TICKS

Oh how the seconds can be so painful if you are expecting change and not sure when. I've never been good at embracing change.

Oh I will adjust, but not immediately. It takes time to make me ready. And that can be difficult.

My brain always gravitates to the obvious. To remembering the past and trying to recall a similar situation.

That helps me personally. If I can recall when such times took place in the past I will have some clue on the current situation.

The big problem is when I end up not appreciating how God uses these situations to test my faith. It might be painful or stressful, but that is part of the reality.

I wish I could say I remembered that in every situation, but I don't. Nope, not in any way.

My brain will often draw a blank on that part. Which is I think intentional. A way to be sure I react honestly and naturally to the situation.

This can be a challenge at times. And not always pleasant, but to necessary. At least in later times I reflect and appreciate that reality.

It comes often after the fact when the panic has bitten my heart again. And then I sit back feeling a little foolish.

I would love to think the day would come when this would not be my fate. But I have no illusions on that part.

Now the real challenge is to spend time actually being grateful. The Apostle Paul was able to do that.

I am grateful that the Lord hasn't place that kind of trial on my life. Honestly, I'm not sure I could have handle those kinds of ordeals.

Although I do appreciate the Lord grants strength according to the need. Just grateful it isn't the path I face.

Yet in the quietness, the mind does have so much time to ponder. To wonder about the truth and purpose of it all.

The answers only come in the Lord's timing. And sometimes they come only as a form of understanding.

Which is something for which we need to be grateful.