DISTANCE

How long does a memory last? With some a life time, with others only a heartbeat. The difference is probably how we felt about the memory. Those that create happiness or sadness so they burn in our minds seem to last the longest.

But is there a way to truly forget the ones we should forget? I'm speaking of the ones that are associated with pain? Especially if it was pain caused by another.

Which brings me to the question of whether or not one can have real forgiveness without forgetting? I've struggled with this issue. Because for me when I hate or am feeling truly hurt so the pain becomes a bleeding wound it is impossible for me to just treat the other person as he or she did nothing wrong.

And I'm not even sure that is what we are expected to do. For me that is why distance at times is the only means of real forgiveness. When the pain subsides, which for me is when some other pain replaces it, then I don't feel the hate towards the other event quite as much.

Some insist that forgiveness is an act you can achieve without any problem. I think they often misinterpret Jesus' teaching on the subject. First of all there is the issue of the person actually wanting forgiveness. They would have you required to forgive even when the person never admitted to doing anything wrong. What Jesus spoke of was when the person asks for forgiveness.

Beyond that, I think that the foundation of forgiveness resides in not seeking revenge. In the capacity to let God be the judge and means of justice. This of course doesn't mean that if a person breaks the law you don't do anything to see that they face consequences of such actions, but that when it is our choice because what the person did was a personal wrong we leave it in God's hands.

Hence the joy of distance. Today the wrongs of the distance past are still in my mind, but they don't stir the same emotions. I'm grateful for that release. And I do rejoice over the times I've seen the hand of God work so steadily to bring about his justice and vengeance in such situations.

My heart never truly is free though of the hate at times. But I refuse to pretend it doesn't exists. What is said to me are those who because they fear Jesus warning about judging, can't be honest about their feelings. So they hate in their hearts, which is evident by the words they say. Only they try to wrap some excuse around the hate to keep from any sense of guilt.

When one truly trust to God for vengeance and justice, it is funny that when it comes with distance it really does bring a certain peace. I doubt the same occurs when one spends the same time plotting and planning for revenge. Oh refuses to face the mirror of truth in terms of honesty about their feelings. Perhaps at times the saddest even is when there is too much distance between our feelings and the lies we say to others about how we really feel.