OOPS

Falling
ever spiraling
in an emotional tail spin
towards the sucking abyss
of lecherous, sobbing spirits.
I hear
the plaintive, mournful moans
from near death gasps
arising from a pit
where there are captives
and slaves
to the minions of nods.
Before
my essence
was consumed in the vile
muck of pity,
a cross’s saving hook
rescues me,
suspending my mind
between heaven and hell.

THE ETERNAL CROWNING OF ABSENCE

This week I had the opportunity to spend time with somebody I hadn’t seen for nearly thirty years. The occasion that brought us together was a funeral. Not always the situation for the best of reunions, but we managed.

The person who had passed away was this person’s father. Like me, he had sadly grown up in a very abusive environment. It had forced him into many years of therapy and he confessed to me the hardest part was that his father never was willing to admit the truth of his behavior.

Complicating this situation was the fact that the person who passed away was someone who publicly regarded as a great man. Like so many such cases the light shining from his career success kept those who didn’t know him privately from being aware of his very dark and sometimes downright sinister nature. Oh the shadows of the soul that can be hidden behind a mask of achievement.

So here was his son, sitting there looking at me and admitting how truly hard it was to have to sit while so many got up and spoke great things about a man who to him had been so evil. His most poignant lament was how in the time of loss as a son one ought to feel some grief, but he honestly felt nothing.

This lead me in one way to a point of prayer and reflection on the issue of how God would deal with an abusive parent who was redeemed. The person might be guilty of sin, but still if they accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior by faith they were forgiven as it also applies to anyone.

Yet I couldn’t help wondering, how does the victim if save coped in eternity with this person apparently being forgiven and the lack of any sense of justice? I just don’t feel that knowing the person is forgiven in any way would help heal me of my tears or scars from my suffering. That just seem too unfair.

So I prayed unto the Lord that he might help me understand. And I feel he answered my prayer through the power of his Holy Spirit in a way that made sense to me.

Essentially he led me to the words of the Apostle Paul about the judgment seat of Christ and the concept of eternal rewards. How any works we do that are not of faith would be consumed and the others would survive.

There is also mention of various crowns. At least as I came to understand it these are not literal crowns, but a radiance of God’s light for one’s faithfulness and obedience. Thus it would be more in a way like a halo in terms of appearance.

And so in that sense, if one was unfaithful as a parent and abusive then as a Christian they would be forgiven, but they would not have any crown to radiate their obedience and love in faithfulness as a parent. That concept truly struck me to the bone when coupled with the idea of nothing being hidden that won’t be revealed. I thought of how truly it would say so much about someone as a parent who appeared in heaven and lacked the radiation of eternal reward for being a faithful loving parent. That absence would be forever and you might be forgiven, but everyone you met would know the truth that you were not in God’s eyes truly someone who loved their child. Knowing this was enough to give me peace when I thought of how it would say more in eternity about what I suffered in my childhood than anything I could ever expect or desire. I only hope by mentioning it will in some way also bless someone else who struggles with the same issues.

A TASTE OF HALOS

There is something so overpowering about new experiences. It is the one time before something becomes routine that all our senses are truly alive.

And the same is true with becoming born again. Only it affects a person on more than one level when the Holy Spirit comes into one’s life for the first time. It can be so intense, so unbelievably capable of touching every corner of one’s thoughts and feelings.

I can’t speak to how the conversion experience affects people in other faiths. Since the Holy Spirit to me only applies to Christianity I have a hard time imagining spirituality without that influence ever being quite the same.

But regardless of that fact, the one thing we do all appreciate is how later, after time brings the burdens of routines in Christian life as part of our existence that same intensity cools. We still do the same things, but perhaps not with the same degree of enthusiasm.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ve done something wrong. One can’t stroll the mountain-top constantly. But even in when return to planet earth, there can still be moments of “spiritual wind” that touch our lives, which revives that first time sensation.

And with it comes that sense of God’s presence. The awareness of the vastness of his host of beings he has that serve his every purpose. That doesn’t mean we end up seeing angels everywhere. But it can heighten our senses in terms of their reality.

As long as that “taste” for the eternal doesn’t translate into some presumption of seeing God or the signs of his presence in everything we do. He is there, but deciding to try and stretch reality till we find God somehow totally involved in every nook and cranny can be taxing. After all we aren’t suppose to be robots. The Lord does expect us to have minds and use them. Only to also listen with our souls.

Having a taste for halos is to reach for the inspiration from his word, in prayer and worship that flushes out palate of the craving only for this world. It is to know and rejoice that we can remind ourselves that there is more to life than living by bread alone.

But it is also to know one does need bread! That is sometimes something that gets lost in the process. We can become so consumed by thinking of haloes we forget we are also human. In eternity it won’t matter. However for the present we need to have an appetite that seeks the type of nutrition that satisfies mind, body and soul.

Perhaps in our efforts to fly we can also enjoy knowing when God is as much a part of the ordinary and that he doesn’t require us just to know and want only heaven while in this life. Balance is the joy that comes from truly listening to his wisdom without the seasoning of tainted motives to keep us from tasting what God truly wants us to consumed.

MAMMONVILLE

Why am I continually drawn
to Mammonville?
Me,
a singer of clouds,
a baker of translucent
appetizers
and soul pastries?
Yet,
the manna of green
shadows
over my thoughts.
I see in the tinsel and glitzy charades
of vanity,
the affidavits of mental terraces
where
the mind sleeps
under prosperity’s umbrella
more as protection
from one’s conscience
than need.

SPECULATION ARMS

Let us reach! That is the clarion call of faith at times. To extend our trust beyond the limitations of what we see or know we can handle by strength.

Trusting God can be one of those issues that doesn’t always lend itself to reason. While it should from our point of view, we understand the Lord doesn’t have to do things always in a way that makes sense from our point of view.

We have the scriptural role models such as the prophets that God asked in some cases to do some thing that were not always logical. And I can appreciate that if any of us were to have asked someone like Isaiah when he was walking around naked for three years we might raise an eyebrow if he said the lord told me to.

But just being aware that this can be the way the life of faith is doesn’t justify the times we claim some bizarre behavior is God’s inspiration. Knowing and keeping balanced in our toil of trust is so critical in life. Extremism may have a certain emotional benefit from the standpoint of making us feel good about our effort and it helps to prove our sincerity, but if our actions are motivation only by our desires and not really by the Lord it can truly in with disaster.

How do we find the middle ground between extremism in faith and not trusting? It can be a challenge, but as with so many things it starts with letting God’s light of truth shine into our thinking. That begins with using the scriptures as our guidelines as well as asking the Lord in prayer to give us wisdom.

I can’t speak for others, but I know there have times when my emotions dominated my choices. I acted out of impulse and didn’t always have pleasing God as my primary desire. And the results often reflected that reality.

So in saner and calmer moments I have been able to wait upon the Lord. And sometimes the life of faith is the challenge to truly be willing to accept his choice. That might not always balance with our desires. It is the ledge of obedience upon, which we must at times stand.

Deep down where our mind is most comfortable and the walls of self esteem shelter from reality is where God’s light can truly shine. But it will show us what the writing on the walls we scribbled in our torment or delight truly mean. The hard part is accepting the answers he gives, good or bad.

Speculation never ends in life. The mind naturally flows towards it when the horizon of possibility has yet to dawn in our thinking. It is a naturally process to want to reach it. But stepping by our own pace and not the Lord’s doesn’t make the results better.

We can learn, we can listen, but most of all we must live with the tempered state of reason granted through maturity where faith is served as a banquet of spiritual nutrition entrees instead of a feel good snack. May we all rejoicing when we speculation by God’s standard.

SAVORING GHOSTS

My wife and son always point out how often I seem to dredge up the past. It isn’t necessarily a great habit to get into, but for me it is part of the continuing process of thought that allows me to weave the past into the present for the sake of understanding. I just don’t always share those links when I’m rambling on about some episode in the past.

I’ve heard the saying “forgive and forget.” It might be wonderful if we had the ability to both forgive and forget every pain and wrong that happens in our live. I’ve known people who tried by shear will and a lot of prayer to give to god some ghost of their past.

And that is certainly for the Christian and admirable approach. However I remember in this one conversation I had with one person he told me how he had done this in terms of feeling guilty over some “ghosts.” He then went on to tell me how in some cases he had to do it thirty times a day and in some cases even more.

While that might have worked for him in terms of the illusion that he had somehow rid his life of that ghosts, to me if your still haunted by that same specter then you really are free of the affect of haunting. It might sound wonderful to say, but I do question whether it really was all that beneficial if in the end you still are regularly visited by the same ghosts.

For me the first step towards dealing with this kind of situation is to be truly honest about how you feel. First with the Lord, not because he doesn’t know, but because by our confessing it the result forces us to say it till we can see it for what it is.

I don’t think there is a formula that can be applied, which will fit every situation perfectly. We are all different and we need to depend upon the Holy Spirit to help guide us to facing those ghosts in a way that will truly work in our lives.

And the plain fact is that in some situations that means being able to admit that we have hate in our lives. And that it reaches to our very core.

Again I emphasize that we are all different, so I’m not suggesting that is true for everyone. But I do know that I’ve seen way too many people that just couldn’t bring themselves to admit their hate was truly hate. They had to out of embarrassment or fear over what somebody else might think avoid facing this truth.

However if we can truly with God’s help face the ghost and accept our true emotions, then god can do for us what he did for the Apostle Paul who battle his thorn in the flesh. I don’t know what that thorn was because the scriptures never give us the details, but I d know that the Lord told him that his “grace” was sufficient. It meant that God told him he wouldn’t remove this thorn, but that God’s unconditional favor and love would see him through to eternity. And to me it meant he was telling the Apostle, “face that ghost, see yourself for who you really are and know I love you anyway.” That is my version of course. But when the ghost becomes to strong and the soul is full of negative emotional thorns, the grace of God is something that can if we let it see us through to the next day. And good or bad, I try in faith to accept that is sufficient for my life too.

TWILIGHT OF THE MIND

My summer of thought bleeds with its vibrant ecstasy into my waking. I am a partaker of the zenith in consciousness for one single blink of an eye. Then the presumed brilliance of an epiphany fades and life shrinks in perspective.

To reside on the horizon of light between eternity and now is too truly walk alone. For so often it is a realm where you can only offer up the flickers of each moment in a way that isn’t always understood by those who haven’t seen that horizon.

Being anointed with such a calling is a path where one’s footsteps are blurred and often ignored. It is a journey where God guides and Jesus is the sole provider of one’s map. But even when one is lifted by a sweet gust of the Holy Spirit, the flight into the sky of insight goes unnoticed by those without the same wings.

So instead it means being content in one’s faithfulness for the simple sake of doing things only to please the Lord. There is no throng to admire the labor save the unseen immortal audience.

What is so precious though is the quiet warmth of a soft caress from the inside that says this twilight moment in thinking has some divine approval. It is a dialogue without a need of words. And one that is expressed in images that become carved into the memory.

I rejoice in the blessed gift of being able in the twilight to have a glimpse into how it will carry with the soul into eternity. Whatever our relationship with our Lord in this life, whatever image we cling to regarding life in eternity, during the cherished moments of twilight one comes to know what slaves we our to this world’s limitations. Without having been able to touch heaven’s shore we can only translate its vision in our own image language.

But what is so special to me is that in these times of discovery during the ebbing of self and arising of God’s more perfect light I see the joy of becoming apart of the eternal garment of essence. That is the soul’s union with out lord. It is twilight forever for the mind when we have a perfect intimacy between savior and the redeemed.

Until then we are all passengers in a ship that will never go beyond the oceans of our prejudice. To understand the limitations of out tickets grants us a peace that we see what lies at the eternal port will be truly more blessed than anything we could imagine. But it is the archway of total surrender through, which we shall have to pass when we arrive at that location.

Heaven becomes ours as a part of the whole and not with us at the center. We know Jesus is the heart of heaven and its illumination, but the mind still clings to the flesh and translates that reality into the notion that somehow our desires in this life will apply to that domain. They do not. But the great joy comes from knowing it won’t matter either. For in that glorious time we shall all know so perfectly what only flashes in this life during the twilight of the mind.

TO TEST

To test
another precious
morn.
To
hear the song
of birds
in a quiet,
empty
sanctuary of dawn.
To see the spirit of God
among the flowers
and know
His fingerprints
upon the land.
It is to have
the answers
even when the questions
are hidden
under a stone
covering the heart.

A DOORWAY TO SCARS

One aspect of human nature of which I’ve had way too much experience is in the area of self-abusive behavior. Shooting oneself in the foot with one’s family, friends or employer never leads to respect or mercy. At least it never has in my case.

Instead it seems to summon the opposite response. As if the person wants to help you through that door, which will lead to self-inflicted wounds and the subsequent scars.

In church life is seems that self-abusive behavior, which also seems to include some habitual sin gets ignored. It is as if the attitude is “well you made the choice to cause yourself harm so don’t expect any sympathy.”

I can’t speak for anyone else, but too me and in particular in my case the behavior of making self abusive choices was in part a cry for help. I know that now after years of prayer for understanding, not to mention the Lord leading me to sources of the kind of help that would grant me light in that area of my life. It didn’t deliver me perfectly from such a problem, but it did help grant me understanding and that aided with the guilt over so many bad choices.

For me there is no greater source of compassion, mercy and love than the Lord. When those demons of a lack of self esteem taunt and cast their wicked spell, Jesus is the only means to help rise above the searing flames of self-accusation.

That might seem like a too trite answer, but far too often it does take faith to deal with the problems that hold us prisoner. Some put that faith in people. And some turn to the Lord that he may guides to a source that will help with a given problem. Others turn to other means as the perfect curative panacea for given problem.

I think to me the most terrible aspect is when everyone in your life becomes one more source of wounding. It is as if they want to lead you to that doorway so you can gain even more scars. They don’t honestly care about one’s pain and may even have some image of being loving and caring that naturally you personally never experience.

So let the light of joy from knowing that Jesus understands shine when others don’t. If you’ve opened that same door as I have at times and nobody seems to want to do anything, but mock your weakness, it is the time to lean up God’s promise of forgiveness.

The truth is that when you have stumbled by your own bad choice and others witness it, they lack of compassion is something that God will hold them accountable for. They never seem to realize this fact. But it like so many things they are the tests of the heart God provides for a variety of reasons.

How joyous it is win somebody passes that test and gives you a hug rather than wanting to laugh at you for entering that doorway in the first place. And I pray that in the times when you wander through such a door he will lead you to the few will practice his version of love that is so often lacking in life.

A PASSAGEWAY TO ENDS

There is an old saying that the end justifies the means. I’m not sure though that when it is used it is necessarily regarded as a positive philosophy. Basically it seems to translate into the concept that if you motive is noble and you get the results you want it doesn’t matter how you accomplished your goal.

I’m also reminded of that other ancient adage about how it isn’t whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. It might also have some merit, but I think on a human level most of us would prefer winning to losing.

In this life, success is worship, admired and it often, particularly in business doesn’t seem to be too important to people whether you achieved that success by moral standards. The only thing remembered is the success and all the trappings that go with it in the eyes of society.

The merits of such philosophy can be debated of course, but I don’t real feel it is applicable in the spiritual realm. There it is God’s rules that counts and the means are far more important than the end in terms of his ability to judge our heart.

It is difficult at times to always believe what God thinks is important is a question being asked. Especially when one sees the obsession on creating super churches and the panoply of television ministries intent upon appealing to the eyes with miracles of questionable validity to truly.

But what I do appreciate is that the truth passageway to ends with God is by faith. It may in the eyes of the world be one that is a dead end or lacking in success, but the kind of worth it has to God has an eternal focus rather than this life.

That isn’t to say that the present doesn’t matter at all. We are charged with sharing the gospel, making disciples and a host of other responsibilities as followers of Christ. And as long as we remember to try and reach those ends by heading down his passageway of faith then our journey will come to the end that is his will.

This might all seem like something obvious to most Christians and people in general. But to me is it like so many things. We say “we know,” but then the emotions hold us hostage when we see somebody else prospering more in their spiritual life. Being content to let God create the end that is his desire sounds very spiritual, but I’m not sure we are totally willing to embrace it where we live.

To stroll that passageway where the true in is eternity is to see that the real light at the end of the tunnel is Christ and not a limelight of others approval. Sometimes it may be easier to move towards the temporary shimmer of some man made light, but in the end it won’t last and Jesus will.

May God grant us all the strength and sight to remain faithful in taking the steps down the passageway that is his will for our lives. And to most of all accept the means he uses to help us arrive at the end.

THE KINGDOM COMES

Wearing
a hat of thorns
never
serves to protect.
It does kill
the message of guiding,
which is muttered
during faint and vague
romances
with the clouds.
Our journey thus
is a path we oft forsake
if only while our spirit’s
remains awake.
Instead
what gets missed
are those illumined gems of inner speaking
that God would
grant us
to ever possess.

WITHIN THE CHAMBERS

How many hiding places have you erected in your lifetime within the walls of your own mind? Personally and maybe it is because of my writer’s imagination, but I have a whole labyrinth of them. There are those I created for the fantasies I wish were real and can escape to when reality gets too burdensome. Some are more enchanted than others, but they do give me a place to hide.

And from what I have seen I am not alone in that process. Maybe my collection is different from somebody else’s and perhaps even more vast given my proclivity towards being hopelessly verbose in my creativity, but I imagine that kind of cerebral storehouse has plenty of spaces behind each eye one encounters.

Am I suggesting this is a good thing? Not really. But neither am I condemning the habit. It isn’t a sin to allow one the freedom of wishful thinking. Although if one spends all one’s time within the chambers of one’s fantasies it can become a hindrance to investing our energies pursuing the real goals of life.

In the spiritual realm, we often add a whole new wing to our maze of fantasies that we create. And that is only a natural process of wishful thinking. I believe God understands that element in our nature. So I doubt he is in anyway surprised when we end up translating our Christian lives into the same fantasies as we do with other parts of our lives.

The major problem to me is when we visit these chambers and then the capacity to keep what is fantasy separate from what is real intrudes upon our clarity of thought. It is one thing to fantasize as a Christian about being some super hero of faith or one anointed to be a minister of the gospel or other calling that anyone can admire. However dreaming about it and actually being called aren’t the same thing.

Personally I’ve never had any illusions about being called as a Pastor. God in his infinite wisdom knew full well that I wouldn’t be of any real value to his will in that regard. I might have certain spiritual elements in my real calling that apply to a minister, but I know without any doubt I was never called to that office. So I don’t have any inclinations towards pretending that is God’s will for my life.

And while I do try to respect the call of God on others lives there are times when I’ve listen to somebody speak about how they were called to “preach” the gospel and deep down in my gut I just had that sense it wasn’t God’s choice. I think most of the time it happens because you just can’t see any light in the person’s life. The individual’s explanation for being called is always so vague and just lacks any sense of having the Lord’s stamp of approval.

There are others though I’ve met who just radiate with the Lord’s anointing. You didn’t have to be around them for more than a couple of minutes without realizing their calling. And amazingly sometimes the person didn’t even feel called to some choice by God. That in itself is good since it means they are trapped within the walls of their fantasy chambers. I also know that God has no problem eventually opening that person’s eyes to their calling. It is just too bad I suppose he doesn’t always keep those of us who try and make our chambers into reality more of a chance to have our eyes open when all we see is what lies within the chambers.

SOUVENIRS

When I was a kid I used to love collecting souvenirs. Not that my parents ever went on trips to the kinds of places that are often household words. But did do lots of short outings to locations in our own part of the world. Fortunately growing up in Southern California with its bounty of entertainment options did give me a chance to start a reasonably modest collection of souvenirs.

For me what truly constituted a “souvenir” was a post card. I had this big scrapbook filled with all kinds of post cards. And my biggest thrill is when I found one that was in some way funny or unique. My pride and joy was this one that was so large it fit an entire page of my scrapbook. It might not have had any significant financial value, but it gave me lots of joy to possess. As with many things from my youth I did not continue this hobby as an adult. I even forgot about the scrapbook over the years.

That was until about a year ago when my step dad found it in a closet in box full of various memorabilia. I looked through it and allow the memories to wash over my mind. Yet admittedly after more than thirty-five years it didn’t have the same hold upon my emotions as it did at that point. I do still have the scrapbook after my step-father gave it to me. I can’t part with it for some reason, call it nostalgia, I suppose, but beyond that I don’t give it a lot of thought.

In the spiritual moments of life we also can have those “souvenirs” from our experiences. And depending on what touches our hearts, our personal souvenirs for the soul will vary.

These are sometimes the cornerstones of our intimacy with the Lord. For they are the slices of time, those postcards of spiritual encounters that we can relive at will. And even telling another about them doesn’t always impress, they still remain cherished and special in our own lives.

For the believer hopefully those are the souvenirs we aspire to collect the most. Some fill their life’s scrapbook with the collectibles of this life. They sum up their worth and meaning by what they have accomplished in terms of wealth or success.

The souvenirs of this life will not carry over with one into eternity. They will simple end up in God’s closet of things that have no value in eternity.

But the one’s we collect by the power of the Holy Spirit will be just as satisfying in eternity as they are now. What a tragedy it will be for the believer who invest more of his or her life consumed with the wrong kind of souvenir collection. That is because they end up spending part of eternity regretting the absence of their scrapbook. Which is sadly not the time when we change focus on the souvenirs that really count.

For the redeemed there are more than crowns to share with others during our time of reunion with the entire body of Christ. It will be a time when those with scrap books written by the blood of the lamb that will rejoice and know what true souvenir colleting was meant to be like.

THE GLIDE OF SIGNS

I remember I had this employee once who was a born again Christian to the extreme. He was the type of “in your face, turn or burn” kind of believer. I did appreciate his passion for the faith, but in his zeal to share his faith he often offender far more people than he made disciples. And he wasn’t always persuaded that there were two views of truth, his and the wrong one.

While such a description is of course one that could easily be given to a number of people who seem to thrive on confrontation and preaching without listening, it isn’t one that I personally feel is all that uplifting or beneficial. But nothing ever could dent this individual’s feeling that he was right and in any way possibly understand how he might actually be doing more harm than good. Plus God could hardly be expected to us another person to get him to listen since he was way too busy talking to hear anything anyone said.

What truly amazed me was that this person was also the type that thought God spoke to him personally. I remember once how he claimed the Lord had told him to vote for a given person for President because the person was going to win. Well the person lost by a wide margin.

I think any truly honest person would have at least accepted he had made a mistake. And would have also considered the possibility that God might not have been talking to him as he assumed.

Instead this man just went right along claiming the Lord spoke to him regularly and eventually even said that he had been called as a “Prophet to the nations.” Obviously I had a lot of trouble taking that claim very seriously.

How easy it is to allow one’s personal desires to blur our logic. And in spiritual matters it is so easy to glide into seeing signs of God’s approval even if they aren’t really there. If one wants it in his heart bad enough the eyes can easily find evidences to support that desire.

But the Lord has no reason to deceive us or mislead in any way. He will not contradict what he has said and above all he will not let us know something with him as the author that is not true.

However that can be difficult to remember when we have a certain desire that we think is God’s will, but it in fact the fruit of our own passions. It might taste good, but it doesn’t mean it came from the Lord’s garden.

It is so difficult to set aside our ego and accept at time when what is the Lord’s will for our lives may actually be something without fanfare or flash. He is God of the ordinary as well as the supernatural. We have to be willing to resist that slow and steady spiritual decay that will glide us into justifying our actions by seeing signs that are sadly just our imagination. If we pray, God will show us the true, but we still have to be willing to look.

BETWEEN DAYS

I am
between reflections
and blindness
in the wasteland of suppose.
A vagabond
having a passport
only good
at places
I’ll never visit.
Still
the air is pure
with weather
amiable to my soul.
So I trudge
along the paths predestined
dogged by a shadow
of the ghosts of ignorance
who lust to possess
all the deeds
to my being.

IN A MORE PERFECT WORLD

I’ve heard that saying many times in my life. The one that goes, “In a more perfect world” and it is followed by whatever would work correctly in that situation.

It might be a very sincere desire to wish that there were fewer problems in one’s life. Stress is seldom something that most people enjoy. But purging life of its reality is often impossible.

So we settle for varying degrees of control over our slice of the world. Sometimes with more honesty than others.

With faith God will in his infinite wisdom keep us off balance. For it is the lashes of uncertainty and crisis that sadly necessary to help reach into the core of our soul to face the truth of how much we are really willing to trust the Lord and in his word.

Do we ever reach a point of maturity that such uncertainty can be ended in this life? Not from what I’ve seen. However being human that doesn’t keep us from thinking in terms of a more perfect world, even it if only remains a visionary mirage for our imagination’s palate and not something with any real spiritual nutritional value.

I attend a bible study with a group of individuals who were for the most part delivered from their former allegiance to a legalistic frame of reference. I’ve always felt that the heart of the appeal of legalism is the element of control. Basically it allows you to determine by your actions of not sinning and keeping certain laws to earn your salvation.

That problem with this approach is that God’s laws are so exacting in their requirements that no one is able to keep all the law, except for Jesus. But that doesn’t keep some people from claiming they keep the law. However in reality what happens is that one simple ends up rationalizing one’s sin so it doesn’t in his or her view qualify as a violation of the law. In God’s eyes one has sinned, but in their eyes they think they are blameless, which will they find out otherwise when standing before the Lord.

What is amazing to me is that the one thing these individuals can’t seem to appreciate is how giving up the legalistic approach hasn’t meant they have given up on their need for control. So now instead of being free just to trust God in faith, they still have a lingering need to keep things within a narrow corridor of performance. Thus they confine themselves in terms of understanding scripture, attending church and a host of other Christian elements where instead of it being a act for surrender it is still an act of control whereby doing it somehow contributes to one’s salvation.

I have tried in my own way to be understanding of how truly fragile their spirits are in terms of accepting the message of grace. There are times when they end up very defensive if you point out where some spiritual sacred cow they worships is not truly precious in God’s eyes. It is a journey of compassion and hope that in some small way a little of the true light of God’s revelation will shine through. Sometimes it does and sometimes I have to endure the barbs of their defensiveness when they feel extra insecure. The path of obedience to the Lord isn’t always one that is without a few wounds. I just trust to God for the band aids.

BY THE ROADSIDE

Jesus once spoke of the roadside in terms of sowing the seed of God’s word. It was a place where the “birds” would eat the seed before it could take root. Later he would go on to translate that part of the parable as meaning the “evil one” or Satan would take away the seed or word before it could be planted in the soil, which is the heart of man.

It is interesting to me how in this parable the seed that comes to the roadside is the one that never even gets a chance to take root. There is the rocky soil and the soil where the weeds or thorns receive the seed. With the rocky soil it is received with joy until some trial kills off the growth. And with the thorny soil it dies from the cares of this life. Finally there is the “good soil” where the seed ends up producing fruit.

This is a familiar parable, but it is the seed by the roadside I want to reflect upon with this posting. For of all the seed mention it is the one that is taken away before it even takes root. The other has some impact on the soil, albeit not necessarily permanently,

The soil by the roadside then is the hearts of those consumed with this life. They are so close to the avenues and pathways of what is thought to be important in this life that the traffic driven by Satan’s lure keeps them too distracted to feel the impact of the seed. They might hear the gospel preached, but it never intrudes upon what is important in their minds. Such is the sad nature of the human heart that can only pump blood and never pump the fluid of real life from a spiritual fount.

And amazingly some who think they are spiritual are really dwelling by the roadside. Oh the know how to say all the words of faith that they need to say to persuade somebody they are Christians. Plus they may even have learned all the rituals and practices to embrace to create the illusion they are believers, but there is never any real spiritual fruit that comes from their beings.

The rocky soil and thorny soil both are such that the word literally dies in them when they are forced to choose between some God of this life and the eternal Lord of all creation. At least when it dies they will normally fade from church activity and return to consume whatever seed works best for them. Some trial, some challenge and that is all of Christianity they need.

But the soil by the roadside, having no feeling or spirituality to begin with and feeling quite comfortable playing faith as a game can continue indefinitely in the house of the Lord. They are the consummate pew sitters and if they manage their game effectively will even gain a reputation as a good and faithful servant of god. All the while in reality their heart is simply indifferent and lacking in faith. They are the pillars of the church in their eyes because of whatever they did. God never is the origin of what they praise.

Sadly too often churches become a dichotomy of such contrasts. There is the good soil, that serves by faith and gives glory to Jesus, the transient rocky and thorny soil who come and go and finally the soil by the roadside that will attend, serve and yet never truly bear the kind of fruit that is seen in heaven. They occupy without life beyond the heart content to have made their “investment” without it ever costing them an ounce of true believe beyond their own abilities and the whole time the deceiving inner voice that rationalizes such involvement says “you’re okay.” Which of course they have to wait until eternity to discover they were listening to the wrong spirit.

TRELLIC MUTES

Rising
with a gasping hush
in resilient and radiant
subterfuge
of passion primed
excavation.
A word carries
upon the winds of the mind’s
eye
what silent, sorrow
lattice
surveys our chalice minion grunts
where life resides
as a comma
on the sentences of time.
God’s angel
are speed readers
though we try to
use large print egos to improve
the reading.

STUNNED

Stunned to me is when something you never expected to happen ends up happening. It can be either good or bad, but it was definitely unexpected.

With a crisis or emergency it seems that we may not enjoy it, but we might emotionally understand things like an earthquake or other natural disaster. And the same can be said for something like health emergencies. They strain our senses and tax our nerves, but beyond the crisis we know they happen to many living things. Our ability to cope with downturns in life is varied, but it is part of life we all know will happen sooner or later. So the reaction of being stunned or shock is often more a matter of allowing our emotional thermostat adjust to the stress climate changed.

But to be stunned by the unexpected when it comes on a spiritual level is something completely different from my view. We sit when a blessing comes that we know deep down we didn’t deserve or some trial occurs that we also know we didn’t deserve and are stunned. That is from my view to be confused and unable to grasp it logically. It is part of the enigma of faith that wisdom from understanding doesn’t always keep pace with our experiences.

Still from the numbing quandary of not understanding why there comes the quest to discover. An attempt to give reason and light to the inexplicable.

God can and does answer prayers, but in his timing. And in a situation where we struggle with being stunned by the lack of clarity on knowing why this consequence occurred then our solution depends on our view of life. It should depend upon our spiritual maturity and faith, but being human the flaws of our essence intrude in the process.

Thus, hopefully sooner or later the beacon of God’s spiritual light will shine into the darkness of our lack of knowing. And we shall in due season be able to fathom what eludes us. Only we have to be prepared for the answer and that isn’t always easy to accept.

Pride can be a healthy response in life if it is focused on helping us to strife with confidence towards a specific goal. However if it becomes a shield we use mentally to hide from our flaws then it becomes a weakness in its own right.

With moments of spiritual stunning part of the process is allowing within our thoughts the freedom to see the truth. Where we stunned in part because we didn’t really have the faith to believe God was capable of a given event. That might be silly to suggest, but sometimes it really is the foundation of what happens. Oh we know all the words and can sing all the songs about God’s greatness, but when it comes down to where we live we have reserved ourselves from thinking the Lord will act in a given way in our lives. Being honest about that feeling and thought is a steppingstone in part to true enlightenment. And the true joy comes from knowing the Lord understands that element in our nature. If we bring it to him, it will deeper our need to trust him. But if we out of pride refuse to face this spiritual mirror of confrontation we shall never truly know the soothing balm of a more intimate relationship that will touch what stuns us with joy.

LET IT BE

The words from the Beatle’s song probably have a special meaning to those of us who grew up when the group was still performing. It was one of those songs that had a message, which didn’t necessarily always apply to one’s experience. For what in life simply functions naturally and positively all the time?

And for the follower of Christ I’m sure there have been moments when we all truly ponder how much different will Heaven be than this life? In that sense the scriptures don’t give us a very detailed description of life in eternity. Oh we know that for the redeemed it means being with our Lord and Savior forever. Perhaps that is all we really need to know, but it doesn’t keep us from wondering or at least it doesn’t keep me from doing so.

In the scriptures Heaven is described as being a city that is 1500 hundred miles high, wide and deep. There is mention of walls, gold streets and how the light of God will provide the illumination. As helpful as that description might be it hardly gives us an intimate account of what we will do for eternity.

To that end it seems that Heaven becomes whatever in this life is our idea of perfection. I’ve heard such an incredible variety of opinions of what it will be like in some person’s mind. There are those who seem to think it is the consummate playground where you get to do whatever you want. Others seem more content to see it as some domain where you sit around in white robes spending the whole time doing nothing, but praising the Lord.

While each person is entitled to view Heaven as they want in this life, there is one element of eternity that I’ve always been mystified by more than others. It is the part where we are promised that God will wipe away every tear.

I’ve found that very difficult to grasp. Basically if we can remember all the pains of this life, how will God take away those memories and still have us be able to have all our recollections of this life. You can account for your life to the Lord if you can’t remember what you did.

Then in the context of “let it be” I believe God gave me an answer to that question. I can recall visiting some place for the first time that I always wanted to visit. And how the pure euphoria of anticipation and fulfillment flooded my thoughts and essence. It totally wiped out any negative thoughts and gave me an incredible sense of joy. Naturally it didn’t last forever, but sure felt great while I was experiencing it.

In that sense then, I came to appreciate how to be in the presence of one’s Lord and Savior would also mean we would have the most intimate closeness and “oneness” with him imaginable. And like climbing to a mountain top we would for the first time in our lives see reality so clearly and completely.

In the process as the Lord’s light of righteousness floods our soul in heaven, it washes away all the dark spots of negative memories. They don’t go away, they are just replaced by a unbelievable sense of peace. And just as from the mountaintop what was important in the valley no longer is as important, so when we are totally filled with the love of our Lord and forever, how can it not truly wipe away all the tears. They simple fade in reality of new constant state of serenity and fulfillment that makes the past a past we can still know, but rejoice that we have risen beyond it’s reality and as with the song, simple allow our new eternal life become the personification of “let it be.”

LAUGHTER, SMILES AND SIGHS

What touches you the best deep down where you’re the most sensitive? Is it more joy or hate? That might seem like a silly question since a smile is certainly more pleasurable than a frown. But from what I’ve experience there are those who really aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about.

In a house of worship the image of seeing smiling faces totally consumed with joy and ones that sooner or later lead to a reason for laughter wouldn’t probably be an unusual expectation. And naturally when one is totally immersed with spiritual euphoria a few sighs of satisfaction might be anticipated.

Only it doesn’t seem to me that this type of situation truly occurs in a lot of houses of worship. Oh I’ve watched the services on television that blossom with smiles and all the blissful trappings. And not having attended them I have no way of knowing if they are sincere or orchestrated for benefit of the camera.

However one thing I do appreciate is that each of us is different. Some are naturally very demonstrative and expressive. Smiles for them are almost second nature. They are pleasant to be around and very infectious in their enthusiasm.

But does that mean it is the paragon of joy? It is essential that one have a certain attitude or expression in order to praise the lord?

Well if you ask some people they will say yes. Consequently these are normally the type of people for whom being emotional is very natural.

As for myself, I’m inclined to be more reserved. I’m not prone to lots of smiles and not inclined to express joy with the kind excitement that some label as passion.

So does that exclude me from being able to praise the Lord in a way that is pleasing to him and acceptable? Not from my point of view.

I think it is truly sad when define what is approved of the Lord by our own prejudices. Some call it putting God in a box. Of course when they say you are the one using a box because you are comfortable worshipping the Lord in their manner who really is the one with a box?

We know that the Lord can see what is truly in our heart. I think above all he wants us to be honest and in worship to do it in a way that sincerely reflects our feelings. For some who are prone to a more somber disposition, maybe all they can honestly muster is a quietness of respect, then that is worship in their lives.

Let us face the dawn of God’s presence in our lives above all with truth. And grant grace to others to reach out to the Lord with worship and praise that will be honest and in harmony with our real feelings.

May Lord inspire us to be open and free to follow him as he leads. And to feel willing to be obedient with our hearts more than our eyes.

MASTERFUL

Masterful
is the reflection
through a prism
of love
that sees jewels
in the crust of effort
where intentions
are the sprout
of the heart.
They forge
into either beauty
or a beast
depending upon
if you see
with care
instead of hate.
It is a toll bridge
reached by the soul
having
a passport of inspiration.

ONE ON ONE

Quiet and solitude are the refuges of reflective thought. Not for everyone, but it can be when the soul is calm and reaching out to the universe and one’s creator.

We see and wonder in tumultuous times, allowing our hearts to dominate our clarity. With the dialogue of pondering comes the inevitable shouting, I am one with whatever it is that elevator on the pedestal of luminescent nods. That is the platform of imaged approval that we create as a yardstick for our worth.

But in saner moments we see with more lucidity and can be rescued from the illusions. Only God’s spirit can truly bring such rescue. Those lacking this blessing simply wander the seconds in delusion of what to them is a similar clarity even if it bias.

As I compose this I sit in my company’s office. It is a Sunday night and I am alone. The world is a distance realm from my presence. My heartbeats are beyond the ears of everyone, but the Lord. Yet in this absence of other souls, I find a certain gratification that God uses this occasion to guide me through the hours towards his light and the deeper joy of knowing how much I truly can rejoice over having Jesus as Lord and Savior.

For by carnal standards I am not even a whisper of greatness. I am not a paragon of success or inspiration of achievement. I am simply a body serving without glory or fame.

Does this sadden me? At times. For my labors are only witnessed as a rule by the Lord and his recording angels. There is no opportunity to do more than be faithful.

Yet in my spirit there is the still small voice that utters it is enough. That while some would regard this as some career purgatory it is in my life a pearl of acceptance that dresses my times of sorrow with some appreciation that eternity is our real joy.

This might be to some a rationalization for having a less than impressive life or job. However I do find it otherwise in my heart. It is surrender unto the Lord, to be a time of reflection whereby his spirit can flow through thoughts that might otherwise elude me.

In my humanness I know that these times will hardly be ones that will impress anyone in eternity. I can regard them as intervals of great faith or other spiritual qualities. However they do provide in their own way a harmony in my sinking spirit to give it light and calm when I’m feeling a lack of self worth.

God provides and I am face one and one with the truth of my essence. That is the reflection where we see at least a small glimpse of what the Lord sees in our lives. Dreams blur, reality becomes clearer and we understand more vividly how in this place that some might think was a curse, can find a blessing. I praise my Lord and Savior that he grants me that small sustenance of appreciation during the long hours when I only have this computer as companion.

SWITCHING CROSSES

Jesus spoke of us having to carry our cross. He wasn’t necessarily speaking of the cross like the one used in the crucifixion, but of that daily burden and the pains and suffering that often go with it. At least I associate the cross with a degree of suffering. I don’t think he would have mentioned having to carry a cross if it was speaking of just having fun. We hardly need any encourage to do something that just brings pleasure.

What we can appreciate though I think is how the cross we must bear is not always one of our choosing. I think God knows us well enough to recognize that if we had to choose we would pick out a cross that was easy to bear or was even fun or pleasurable because we were good at doing that given burden.

Part of bearing that cross is the weariness of choice. We have to pick it up daily. We do so knowing it won’t necessarily be fun, but God’s spirit will give us the strength to be faithful.

In life, the daily crosses one faces even when one is not a Christian is a reality that we sometimes manage to avoid. We don’t always succeed, but there are times when for one reason or another we will find a way to lift the burden and perhaps get someone else to carry it.

However with the Lord we don’t necessarily have that choice. For carrying that cross is part of the burden upon as in our walk of faith. We don’t get to choose the cross or the path, but we do get to choose whether to obey when faced with our burden. Some do, some don’t respond. That is the freedom of will God grants us.

Perhaps the one problem with the whole concept of crosses and carrying them is that they can change. We can get used to a given cross. Carrying it may become less of a burden and something we simple do out of habit. That can often be the point where we stop feeling quite the same need to trust God for strength.

And that is the time when God may surprise us by switching the cross we are expected to bear. That doesn’t mean we enjoy or want the change, but there are a variety or reasons it happens. It will test us in our faith and obedience. It will sometimes even help us to discover some aspect of our lives or abilities we didn’t even know existed. But the Lord always does that for our own good even if we have trouble understanding it at the time.

However just like any cross we have to choose to accept it and that can be difficult. We might not want the change. We have become so comfortable with the current routine we aren’t interested in any additional burden that will result in the kind of pain or discomfort we have manage to overcome. And we may feel we have “arrived” in terms of spiritual maturity and proven ourselves enough or paid enough dues in our walk of faith to be entitled to a break in that regard.

Those are the times unfortunately when we are most likely to face having to switch crosses. And those are also the times when our faith can truly be challenge the most. I pray we see the change as a blessing and not a punishment.

CROSS SPRINTS

Dash
across the imaginations
visionary landscape
of an artificial pearly adorned
easement
in pseudo fellowship.
Let the tongue flesh wounds
become
a spiritual grommet
to use
as a heavenly
life preserver.
But the cross ignored
still remains affixed
where God ordains
and regardless
our self-righteous race
it only serves his will
when we humbling approach
that place where it remains.

FLAGS FOR THE EYES

Intentional pennants flying from the lips, waved by eloquent and touching words that blow them sensuously and emphatically at another’s eyes. It make look impressive if you have a colorful enough flag in terms of sincerity, but it doesn’t mean the emblem of motives on the side will always represent your true desires.

Flags we create by life’s experience can fill our mind’s most private chambers. Then we raise them when the right wind of circumstance stirs and we think it will symbolize some element of our being for all to see.

Sometimes the flag is dark and has a emblem upon it that is combative or defensive. Others it is bright and full of symbols of hope or love.

And they all come from the eye’s flagpole. Which sometimes we think we have cleverly disguised.

We may even have someone comment on the motion of that pennant or its emblem in terms of agreeing with it or thinking it inspiring. But this is often purely an instinctive fabric waving defensively.

God has his own flags to put in our hearts. It will wave with the spirit’s breath stirring its motion. And on the side it will have the image of our Lord and Savior.

But the think is the Lord has many different flags. They will always end up having part of our essence in them. Which will make them unique and more genuine.

The difficulty is being willing to let God raise that banner in our lives instead of it being our own sense of self-righteousness. That is the sad essence of trying to witness by our own strength. What becomes seen is not Jesus, but us. It is motivated by OUR labor and it is US who people end up seeing while doing their best to forget the spiritual rhetoric we are trying to peddle.

Honesty is the fiber, which only God can actually sew into any flag that is raised to his glory. We become lost in its shadow. Indefinable in presence as Jesus emblem ends up burning in the minds of those who see the Lord’s pennant instead of the one we would want to show off.

It is never easy to lose oneself in the service to one’s lord where we are willing to hold his banner and not have anyone thank us for the effort. God does reward, but eternity is where all the flags of the eyes will ultimately wave. Some will be consumed by judgment, others will be ignited with the Lord’s righteousness.

We have to be willing to hold them in obedience until that time. Hopefully it will be a task that we embrace with joy when others end up more impressed with God’s banner than the one doing the holding. Peace comes when we accept that burden and it turns out not to be as heavy as we feared.

BLESSINGS UPON BLESSINGS

What is a blessing? Well I suppose it many ways the honest answer is that it depends on who you ask.

We know that the Lord has his interpretation of what a blessing is, but that doesn’t mean we necessarily always accept it as the one we choose. I think if asked though most of us would consider a blessing to be something good that happens to a person.

Would something bad happen ever qualify as a blessing? I have a feeling that for most people they would most likely say no.

Yet in the Psalms we are told that “blessed” men go through valleys of “Baca,” which means tears. And I heard it pointed out that the word for blessing in that context is a continual state of blessing.

That to me doesn’t translate into meaning that being blessed is like one long visit to an amusement park or a continuing state of every day being like Christmas either. And the truth lies somewhere between total joy and complete sorrow.

In that sense perhaps the greatest blessing is not one measured in substances we can relate to only with the flesh. A real blessing would be one that to me draws us closer to the Lord for isn’t knowledge of God a far greater and lasting joy than some temporary gift for this life.

This would thus grant the idea of any experience where we learn from it would be a blessing for we come away from the moment with some insight we didn’t have before. It might be a good experience or a bad one, but if it draws us closer to the Lord then that would be a true blessing.

The main difference naturally is that this isn’t necessarily the kind of blessing that grants us any reason to boast. We can’t impress people, but that is a more an issue for our heart than our souls.

Several years ago I went through a life threatening medical emergency. I was grateful to the Lord that he healed me and brought me through the crisis. And even though it left me with a very large medical debt that I will take years to pay, I count the experience as a blessing.

It resulted in me making a major lifestyle change for the better and that was definitely a good thing. But for me the real blessing was in the darkest moments I had mine own special visions from the Lord. It brought me so much closer to see him as real and feeling a sense of reality about my salvation and heaven than I had before.

So I look up that aspect is what the Lord did work his good in all things. And I rejoice at his mercy that did touch me in a special way during that time. It doesn’t translate into dollars and sense for my pocket book, but on the inside where it counts I truly feel blessed.

DAYS WITHOUT STRIFE

I often ask myself how come life can’t be easier? Why doesn’t ever reach a point of real rest?

And even though I understand that is reality, it doesn’t prevent me from wishing it were otherwise. From what I can tell I’m not alone in that sentiment.

The other day I was reading this one blog where the creator was making the comment about how life really didn’t making any sense and as a result we all turned to some crutch to cope. I didn’t get the impression this person was advocating a given option, just making an observation.

Still, I find myself, and I’m sure I’m not alone, going through the exercise of occasionally thinking once I get passed some hurdle in my life it will finally get better. Or I fall into that mental trap of bargaining by presuming I’ll reach some plateau of bliss.

What really bothers me as a Christian are the reminders that not only is life not going to reach of point without some problems, but for the believer that also mean sin will never totally disappear from one’s life. That’s one insight I would prefer not to know. However I don’t think the Lord would grant us that kind of existence when we have so many sins and problems that will never be purged till we our with him.

And once I’ve survived the silliness of hoping for some oasis of serenity, I come back to the words of our lord that in this life we would have “tribulations.” It might not be as popular as wishing for Heaven on earth, but it is the truth.

So eventually when I get through my feeble attempts at excusing my sins and finally surrender to laying them at God’s altar of forgiveness, I return to the more perfect dream and hope. The point where I come of rejoicing that the day will come when I will like so many be in the presence of my Lord and will at last find the days without strife.

This might not be the answer anyone desires. And I’ve known plenty of people, both believers and non-believers that simple chose to ignore this fact.

But for the person in whom God’s spirit resides, eventually we shall be drawn back to that path of faith. To walk along the jagged path and not let those thorns of sin and imperfection keep us from trusting.

Which is perhaps the only real source of peace. That means we should simply know and trust in the Lord for his forgiveness and salvation.

May God be merciful and longsuffering with all of us as we stumble on our journey of faith. And to give us the strength when we do for the sake of trying to avoid the pains of life attempt to pretend we can find peace without our Lord. Acceptance of that not being reality is in truth the only means we can truly have to honestly know the type of serenity, which we crave and dream about.

STEALTH TEMPLES

Marble prayers
floating above
the expanse
of paranoia shelves
erected
while playing
a board game
with idols.
Grunted rituals
eloquently excuse
as promises
for stability
in tightrope curse
that dribbling across the veins
like a scalding soup.
Somewhere
within the cubicles of compulsion
God is born
and worshipped
inside a medicine cabinet.

SPIRITUAL PERMISSION SLIPS

I’ve come to appreciate how much more fun it can be to sin if you can claim it was God’s idea. Now you make wrinkle your brow at that comment, but if there is one thing I have come to appreciate from dealing with fellow Christians it is how easy it is to hate or dealing unfairly with others if you say it was by the Lord’s will in some way. Such as mentioning for example how since God is against a given sinful behavior then if we are against a person guilty of that behavior it is okay.

Personally I’m not the Lord and I can’t read minds so I have no idea what somebody else really thinks. And I have no intentions of trying to excuse my own sinfulness and negative reactions as God’s inspiration.

What got me on this subject was attending this bible study. We were involved in using a pastor’s commentary about a given passage in scripture. The basic gist of the pastor’s thoughts on this passage was how easy it is to get detoured in one’s relationship with the Lord by compromising one’s values. To simply be willing to say that a given behavior that is a violation of scripture is okay instead of resisting it.

In this case, the other members of the group suddenly began to go into this long discussion about how this applied to a given lifestyle that they apparently felt was the most disagreeable form of lifestyle they could imagine. True the scriptures do make it clear that certain behaviors are view by God as a sin.

I didn’t take issue with that reality. I understand that aspect of the bible as well as the next person. But what bother me is the veiled hate that came across with that attitude.

In reality as I pointed out, getting detour in one’s relationship with God happens on many different levels and for a variety of reasons. It can occur any time we get caught up being obsessed with some aspect of life that we decide and define as being part of one it means to be a Christian whether the Lord said so or not.

Any teaching that appeals to our personal desires such as the abundant life advocates to me has at it roots a need to inflame our wish to have our heaven here on earth. Oh it may not be stated that way, but so often it seems that what it attempts to accomplish is to make us want this life more than heaven.

Having needs and desires in this life is necessarily bad, but when the truth of God’s word gets sacrificed I call that the ultimate form of compromise. And I noticed after I mentioned that form of compromise that the others in the bible study became rather silent on the issue of that one lifestyle they had talked about earlier.

Hopefully God’s spirit will always content with those times when we are seduced by those types of teaching that seek to corrupt our sense of what the Lord says is truth. And also grant us the wisdom to listen when we are feeling a need to weaken in our obedience to only what God says is true.