BOUQUETS

Sunlight streams through the trees,
smell of fresh cut grass fills the nose,
but it never stops or silences the tears
when placing that bouquet of love's fragile petals
upon the grave of one's child.

INCREDIBLE

There was this show on television years ago, which feature events that were truly amazing. It was aptly named for being a program featuring what is really amazing.

In life there are moments when things do happen that totally stupefy us. And sometimes they are good others not so.

I recently have been enduring one of those incredible experiences. Events and people with whom I have to deal at times have taken some truly bizarre twists. Not that I am so much directly involved with the situations, but I am indirectly affected by association.

I doubt I will ever adjust to how successful some people can be at masquerading their sins and real desires. You think you are dealing with one kind of person and then the truth gets exposed. Suddenly you find out deep inside they've been the victim of some affliction of the soul that has mired their thinking and made them other than someone you can trust.

When this happens with a person that has no professed spiritual convictions, it isn't quite as incredible as when they claim to believe in God. It really is hard to figure out how a person who is a follower of the Lord acts totally corrupt as one with no morals at all.

It isn't that Christians don't sin. Contrary to what some claim, we aren't forgiven just for our passed sins, but the ones we continue to do as followers of Christ.

However, I guess I have trouble grasping the idea of someone who say is consumed totally in a sin that hurts others so deeply. That is hard to understand, but it suggest the absence of a conscience.

I know how easily it is to get seduced into rationalized one's behavior. And I have seen enough of those who claimed to be Christians, but acted in the most spiteful and hurtful ways imaginable.

What is the most incredible it the way they manage to treat such behavior as justified. They can always give you plenty of reasons for their actions, but in reality they all come down to another means of treating sin and something other than sin.

Is God impressed by this silliness? I personally don't think so. There is no way in my opinion that the Lord ever looks upon dishonesty as something that makes him happy.

I do believe he grants us all forgiveness for sin, but I also understand that if you don't accept you sin, how can you even ask or expect forgiveness? That is the part where only God can judge.

In the meantime the game continues and too many often play the sad endeavor of "I did it, but with a good excuse." God never smiles at such lies and I don't think it truly improves anything, but the chances for more incredible disasters.

BLEEDING SUNRISES

Dawn is not always the beginning of a new day. Sometimes it is the continuation of a really bad night.

When those times take place one is less than joyful to great a new day. We might even bleed inside from worry or sadness.

It would be wonderful if promises can anew with each sunrise. As if you miraculously erase every mistake and start over when you saw the sun again.

There are times when rising from sleep so refreshes we feel better about whatever problems we face, but that doesn't mean it stays that way. After the initial joy and elation, the day weighs heavy upon one's shoulder. Eventually fatigue wears one down and the darkness visits again.

And sometimes after reaching a high in the morning, we just feel even worse from slipping back into the valley and wondering if we will ever rise again. By night we are even worse off than we when felt that way the previous night.

Is this a cycle of God's will? Seems like a fair question. Does the Lord really take delight in seeing us go on this emotional rollercoaster?

How easy it comes to wonder and wish the Lord would prevent this from happening. But in reality it happens to everyone.

What purpose does it really serve? Are we better off for such high and lows in sadness and joy? Again it would naturally be wonderful if things were otherwise and if God would spare us such trials, but that isn't the way life works and God never spares us such situations.

Instead, he will use such situations as opportunities to reach out in faith and prayer for his help and guidance. They become opportunities for spiritual communion if we respond to them correctly.

How easy it is to let the melodrama and sadness control our thoughts. It burdens us and bleeds our thoughts to the point we get too consumed in self pity to react as the Lord would desire.

Most of us know the aches from bleeding dawns at times. It is something that happens we don't enjoy, but we have a choice in how we deal with it.

When one follows the Lord the choice should include reaching out to cling to his promises in such situations. It would shelter us from such moments, but it will give us comfort in a way that truly comforts.

If we do this then the bleeding never drains as much as for those who don't do lean upon the Lord who will never appreciate that meaning or benefit.

NEIGHBORHOODS OF THE SOUL

There are so many places we live other than the location we call our home. Anywhere we dwell in our hearts or souls can be a form of home. It can be a place we cling to with as much emotion as our actual home. Depending on things like how important the place it in our lives, such as work. For some work will naturally be even more valuable that their regular dwelling.

It really is dependent so often on what we cherish in life. That location where our passions come alive and we feel a true sense of being. Ideally that should be our home, but admittedly there are times when homes are other than places of love. So people end up gravitating to somewhere else where that need is felt.

That doesn't mean we always want to admit this reality. It is just a fact that we accept on a level without letting the thought dig at us too much.

This doesn't have to be a negative aspect of life. For there are those who are alone and find some joy in environments where they have the company of others.

But if home means the usual in terms of family and all the predictable elements and one is still happier elsewhere, then that is often not an expression of joy. Yet, most of us life with it just the same.

On a spiritual level, one's home is really wherever our soul feels the greatest communion with God. Which doesn't necessarily translate into meaning church either. It can be wherever touches one the most in terms of making one aware of the Lord.

Personally, I think there are times when the Lord speaks to us through his spirit and there are certain places that happens more than others. It is simply a matter of the energy their inspire. You just feel the presence of God more intensely.

Some translate that has being relevant to locations of a natural beauty where one is more inclined to sense God's hand at work. However, the reality is that it can be anywhere.

That will be a matter of how God truly touches. And there are times when it can even be a location or community of souls where each is drawn for a variety of reasons.

When it is truly a community of God's inspiration then it will be one where there is joy and a sense of bonding. Plus a sense of identity as if you are among friends who all share the same joy of knowing the Lord on a certain share intimacy.

You don't have to talk about it, you can see it in the other person's eyes. A kind of knowing that just is felt.

Those are the community where self is not the issue. God is what matters. One feels the joy of lifting up one's faith and praise to the Lord without it being one's own essence being the center of attention. We can't always find such places as we desire, but God will lead us to the one that we need if we pay attention and listen when he touches.

Morning

Old wooden floors creak and groan
feeling so cold and hard upon my bare feet,
taste of morning extra biting
from leaving the living room window open
by accident all night.

Fog looms so thick and disquieting outside
the occasional strange sound of a moan
or muffled footsteps in its sheet of white
hinting at something eerie
that wraps my body
in a barb wire blanket of paranoia.

Still, I sit down at my computer,
letting my mind bathe in the pool
swimming with all the creatures and characters
who are my personal demons, dragons, angels and watchers.

My heart becomes a keyboard
playing the delicate lilting notes
singing into my head
creating images about a world of light
where senses have breath
and harp strings strum me with some special bliss.

Alone, each day I come to my inner piano
allowing the music to quiet reality,
that I might know more than fear and emptiness
for the sake of my sanity.

FISSURES AND FINDS

There are cracks in the foundation of life that comes at the most unexpected times. They are often when we least expect them and can truly shake our confidence, leaving us aching from the consequences.

The more we are susceptible to moods, the more we can also find ourselves struggle with such fissures to our essence. One single event in a given day can either make it seem like heaven or hell.

That shouldn't dictate the nature of life, but sometimes we are just so vulnerable in that regard. It often isn't even our wish, but we just can't avoid such quakes to our moments.

When we face such crisis of thinking and spirit it is easy to feel that tug at one's soul to give up. And if we have had many situations of such natures, then we can find ourselves even more crushed by the even. It has a cumulative effect upon us. To the point that at times even a small event can when added to a heap of other such discouraging moments be more than enough to crush our spirit.

In such times our heart is heavy. We can feel so weakened and discouraged we never want to try again. And naturally there is the passion in reverse direction that whisper just forget everything.

This is even tougher in the spiritual realm. That is because of the fact that the life of faith doesn't follow the same logical pattern of experiences. Trusting God is not a type of existence that comes with any guarantees in this life.

One thing I do believe that is different, however, is that with God, his spirit can help us find the joy and wisdom of understanding that eludes in other such situations. It is the targeting moment of self realization that celebrates the identity of real meaning to life.

How many miss this opportunity. They play games and face life only in a vacuum tube of senses. Never seeing or understanding the life beyond where true reality exists.

Dealing with such people can be a struggle. For their frame of reference will only be tide to this life.

And for them there is no time beyond where there is a chance to savor the find of discovery that gives peace. You can spend a life time in valleys full of heartache and despair, but if the Lord is leading you will still find more peace and joy than those living in worldly paradises.

Thus is the ultimate truth that some will never appreciate. They will fight against it and when their own quakes come they will only bleed.

Better to have the joy of bandages given in love by God's grace. They never eliminate the scars, but do make the pain so much easier to accept.

SILENCE MADE EASY

Not saying something ought to be easy, but there are times when it isn't. Especially, if you are privy to some very special and secret information.

I've been going through this strange set of experiences lately. Ones where I have ended up thanks to the Lord knowing the truth about something that I otherwise wouldn't know.

And naturally it is tempting to tell someone involved with the process that I do know about the reality, but I can't. So I have tried to cope with keeping a secret that like a lot of people you definitely want to share.

What is amazing to me is to see the steps taken by those keeping this information a secret have taken so it doesn't get discovered. Not that I mind so much, it is just amusing at times to see the truth they are attempting to keep others from knowing.

The plus for me has been learning certain elements to human nature that I might otherwise not know. It gives me a small comfort to treat it as a learning process.

However at the same time, I have truly been sadden to see how some people have a dark side they can keep so hidden at times. You can look in their faces and never seen the true depths of sin that dwell within.

This current little episode is one that in reality is a time bomb of sorts. But only with regards to one person. And the others are being fitted for masks so nobody will see underneath at the truths and stress etched in their faces.

I am grateful to the Lord for having touched me with the blessing of knowing the truth, even though it seems in some ways like something out of fantasy. Something so bizare and surreal I find it difficulty to embrace at times.

In the meantime, I continue to participate as the Lord leads. Feeling in part satisfied that this is a situation where I am just a witness and not one of the players.

What I have learned is that no one can truly hide their sin forever. Those who think so will never learn the reality of how it is something God can expose even when they think they have been very clever in keeping their deeds a secret.

And it also has helped me to appreciate that there are times when just being obedient may be less appealing in terms of how we feel our live is with regards to excitement. But it may also be a cushion of security that lets us sleep with less guilt.

So in many ways, I know I live a simple life. Yet, I also know those who are dwelling in the delusion that taking short cuts in terms of their morals will somehow reap them a big gain.

In the end, God will show them that was a myth. But too much of one for them to truly learn about.

TELL ALL

This is a popular form of book at times when a person allegedly tells all they know regarding some scandal. They are very popular and often do very well in the market place when published.

It seems we all enjoy learning truths, especially if they come from the dark side of life. There is just something about them that appeals to our curiosity. We love to find out all the details about some terrible scandal or a person's downfall.

I've just wondered at times why we aren't as interested in stories, which would portray a person's goodness. True, in biographies they can at times gloss over the flaws in a person who is regarded as a legend or hero, but I don't imagine any of us truly thinks such people are perfect.

It does make me curious though, suppose there was a tell all book about somebody and every detail about them was nothing, but good. Would we really take such an book seriously? I imagine not.

And when you talk about something like a person who is worshipped as divine you add that element of doubt in some ways. There is always somebody who feels challenged to find some flaw in the person's true existence.

Of course those who worship the individual and regard him or her as divine don't feel any desire to see or learn about such flaws. Naturally the person attempt to expose them will not be a follower either.

In the end I imagine those who don't believe will continue to find such tell all books justification to doubt while those who do regard the person as divine will merely ignore such details. None of which prevents anyone from such probing into the gossamer real of spiritual truths and myths as the person wishes.

But the question is, what if a given set of details about the person are really true? Will that mean people would embrace them if you could somehow prove that truth?

From what I've seen the answer is no. Because for some no matter how much you were to actually provide evidence they would never see that as true. And I have never experience anything in human nature to indicate that will ever change.

We can each look at dawn and see something different. Some will see God, others just a star.

For those of us that see Jesus as Lord and Savior, the gospel record will always reflect the truth. But for those that don't, then they will come up with their own version of who they claim Jesus if in their mind.

All of which is for me is the simple joy of knowing I shared what needed to be shared. And that as much as some will never believe it, I will never stop believing it. Sometimes one just has to let God be sovereign over the hearts of others.

NEW DAWNS

Let the hand feel the flush,
quiet tones subtly flowing
from the recesses of chasm fears
that have drank
your wine of inventive plenty.

Grant the ghouls of laughter
who visit in the vacuum of midnight's
vortex of visions.
serpentine like serpent ogres
sucking away at your vigil of self,
retired to their crypts of maddening abstraction.

Remembering where you made love to the muse,
uninhibited by the screams
rippling from the banshee verse vampires
which come to bleed one's candle.

Slowly surrendering to the voice
calling from your deepest well
of secret identity
till it erupts in new ink,
filling the veins,
fingertips then dancing
a new song of passion's clarity.

NEIGHBORHOODS OF THE SOUL

There are so many places we live other than the location we call our home. Anywhere we dwell in our hearts or souls can be a form of home. It can be a place we cling to with as much emotion as our actual home. Depending on things like how important the place it in our lives, such as work. For some work will naturally be even more valuable that their regular dwelling.

It really is dependent so often on what we cherish in life. That location where our passions come alive and we feel a true sense of being. Ideally that should be our home, but admittedly there are times when homes are other than places of love. So people end up gravitating to somewhere else where that need is felt.

That doesn't mean we always want to admit this reality. It is just a fact that we accept on a level without letting the thought dig at us too much.

This doesn't have to be a negative aspect of life. For there are those who are alone and find some joy in environments where they have the company of others.

But if home means the usual in terms of family and all the predictable elements and one is still happier elsewhere, then that is often not an expression of joy. Yet, most of us life with it just the same.

On a spiritual level, one's home is really wherever our soul feels the greatest communion with God. Which doesn't necessarily translate into meaning church either. It can be wherever touches one the most in terms of making one aware of the Lord.

Personally, I think there are times when the Lord speaks to us through his spirit and there are certain places that happens more than others. It is simply a matter of the energy their inspire. You just feel the presence of God more intensely.

Some translate that has being relevant to locations of a natural beauty where one is more inclined to sense God's hand at work. However, the reality is that it can be anywhere.

That will be a matter of how God truly touches. And there are times when it can even be a location or community of souls where each is drawn for a variety of reasons.

When it is truly a community of God's inspiration then it will be one where there is joy and a sense of bonding. Plus a sense of identity as if you are among friends who all share the same joy of knowing the Lord on a certain share intimacy.

You don't have to talk about it, you can see it in the other person's eyes. A kind of knowing that just is felt.

Those are the community where self is not the issue. God is what matters. One feels the joy of lifting up one's faith and praise to the Lord without it being one's own essence being the center of attention. We can't always find such places as we desire, but God will lead us to the one that we need if we pay attention and listen when he touches.

OUT OF BOUNDS

Life can be such a strange existence at times. Boring is not a way of dwelling that some enjoy.

Yet, we hardly can rejoice if we strive for partying and then it carries with it some terrible consequences. That can be the hard part to always appreciate.

When things plod along and our passion's end up being flatlined it is so easy to crave some distraction. There is nothing wrong with diversion.

Providing it doesn't corrupt in a way that ends up making us other than abiding the path of what God desires. Which can happen way to easy.

I've recently become privy to some information about this one person. It has to do with seeing this person slowly decay in values to the point of making very serious errors in decisions.

I've already see that this person is on a collision course with disaster. But this person in no way is going to change acting the same way.

Eventually there will be consequences. And sadly others will be affected by them. It will be the kind that brings some very painful memories.

The whole time, I have no alter from my path of behavior. I still follow the same journey I always have.

It isn't necessarily one that is filled with excitement, but it is one that leaves me able to sleep each night and not feel those pangs of guilt gnawing at my insides. That for me is worth the long hours of sameness.

However appealing the path of indulgence appears or draws, when you violate some trust or obedience in terms of power, it will never end in good things. There will always end with sad moments and tears.

To follow the Lord is to accept his will. That will include moments when on walks in shadows. But not to worship the shadows.

Therein lies the problem. Some walk those shadows to hide their sins. It never really works and sooner or later you do have to come out into the light.

When you the dirt will cling to you from the shadows. It doesn't go away either. Only te blood of Christ can wash it away.

And that only happens with faith. Which often evaporates when one loves the shadows. To sad is the quest for light where you only find yourself lost in darkness. Such moments never lead to joy, just heartache.

SWALLOWED

The silence
visiting like a haunting banshee
burns from the crippling knowing
no one is there to hear your heartbeat
when tears flow without another hand to care
and all the world feels like strangers.

It is to be swallowed in a hole
where this isn't the light of love
shining on tomorrow
that will show
any companion's arm waiting
for giving a single hug or embrace
which shouts
somebody knows your name.

Most of all,
comes that image of a deserted grave
with a marker having your name,
lacking even one flower of grief or mourners
to remember you ever lived.

Drowning in a social cesspool
of an outcast's toxic waste
is never solitude's haven
as much as solitary confinement.

ONWARD

Moving forwards is something so many of us naturally desire. We hope to be better tomorrow than we are today. At least we claim that at times.

I'm not persuaded we always belief it though. There are times when change can be scary. Progress does after all in part involve change.

Perhaps we wished it wasn't that way. One could hardly be upset by that desire. Only in reality it is hard to be both one who is growing and at the same time staying the same.

You just can't truly manage both ends of the spectrum at the same time. Not and be honest about your feelings.

The plain fact is you have to be prepared for the consequences to move ahead. They will vary according to what it is that is the price of choice.

There are a lot of times in life when we can avoid change if we want. We might be miserable in our dull lives, but that can be so much less painful to the stress of constant change.

However in the spiritual level things work differently. One can not truly follow God and ever stay the same.

For the very basic nature of faith is such that the more we trust the Lord, the more our lives will face demands that will make us trust him more. It may not happen in any set time schedule, but it will mean change.

This is truly for our best interest. We can not mature and grow without such experience. That can include pain at times, but also joy.

Some will always try so hard to avoid such realities. They will sit in the pews, speak by rote of their faith, but fear to intensely any change that might actually bring growth.

God doesn't force us to move onward. He will not press us beyond our fears if we resist. We may even applaud ourselves for the wisdom of not changing, when it fact we are in reality depriving ourselves of a blessing.

Such is the nature of spiritual movement. And for those who understand it and move ahead on God's path the trip always ends up bringing its own form of joy.

There is no road map to such trips. Just the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Who will always help us in a way that brings our best form of growth.

Providing we embrace it for the truth and don't think such lessons are to be ignored. That is the part which can truly make the different whether we ultimately move ahead or simply mark time in our boredom and sadness.

PRECIOUS

We can talk all we want about what in our hearts is important, but our words will never quite means as much as we do with our actions. Nothing particularly revelatory I suppose in such a comment. But it is one we seem to enjoy ignoring at times.

Perhaps it somehow helps us not face the truth of our desires. This is probably more of a problem for those of a given belief system than those who don't worry about such passions.

There is just something inherit in the name of believing in God that makes one feel a need to think spirituality is the opposite of having normal desires. But in reality it in no way keeps us from our craving.

And in our moments of labors we reveal the truth of what is really precious in our own lives. Which can be amazing, since to me precious is that element of what touches us the most. It can be totally different from what seems logical since it is related to our feelings and what satisfies us.

I think there are a lot of times when we never truly look deeply into those desires. Get to the root of what actually makes our heart beat.

God spirit will expose those desires for what truly is inside of us. Not to embarrass, but to teach and guide.

If we listen, we can discover the way he will touch that need in a way that is blessed and balanced. But if we never truly accept that leading and ignore his tug at our heart, we can always feel out of balanced and lacking peace.

For some that will mean a constant state of feeling uncomfortable and never really satisfied. Left uncheck, it can produce a craving that turns to a flame that burns out of control.

Then one day, we cave inwards, loose our reason and give into that need in a way that is unhealthy. There are so many stories like that in life that they hardly are worth repeating.

Could they have been prevented? That isn't always a question that is easy to answer. I do know that no being honest about what we need or want out of life never improves the situation.

Will letting God open our eyes mean those desires will get satisfied as we want? Not necessarily.

What is true is we can understand and with it learn some truths about who we are. That can often help us to face each new day, not with lots of excuses, but with a special peace. And seeing how many times other eyes fail to show this same serenity because they have refused to look where God is shining the most light.

GLORY

Well, everyone probably has their own idea of glory. That moment of fame when the light shines on your and you are recognized for some talent or achievement.

I don't believe that God is against us getting recognition for our labors. But if it becomes our god, then it can be a stumbling block to one's faith.

It is hard to find a balance at times. And even more so if one views prosperity as some form of sign that God is blessing one's labors.

I've always found it interesting how so often when a movement of God's spirit happens with some ministry, it suddenly starts wanting to concentrate on things like new buildings. Not that growth doesn't require larger facilities, but I think it is a reflection of ego.

It isn't my desire here to condemn or criticize what choices a given ministry chooses to make, but does everyone head of a large church really need to live in luxury? I'm not saying that do, but it does appear that way at times.

The lure seems from my view to be related to one's need to have the taste of glory in one's own life. A way to have one's heaven on earth.

Is this really God's desire or will? To be honest this is a question that to me can be very complicated. For when there are blessings to a ministry it can be a witness of God's will. If it is shared with others from a humble heart and for the right reasons, that can be a good thing.

But if all it does it create a need for boating about one's greatness that isn't a good thing. It can be to say the least corruptive and seducing.

They type of temptation where power is able to blind one to the lure or wanting more than God intended. Only we often don't see it that way.

So often people can slide from being simple, hard working servants of the Lord to someone obsessed with their own greatness. And no matter how much knowledge or faith, it doesn't in any way prevent the person from such temptation.

I guess for me, I wish you could find more people who when they were called of god honestly just treated it as a time of serving him without a need to try and build empires or kingdoms. That might be refreshing for change.

However, I haven't observed it to be the way most people react. It is never enough to have one's needs or have one's spiritual wisdom enhanced, one expects all the trappings of this life too.

For myself, I think having my needs met are enough at this point. And knowing something I write gets read and touches in some way.

RIBBONS OF LOVE

Black her mind had once so felt,
when a mother's worst fear came into her life.
It is a reminder of her first child's grave
where so long she wept and grieved.

Husband's love, soothed and endured sadness,
only wearing black now for special occasions, but without the tears.
Still a ribbon is added to her white hat,
silent hugs for the precious heart lost,
that she'll never stop loving.

TESTIFY OF MADNESS

What is really sane can in part be debated I imagine. What I think we do know is when something is other than normal. With normal being that rule book of conformity we used to determine if we think something is acceptable. If it isn't then we treat it as madness.

Of course if our frame of reference is not according to society standards we end up being viewed as less than normal. Which can be a very uncomfortable experience when it comes with enough criticism.

Beneath this obvious layer of social issues, there resides the levels of thought and values were other concepts have dominion. Including naturally, the spiritual realm.

That doesn't keep us from attempting to clone the places of God by the dynamics as the rest of the world. Is it any surprise that God would in such situations then express himself in ways that would by out standards be considered strange?

The Lord doesn't concern himself in that sense whether those who serve him are popular for following and obeying him. Sometimes he will even let us look foolish since he wants the truth of his word only to be understand by the few, not all.

Some would regard such witness as madness. To ignore the values of practical wisdom for the sake of serving him would be thought of by many as strange, it not insane.

There are those who can not accept that kind of sacrifice. So they will only filter the faith through a form of behavior that they decide is acceptable to others.

Then there is the opposite response. Those who for the sake of hate decide to become the world's moral policemen.

For them they will never are happy unless you are miserable. They will either embrace you if you crawl on your knees to tell them how great they are or they will find some reason to violate your rights.

In either case, it is in reality a witness to a different kind of madness. The one that is dominate in terms of taking away other people's freedoms.

So we move ahead at times, if we listen to God. If we celebrate his love and grace instead of our values.

That is road that my take us on a journey other than where we expect and in places where we aren't always respected. But if it is where God seeks us to go, then we will have more joy that unhappiness from the knowing we did what he wanted.

And one can call that madness if they wish. I just think of it as the footsteps of faith that see heaven instead of the now. Which is enough in some case to help us see the Lord's sanity that others fail to see.

SHOWN

Truth may be known or revealed to us, but it doesn't mean we necessarily embrace it. Add to this the times we prefer to not listen to the truth if it offends and denial can be so tempting.

Denial what one has been shown will always be different that ignorance. If we don't know something we can't be accountable for acting or making choices contrary to the truth.

But once we truly know the truth and refuse to embrace it, then the burden of our actions remains with us. So why would we choose to deny the truth once it was shown to us?

That is one of those questions that truly can be very hard to answer adequately. For we are creatures of many needs and thoughts. What satisfies those needs may be a complete issue in some cases.

In the spiritual realm we can not separate our faith from life. We can trust to the Lord, but we are still imperfect.

Today I was at the gym and saw one of my friends. He was feeling really sluggish and finding it hard to do his regular routine.

I could see in his eyes, there was that desire to do the effort, but his body just wouldn't cooperate. Plain fact was that he had the expectancy, but the truth was he didn't have the energy. In short he was human.

That doesn't always comfort though. If we in our mind only see through as defined by our desires and nothing else, we fail to grasp what is honestly true.

I can't think of the number of times I have been guilty of this myself. It is just something in our nature that honestly prefers to think we can truly control all the aspects of our lives.

So when we apply it to the spiritual realm, we naturally think of faith in terms of only never doubting. Our truth becomes that fantasy based upon our expectations.

Fortunately, God will in his mercy show us the real truth. The one that helps us understand he sees us as we are even if we refuse to do the same.

If we accept what he shows us, in the love and spirit as intended, then the truth does guide us in a more perfect way. One where we learn peace.

But so often we resist, because we somehow feel being imperfect will bring shame upon us. Like the idea of being a sinner. Yet, there is no salvation for the perfect, they need none. However, since none of us is perfect, then we all need salvation. And hopefully we see what is shown in terms of that reality.

PETALS

Swaying so seductively from the spell of swirling wisps of air,
luridly dancing while sending strums upon the chords of the heart's drum.

Till the stems themselves seem to sing a serenade of ancient rhyme
speaking to some inner voice's guide and telling how once the earth
gave this moment's seed to sow upon countless ages of seeking orbs.

Lavender and lilac scents are reminiscent friends,
slowly caressing as petals of silky arousing
taking the mind to some Empyrean encounter
where sight is engulf with auras of outlined majesty
hinted in the soul, felt so deeply by the body,
and indescribable in their quiet quiver of awe.

Floating passed the flowery facade
unto the earth's arms of subterranean orchestrated charms,
lost to the eternal resilience of breathing magic
exhaled by the spirit's watching
and inspiring with blossoms of their own ethereal bouquet.

Colors flare with undaunted dominion
life swelters in the brewing pastel cerebral explosions,
riveting the brain with its addictive rush
from those sensuously tormenting teases
which drown in the translucent flavors
of what is felt so intensely, though never seen.

All the heart strokes flash imagined and consuming visions,
when the eyes listen for the lucid vibrations resonating
as a flower's gossamer lips plant their touch upon one's writhing veins.

HIDDEN

It is amazing at times how easy it is for us to overlook things that are easily visible. Sometimes there are good reasons. Others it is just a case of simply being sidetracked.

I had this experience at work the other day. The system we used for supervision failed. Now in reality some of the problems were the result of not having responded in a timely manner to existing needs.

Like too many situations, the problems that exist were long term. They didn't happen yesterday. But nobody really cared about them being problems till an emergency occurred.

Then everyone decided it was time to make decisions to correct the problems. However, it was nice to finally get the problems deal with, even if it took a crisis to do it.

Now the real lesson in all of this was how dealing with problems before they become problems is the solution. Only that is one lesson that never gets learned.

So I know, as so many times in the past, this type of crisis will come up again. And again it will be dealt with by only changing things when an emergency takes place.

Being able to see deeply into the real truth of any given situation is difficult. So often it never happens.

That is of course a fact of life in the real world. It sadly also translates into spiritual levels. The difference being how God is able with the power of his Holy Spirit to give us new eyes.

When we are willing to see. If we deal with the reality like we do everything else then it doesn't work.

That is why so often we need that power to go beyond thinking practical when it comes to the things of God. Too many seem to lack that desire.

Which is why so often in places of worship rules and traditions seem to dictate rather than asking what does God want. That wouldn't let us measure things only in terms of the spiritual realm.

It wouldn't allow us to only react by trust instead of figures or our own strength. God does seek to inspire that in us, but it doesn't mean we embrace such choices.

When we don't, it often ends up feeling the lack of balance between soul and heart since we didn't seek the Lord's wisdom in the process. That is when we find out if we truly seek by faith or our desires.

Hopefully, we embrace what is God's choice in the process.

MANNEQUINS OF THE MIND

Wooden thoughts of inflexible invention are forged in minds too fixed by insecurity. They can not allow their minds to capture any details or thoughts that are outside of their realm of fears.

So instead they sit, inflexible, miserable, unable to enjoy life and unwilling to let anyone else enjoy it either. Such are the flaws in fear driven thinking.

And the best way for them to keep this fear from getting out of control is to fix everything as much as possible in the concrete of traditions. They cling to something that they refuse to change regardless of whether it makes sense or not.

If by chance you enter this maze of stagnation and don't have one of their maps you will get lost. They will tell you that is okay.

And they will be very happy that you don't ever find your way out. They will help you just find out that hell is right there in the place and all you have to do is just wallow in it. A very uplifting approach.

And the thing is with the Lord, he will if we let him, guide us out of these spiritual traps. Only you can be sure the ones who are trapped in them won't want you to escape freely.

Prisons are not what God intends for his children. There are things we are suppose to abstain from that are detrimental to our well being, but that isn't the same as living in a prisoner.

However, you can battle the issue of finding those who will insist upon guiding to God, only it will not be the Lord, but the divine mannequin of their own bias. And if you let them, they will make you feel so righteous in everyone's eyes, but the Lord's.

There are never any easy answers to the spiritual path in life, but it never gets better when you insist upon following one that leads only to confusion and disappointment. Hopefully somewhere along the way God shines a light that allows one to see into the shadows and now when the journey isn't profitable.

Guides into the world of spirituality abound. But ones who truly represent God are not always able to be found.

There are so many who will try and persuade with some form of speech or sincerity. However so often they do not speak from the heart. Which is evident by the way they will not be concern about if you truly find the Lord in the process, just if you follow their lead.

Which will in no way assure you will ever discover anything, but another corner in the maze. That is at times the only place such teachers lead. And learning that lesson can take a life time.

THE VEILS IN BETWEEN

All the curtains that people place over their images and reputations can be confusing or frustrating to deal with at times. It is always difficult to cope with that one, which shimmers with the idea it is so holy. However, when you peek beyond the image, it ends up very dark and other than loving.

Only no matter how successful you are at seeing what lies beneath this weave of impression, people don't necessarily admit to the truth. It is like they will get totally upset if you even question that image in any way.

There are so many reasons a person has for cling to some veil to cover his or her reality. They aren't always the product of deception. Sometimes an image is related to things like one's given position of authority.

So veils are not always bad when the are necessary for a variety of other purposes. As long as one is able to separate office from the face underneath.

With God, veils will always be something that doesn't hide truth. It will reflect some truth about the office or the person in a positive way, but never hide some flaw.

That is what we end up doing. It becomes the place where perhaps we are in between one calling and another. So during those moments we are left exposed. Not the type of nakedness we always enjoy at times.

But God truly isn't as concerned with when the lack of a veil affects our reputation. And even more so if our reputation is not built on truth.

So there times for our own good He has to take away some covering. Then it is time to truly look for ourselves what was underneath.

It really isn't always a painful glance either. Sometimes it can be remarkable revealing if we truly let God grant us the vision.

For some that will never matter. They just can't live with who they really are. It just never comes to a point they will embrace the truth.

Having a veil and being willing to take it off are never the same thing. Like so many people we must all be willing to surrender to God all that we are, including some veil that we feel we can't survive without its protection.

When we truly surrender those veils to him then we discover it is was just for protection or if it was some kind of mask we used to replace our identity. If we wear it to prevent the truth from being seen, sooner or later God will make sure we are forced to remove it.

How much better it is when we do it for the right reasons that when some wind of circumstance forces a change.

COOKING

Boil the broth of pure discontent
swirl the seasonings of each day's wonder,
why is life an ax for the heart
when we only want a pillow for our soul
to rest among the citadels
which torment us in their shadows?

Looking deeply inward
seeing the creeping vines
of each tear, each momentous gasp
bleed from the heart
when we fell wounded to the core,
knife still stuck in our throat,
pain of lament screams to the sky,
no one hears, nor cares about the wailing.

Where do we find the hugs
and who first reaches out with arms?
Can we sob in silent agony
before a horizon where the faces we meet
never listen for other than
our surrender to their desires?

Is injustice really a infection without cure?
Or is there bread we can bake
having more hope and love
than the bittersweet taste from the abuse pantry
so souring to soul and passion?

LEVELS AND LAYERS

Words are often ladders of meaning. They are said with more than one intent. There is the obvious one and then those levels climbing from the heart to some other purpose.

This last week I went through this situation with this person who on the surface was cordial and very friendly. But the Lord's spirit warned me this person was in fact operating when one layer of warmth, but underneath wearing a layer of seduction.

The level of this person's intent was in fact evil. This individual's desires were totally evil and meant to cause me harm.

God had made me notice how this person was in essence following a script of lies in order to achieve a certain goal. I followed God's leading and gave this person a chance to know that such nuances were not being successful and to basically withdraw from future contact.

Any normal person would have naturally taking this hint and departed. But with this person sadly, Satan had so possessed the individual's soul that you have hit the person in the head with a hammer and it wouldn't have changed the approach.

Eventually, I had to really hammer this person with a point blank warning to leave me alone and to let this individual know I was totally aware of this con that was being attempted. It is at times like this, God also gives me the insight to pierce that outing layer of deception and see deeply into the individual's soul.

You can imagine it cause more than a little panic when I told them all about the plot that was being hatch against me and knew of this person's accomplishes. Then I made sure person was shut off from future contact.

Again, any normal person would have just dropped it. I never told anyone about the contact, I wasn't interested in embarrassing the person.

Predictably as with so many who are under the influence of Satan this person panicked when I hit the individual between the eyes about the different layers of sin. So, fearing exposure, immediately went around telling everyone else about the event.

Which only brought to light the individual's stupidity. That being God's form of revenge for such evil.

We can't always discover such deceptions or their different layers or levels. But the nice thing, if our desires our in anyway obedient to the Lord's spirit somewhere on the path to our levels, we will find them pointing towards God.

It is always amazing how evil works so hard to lie about its plans, whereas truth only needs so little effort to say what needs to be said. And you don't have to remember what you said, because you told one story to one person and a different one to somebody else.

SPECIAL THROBS

Moments between the questions and dawn, are the seconds unpredictable, those when God speaks to us not in a voice, but an intense feeling. It shakes us to the bone with his reality. We are swept away in the pure awe of knowing he is real and it will truly leave us touched permanently.

This is not an ordinary event. And it seldom happens to everyone. More often is occurs when one has been on his or her walk of faith for a while and not just starting out.

Part of that is because so often we can't truly appreciate such events without a certain foundation in our spiritual intimacy. We have to come to a point where we know God well enough to connect that moment to his hand.

But because such moments are so intense and memorable, when they are shared, we crave them. The emotions are truly overpowering and inspirational. Just not what everyone encounters at will when we want to for they are at God's choice of timing.

To the ones who are not educated in the ways of the faith and who don't understand spirituality, they will never fathom the power of such moments. They will never feel the presence of God in such a way that you never have a reason to question his reality again.

They will simply scoff at such experiences as being one's imagination. Therein, sadly, they deprive themselves of the beauty and blessings of such events.

One can not travel this sod alone. We can for awhile, but seldom can we do it forever without feeling an absence deep down.

God touch in special throbs will always let us know we are not alone. It will keep us conscious of his presence.

People so touched never have the same urge to believe God only see what they do on Sunday. They know he is there everyday and in everyway.

It is a good feeling though. You feel his love and guidance and totally welcome his touch. There is no sense of losing one's freedom or rebelling against such companionship.

One can only share it for the sake of those who will ultimately be so touched themselves. For the others, there is a sad appreciation of how they will never know what they are missing.

It is in part like a deposit of heaven in the heart. You feel that special calm and joy that is a foretaste of life to come.

Which is always a joy and not a pain. It is too bad there are some who will never learn that reality.

FOREVER YOURS

Faithfully dove, you I do love
Obedient to each need
Release your heart in my soul's cart
Ever, for you I'll bleed
Valiant to kiss you with such bliss
Each touch becomes my wing
Regaling you long with passion's song.

Yes, for you do I sing
Oh please my dear, never have fear
Unto such plan I cling,
Rejoice and fly, being one sigh --
Sweetheart? OOPS, dialed wrong ring.

NIGHT AND SHINING

Being in the night and being in darkness are not necessarily the same thing. They can be, but they don't have to be.

Personally, there are times when my most illuminating moments have occurred at night. During some period of spiritual reflection and prayer, clarity comes from the lord unlike others. If it touches it does so in a way that brings shining so much more intense that during the course of a day.

However, night also has its dragons. Those beasts of questions that lurk to devour. Really can eat at one's senses and mood at times.

They are the ones that stir up doubts and breath fire of unhappiness into the soul. The mind ends up reliving the mistakes of the day or week. Doubts swirl in the head and it is so tempting to want to rewrite the way a given event took place.

Course it never changes reality. And even though at times it does tax the soul with heaviness and we allow the demons of regret and fear to enter, it doesn't mean life will necessarily come to an end.

How easy it is to slip into the sadness and worry of thinking one disaster or mistake will end up in ruining life. If one allows all that negative energy to dominate the night, it can be so draining and make one so depressed.

At the times of darkness spent, it is when we need the most to seek the Lord. His spirit can calm and bring a special light to see with clarity what is truth and what is just our emotions being wrung out by Satan's manipulative hand.

When we do this, God will grant us a special peace from our tears and it always so touching to our need. For it isn't just when life is face with a threat that he loves and cares about us, it is the other times too. Those simple moments are often a time when God truly reveals himself so intimately to us.

Providing we don't miss their importance and seek him out to help us with the little needs too. He does care about those and never looks at them as unimportant.

Rich is the blessing that comes from such moments. It guards us so lovingly if we see it as he intends.

That can be a treasure that we can savor as much as any gold. It doesn't make for a type of blessing we can boast about, but it can strengthen our faith.

Which can be so much more healing and helpful at times. Providing we accept this as a way to embrace when darkness falls.

Looking into it night the right way can bring calm and not fear as long as the shining one craves comes from the Lord.

TURRETS OF THOUGHTS

Ever have times you felt invincible? As if nothing could happen to possibly harm you? Wish that were reality, but it normally isn't?

In my life it seems that there are cycles to a week or month. Sometimes it is as if everything works so perfectly. Like angels are tinkering with my life to make sure it flows smoothly.

Other occasions it doesn't seem like I can do anything right. Everything I touch or deal with takes the longest amount of time to complete and is filled with headaches.

And the most frustrating part is often I haven't done anything different that I can tell between the two days. At least not that I can notice.

The mind easily flows towards questioning such experiences. We sit and ask during the dark moments, what we did wrong to deserve such pain. And if things are going well we try to figure out what we did right.

If one does all of that without factoring in the Lord, then you really never find an answer that gives any realistic appreciation for the situation. You might be content with the answer, but it doesn't mean it is the right one.

I have no time honor philosophy for defining why at times life sucks and others it doesn't. I wish I did, but it doesn't work that way.

I do understand that it takes a lot more faith to trust God when things are wrong than when they are right and smooth. No matter how much we wish it was otherwise, the plain fact is we really will never know what truly dwells in our hearts of hearts till we face a challenge.

Of course we all understand that when it comes to misery it exists in abundance. Nobody lives a perfect life or one without problems.

So naturally we do have time when it is so desirable to bring ourselves to some point we can find when some philosophy or theology becomes a turret where we are safe from the world. It never seems to be quite as effective as we hope though.

Still, such platforms can be a form of comfort. As long as we don't let them become ivory towers.

That can be very challenging to remember a turret can be torn down. It might be a shelter in some ways, such as with faith and scriptural teachings.

But we can't expect that type of turret to prevent us from facing the challenges of weather. Those will come no matter what type of shelter we erect.

However, we can use it for inspiration so the challenges don't cause us to give up on life.

SEAMS

What holds your life together? Is it work, or family or something else? The spiritual text book answer might be the thing that holds one life together is the lord. And if it is true that is wonderful.

But I think it is so easy to sew our lives with a different kind of thread at times. In fact I'm sure if we are honest we do it a lot.

However, I doubt we are willing to say so very often to others, let alone ourselves. Does this mean we lack faith or don't care about the Lord?

Personally, I feel the answer is no. I think it means we are human. We are creatures of countless desires and needs. And in our lives we do have to do what we can to cope with all the issues that do demand of our time. Some are good, some are bad.

In the middle of all of that we have to battle the distractions from so many sources. Somewhere in the middle of such confusion, we try to make time to reflect on both heaven and earth. At least if we are in touch with God's spirit at all.

Where is it written that one can honestly compress that into an hour or two on Sunday or Saturday morning? Oh it is never stated that way, but in reality I think there are a lot of times we are inclined to do exactly that.

But it doesn't mean we don't care about God. It means we are often left in a position where life is simply complicated and confusing.

Which is where one has to be willing to focus on paying attention to the different expressions that take a hold of our thoughts. Then finding the times we can truly let our minds be graced by the Lord's presence.

It is when we limit ourselves only feeling that applies to worship time that we can miss out on the opportunities that come about in different occasions. Listening does require us to open our spiritual ears.

And if the noise of our own complaints is shouting too loud, we can't do that. Those we sometimes have to truly deal with in order to move on.

Some prefer to simply ignore them. Which never improves the issue. It never allows us to rise above a given point and become what we should be.

Perhaps in a more perfect world where live was not flawed and full of sin we could all live like angels. But till heaven becomes our portion in life we have to endure.

That means a few times when we have to accept that we let those seams of our lives get woven with things we didn't expect. And then being willing to let god truly help us break them when they are strangling.

SKIES

Visionary breath
storms visit
heart watered
sunshine blossoms
soul flowers.

ELEGANT

The mind's eye tells its tale of what is opulent and what impresses. We can't always see the treasure and embrace its meaning as another will regard it.

But we do know when it touches our own lives. We can feel it and touch it. At least within the confines of our own reality.

To me there is a big difference though between seeing gold in terms of this life and its trappings and those for God's view and heaven. That may not even work for some of us if we can't rise above a given perception.

It is amazing at times how one can dialog in such spiritual terms in all the trite ways we want to regard ourselves as only thinking in heavenly terms. It is so wonderful to dredge up all those wonderful pet phrase like, "being in the world, but not of this world." Or the other popular term, "being dead to this world."

There are others too, but no point in weighing down one posting trying to list them all. They reality is unfortunately that even though our desire might be to only think of heaven, we do have to pay the bills.

Balancing that reality with the needs of the soul can be challenging. However, as long as we live we will not be able to divorce ourselves from such demands regardless of our desires.

Some people do try in their own way. They can retire to some monastery or convent and wall the world away.

The only problem is that it doesn't cure the self inside. We can fast and prayer, but you can't stop thinking.

So retiring from life might seem like an easy way out, it just never honestly works. That is just an artificial implant of restraint.

Although we don't have to throw up our hands and just say, "if I can't stop sinning, I'll just do whatever," neither do we have to think we have to live as if sin doesn't exist. By that I mean acting as if we are so above it all that we will never sin again. Heard people make that kind of claim and it is truly sad when they do.

What truly is elegant to me is when we are totally honest about who we are. That can be so difficult to achieve. Some never will.

It means living each day, walking among the ruins of dreams some call life, but letting ourselves cling to our vision of eternity. It means embracing who we are, but not forgetting that we have a destiny too.

Then perhaps we face the day, not seeing it as hell or heaven, but life.

COLLARS

There are some members of the clergy who wear collars as part of their calling. You never miss them or are unaware of their meaning.

Collars on shirts are very common too. And for the most part it seems they exists on men's shirts for the benefit of wearing a tie, but you don't actually have to either.

On a spiritual level there are collars for the soul. Those are the restraints that can often choke the life out of one's spiritual experiences.

They can be given to you by whatever church you attend. And since they wear them even though they make a person miserable, people still accept them.

Why? Is there really any benefit to allow someone place some collar on your relationship with the lord?

Apparently the answer is yes with some people. They truly seem to thrive on finding excuses to be afraid of being different.

You simply can't have a place of worship that trust to its membership for survival that doesn't equate control with survival. Which results in them always having some reason to be sure you know you have to do things there way in order to be loved by god.

They will even be sure you think that only God approves of their collars. They will be quick to mock anyone else for offering the same kind of collar.

Jesus was spoke of being free. He mention how if you abided in him you would know the truth and it would set you free.

That is a much abused verse. It is often quoted by so many none Christians for a variryt of reasons.

But the real meaning resides in Christ. First and foremost it is required you abide Christ. Meaning you truly treat him as Lord of your life and trust to him for you guidance.

How often people forget that part. They want to believe in freedom, just not in terms of an truth that doesn't agree with their idea of freedom.

It is a sad, but very realistic part of the process. Part of what often ends up making people accept collars already made by someone else.

It is so much easier to do when it means you get their approval. That may make you feel apart of the group, but it doesn't mean it has God's approval.

Sometimes choosing the Lord over man means you might have to reject a given collar. Hopefully we feel better for being able to breath so much easily in the truth.