SHADOWY LAYERS

Beneath the skin seen by light, lurk the many darker hues of our thoughts. They may even contain light. For underneath the texture of our smiles and the glow from our eyes the soul stirs its pot of emotions and desires.

Somewhere people got the idea I guess that you could purge yourself of every bad thought. That it is possible to think only good and loving thought.

I think the problem with that is one of sin. There are elements of sin to our nature that always remain unseen by our eyes.

That is why I'm always guarded and feel sad for those that enjoy thinking they are capable of not having any negative thoughts. I wish them well with such fantasies.

To be honest from my view I do accept that is what they honestly believe. It really doesn't represent the way God sees us. I think the scriptures reveal that.

And the ones who have the biggest problem are the ones who think they have it all figured out. Spiritual pride is such a disaster in terms of insight.

That is because one doesn't listen. And then one isn't able to appreciate that sin is in reality a force. It infects us to the core.

That means it touches us even in the places we consciously don't understand. Those are the layers god truly understands. And he forgives us for them too.

For me, that is why I have no illusion about goodness. And no real need to pretend that I have any good thoughts either. They might not all be bad, but they are not all good.

I guess being aware that sin does run that deep keeps me from feeling a need to even try and pretend that I'm good. To venture into the land of denial where I think I good deed wipes out a life time of bad ones.

It doesn't work that way. And what amazes me the most is that God still grants me the love and calling to serve him.

Oh I did have that spiritual stupidity side at one point that presumed I could somehow be a perfect paragon of spirituality. But I got over it praise the Lord!

Now, I just celebrate is grace and try to follow him as best I can. I sin along the way and am not proud of this fact, but I embrace God's love just the same.

And that gives me strength to face the times when I feel I disappoint the most. The main way is by faith. Trusting in god's promise of forgiveness to those how by faith accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. It makes the difference and that is enough for me. Not for some, but for me.