontificating, caring angel
we made love in our souls till I was addicted
eagerly sacrificing my will at her golden altar
lustfully savoring her spellbound womb of debasing
till my reason gave way to insane, blind obedience.

Daily come the sermonized flagellations my esteem
generously inflicted by her sadistic "nurturing" minions,
cloaking my mind in the garb of a spiritual automaton
ritually praising them and begging for more,
praying it will appease their vicious version of love
and grant me one more merciless beating
given with the seductive strokes from her twisted halo.

I never look in the mirror any more
my eyes were gouged out by denial
leaving me a drone of breath,
in a hell without fire
languishing in the brutal legacy
of my masochistic chains.