NOT THIS WAY

I was at a bible study session the other night and because most of our group weren’t able to make it we turned it into a time of intimate sharing. Each of us there had little in common beyond our faith. Our lives were totally different with the exception that we were all fathers.

We share the grief of parenting when your best efforts fail. Those are the heavy stains up one’s conscience that left you feeling frustrated that no matter how hard you try you just can’t help your child rise above their failures.

It is one thing to have a relationship with your child where you can’t help them that much and when you have the resource to really make a difference. Yet, it doesn’t seem to make one feel better if in the end your help never change the child’s situation or inspires he or she to be more self-reliant.

There solution after years of struggle was to take the sink or swim philosophy. I understood for two people who had invested so often in their children’s lives and seen it fail to truly help how they have evolved to such a point of thought.

I find myself in a very awkward situation myself. For as a child I knew only abuse and criticism. My parents could have done more, but refused too. And the one thing I understood is when you are in a pit of self-pity and poor self-esteem, you can’t always find the strength to rise out of that situation. Sometimes you need a hug or two more than help.

Some people are able to fight against such issues. They can endure terrible environments in their childhoods and manage to rise above them. But not everyone is the same.

So I struggle myself in my limited capacity in terms of resources to try and do what will help. I do wish better for my offspring than I suffered. Still, I also understand how I can’t live my child’s life. He has the right to make his own choices whether I see good in them or not.

One generalization that came out of that reflection was that God uses crisis in some situations to teach those who are able to trust him more. I think this idea does have merit to some degree. But like so many such opinions it doesn’t work in every situation.

We all, regardless of whether we are among the redeemed or not still are granted free will. That includes the regrettable right to be wrong.

And that freedom is wrapped in a mantle of our own thoughts and weakness. Thus we are all different and will make different choices that seem right in our eyes, even if they appear dumb to somebody else.

Does God use a given crisis to teach? Sometimes. Others, I think he simply grants us the right to follow a path because he knows that unless we follow that path we will never accept where it leads regardless of it leads somewhere good or bad.